Hott Chick Maintenance 101: What exotic dancers and models have to do before a gig

[jynxxxedangel]

I REALLY hate having to look good all the time. It's such a PAIN, and $EXPENSIVE$, as well! I don't think most folks realize the trouble models and dancers have to go through, just to be beautiful!

My routine, each time I have to get gussied up, goes like this:

1. Get out appropriate layette for my road trip. This includes all costumes, shoes, and accessories; such as stockings, gloves, jewelry, hairpieces, makeup, etc.-- all the things I need to take with me on that particular gig. I pack it all up carefully, layered according to stage set, into a large Marlboro Expedition backpack.

2. I switch purses-- from my "Mothership", to one of my smaller, more fashionable "Shuttle Purses."There's no sense in MacGyver carrying her entire tool kit on the floor at work.

I have just about EVERYTHING in my big purse..whatever anyone may need at whatever particular moment, I'll betcha I've got it in there!!! It's my 'Bag of Holding'! This is why the Mothership usually travels with me, inside my gig-bag-- on top of the clothing. Be prepared.

3. Off to the powder room-- to begin getting scrubbed up like a 4-H project prize pig..

I always begin by slathering myself in that Vaseline with Vitamin E and Aloe. I turn the shower on HOT, hop in, wash my hair and condition it; while the conditioner soaks in, I begin to scrub my skin nice and rosy with some Caress Body Wash. The Vitamin E Vaseline I use is different than the plain petroleum kind; it's more soluble, and sinks right into the skin. The excess is scrubbed off by the soap and shower-scrubby. It REALLY makes a difference in the texture and softness of one's skin.

After I'm good and scrubbed, I begin the shaving ritual; first the eyebrows, then the armpits. Right leg, then left-- and of course, my peachie! No hair is spared!! I use mens Gillette Edge Gel-- it works better than the women's shaving cream, in my opinion. I also use a men's Mach III razor, because women's razors SUCK-- they don't shave close enough!

I rinse off the shaving cream (yak scum), and the conditioner from my hair. I turn off the shower, and step out; I wrap my wet locks up into a Carmen Miranda (or Vo-du priestess) turban with a towel, dry off my bod with a separate towel. Now, I'm ready for the lotion ritual.

3. It puts the lotion on its skin.. I use L'oreal Sublime Bronze self-tanner on days like today, when I need a quick boost to my colouring. A tan always makes one look more toned and corn-fed than one truly is! This old broad hasn't been in the 'real' sun in AGES. I've seen what it's done to my worshipful co-workers (all the sun and sunbed worshipers have that little crepey place in between their tits, that looks like a map of the world!), and I want NO part of it!! As you can tell, I don't have any crow's feet or deep smile lines, and this is unusual for a woman my age.

Anyhow, I put on two or three coats of this self-tanning bronzer stuff, and I look like I spent a week in Monaco. 'Nuff said!

4. MAKEUP!! Time for the makeup ritual. It begins with applying Max Factor Panstik to all the dark circles, blotches, discolorations, etc. on my face. After I blend all that in, I draw on my eyebrows. I use Wet and Wild kohl crayon, in Taupe.

Next comes my powder foundation. I SWEAR by this stuff-- ladies, if you aren't using powdered mineral foundation, your makeup is in the STONE AGE! ANY flaw in your skin that you don't like, this stuff will cover it! I have even covered bruises, stretch marks, and tattoos for peoples' photo shoots with this stuff! I use Milani Minerals Brand, it's the least expensive, and gives the most product (sold in CVS stores). It's just as good as BareMinerals, which I use for my contour color--such as cheeks and jawline (I use the "Dark" foundation for a contour colour).

I draw my lips on with Revlon ColorStay lip colour (usually "Stay Currant"), in a Cupid's bow. Then comes the eyeliner-- black Audrey Hepburn "doe eyes." Next, comes Revlon Lash Fantasy mascara-- two coats of primer, two coats of the kohl. I dust NYC Color Wheel Mosaic Pink Cheek Glow onto the apples of my cheeks..and there! The face is DONE! Then, I do a coat of the mineral makeup over my breasts and buttocks, usually-- and wherever I want to improve the looks and texture of my skin. I also get rid of any bruises with it. This stuff is a miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Time to do the hair. I comb it out, and put some gel at the roots. Sometimes, I use a highlight gel in the bangs, to get a more sun-kissed, beach-blonde look. I blow dry it straight, then flip upside down awhile for volume. Sometimes, I use a Conair ceramic element waving iron, to get the wild and wavy "lion's mane" 'do. Most of the time, I leave it straight. Even then, my hair has a natural wave to it.

After all this, I don the first costume I will be wearing for my show, put on my street clothes over it, do a head count of my cats, make sure their food and water dishes are full, make sure to turn everything off in the house, grab my gig-bag, grab my purse-- and it's OUT THE DOOR!

Total elapsed time: 2 hours (including numerous brekkies, ciggie, and internet breaks)

I'm usually beat before I even get to work.

So NOW you all know what just the beginning of a day in my life is like..

Shall I go into gruesome detail of my workday?

[Brenda Starrr]

Girl...tell me about it. No one realizes how hard it can be, and I'm sure that I'm NOWHERE as hot as you are! Maybe I should try harder....

[jynxxxedangel]

Girl...tell me about it. No one realizes how hard it can be, and I'm sure that I'm NOWHERE as hot as you are! Maybe I should try harder....

Shuddup, Brenda..

You know you're the mickity-mac.

[Brenda Starrr]

Shuddup, Brenda..

You know you're the mickity-mac.

Puh-leeeze!

[jynxxxedangel]

I'm hoping more models reply to this thread..

I know we're not the only ones!

[Brenda Starrr]

I'm hoping more models reply to this thread..

I know we're not the only ones!

Shit....I wish I was built more like a model and less like a Model T.

But, I've made up a lot of models for runway and a couple of CD covers. It's a LOT of work.

[jynxxxedangel]

Shit....I wish I was built more like a model and less like a Model T.

But, I've made up a lot of models for runway and a couple of CD covers. It's a LOT of work.

To be honest, I wish I was on your end of the biz! It would be a very rewarding career, making other people look their best.

P.S. I have NEVER had my makeup done professionally. It's always been shank's thumbs for me.

[Msterbeau]

If you want a close shave, go to the Gilette Fusion. It's an order of magnitude closer and more friendly then the Mach III Turbo.

[n0Mad]

I'm hoping more models reply to this thread..

Well, I do have a write-up of one experience that I posted in my LiveJournal back on 6/19/05 ...

Saturday. I had to work from 8am-2pm and after I got home, my parents and I celebrated Father's Day a day early since I had to work on Sunday and he'd be gone on another business trip before I got back. Afterwords, I drew a nice hot bath and soaked for a while. I love baths. I don't take them often enough but I suppose if I did they'd lose their luxury. I listened to some Loreena McKennitt. The only thing missing was candles (or another person :-) hehe). I had candles, I just didn't feel like messing with them. Ooo ... maybe some incense too. I tried out my new Shick Intuition and shaved my entire body again. I enjoy being hairless, but the process is kind of a pain.

After the bath I grabbed some stuff and jetted out to the Labyrinth for Hellbound. There were some make up people there to paint all the guys in the tribal scene. They did me first, so they took the longest on me and I turned out looking the best. I'll have to post a picture when I get one from Kamal. During the painting process, I realized a few things. A) I have a new found respect for Alan Cummings in "X-2" and anyone else that has to undergo many hours of paint and prosthetics, and 2) The difference between professionalism, and amateurs. I'll elaborate on the latter: All the models were hanging out in a hotel room to get ready for the show. Most of us were putting our time to good use. Others were goofing off. But, there was one model in particular (who I won't name) who really got on my nerves. She complained constantly about how hot the room was, how bored she was, etc. She mentioned she still had to do her makeup which wasn't really much at all since her costume was rather simple and could be considered street clothes. Yak yak yak, bitch, whine, moan. Me on the other hand spent at least an hour standing motionless getting paint put all over my head and torso. The makeup artist was brushing all around my eyes and it was annoying, but necessary. Yes, I was hot. Yes, I was going numb from standing still for so long. Yes, I itched. All in all, yes, I was miserable. But I didn't say anything except once. Some red paint was dribbled on my head to look like blood and some of it got in my eye. I asked, "Is there anything you can do about that burning in my right eye?" The makeup artist replied, "Not really," and then had me stare straight as she dabbed my cornea with a Q-tip to see if that worked. It burned even worse for a while, then felt much better after it stopped tearing. So there you have it. Amateur = bitch, whine, moan. Professionalism = do what needs to be done without complaint. (Of course, I do suppose it helped that after rehearsal and before getting painted I downed a 40 of MGD. Heh, Ally did say we could have a drink after all. It may be a 40, but it's still A drink.)

It finally came time for the show and it kicked major ass. It was a whole lot of fun. Sorry I'm not including any details. I guess you just should've went. ;-) But, as soon as we finished our curtain call I sprinted for the hotel room and hopped in the shower. I was in there for at least 20 minutes trying to get all the paint off. The black and red came right off, but the white was a lot harder. I got most of it off though. Afterwards, I sped home and went straight to bed.

Sunday. I woke up early to take yet another shower to scrub any remaining paint and makeup off. There was a little bit of white in my mustache that I couldn't fully get out as well as some black eyeliner under my eyes. I went into work like that anyway (at 8am) and surprisingly nobody said anything. I guess it wasn't quite as noticeable as I thought it was. Then again, I was staring at myself just inches from a mirror in a brightly lit bathroom.

Here are some pictures of the paint job:

[prick]

Im so thankful at times for being a man. I only shave down and look purty when Im clubbing. Thank god for Y chromosome. Less is expected from us guys to look good.

[Destroit]

Less is expected from us guys to look good.

Pssshtt! Not nobody who's my boyfriend .

I have about the same routine, Jynxxxed, except it takes me maybe an hour and I don't wrap my hair in a towel - causes split ends. I don't do anything with my hair, I just walk out of the shower.

OH...and I do the "white trash" version so to speak. Where you use say, something nice like Dove, I use Suave . I think my toiletry supply is probably worth a whole five dollars altogether, because it consists of cheap ass shampoo, cheap ass conditioner, cheap ass shave gel and old fashioned bar soap. Then again, I use Venus razors, which are expensive, because I like my skin to stay on my legs, armpits, and cooter area where I left it.

As with makeup...it is a different and frustrating new adventure everytime. So the showering/shaving takes like 20 minutes tops and the makeup aspect can take anywhere from 1-2 hours and 2-3 joints. I also cannot find anything I own, ever, so getting dressed takes me a varied time, sometimes under 20 minutes, sometimes a few hours.

'Tis a lot of work, isn't it? You definately have it much more down pat then myself, I'll tell you that.

[Head Wreck]

and i have issues just trying to get my hair out of its usual "Albert Einstein"

[Eevee]

I...don't do any of that, basically.

Sure, the shaving and all that. But when I get out of the shower I just dry off, put lotion on, apply eyeliner and mascara, spray on some bodyspray, and then I go upstairs to put on clothes and I'm done.

I let my hair air dry. I don't even need to brush it.

I'm not very experienced with make-up...at all. So I keep it very simple.

EDIT:

It takes me about a half an hour.

[hunhee]

Now I'm glad I'm not a hot chick. I would die if I had to do that all the time. My 20 mins in the morning works fine for me.

Even when going to CC, I don't think I take more than 30 mins.

Although, my new boots take a half an hour to ribbon up. :/

[prick]

Now I'm glad I'm not a hot chick. I would die if I had to do that all the time. My 20 mins in the morning works fine for me.

Even when going to CC, I don't think I take more than 30 mins.

Although, my new boots take a half an hour to ribbon up. :/

Personally I always thought you were way hot!

[Nienna]

Yeah, it's an hour, tops, and that is for a really important thing involving complicated hair. Usually, It's about 30 minutes, work or city club.

[n0Mad]

So, is this your everyday maintenance jynxxx or is this only before performances?

[jynxxxedangel]

So, is this your everyday maintenance jynxxx or is this only before performances?

Only before a show or modeling session, dear. I'd go broke on all that makeup and stuff, if I had this routine every day!

[jynxxxedangel]

Well, I do have a write-up of one experience that I posted in my LiveJournal back on 6/19/05 ...

Here are some pictures of the paint job:

Wow Spook! That body paint is killer! Who was the artist again?

[TomCat]

Like, OMG, it's so hard being a sexy bitch like me. I seriously, get up at, like, 6 am, and like, I am totally not even ready for work until after I poo, pee, shower, and shave...you know, it's, like, I'm totally never ever even ready in over 20 minutes, unless it's a serious deuce on the throne that morning, and then it takes me , like a total of 30 minutes. All that extra straining and wiping...

I love having a penis and not having to go through all the crap you fine ladies do. Thanks for picking up the slack for us not so primped knuckle draggers. You all make the world a much, much more beautiful place.

[TygerLili]

I'm pretty low maintenance. On an regular day it takes me 10-15 minutes to get ready. For a club or other formal event, usually not more than 30 minutes unless I am curling my hair or something. Dying my hair does take up some time, but it's become kind of a hobby for me, so I don't count it with my usual maintenance routine. I never use any type of skin or hair enhancing products. I don't even use a blow-dryer most days. What you see is what you get.

[Ice Queen (1)]

I hear ya Jynxxxed!

Preparation starts the day before for me, making sure all my clothing and accessories are laundered, ironed, handwashed and dried if necessary. I pack my bag with outfits, shoes, and accessories which is quite time consuming; different style outfits require different style stockings, garters, panties, jewelery, shoes, bras, props. Holy crap, the shaving takes forever! I go through 2 razors usually since they dull so fast. Maybe I will try the mens like you. Plus, I just take long showers, they are relaxing. I have to have my toenails painted.....it's the law. I really need to remember to moisturize more, I seem to forget most the time. Luckily, my hair has been cooperating lately, and if I let it dry naturally and run my fingers through it with some gel, it has a nice wavy look. It used to be monstrously crazy and I would have to flat iron it, which took a long tome and was really damaging. But, if it's humid, I have to wear it up (poof). For make up before a shoot I usually just do a base, and take a bag with me, unless we have already discussed a certain look. I am pretty quick with the make-up and don't usually wear a lot, but for some looks it can take a while (and that's when they change their mind and throw a leather hood on ya, haha)

Oh, and some outfits are very time consuming to get into, and some I need help to get on properly.

BTW: I could use some pointers from you, darling

[jynxxxedangel]

OMG, ladies!! I have discovered a beauty item I absolutely MUST have-- PRESS-ON FRENCH MANICURE TOENAILS!!!!!!!!!!

*the angels sing in chorus, the clouds open up, and these descend from the heavens*

One of the ladies I worked with this evening was wearing them. I complimented her pedicure, and she revealed her secret!! I'm shocked that I never knew of these before!!!

I have horrible-looking toenails (from dancing for so many years), and I always sidestep foot fetish gigs because of it. My problem is solved!!

[TheGimp]

and belive ladies we appreciate all the time it takes you to do the primping and what not even if the man dosent say it everyday belive me its appreciated

[Guest greyhalo]

I'm pretty low maintenance. On an regular day it takes me 10-15 minutes to get ready. For a club or other formal event, usually not more than 30 minutes unless I am curling my hair or something. Dying my hair does take up some time, but it's become kind of a hobby for me, so I don't count it with my usual maintenance routine. I never use any type of skin or hair enhancing products. I don't even use a blow-dryer most days. What you see is what you get.

That sounds like me too.