52 Things You Would Love To Say Out Loud At Work

[Der Nister]

Feel free to add your own to list as I'm sure many of you have thought of things you always wanted to say - but couldn't say - out loud at work.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a shit.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

24. Do I look like a fucking people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door ............1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring

[Brenda Starrr]

Number 6 is AWESOME.

[Der Nister]

I'd like to memorize these so I can use them at any given time.

[Rev.Reverence]

...I think I got fired for using a couple of those...at different places & times...

[Der Nister]

...I think I got fired for using a couple of those...at different places & times...

Oh yea I remember that one time you................

[Rev.Reverence]

Oh yea I remember that one time you................

...yeah...but the examples given did not use curse words...

[Der Nister]

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

If this isn't a shirt already it should be.

[taysteewonderbunny]

LOL. Well, I don't get to say any of those, but now that I'm in receiving, I get to say some funny stuff. For example, as a result of the severe negative air pressure problem we have, the doors in receiving blow open if not shut and locked tightly, so earlier today I caught myself yelling to the UPS guy, "YOU GOTTA PUSH IT! PUSH IT REAL GOOD!"

Edit to add: See what Brown can do for you!

[Der Nister]

Edit to add: See what Brown can do for you!

Admit it - you have a thing for men in brown shorts.

[jynxxxedangel]

You know what I want to say at work most often?

"GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE!!!!!! She loves you, and she's called TEN times since you've been at the bar.."

[torn asunder]

so earlier today I caught myself yelling to the UPS guy, "YOU GOTTA PUSH IT! PUSH IT REAL GOOD!"

thanks - now i got salt & pepa stuck in my head!!! :X