do you ever find yourself sobotaging

[Guest Megalicious]

..........

[TomCat]

Almost everytime i "enter" a new relationship, it's doomed to the same fate, if the other party is even willing to get to know me, I end up as a friend. Now that i have that out of the way, I can accept other potentially horrible side effects of relationships, such as biotches using me for more than just my sweet sense of humor & generosity, such as cruel experiments and taking advantage of my mad skills. Oh, and stealing from me until I'm homeless...again... :fear

[Sybil]

<sighs>

confessional anyone..

i have walked away from "good people" before.. just stopped answering the phone.. stopped calling.. stopped going to "our" hangouts.. nothing they did.. it was all me. i really cared for them, held them in high respect, and adored them.. i just walked out of their lives..

i have had "unhealthy seasons" in my life. during those, i walked away. i havent seen them since either.. no explanation.. i just "walked out"...

its funny... May 19th.. today is his bday.. 32.. one of my dear old friends.. i still remember his bday... havent talked to him in a long time..

[Soulrev]

http://www.detroitgothic.net/index.php?showtopic=2652

That post explains it.. I've always been bad at keeping promises or simply calling people because I've got fucked up issues.. I'm working on it though.

After more reflection on that situation in that post I made I've decided I need one of two things.. Either to get back with her or someone to pull me away from her, in other words another girl.. I do seek companionship but I'm afraid of being broken again.

[sinnaminn]

Yes this all sounds so familiar.One might say that sums up two thirds of all my relationships.Someone once told me I could take the best most well intended thing and make it seem like the worst thing that ever happend.I used to think that it was just a low self esteem problem or slight case of youthful self destructive behavior.I have come to believe that there isn't an easy way to stop,but that you have to try and be aware of when it's happening and stop it on a case by case basis.Now if only I could follow that advice...

[Guest Megalicious]

...........

[Homicidalheathen]

Everytime I find myself doing this I have to stop and ask myself why. What is it about the situation you want to change? Maybe you need new people in your life.

[mallochai]

Both of my best female friends after high school were amazing, wonderful, giving, loving women. But for one reason or another, one right after the other, I turned my back on them. Not maliciously, just because I felt kind of suffocated. I can only take so much of certain kinds of love. It's weird. I've never done that with any of my male friends though, except over great distance.

So yes, I kind of know the feeling.

[Guest Megalicious]

............

[Nienna]

Maybe you are too afraid to take risks, afraid of potentially being hurt. Rather than trust others, you pull away, rely on yourself, because you know what you are going to do, you aren't going to hurt yourself. Maybe you need to let go alittle, learn to trust the people you let get close to you.

[Daevion]

not that i have much experenice .. but i find myself sobotaging any relationship i have ... not only in the romantic sense but any sense at all ... family, friends .. i just always try to remove myself for what would be considered a NORMAL relationship .... or always tend to be alone ... and its not that i want to be alone ... i really dont want to ... I just always tend to look at things so negatively and rather alienate myself before im shut out of someones life ... hhmmm i have issues i guess .. but doesnt everyone .. i was just wondering if any one else has tendencies like this .. maybe i just wanted to ramble on endlessly in a thread to anyone who would listen ... and can relate ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can relate. I've been down that road, most of which I don't want to post on the boards though. I've always had that "lone wolf" attitude, which in the past caused me to sabotage many relationships. Eh, I'll leave it at that..but trust me I know what your talking about.

[JaneDead]

i don't think i actually sabotage relationships but rather i find myself having issues with people and not telling them what they are, as they happen. i let it build up and then one day they finally know something is wrong and when it is time to tell them - they don't want to hear it. they might think they want to hear it, but they really don't. i guess people you love don't want to hear anything "bad" you might think about them.

i used to build up and then "let them have it" and it ended badly. not even saying i let them having by yelling or anything like that. just that i told them the whole ugly truth of the matter.

i find myself in this situation right now with someone i love. i have kept quiet and i think my silence has made things worse than they needed to be. i felt i had no choice though- i didn't know how to talk to them about it without hurting them. i didn't want to hurt them. but seems either way, i did.

[Daevion]

i don't think i actually sabotage relationships but rather i find myself having issues with people and not telling them what they are, as they happen. i let it build up and then one day they finally know something is wrong and when it is time to tell them - they don't want to hear it. they might think they want to hear it, but they really don't. i guess people you love don't want to hear anything "bad" you might think about them.

i used to build up and then "let them have it" and it ended badly. not even saying i let them having by yelling or anything like that. just that i told them the whole ugly truth of the matter.

i find myself in this situation right now with someone i love. i have kept quiet and i think my silence has made things worse than they needed to be. i felt i had no choice though- i didn't know how to talk to them about it without hurting them. i didn't want to hurt them. but seems either way, i did.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I found that in certain situations its best to keep it quiet, but in certain other situations and depending on how seriously the issue bothers you its usually best to too get it out in the open. Stewing about it never helps and runs the risk of making it worse over time.

[Jarodaka]

not that i have much experenice .. but i find myself sobotaging any relationship i have ... not only in the romantic sense but any sense at all ... family, friends .. i just always try to remove myself for what would be considered a NORMAL relationship .... or always tend to be alone ... and its not that i want to be alone ... i really dont want to ... I just always tend to look at things so negatively and rather alienate myself before im shut out of someones life ... hhmmm i have issues i guess .. but doesnt everyone .. i was just wondering if any one else has tendencies like this .. maybe i just wanted to ramble on endlessly in a thread to anyone who would listen ... and can relate ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In previous relationships, I have perhaps done things that aren't conducive to its long-term health. I'd like to think I'm more aware of what those things are now and can, at the least, mitigate the consequences if not stop the bad stuff from happening in the first place.

If you're aware of your sabotagery and you don't want to do that, you should talk to the person -- especially if the person really likes you...

[Daevion]

:whistling

[torn asunder]

i usually sabotage mine before they even start, by finding something "wrong" with the person, that i can call a "deal-breaker". this keeps me safe, but alone. i've pretty much accepted that life will be this way...

[JaneDead]

one of mine was sabotaged today:

they said:

“and from the day forward we will NEVER EVER EVER be friends again. and u can make it all bout me...and trust me i dont' care. enemies we are - enemies we will forever stay.”

and i said:

-- that is terribly poetic. Is that Shakespeare or something?

and then they said:

"fuck off"

i got the fuck off! i rule.

[Black Sunday9]

one of mine was sabotaged today:

they said:

“and from the day forward we will NEVER EVER EVER be friends again.  and u can make it all bout me...and trust me i dont' care.  enemies we are - enemies we will forever stay.”

and i said:

-- that is terribly poetic. Is that Shakespeare or something?

and then they said:

"fuck off"

i got the fuck off! i rule.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

where did you come up with the shakespeare line? that is brilliant.

[LuluVox]

one of mine was sabotaged today:

they said:

“and from the day forward we will NEVER EVER EVER be friends again.  and u can make it all bout me...and trust me i dont' care.  enemies we are - enemies we will forever stay.”

and i said:

-- that is terribly poetic. Is that Shakespeare or something?

and then they said:

"fuck off"

i got the fuck off! i rule.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hehehe. Sassy, Dyno.

[Jarodaka]

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CAN'T STAND IT! I KNOW YOU PLANNED IT! I'M GONNA SET IT STRAIGHT, THIS WATERGATE!

/sorry, it's been running through my head for the past 5 minutes.

//now you're cursed, too!

[Guest Megalicious]

...............

[Head Wreck]

pffft.

i like being an anti-social, over obsessive over ettiquete and manners, bad tempered and terminaly single

[Paper Hearts]

pffft.

i like being an anti-social, over obsessive over ettiquete and manners, bad tempered and terminaly single

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Beyond on here and when i've been drinking, my silence is legendary. i didn't want to say it though...

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I think i pushed away every worthwhile sweetheart that showed any interest in me , eventually in one way or another for years at a time. "You are your own worst enemy" Sometimes it was subconscious, other times i was totally aware of what i was doing and did it anyway. How selfish is that? Christ. :tear

[Guest Megalicious]

I think i pushed away every worthwhile sweetheart that showed any interest in me , eventually in one way or another for years at a time.  "You are your own worst enemy"  Sometimes it was subconscious, other times i was totally aware of what i was doing and did it anyway.  How selfish is that?  Christ.    :tear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey atleast your honest with yourself about it troy ..