Need help!

[e-jewell]

You strike me as a very sensitive, romantic, and caring individual. I think if she is anything short of one of the sweetest women in existence she'll eat you alive and spit out your remains. Be extremely wary.

[thewhiterecluse]

You strike me as a very sensitive, romantic, and caring individual. I think if she is anything short of one of the sweetest women in existence she'll eat you alive and spit out your remains. Be extremely wary.

Thank you, because I am. I can be the sweetest best thing in a women's life as far as being there for her emotionally. I may not be rich or financially better off but I will be her bestfriend and lover. It takes time for that and it makes me nervous rushing it. If someone wants me right away they have to show me they want me and interact with me. I'm not scared anymore and know if they hurt me once they have to make up and show they won't do it again. They hurt me again, good bye. But I like to give chances over petty just like little arguements and differences colliding. But if they hurt me bad enough the first time its good bye such as, lying about serious things and cheating. After my last ex I am through letting people try to have the upper hand on me. Nobody holds me down and controls me I am a free spirit. I leave people like that in the mud without a towel and ride away kicking the mud in their face.

[thewhiterecluse]

I don't know. I'm taking everyone's advise into consideration if I can and keeping doing what I'm doing but being more aware about stuff and signs. She's a really awesome person and a great friend and can hold conversations well and respects my space when I have to get things done.

[creatureofthenyte]

Well, its your call. Your decision.

Just be careful.

DO NOT!!! lend her money, and DO NOT sign your name on anything for her.

[Miranda]

I'd definitely give this situation some time before you pass judgments, sometimes something may seem as it is, and isn't. Always make sure to follow your instincts regardless of if it makes her feel like shit or not, you must be true to yourself or pay later. You have to protect yourself. If things are meant to be, they will. That sea is big and full of much catch.

[KimberlyDeLion]

I don't know. I'm taking everyone's advise into consideration if I can and keeping doing what I'm doing but being more aware about stuff and signs. She's a really awesome person and a great friend and can hold conversations well and respects my space when I have to get things done.

You sound like you've weighed all the pros and con of continuing a relationship. Now you are still faced with some overbearing caregivers. I agree with some here that the best thing you can do is win them over. Unless they're asking you to bend over and take a gloved finger then it's probably not too bad. Putting yourself in their shoes (aunt, cousin) they see she has issues and consider it their obligation as the only sane relatives in her life to help her out and protect her from falling into more trouble. Meeting you and finding out that you are one of the good ones may open them up to considering you an ally. If you show responsibility, a true caring for this girl, then they may ask you to "join the club" in keeping her on the straight an narrow. If you continue to buck the system she's in then you will be considered (however wrong they are) one of the bad guys and someone to distrust. Hope things work well for you!

[TygerLili]

But, but... It doesn't have to be that way. I'll give her a chance. If she doesn't hurt me then I will continue to help her and trust she's trying to get her life together. She does work with her aunt though. Her aunt runs an at home day care and she doesn't just sit around she does stuff. She's just kind of trapped and needs someone to just love her and encourage her. Its okay for me to be the strong one who helps her. If she tries to hurt me then I'll leave her. The drug use could be a problem. She knows she has to work if she wants to move out of there and they charge her rent to. She's just went through alot of hell these past few months and is trying to get it back all together. She was engaged and had a job with the guy she lived with in Philidelphia. He was just psycho and abused her and she was trapped and she never wants to be trapped with someone like that again.

Of course it's your decision, and you are the only one who really knows what the situation is, but I've gotta throw in my 2 cents on this.

1) Anyone who is seriously trying to find a job/better job is not smoking weed on a regular basis. Even my stoner friends refrain from smoking when they're job hunting because they know that smoking weed while you're job hunting is the easiest way to screw yourself because so many places require a drug test before they'll hire you.

2) If someone is really trying to turn their life around then they have to be the "strong one". You can encourage her, and comfort her when she's having a rough time, but she has to be the one to take the initiative to change.

[Mouf Breathah]

Wow. This whole situation just makes me scratch my head. Here's my two cents. Take it how you may.

1.) It sounds like you're looking for a daughter more so than a girlfriend. If you want somebody to take care of and guide every step of the way, why don't you try adopting? Do you want a girlfriend or a project?

2.) If it seems like too much of a hassle it's because it IS too much of a hassle. PERIOD.

3.) Is a college campus the right place to be looking for everlasting love?

4.) This girl sounds like a big ol' sedan full of crazy with a luggage rack on top to store all of the baggage.

[creatureofthenyte]

Wow. This whole situation just makes me scratch my head. Here's my two cents. Take it how you may.

1.) It sounds like you're looking for a daughter more so than a girlfriend. If you want somebody to take care of and guide every step of the way, why don't you try adopting? Do you want a girlfriend or a project?

2.) If it seems like too much of a hassle it's because it IS too much of a hassle. PERIOD.

3.) Is a college campus the right place to be looking for everlasting love?

4.) This girl sounds like a big ol' sedan full of crazy with a luggage rack on top to store all of the baggage.

Mouf said it perfectly.

Why don't you find someone that doesn't have an overbearing family as a hoop to jump through ?

I get the impression that you just want this to work sooo bad.

I've been in that situation before; I wanted soo much to believe that it would work if I just gave the girl a chance.

RUN! Find someone better, you're young and have PLENTY of time to find someone.

I really think that if you waste any more effort on this girl that you will just end up alone and hurt, and possibly with an empty wallet.

[Destroit]

Disregard this bit 'o information. Take it from someone who dunnit already.

Yes, if you have to support a woman, she is not the right one for you. Not only does this mean she is most likely immature, but is probably one of them psychos who need someone to take care of them, and are probably weak/incompetant.

Pass. There are plenty of other fish in the sea...awesome working and independant fish who will help you flourish instead of sink you, like dependant women do. Housewives (or house-hoes as my family refers to them as ), imo, should be a thing of the last century, good riddance.

[candyman]

Ahhh...after reading all this I got to live out my past experience. Honestly she might be the clone of a girl that I once knew.

The worst, THE WORST thing you can do is help a girl like this off the leash. This is like a nuclear bomb waiting to explode and when you push the buttom by setting her free there is no such thing as a fuse...you will die. Her life is controlled and there are things that she wants to do now but can't. The only problem is that the people "controlling" her are the only ones now that can ween her onto her own. Yes, it sucks but if she gets put into life by anyone but the people that have been raising her she will not know how to react. The reaction will be horrible if she goes off with you. There are things she has done and knows about...but there has always been those people behind her. Sure you will be behind her now but unless you have spent years together its not gonna make any difference. Everything she does will be different now and its very unlikely that she will continue on as normal. You speak of substance abuse...it will probably get worse.

I am speaking from experience here. I set a girl free from her relatives and though that our "love" would make a good foundation to build our lives on. However, in a matter of days she turned into someone that I never knew. Someone that once smoked, drank, and partied enough to keep herself happy. Now it was chain smoking, demolishing the bag of weed before anyone else, and drinking enough to pass out everywhere creating many trips to the hospital. Also, she started screwing around on me which I cannot attribute to your girl but it happened to me...alot. It was like I let a lion out of its cage after weeks of no food. She had done these things before...but now it was a different environment with different rules.

Sorry man but this is a tumbs down for her.

[thewhiterecluse]

You all are right. She's better off living with her relatives until she can get responsability, like a job and stability. I'm letting her get close but I don't allow someone to grip my heart anymore. Honestly its been crushed to the point I don't think I really feel pain anymore. Plua I simply don't let people have the upper hand, if it feels like they are trying to control me I break away, and fast to. Yes, I'm getting mixed feelings but I guess I will know in time.

[Soulrev]

You all are right. She's better off living with her relatives until she can get responsability, like a job and stability. I'm letting her get close but I don't allow someone to grip my heart anymore. Honestly its been crushed to the point I don't think I really feel pain anymore. Plua I simply don't let people have the upper hand, if it feels like they are trying to control me I break away, and fast to. Yes, I'm getting mixed feelings but I guess I will know in time.

Don't worry dude, you get over this, eventually. I know the feeling, as I'm sure 99% of us here do; how it is to be crushed and left for the wolves by someone you cared about. It took a few girls to get over it but then, I started getting into a relationship with my friend Amber, and now we're married and happy ever since. So, don't leap into the first one you think might be the one. Look at the big picture. I mean the BIG picture. If you can't see any logical possibility of a long term, balanced relationship with that person, they're not the one.

It actually took seeing my best friend get married to make me realize the ball&chain I was with at the time was NOT the one for me ;P

Moral of the story is- don't rush into ANYTHING. Sex, relationships, marriage, etc. There's always another girl/guy out there, and most of the time they just keep getting better. And if shit hits the fan, don't chase them, replace them, period.

-B

[thewhiterecluse]

Don't worry dude, you get over this, eventually. I know the feeling, as I'm sure 99% of us here do; how it is to be crushed and left for the wolves by someone you cared about. It took a few girls to get over it but then, I started getting into a relationship with my friend Amber, and now we're married and happy ever since. So, don't leap into the first one you think might be the one. Look at the big picture. I mean the BIG picture. If you can't see any logical possibility of a long term, balanced relationship with that person, they're not the one.

It actually took seeing my best friend get married to make me realize the ball&chain I was with at the time was NOT the one for me ;P

Moral of the story is- don't rush into ANYTHING. Sex, relationships, marriage, etc. There's always another girl/guy out there, and most of the time they just keep getting better. And if shit hits the fan, don't chase them, replace them, period.

-B

Well we haven't broken up and I don't know if we are officially together. We're going to just keep what we're doing until we feel absolutely open and comfortable with each other. I'm just saying from past experience of pain and suffering I cease to feel pain anymore or let anyone have that advantage over me.

[jynxxxedangel]

Ahhh...after reading all this I got to live out my past experience. Honestly she might be the clone of a girl that I once knew.

The worst, THE WORST thing you can do is help a girl like this off the leash. This is like a nuclear bomb waiting to explode and when you push the buttom by setting her free there is no such thing as a fuse...you will die. Her life is controlled and there are things that she wants to do now but can't. The only problem is that the people "controlling" her are the only ones now that can ween her onto her own. Yes, it sucks but if she gets put into life by anyone but the people that have been raising her she will not know how to react. The reaction will be horrible if she goes off with you. There are things she has done and knows about...but there has always been those people behind her. Sure you will be behind her now but unless you have spent years together its not gonna make any difference. Everything she does will be different now and its very unlikely that she will continue on as normal. You speak of substance abuse...it will probably get worse.

I am speaking from experience here. I set a girl free from her relatives and though that our "love" would make a good foundation to build our lives on. However, in a matter of days she turned into someone that I never knew. Someone that once smoked, drank, and partied enough to keep herself happy. Now it was chain smoking, demolishing the bag of weed before anyone else, and drinking enough to pass out everywhere creating many trips to the hospital. Also, she started screwing around on me which I cannot attribute to your girl but it happened to me...alot. It was like I let a lion out of its cage after weeks of no food. She had done these things before...but now it was a different environment with different rules.

Sorry man but this is a tumbs down for her.

+100

Listen to this guy, he speaks the truth. From the sounds of it, you'll most likely end up as her keeper/babysitter/co-dependent, if you continue to pursue this relationship (I've been in such a situation myself, and it's NO sunny fun-day at the beach). Run, don't walk!!

[thewhiterecluse]

+100

Listen to this guy, he speaks the truth. From the sounds of it, you'll most likely end up as her keeper/babysitter/co-dependent, if you continue to pursue this relationship (I've been in such a situation myself, and it's NO sunny fun-day at the beach). Run, don't walk!!

She's not looking for someone to bail her out to my knowledge. I mean how do I ask in a nice way how she feels about living with her aunt?

[thewhiterecluse]

I don't know though, she has been acting funny lately. Like not communicating or telling me whats going on in her head or in her life. At the same time though she has a hormone imbalance thats usually bad this time of the month. It's not pms its a hormone imbalance. I don't know, its really weird though and the first week she was acting all crazy about me, the second week still wild but not as much, and this week completely distant. I don't know, its kind of giving me mixed signals. Maybe its me right? Or theres always the possibility of another guy. She says she usually keeps to herself around this time of the month but at the same time it seems like she contradicts herself by still talking to other friends and pretty much just ignoring me. She said she trusts me and loves me but at the same time she has to trust someone by knowing them a long time before tell them about certain things. I hate the word "love" people don't know when to use it and when someone says "I love you" you simply don't know how to respond. Can love someone yet not trust them entirely? I don't know its really weird but at the same time it seems like thats just how people are. I'll just give her space and let her come to me. But I don't like waiting for someone to come around and be normal again and just ignore me or push me away until they feel ok. Maybe you all are right. I'm not running but I'm slowly walking away. If she's going to be herself again than I'll hang around but I'm not waiting. If not, oh well, many fish in the sea.

[thewhiterecluse]

Hahahaha you all were right, what a whack job. Thank goodness she didn't get down my pants. She's still in love with her bestfriend who claims to love her to. My theory is if you went out with someone, and it didn't work out before, and you left on good terms its best to remain friends and not chance it again. So she is waiting for him. She's going to be waiting for awhile since he lives in New York and she gets impatient and sleeps around. She was looking for another you know, friend with benefits. Didn't get me and didn't even shed a tear. I don't feel pain anymore, its official. I get mad then the fiery walls come up and I move on. Takes alot more than that to get down my pants and to break my non existing heart. Luckily even though I am heartless I have a good soul. I knew something was up to because she had been acting funny. Never tell someone you love them until the time is right. I notice that with alot of people I've dated, they like to use the phrase "I love you" as a control tactic to get you to subcomb to their will and to feel like they have power over my heart. For a time they did, but once broken always broken right? My will is stronger, nah nah nah nah nnnaaahhh nnnaaahhh!!!

[creatureofthenyte]

Hahahaha you all were right, what a whack job. Thank goodness she didn't get down my pants. She's still in love with her bestfriend who claims to love her to. My theory is if you went out with someone, and it didn't work out before, and you left on good terms its best to remain friends and not chance it again. So she is waiting for him. She's going to be waiting for awhile since he lives in New York and she gets impatient and sleeps around. She was looking for another you know, friend with benefits. Didn't get me and didn't even shed a tear. I don't feel pain anymore, its official. I get mad then the fiery walls come up and I move on. Takes alot more than that to get down my pants and to break my non existing heart. Luckily even though I am heartless I have a good soul. I knew something was up to because she had been acting funny. Never tell someone you love them until the time is right. I notice that with alot of people I've dated, they like to use the phrase "I love you" as a control tactic to get you to subcomb to their will and to feel like they have power over my heart. For a time they did, but once broken always broken right? My will is stronger, nah nah nah nah nnnaaahhh nnnaaahhh!!!

YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You finally saw the light !

Glad to see you got off the train before it went off the rails, over the cliff, and into the ravine below.

[thewhiterecluse]

YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You finally saw the light !

Glad to see you got off the train before it went off the rails, over the cliff, and into the ravine below.

I'm a stubborn Sagittarius what can I say? I like to figure things out on my own, but I definately am aware of anyones advise. Heh oh well, to hell with her. She's going to have to ride that train alone or with the other guy lol