Trying to find a job in Michigan and at wit's end?

[Destroit]

Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST

What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume

that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative

assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them

responded, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Cover Letter? Here's my fucking cover letter!

Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!

Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll

fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective

employee say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? FUCK

IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes!

That's how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and

you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't

believe me?! Then hire me and I'll fucking show you!

OBJECTIVE

I need a motherfuckin job.

SHIT I HAVE DONE

-I invented the moon.

-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.

-I am also a wolverine.

-Had sex with the Spice Girls.

-The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.

-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.

-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/

-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that

radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.

-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.

-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.

-My brother is the Eiffel Tower

-Direct descendant of Beowulf

-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment

-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19

-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE

GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing

POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant

DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy

politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor,

loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that

would frighten most people

GreenHate Enterprises

POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant

DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing

in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of

perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage,

creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the

internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate.

REFERENCES

Glomgor Evil

GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings

gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com

Sloblor the Muck Monster

GreenHate Enterprises

sloblor@greenhate.com

So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I

would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Sincerely,

Steve Madonna

stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

[TomCat]

someone's angry!

[Guest greyhalo]

I'm sorry, Cher. I know it's absolutely frustrating for so many people looking for work right now. I work in a public library and sympathize with people who are out of work every day. Our computer lab is constantly packed with people who are doing online job searches and working on their resumes.

I wish you luck.

[Destroit]

I'm sorry, Cher. I know it's absolutely frustrating for so many people looking for work right now. I work in a public library and sympathize with people who are out of work every day. Our computer lab is constantly packed with people who are doing online job searches and working on their resumes.

I wish you luck.

Naw it's cool, I'm actually one of 20 people in the state of Michigan who is actually employed.

But this random Craig's List poster? Sounds like he's the one you need to be wishing luck to!

[jynxxxedangel]

As I said in another post..

It's time to be enterprising. Gotta do what ya gotta do, in order to survive-- even if it's not exactly what you want to do, or something you wouldn't do unless desperate. An honest living is just that. I hate my life right now, but at least I'm not sleeping in the street.

[Guest greyhalo]

Naw it's cool, I'm actually one of 20 people in the state of Michigan who is actually employed.

But this random Craig's List poster? Sounds like he's the one you need to be wishing luck to!

Oops, I missed the Steve Madonna part at the end. Sorry.

[Destroit]

Oops, I missed the Steve Madonna part at the end. Sorry.

It's aight, but the way real estate is going, I may be in the same boat as this man.

I can't believe you think that I banged all of the Spice Girls , while I'm flattered, I don't have a penis no matter how much I try to think one into existance and no matter how much I pray at night to wake up with a giant and colossal sausage of pure unrestrained morning wood. Well, I mean I do, but it's attached to Pest, no me .

[Rev.Reverence]

It's aight, but the way real estate is going, I may be in the same boat as this man.

I can't believe you think that I banged all of the Spice Girls , while I'm flattered, I don't have a penis no matter how much I try to think one into existance and no matter how much I pray at night to wake up with a giant and colossal sausage of pure unrestrained morning wood. Well, I mean I do, but it's attached to Pest, no me .

...you know...(off topic..but)...if you do a certain Yoga...in a certain frame of mind...you can FEEL that you have a penis...

....if you can KEEP that state of mind..(during intercourse)...you will feel like you are the boy...TRUE FACT!

[Guest greyhalo]

It's aight, but the way real estate is going, I may be in the same boat as this man.

I can't believe you think that I banged all of the Spice Girls , while I'm flattered, I don't have a penis no matter how much I try to think one into existance and no matter how much I pray at night to wake up with a giant and colossal sausage of pure unrestrained morning wood. Well, I mean I do, but it's attached to Pest, no me .

Isn't Sporty Spice a dude anyway?

[Nienna]

LOL Oh man! I'm glad I still have a job!

[Destroit]

...you know...(off topic..but)...if you do a certain Yoga...in a certain frame of mind...you can FEEL that you have a penis...

....if you can KEEP that state of mind..(during intercourse)...you will feel like you are the boy...TRUE FACT!

Yes, but will I or will I not be able to successfully trick Pest into letting me put it in his pooper?

THAT, my friend, is the million dollar question...

[taysteewonderbunny]

It IS a sad day when the line to apply for KMart is longer than the line at the register for KMart, and friends, we have seen that day.

[Cupcake]

oh my goodness!

i laughed so flippin hard that i have to pee.

but i get it too.

i've been trying to find a job as well but of course i'm not in the right order of things.

first them it's people from the big 3 auto industry who've lost their jobs or some other crappy ass see-through sob story.

after those fother muckers it's the people with "work experience" and other lame crap the i don't qualify for.

and a buncha other shit.

but i figured that the man is keeping me from getting a job because i'm still in school.

yeah well *punches air* take that MAN! oh yeah!

[Homicidalheathen]

LOL will suck dick for cash

And the weapons line, prison time counts for something eh?

[Brenda Starrr]

This guy was funny as shit.

I'm thinking that Burger King management is probably better than working at the spa right now. I'm not bust enough, and it's not fair to Jeff.

[Black Jack (1)]

Hopefully by the time this is over we all will have a job or two.

[Rev.Reverence]

Yes, but will I or will I not be able to successfully trick Pest into letting me put it in his pooper?

THAT, my friend, is the million dollar question...

...um...

...yeah...I guess it is...

[aequorea]

I pray at night to wake up with a giant and colossal sausage of pure unrestrained morning wood.

ROFLMAO!!!

Oh yeah, and the original post is pretty hilarious too :-) Thank you Cher and Steve, for inspiring me to update & enhance my resume!