Single/Couple Parents being pushed to drugs!

[GOTHIKA]

Have you ever got sick and tired of dealing with your kids all day? ever got tired of the same shit repeating everyday? your spouse is barely doing something with their lives? and you feel like turning to drugs is the answer? Ive been there in fact; IM THERE ALREADY! Im a mom at age 21 with a daughter name sonya. you may think a child can change my life for better. it changed me for better & worse. Im here truly expressing myself of what its like as a mom with nothing going for myself in my life. I know other parents or couples probably been there like me. well do you know what life is like waking up to someone you dont belong to? playing WOW (WORLD OF WARCRAFT) everyday to amuse you? thinking all you will ever be is a unemployed, stay at home, dad/mom who plays games, cooks, cleans, & give yourself to someone who doesnt make you happy? I kinda wished I never got pregnant then I would have enjoyed my life more often. but with sonya in my life i feel like im tied down! please feel free to express yourself parents on this topic; For i already have........

[jynxxxedangel]

I wasn't going to post here at all-- but I cannot walk away from such a disturbing cry for help, and maintain a clear conscience.

It sounds as if you are trapped by a series of bad life choices. Now, I'll be honest-- knowing about your whirling maelstrom of problems may scare many people off from reaching out to you.

I understand you are very young, but instead of sitting there and drowning your problems in drugs and negative behaviours, you need to sit down and have a talk with yourself; take time to figure out exactly how you got where you are now, how you would like to change your life, and what positive opportunities are available to you. The Powers That Be will only help those who care enough to help themselves. Remember, you have a beautiful baby girl, too-- who NEEDS you.

You need to take the first steps toward your happiness, as no one is going to do that for you. I'm sure I speak for all here, when I say we will support you during the positive transformation of your life-- as well as berate you, if you allow yourself to sink deeper into your pitfall.

Please try to be good to yourself, lady; it is much more productive than the way you are headed, now.

[Rev.Reverence]

I wasn't going to post here at all-- but I cannot walk away from such a disturbing cry for help, and maintain a clear conscience.

It sounds as if you are trapped by a series of bad life choices. Now, I'll be honest-- knowing about your whirling maelstrom of problems may scare many people off from reaching out to you.

I understand you are very young, but instead of sitting there and drowning your problems in drugs and negative behaviours, you need to sit down and have a talk with yourself; take time to figure out exactly how you got where you are now, how you would like to change your life, and what positive opportunities are available to you. The Powers That Be will only help those who care enough to help themselves. Remember, you have a beautiful baby girl, too-- who NEEDS you.

You need to take the first steps toward your happiness, as no one is going to do that for you. I'm sure I speak for all here, when I say we will support you during the positive transformation of your life-- as well as berate you, if you allow yourself to sink deeper into your pitfall.

Please try to be good to yourself, lady; it is much more productive than the way you are headed, now.

+5

Sister-Jinxxxed DOES have a slew of good points.

[Azeuron]

agreed completely Jinxxie is a wise one!!!

[Msterbeau]

I have two girls. I'm not a perfect parent by any means, but what jynxxxy is saying is spot on. You may not be in the best situation but the bottom line is that you made a choice to have a child and that child needs you to be there for her. A person's happiness is important, but that life you brought into the world comes first. If the father is bringing you down and you don't feel like it's working then you need to make plans to get out. OR... you need to figure out, between the both of you, why it's not working and sort it out for your child's sake. Parenting can and should be a joy, but no one ever said it was easy. Start making changes for the better or you will ruin not only your own life but that of your daughters.

And yes.. If you need help and support, there's a bunch of parents here that would be happy to do what we can.

:

[Brenda Starrr]

While I agree with Jynxie, I also think that she needs deeper help than what we can possibly offer.

[Homicidalheathen]

Have raised two kids...well 3. Never did drugs till they were like 14? until they were old enough to know better and it was engrained in their minds

that includes no smoking or drinking of any kind

I hid it from them when I did start partying again for awhile...

my parents were abusive alcoholics

my mom a stay at home mom, depressed and abusive and ALWAYS DRUNK puking....it was soo nasty. I hated her. My dad...lets not even go into it.

I just didn't want that for them.

Thinking my partying AT ALL with them knowing was bad at this point as one is a under achiever now with a penchant for goth clubs and drinking all the sudden. She quit school ect...ect...she comes to me one day and says she has rockstar dreams (we tried this already at age 15)

And understands why I like the clubs and partying now. Oh great, wonderful. But she says she won't stick me with the student loan bill.

Just stop for their sake, they did not ask for this.

Its only till they grow up...and keep it private.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Homicidalheathen

[Brenda Starrr]

I was thinking along the lines of no drugs at all.

[Rev.Reverence]

I have two girls. I'm not a perfect parent by any means, but what jynxxxy is saying is spot on. You may not be in the best situation but the bottom line is that you made a choice to have a child and that child needs you to be there for her. A person's happiness is important, but that life you brought into the world comes first. If the father is bringing you down and you don't feel like it's working then you need to make plans to get out. OR... you need to figure out, between the both of you, why it's not working and sort it out for your child's sake. Parenting can and should be a joy, but no one ever said it was easy. Start making changes for the better or you will ruin not only your own life but that of your daughters.

And yes.. If you need help and support, there's a bunch of parents here that would be happy to do what we can.

:

...DUDE.....excellent post...I'll go on to say...that the goal of being a parent is not to be "perfect"...but to be ALL THAT YOU CAN IN ANY SITUATION...& (as with every thing in life) to strive to always do it 1 better next time...what ever it is you're doing...making a lasagna...taking a picture...drawing...writing poetry...

[Brenda Starrr]

...DUDE.....excellent post...I'll go on to say...that the goal of being a parent is not to be "perfect"...but to be ALL THAT YOU CAN IN ANY SITUATION...& (as with every thing in life) to strive to always do it 1 better next time...what ever it is you're doing...making a lasagna...taking a picture...drawing...writing poetry...

YES! Raising children is NOT easy. I have one with special needs. And it's a long story, but it's safe to say that I'm survivng it. It DOES happen.

[Azeuron]

...DUDE.....excellent post...I'll go on to say...that the goal of being a parent is not to be "perfect"...but to be ALL THAT YOU CAN IN ANY SITUATION...& (as with every thing in life) to strive to always do it 1 better next time...what ever it is you're doing...making a lasagna...taking a picture...drawing...writing poetry...

+1

[jynxxxedangel]

While I agree with Jynxie, I also think that she needs deeper help than what we can possibly offer.

I have a friend whom I am going to put GOTHIKA in touch with, who may be able to help her. She helped me to climb up, when I was at my lowest.

[Rev.Reverence]

While I agree with Jynxie, I also think that she needs deeper help than what we can possibly offer.

...I agree...we could help...& support........but WE are NOT a shrink...& she kinda' needs one...trust the schizophrenic when he sais you need a Doctor.....I hate those fuckers...

I was thinking along the lines of no drugs at all.

YEaSS!

...'cept what the Doc sais to eat...(& THEN ONLY THAT MUCH!)

[sexslavetrainer]

I think some excellent advice has been given in this thread. It is hard for many first time parents, even if there are no outside challenges like drug use or a bad relationship. Parenting is never easy, i'm sure it only gets harder as they grow up.

I am certainly not perfect either, and I have done my share of drugs, but I never do this around my daughter. She deserves to have a positive home environment to grow up in. So many of us here didn't have that...

Perhaps you weren't ready for kids yet, or perhaps you just regret choosing the partner you chose. Either way, figure out what would make your situation better because it would make your child's situation better by default.

Sounds like the first thing you need to do is decide if you want to be with the person you're with. If not, find someone else or go it alone for a while. If you do want to be with him, then you need to take action to help him do something with his life and be a good parent. If he isn't willing, go back to the first plan and find someone else or go it alone for a while... Never easy, but always possible.

Might be scary to make a change, but it's even scarier to think of what could happen if you don't change anything...

[Brenda Starrr]

...I agree...we could help...& support........but WE are NOT a shrink...& she kinda' needs one...trust the schizophrenic when he sais you need a Doctor.....I hate those fuckers...

YEaSS!

...'cept what the Doc sais to eat...(& THEN ONLY THAT MUCH!)

Exactly. And this is why I want you to mentor my son.

But along the lines of this thread...

Being PUSHED to drugs? You REALLY do need to get some professional help before your life is COMPLETELY destroyed, and you're not even close, girl.

I wasn't ready to touch this thread because of all I had seen and lived through. I'm glad that Jynxie did it first. I had alot to say (and still do), but nailing you with it all at one time (if at all) is NOT the way to go.

Keep your chin up.And get some help. NOW.

[jynxxxedangel]

Might be scary to make a change, but it's even scarier to think of what could happen if you don't change anything...

+100

[Rev.Reverence]

Exactly. And this is why I want you to mentor my son.

But along the lines of this thread...

Being PUSHED to drugs? You REALLY do need to get some professional help before your life is COMPLETELY destroyed, and you're not even close, girl.

I wasn't ready to touch this thread because of all I had seen and lived through. I'm glad that Jynxie did it first. I had alot to say (and still do), but nailing you with it all at one time (if at all) is NOT the way to go.

Keep your chin up.And get some help. NOW.

[Homicidalheathen]

I was thinking along the lines of no drugs at all.

alcohol is a drug, and the only one that will kill you if your addicted bad and quit cold turkey

(hence why I am not around much anymore peeps...to quit is to stay away from it)

aa or Nar a non

they work (sorry pomba but they do)

Edited January 26, 2009 by Homicidalheathen

[Brenda Starrr]

alcohol is a drug, and the only one that will kill you if your addicted bad and quit cold turkey

(hence why I am not around much anymore peeps...to quit is to stay away from it)

aa or Nar a non

they work (sorry pomba but they do)

Which is why I'm not much of a drinker, if at all. I'd rather have water, and watch the world go by...

[Destroit]

Take it from a weak and addicted personality, nobody pushes you to drugs. Nothing in your life pushes you towards drugs. The only person who pushes you to drugs is YOU...it's called excuse making, addicts are wonderful at it, I should know.

With that said, and I'm sorry if it hurt but it is a very true statement, I'm not sure what kind of drugs you are on. If you are on "hard" drugs (i.e. coke, crack, heroin, meth, or a combination of any of the above) then you need help ASAP. Your child can be taken from you, on those drugs you ARE NOT ABLE to give your child the care she deserves and needs. You need to drop everything and get yourself into rehab, even if it means having your daughter be taken care of by a relative or foster until you are clean. You cannot defeat hard drugs alone, you WILL need rehab, and if you don't get it soon your life will crumble before your very eyes and you will most likely either lose your child or make her life a living and hateful hell.

Now, if we're talking weed here, I'm an expert on curbing weed addiction. I am addicted to everything that you can think of, gaming, computer, coffee, food, used to be cigarettes, used to also be a drunk, but my hardest addiction I've had to curb has always been marijuana. I LOVE the shit, I love how it makes me feel. I'm 23 and I'm just now getting it under control after 5 years, and much like quitting anything else addictive, it is the hardest thing you'll ever do. One you get the ball rolling, however, you will realize how good it feels to be clean and sober, to enjoy looking at your daughter and actually being able to recall those memories in the future. I'm a pet owner, and I know that's nothing like having an actual baby, but for me it is (I'm so devout over my babies I almost died last week trying to save them from a housefire, stupidly, but I wouldn't have left the house without all three even if it meant I perished in it too) and when I had my two other rat-babies a few years back, whom ended up dying as animals do, I regret now that I look back at it and realize that many of the good memories I had with them, going outside, playing in the yard, going to the pet store to mock the snakes, are either fuzzy or missing due to how much weed I used to smoke. I cry about it a lot, do you really want to turn around and have it be your daughter's graduation day and not be able to remember her first steps? Her first words? First day of school? Everything that it is to be a joyous and loving parent? If you continue on using drugs, this is inevitable, you are numb to everything, weed tells you that you're happy and you're not, it's filling a void that should be filled with meaningful things, and also, you WILL forget what happened in your life.

So...now then, how to stop and feel good, or at least okay? That is the tricky part. Assuming that you're on pot and not hard drugs (hard drugs create a physical dependency, weed creates a mental/habitual dependency, therefore all "want" for pot is in your mind), there is help and hope, but it must come from you.

Now, even though weed makes you feel good momentarily, about 30 minutes to a few hours depending on how good the shit is and your body chemistry...but you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? You should actually ask yourself that question when it comes to ANY life decision, but especially something like pot, if YOU do not cognitively ask yourself this question every time you go to light a bowl or joint, weed WILL take over you. When left to its own devices, pot wants you to smoke it all the time and will stop at nothing to make you use it, even lying to you, weed makes you lie to yourself, that's all it does. The key to this is for the little woman in your head, your own freewill and consciousness, to say "fuck you pot, I don't need you to feel good". The reason this is so difficult to accomplish for most potheads is that when you finally get out of your weed-induced-haze, you will most likely look around, see a dirty house, see that your true friends have left you because all you did was use them to get pot, you have nothing accomplished in life, and have no hobbies or activities to make yourself feel good about you. Finally coming clear-headed and realizing that you are the dregs of life is devastating for most, I know it was for me. When you are a drug addict of any sort, you believe everything you are doing is wonderful and productive, it's only when you clear up and YOU come back into consciousness, taking the steering wheel away from weed, you realize that you have been living a drug-induced counter-productive lie, and you will be so mad at yourself, so disappointed, it will make you want to pack a bowl and smoke some more.

I'm sure you don't watch anime at all, but if you do, it's like the series Paranoia Agent, weed is Maromi, but all of your problems you're using Maromi to help hide and bury is the equivalent to Little Slugger. The moral of the story is that drugs will never help your problems, it will only make things worse even if it's "comforting" to use, and the only way you can get anywhere in this world is to stand up to your problems and literally battle them face-on, regardless of how impossible, scary, hard, excrusiating, unpleasant, or downright depressing those problems are. You need to let "Maromi" go (your drugs) and face your reality, no matter how unpleasant, because that's what reality can be. Running away never solves anything...EVER.

Instead of using drug-induced incompetance as an excuse to say "fuck it" and go get some more, this is where you need to think. Literally, sit down at a clear table for an hour, nobody else in the room, no computer on, turn off the tv, and rationalize your want. Just you and the little person inside of your brain that tells you what is good to do and what you should do, many of us stop talking to that "conscious voice of reasoning" once we become adults and become comfortable with our lifestyles and daily habits. In short: Adults love to put themselves on auto-pilot, not think about reprocussions, not think about tomorrow and only think about today. It takes a true adult to CONSTANTLY think about every action they do, why they do it, and why it benefits them or vice versa. It's time for you to become an adult.

So think...next time you'd like weed...why? Why do you want it? Most likely it will be because it makes you feel good and forget about your problems. But after you ask yourself that, I want you to ask yourself: Now...why DON'T I want weed? Your answers will actually be sound and logical answers, as opposed to "I want it to make me forget and feel good" which is illogical. Your answers will probably be something like: I'd like to interact with my daughter and remember all of it and enjoy it instead of being numb and brainless; I'd like to be able to interact socially better (weed makes many people have social anxiety, for instance, if I ever show up at a DGN event and I don't bounce around and talk to people right off, only talking to a select few I know well and the group I'm with: I'm high ); I will be able to carry out simple day-to-day tasks better and more efficiently; People will respect me more and I'll respect myself more; I will be saving money so that my baby girl and I can go out and do fun mother-daughter things that are memorable, as opposed to sitting in my house living an unfufilled and boring life playing WoW; I will be able to take up hobbies require practice, diligence, and skill that will make myself feel better about who I am (exercise, writing, painting, sculpting, music, ANYTHING that requires skill and practice, if you get better at these things you will feel as though you have more worth and don't need weed).

It is a long hard road to go down, and as I stated, definately not easy. I've had to walk down it, many other people I know have also. I still smoke occasionally, with friends, but after the buzz goes away and I want more, I sit down and think to myself: "Do I really want this...or is it the weed trying to tell me I want more?" I can tell you one thing, everytime I asked myself that, I found out that it was the weed trying to get me to smoke, and the only person who pushed it to be that way was myself. It's better this way because now I actually look FORWARD to it, instead of depending on it and having it weigh me down like a ball and chain, and when you only do it occasionally you get FUCKED UP . Like the kind of fucked up you got when you first started...laugh for 20 minutes at your blank computer screen because it's HILARIOUS, molest everything edible in your house with your mouth, and finally take a four hour nap on the couch with your Game Boy still in hand in the middle of the Pokemon battle that you nodded off while trying to finish. That, my dear, is the best kind of high ever . If you constantly use, you will never have that high again, and weed will become as boring as putting your pants in the morning and brushing your teeth. Commonplace, nothing special, every single day, and every single day will be exactly the same for the rest of your life, sucking down smoke from a pipe, wondering why you even do it, and sitting in your house bored and unfufilled.

I've come along way, and so can you. Just remember the only way to beat weed and to live a fufilling and productive life is to literally think it away, with discipline and will-power. Tell yourself no even when it hurts and you'd think that you want it so bad you'd kill someone. Talk yourself through it, use logic and reasoning, say it aloud when you talk yourself through it (for some reason, I've always found this helps to better "cement" the idea into place). Remind yourself that there WILL be bad days, but you need to do what is in your power to go through those bad days and know that there will be a glorious light at the end of the tunnel waiting for your down-day to be over with. It will always get better, but sometimes it has to get worse or be mundane. And I mean it about picking up meaningful hobbies, DROP WOW, WoW is nothing to feel accomplished about, it's a video game. Video games, while fun time killers and are okay to play sometimes (and I grew up with a SNES controller in my hand from age six and onward, it's ALL I did), are not meaningful nor fufilling. When you beat a game, you did just that, beat some pre-fabbed game that millions of others have beat before you, doesn't sharpen skills much, and doesn't get you anywhere in life at all. Well...unless you play Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution, or First-Person Shooters, then you can be in tourneys and win a lot of money .

I wish you the best. If your drug problem is NOT a weed problem and is a hard drug problem, you CANNOT do it on your own and will need professional help. You must do this as soon as possible or else hard drugs will eat you alive. If pot is the problem: kicking weed altogether, or keeping it to a VERY staunch minimum when out with friends or vacations, while very hard, is the most fufilling thing you will ever do with your life, and even if you don't think so now because the weed has you and is clouding your head into thinking otherwise, take my word, someone who has been in your footsteps and walked the path before you. If you follow this advice in the end you will thank me, and your child will thank YOU .

Also, get counceling if you can, but for many it's unrealistic. I'm horrifically fucked up and never had any sort of counceling, even when I asked for it as a teen during suicidal bouts, because I've never had money to pay for that sort of thing. But I found, when I thought through it with reasoning and logic, that myself and most other teens are "depressed" for attention, and I'm glad that I didn't seek help. It taught me that the only person in this world that can help me is myself, and that's true with nearly everyone. In my mind it's unneccesary, any friends I saw on it came out to be worse then when they went in, but apparantly it works for some people, so I'm told. If you can and feel you need to, getting a therapist may help, but be weary of any drugs they prescribe, from my experience some shrinks want to keep you mentally unstable. If you're not mentally unstable and popping pills that are fucking you up even worse, how are they going to get their paycheck? Makes sense when you really think about it. But I'm for good old fashioned therapy, where someone actually does the good and correct thing of talking you through your problems and letting you spill your guts, as opposed to pumping you full of synthetic man-made drugs that turn you into a worse zombie than when you were on whatever street drugs you were on before .

Edited January 26, 2009 by Chernobyl

[Homicidalheathen]

Which is why I'm not much of a drinker, if at all. I'd rather have water, and watch the world go by...

all I am saying is its almost impossible to quit, not totally impossible...but REAL HARD if your still around it

she lives with a guy and is using...?

He is prob using to or at least ok with it which makes me wonder about his motives...intentions...

And what coke does in the womb is as bad as alcohol, they both cross the placenta wall EASY

[GOTHIKA]

thank you all for your responses

[Homicidalheathen]

hang in there sweets.

I used to be a meth addict...and believe me, I wanted to just say fuck it and snort a few x while raising twins

[GOTHIKA]

i mean i did coke twice, weed in dec. 2008 & oding on muscle pills. but idk; i told my sis; she really understood me. i need to be put back on the path to where i need someone to give me the truth straight, brutal & honest. if u can tell me like it is i know that u care bout me. now, i can barely sleep cuz my mom is crying cuz her bff died of a heart attack earlier today & the more death sadness i get from ppl, the more i stress out to help but she told me to put sonya 1st b4 ANYTHING & ANYONE.

[Homicidalheathen]

Find a nar a non sponsor

Personally go to ACOA meetings as my problems (according to my therapist) yes I saw one for awhile...big deal...

suggested it was a better group for me...

try them all...AA has lots of off shoots

Just talking with peoole who still stuggle with wanting to just GO OUT AND DO IT after oh say 10-20 yrs....sheds so much light on it...it makes it easier to not do it seeing how others still struggle with it.

Your going to want it. Until you have quit long enough to have an AVERSION to it then you will HATE users and thats a good thing, its your self defense mechanism at work. You'll see lines at a party and walk out...not go partake...

Its only one meeting a week and a sponsors number in case you feel weak during the week. Its only about an hour or two long and it helps SO MUCH they don't let you just sit and piss and moan either. Its about finding solutions and getting past the blocks.

http://nar-anon.org/michigan.htm

I had slipped up a few x since I quit but always come back to them and they always set me straight.

This lady I know is losing everything because of her addiction...her kid will be next no doubt when they find out she is pawning everything for it...as she is on welfare...

I tell ya what. The most important thing to me is how my kids see me. I don't want them to hate me...and am sure you don't either.

Just doing it once in a while leads to all the time if your an addictive personality like me. Hell I get addicted to even non substances. I kinda suck about that. I try to be strong and do yoga and meditate but when My life sux I reach for chocostarbucks.