I guess this would be a relationship problem...

[candyman]

Yeah so, a girl I met a last year got pregnant recently. We only had a fling but we stayed good friends. Now, she has had the same boyfriend on and off for a few years now, and he is the one that got her pregnant. She doesn't want to date this guy but if she ever mentions breaking it off he starts crying and tells her she doesn't mean it. The guy just got out of highschool and has no job, no monetary support, and she has to pay for pretty much anything her does. The guy really has no talents at anything and shows no ambition at all. They are also living in the wrong side of town and, well this guy could not defend anyone, not to mention that he cannot provide for anyone.

I have talked to her alot recently and I know it is possible to get rid of this guy but, last time it was tried he tried to kill himself with a ton of her meds. Now, I like her and even though I don't see anything like marriage happening is it wrong of me to want her away from this guy? I mean, she is wasting her time with him. She could either be working on getting her life in check or work on finding someone that can provide for her...or at least something good. She has food stamps and some government income right now, but she has to use that to feed him too and, well she barely gets enough to take care of herself. I am willing to pitch in what money I do have, I give her money to use when I know that her "boyfriend" won't get his hands on it, and it helps with an excuse for me to stop buying cigarettes too.

I am just looking for any advice here if someone has some...

[TitsMcGee]

She needs to get rid of the guy and fast. He's trying to muniplate her into staying by threatening suicide, and I frankly think he could be a risk to her and the baby.

[candyman]

She needs to get rid of the guy and fast. He's trying to muniplate her into staying by threatening suicide, and I frankly think he could be a risk to her and the baby.

Yeah but, this guy sucks so much he is actually good! I have gotten rid of some horrible boyfriends for some of my friends before...but even though this guy is the posterchild for wimps I just don't know how he does it! Seriously, I hate to say it about some people but this guy is pathetic!

[Scales]

She needs to get rid of the guy and fast. He's trying to muniplate her into staying by threatening suicide, and I frankly think he could be a risk to her and the baby.

+1

[TitsMcGee]

Yeah but, this guy sucks so much he is actually good! I have gotten rid of some horrible boyfriends for some of my friends before...but even though this guy is the posterchild for wimps I just don't know how he does it! Seriously, I hate to say it about some people but this guy is pathetic!

It sounds like his parents coddled him as a child. She needs someone who's willing to help take care of her and the child, and not someone she has to take care of like a child. In other words she needs a man.

[candyman]

It sounds like his parents coddled him as a child. She needs someone who's willing to help take care of her and the child, and not someone she has to take care of like a child. In other words she needs a man.

Yeah, apparently he was hurt as a child and his mom got a ton of money in the court battles...but now she is broke and went from living in a huge house to living in a dumpy appartment...we think its drugs, alot of drugs.

I don't want to push her or give any ideas even though I am willing to provide. I have no job at the moment but I can easily get one...they just let me off for school. I have met all of her friends...they are cool but they are nowhere near the point where they could take care of a mother and her child...they have trouble with taking care of themselves now.

[TitsMcGee]

Yeah, apparently he was hurt as a child and his mom got a ton of money in the court battles...but now she is broke and went from living in a huge house to living in a dumpy appartment...we think its drugs, alot of drugs.

I don't want to push her or give any ideas even though I am willing to provide. I have no job at the moment but I can easily get one...they just let me off for school. I have met all of her friends...they are cool but they are nowhere near the point where they could take care of a mother and her child...they have trouble with taking care of themselves now.

she should look into low income housing so she can move out and get away from him.

[candyman]

she should look into low income housing so she can move out and get away from him.

That was tired twice actually...he moved both times and for some reason she can't get a restraining order on him. Like I said, this idiot is slick and I am trying to help her out but it is like he is untouchable or something.

[Oh_My_Goth]

It is great of you to help your friend, but don't be surprised if she keeps this douche around...

A female is very emotional & can be unreasonable when pregnant.. I'm sure she feels alone {even though you're her friend}

All you can do is be a friend & gently nudge her to ditch the looser

[candyman]

It is great of you to help your friend, but don't be surprised if she keeps this douche around...

A female is very emotional & can be unreasonable when pregnant.. I'm sure she feels alone {even though you're her friend}

All you can do is be a friend & gently nudge her to ditch the looser

Actually, she really hates the guy. She didn't really like him before and she still doesn't like him now. I am working with her, her sister, and her mom to get rid of this guy. It is hard going but we are working on it. She is actually doing quite well with her emotions too...she is not very dependant which I find to be a good thing.

[StormKnight (1)]

Actually, she really hates the guy. She didn't really like him before and she still doesn't like him now. I am working with her, her sister, and her mom to get rid of this guy. It is hard going but we are working on it. She is actually doing quite well with her emotions too...she is not very dependant which I find to be a good thing.

I concur that this guy is a threat to her well being and the baby's well being. If there was any way she could just disappear from his life without a way for either to communicate with each other, he would not be able to use his passive-aggressive control techniques (as he did with the suicide attempt,) to bring her back to him.

She has to be firm in not communicating with him, as well as everyone in her family (these guys can find out things from the most esoteric sources.) The only thing her family should give him is directions to the nearest counseling center, which might do him more good than not.

Just by general description, this guy sends off warning bells as either a histrionic personality (center seeking, all the world revolves around him,) or an antisocial personality (sociopathic,) Either one is bad juju. Both personalities will manipulate and seduce for their own satisfaction and no one else's.

[candyman]

I concur that this guy is a threat to her well being and the baby's well being. If there was any way she could just disappear from his life without a way for either to communicate with each other, he would not be able to use his passive-aggressive control techniques (as he did with the suicide attempt,) to bring her back to him.

She has to be firm in not communicating with him, as well as everyone in her family (these guys can find out things from the most esoteric sources.) The only thing her family should give him is directions to the nearest counseling center, which might do him more good than not.

Just by general description, this guy sends off warning bells as either a histrionic personality (center seeking, all the world revolves around him,) or an antisocial personality (sociopathic,) Either one is bad juju. Both personalities will manipulate and seduce for their own satisfaction and no one else's.

Yeah we are talking to some counseling people now to see our options. It is weird because he is not really center seeking, but he is very antisocial. I think he might be a bad mix of both. Honestly, when I said he is into nothing I really mean it. He knows nothing about music, cars, food, anything at all. He really has no interests and shows no interest at getting into anything. Even with her descriptions of him the counseling guy didn't know what to say other than this guys only seems to exist in body and nothing else.

[Oh_My_Goth]

Actually, she really hates the guy. She didn't really like him before and she still doesn't like him now. I am working with her, her sister, and her mom to get rid of this guy. It is hard going but we are working on it. She is actually doing quite well with her emotions too...she is not very dependant which I find to be a good thing.

I don't really understand why he's still there

[Oh_My_Goth]

Yeah we are talking to some counseling people now to see our options. It is weird because he is not really center seeking, but he is very antisocial. I think he might be a bad mix of both. Honestly, when I said he is into nothing I really mean it. He knows nothing about music, cars, food, anything at all. He really has no interests and shows no interest at getting into anything. Even with her descriptions of him the counseling guy didn't know what to say other than this guys only seems to exist in body and nothing else.

Maybe he's an alien.

[candyman]

Maybe he's an alien.

He might just be. We don't get it...there is really nobody around besides his skating buddy that likes him...but no matter what we try he will not go away. He is so apathetic but then there is a trigger in him that makes him stick if anyone threatens to go away. This kid even threatened to take me on...I may be weak but I don't see how he can life a small rock without getting crushed.

I can only consider him to be the human equivalent to terminal cancer... ...he is really starting to piss me off...

[TitsMcGee]

I don't really understand why he's still there

Because we women are odd creatures.

[Onyx]

She has food stamps and some government income right now, but she has to use that to feed him too and, well she barely gets enough to take care of herself. I am willing to pitch in what money I do have, I give her money to use when I know that her "boyfriend" won't get his hands on it, and it helps with an excuse for me to stop buying cigarettes too.

I am just looking for any advice here if someone has some...

I know this whole post is going to sound harsh, but she needs to wake up and be an adult. Things like this really irk me.

Seems very simple to me. If he is threatening suicide, call 911 and have him picked up. That's a perfectly legit reason and maybe he will get some help.

How can you give her money knowing this situation? Don't help anyone who won't help themselves. I'm all for helping out hard working people, but this isn't the case.

This guy will likely never be a father to the child, never help support the child and so if he is not helping out why is she feeding him? She needs to put the child FIRST. When the child arrives is she going to take food from the baby's mouth to feed this person?

That was tired twice actually...he moved both times and for some reason she can't get a restraining order on him. Like I said, this idiot is slick and I am trying to help her out but it is like he is untouchable or something.

I'm just floored by this whole story here.

To me again it seems very simple. She moves, does NOT give him a forwarding address and there you go.

Does she not have a social worker who can help her with that? (sorry if that's a silly question, never had any experience with food stamps and such myself).

I don't understand this sort of thing. I went to school and made damn sure I didn't get pregnant before I could make a living and support myself. I've worked my ass off since my divorce because I agreed to joint custody , get no outside help or child support, still my kids are very well taken care of because I worked and even now still work hard.

Honestly, I have a hard time having any sympathy for either one of them. I just finished a 12 hour shift at a lot less pay than I used to make and I can not believe the idiocy in this world. What the hell is wrong with people?

How the hell can she give him food and support that should be going for her baby? Why can't he get his own help, or go clean houses or mow lawns, something?

[TitsMcGee]

I know this whole post is going to sound harsh, but she needs to wake up and be an adult. Things like this really irk me.

Seems very simple to me. If he is threatening suicide, call 911 and have him picked up. That's a perfectly legit reason and maybe he will get some help.

How can you give her money knowing this situation? Don't help anyone who won't help themselves. I'm all for helping out hard working people, but this isn't the case.

This guy will likely never be a father to the child, never help support the child and so if he is not helping out why is she feeding him? She needs to put the child FIRST. When the child arrives is she going to take food from the baby's mouth to feed this person?

I'm just floored by this whole story here.

To me again it seems very simple. She moves, does NOT give him a forwarding address and there you go.

Does she not have a social worker who can help her with that? (sorry if that's a silly question, never had any experience with food stamps and such myself).

I don't understand this sort of thing. I went to school and made damn sure I didn't get pregnant before I could make a living and support myself. I've worked my ass off since my divorce because I agreed to joint custody , get no outside help or child support, still my kids are very well taken care of because I worked and even now still work hard.

Honestly, I have a hard time having any sympathy for either one of them. I just finished a 12 hour shift at a lot less pay than I used to make and I can not believe the idiocy in this world. What the hell is wrong with people?

How the hell can she give him food and support that should be going for her baby? Why can't he get his own help, or go clean houses or mow lawns, something?

+1

[Rev.Reverence]

I know this whole post is going to sound harsh, but she needs to wake up and be an adult. Things like this really irk me.

Seems very simple to me. If he is threatening suicide, call 911 and have him picked up. That's a perfectly legit reason and maybe he will get some help.

How can you give her money knowing this situation? Don't help anyone who won't help themselves. I'm all for helping out hard working people, but this isn't the case.

This guy will likely never be a father to the child, never help support the child and so if he is not helping out why is she feeding him? She needs to put the child FIRST. When the child arrives is she going to take food from the baby's mouth to feed this person?

I'm just floored by this whole story here.

To me again it seems very simple. She moves, does NOT give him a forwarding address and there you go.

Does she not have a social worker who can help her with that? (sorry if that's a silly question, never had any experience with food stamps and such myself).

I don't understand this sort of thing. I went to school and made damn sure I didn't get pregnant before I could make a living and support myself. I've worked my ass off since my divorce because I agreed to joint custody , get no outside help or child support, still my kids are very well taken care of because I worked and even now still work hard.

Honestly, I have a hard time having any sympathy for either one of them. I just finished a 12 hour shift at a lot less pay than I used to make and I can not believe the idiocy in this world. What the hell is wrong with people?

How the hell can she give him food and support that should be going for her baby? Why can't he get his own help, or go clean houses or mow lawns, something?

THANX TO ONYX! (for opening the harsh door)

I am a harshie on this point...ditch this chick. If she is strong..she will do right..if not..her mom will probably step in & take the baby when it turns out to be more than a Suizy-squirts-allot & the girl can't stand it anymore.

YOU can not help this situation...as you are OBVIOUSLY blind to her manipulations...there is an old saying..."LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE"...meaning (in this case)..manipulators manipulate manipulators into manipulating each other...it is a perfect match...my advice...LEAVE THEM TO THEIR BLISS...they both LOVE this...she did not try to get a restraining order..there is NO REASON that it would not go through. NONE! This tells me either she lies to you or you made this up (I am not saying you did dude..just it is one possibility.)

ON THE POSITIVE SIDE...there is a small chance that seeing her newborn will give her something VERY IMPORTANT to take care of...& she won't NEED him anymore..(yes, she NEEDS him to need her.)

Sounds like they are both needy...probably because they did not get enough hugs as children.

[Homicidalheathen]

I had a bf like that once. things got nasty.

She could wait till things get worse...but either way she is going to have to leave with the risk of him offing himself.

Its easy when they start beatin on ya.

I got an idea, print out our answers...hand it to her discreetly

[taysteewonderbunny]

This guy sounds like my brother's ex-girlfriend who frequently threatened suicide when he tried to break off the relationship. Then, when she realized he was serious and it was absolutely over, she planned his murder. Fortunately, the knife in my brother's neck missed the carotid, the jugular, the trachea, and the lungs, but only by millimeters in each case.

She needs to get out of there. NOW.

[candyman]

This guy sounds like my brother's ex-girlfriend who frequently threatened suicide when he tried to break off the relationship. Then, when she realized he was serious and it was absolutely over, she planned his murder. Fortunately, the knife in my brother's neck missed the carotid, the jugular, the trachea, and the lungs, but only by millimeters in each case.

She needs to get out of there. NOW.

I don't really think that this guy is capable of doing that...but as long as he is in the same room as me I keep an eye out. Until there is money for her to find a new place, and a good opportunity we are getting her out of there. She is going to have to leave or sell most of her crap because apparently, this guy has his "friends" watch her...they are basically to skateboard freaks that don't really do anything else. I noticed that when I took her to see Dope a few nights ago that those two guys were watching us the whole time. I am making sure that we keep in contact with a text or two every hour. Luckily, he is gone for most of the week because he has to visit his grandma.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I don't really think that this guy is capable of doing that...but as long as he is in the same room as me I keep an eye out. Until there is money for her to find a new place, and a good opportunity we are getting her out of there. She is going to have to leave or sell most of her crap because apparently, this guy has his "friends" watch her...they are basically to skateboard freaks that don't really do anything else. I noticed that when I took her to see Dope a few nights ago that those two guys were watching us the whole time. I am making sure that we keep in contact with a text or two every hour. Luckily, he is gone for most of the week because he has to visit his grandma.

My family didn't really think my brother's ex-girlfriend was capable of what she did either. I was the Cassandra in that situation. But what am I going to say when I'm visiting my brother in the hospital and he has a gaping hole in his neck--I told you so?

When a person threatens suicide to manipulate a situation, don't consider it a suicide attempt. Consider it manipulation. And recognize also that his or her brain chemistry is taking him/her to some very dark places. If your friend is not willing or able to leave at the moment, make sure that the next time suicide is broached, 911 is the first call.

[candyman]

My family didn't really think my brother's ex-girlfriend was capable of what she did either. I was the Cassandra in that situation. But what am I going to say when I'm visiting my brother in the hospital and he has a gaping hole in his neck--I told you so?

When a person threatens suicide to manipulate a situation, don't consider it a suicide attempt. Consider it manipulation. And recognize also that his or her brain chemistry is taking him/her to some very dark places. If your friend is not willing or able to leave at the moment, make sure that the next time suicide is broached, 911 is the first call.

Yeah, I know that if anything like that happens again that if she doesn't do something I will.

[taysteewonderbunny]

Yeah, I know that if anything like that happens again that if she doesn't do something I will.

At least I know you're packing. Up until my brother was nearly murdered by that psycho bitch, I hated guns. She changed my mind.