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What Are You Thinking?


StormKnight

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On ‎9‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 4:30 PM, kat said:

I know that my biggest problem is myself.  I miss the person I was when nothing bothered me, when I just kept going and was not slowed down by my emotions.  I wish the past six years could be undone or forgotten because I can't move forward because I am beating the hell out of myself because of all the stuff that happened during my divorce phase....6 years and I can't live anymore.  Once I was slowed it spiraled into this.  I am scared to leave my house most the time because I fell like I am safe. I don't like who I am anymore because I know it's not me....I wish I could be understood. 

I can identify some with this.  Before my divorce, everything seemed fine.  At times, I was the life of the party being a smartass, getting people to laugh.  Afterwards, I totally changed.  Some days I don't even want to get out of bed because I feel safe under the covers.  Some days I hate going to the grocery store because I will suddenly get a panic attack, feel like everything in closing in on me.  I have more than once had to leave my roommate standing in line while I booked for the door to get outside to calm down.  Holiday shopping at times drives me crazy because of the crowds.  Even though I like going to the clubs, a few times I had to leave early because of that.  I feel safe staying in my basement room, avoiding even my roommates and they understand and don't crowd me.  It sucks because I also like going out whether to the Red Apple to hang out with people from here or the park just to shoot some pics.

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Today.. 9/19/2016.. is a bad day. Yesterday was also horrible. Admittedly I'm on the edge of being suicidal but i am forcing myself along because I have kids. I don't know what they'd do and they have no one else. What do you do when you truly don't want to continue living while -on- anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? living for the kids is going to get old quick.

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Thinking of just giving up.  Every time we fix one problem with the car, another one pops up.  We finally get the parts to replace the power steering pump and no the car is overheating.  Can't afford to buy another car and get rid of this one, can't keep putting money into the car if it is going to turn into a money pit.  Not sure I will make it to the gathering Thursday because I don't know how bad the car is overheating.  I finally start getting out of the house and everything seems to be trying to keep me stuck at home.  Just so tired of getting shit on.

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13 hours ago, Moe Falcon said:

Today.. 9/19/2016.. is a bad day. Yesterday was also horrible. Admittedly I'm on the edge of being suicidal but i am forcing myself along because I have kids. I don't know what they'd do and they have no one else. What do you do when you truly don't want to continue living while -on- anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? living for the kids is going to get old quick.

large.56e5c3ba86f9a_Huggingkittens031316.jpg

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I think that I am at the point where  I get things fixed just in time for something else to need work.  I got the final drive on the motorcycle rebuilt and put back together and rebuilt the left carb.  That's when I notice that the choke control seems to not be working, the right side carb is leaking now, and there seems to be a break in my main power lead from the battery.  The bike starts up for a moment but doesn't run long.  I guess I need to fix that carb and see about getting my hands greasy again.

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On 9/19/2016 at 2:20 PM, Moe Falcon said:

Today.. 9/19/2016.. is a bad day. Yesterday was also horrible. Admittedly I'm on the edge of being suicidal but i am forcing myself along because I have kids. I don't know what they'd do and they have no one else. What do you do when you truly don't want to continue living while -on- anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds? living for the kids is going to get old quick.

I committed suicide once. Highly overrated. When that failed, I turned to GOD. I was so fed up with the religious version of GOD that I sought HIM out for myself. HE is nothing like what religion portrayed. I am happier and more content than ever even when having a crappy day. I know I am not alone in anything and an answer is always presented right when I need it. I go out more and actually enjoy other people's company. I am emotionally stronger than I've ever been and far more rested than before. I am able to be me and have no shame.

It's all good.

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We should be able to file Wrongful Death lawsuits against police officers who kill people who are innocent or are submitting to the officer's orders. If there are no witnesses, the officers involved will be placed on furlough without pay during the entire investigation and will not receive back pay at its conclusion if they are found innocent. The determination of the suits or investigation will remain in the officers' records.

Police officers should be trained to subdue an unruly suspect using as little force as possible, and to use their weapons only as a last ditch effort. They should also be trained to be color blind when dealing with the public. This IS the United States of America. Everyone is equal. You must be proven guilty in a court of law. No police officer is judge, jury, or executioner.  After all, this isn't the movie Judge Dredd.

Police officers should also live in the city they work in and participate in neighborhood events like they used to.

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This last month has sucked.  Screwed up my health worse, really screwed my precarious finances up since I couldn't (and probably still cant) go out and try to make the piddly amount of money I normally can generate.  Plus when you are not "seen" as being active people start thinking you don't care about (whatever)  which is the exact opposite of the truth.   FU Universe!  

Cards... get workin on the cards... don't get side tracked.  

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They are about to shoot the wrong person. This will have repercussions across the entire country, throughout the police force. The establishment will be rocked to its very core as behaviors and attitudes once accepted will be overly scrutinized. Every thought process will be reevaluated and past ideals will be cast aside in fear of retribution. Both financially and physically. The change shall be instant and many will lose their jobs. The smallest mistake will be overacted upon and there will be little to no mercy shown by the courts.

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1 hour ago, Trene4000 said:

They are about to shoot the wrong person. This will have repercussions across the entire country, throughout the police force. The establishment will be rocked to its very core as behaviors and attitudes once accepted will be overly scrutinized. Every thought process will be reevaluated and past ideals will be cast aside in fear of retribution. Both financially and physically. The change shall be instant and many will lose their jobs. The smallest mistake will be overacted upon and there will be little to no mercy shown by the courts.

To be honest, I thought you were writing another book. If this is forreal, then I really wish it was just you writing another book.

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