What Are You Thinking?

[TronRP]

Got car now gotta legalize it.

FYI...I'm still on standby if you need anything...

[TronRP]

I think this is interesting...ever since my strain injury, it appears that I spend every other day rehabilitating myself. It's like I work a day, medicate a day, work a day, medicate a day, repeat...

[TronRP]

Electricity brown outs again

[torn asunder]

...haven't been able to stop singing some part of that song since I listened to it...

yeah, one of my faves - the guitarist/backing vocal guy is a good friend of mine! really dig their music!

(oh, and seriously? i *suck* at the approach!!)

Edited May 2, 2014 by torn asunder

[kat (1)]

*bashes head against wall* Every morning I could be working. ..this sucks.

[TronRP]

Coffee, Coffee fixes everything...

[kat (1)]

I feel like people are going to talk negative about you even if your a saint, so why pretend or live a facade? At least being 100 percent genuine no matter what the outcome. That's when you find out who else in your life is equally as genuine as yourself. Discussing what a person thinks about me behind my back isn't a friend. Telling me what they think mo matter how shitty it is can only warrant respect. All this time deep down I knew my role and I new the ulterior motives. ..it's actually sad. Lesson learned 100 times over. Dare anyone attempt walk a day in my shoes without a spouse or parents to fall back on, most would be fucked. So they can all say what they want, like I don't know. ..ok.

[kat (1)]

...but the true friends I have are priceless. I can't lose them. I treasure them dearly.

[TronRP]

Why do I always make plans to do stuff and then hide in a hole at the thought of following through...especially with fru fru stuff...

[TronRP]

I think I actually ran away from home for a while today...

[TronRP]

WOW, following through didn't seem to be as bad as I thought it would be...so far so good

[kat (1)]

"I love you so much that I'd stand beside you, in front of my family, in a place, under a god I don't even believe in to show you"....

[TronRP]

"I love you so much that I'd stand beside you, in front of my family, in a place, under a god I don't even believe in to show you"....

That is such a profound statement...

...dang, wish I had thought of it...

[kat (1)]

That is such a profound statement...

...dang, wish I had thought of it...

That is what was told to me this evening by another DGNer (infrequently visits) who I recruited back oh in 2010 at City Club. We had dated back awhile ago, I blew him off alot he says but he has caught me so much when I fall. He is the smartest man I ever met, I was soo blind by all my drama since my downward spiral that I hadn't a clue. We had a great time tonight, went to dinner, hung out at his parents house who I haven't seen in awhile. ..everytime were together we have the best time, he's always been good to my kid's, he also helped me too with this car issue, he was who took me too crazy guys house to get belongings right after it happened, had to drive an hour to do it, and when I was in a bad car accident with my kids in 2010, not even a month into knowing him I called him and he rushed down to children's hospital, left work without telling his job why and sat with me until my kids where discharged, than made ny stubborn ass go to a different ER up at Beaumont and stayed with me. He's a good human being.

[TronRP]

That is what was told to me this evening by another DGNer (infrequently visits) who I recruited back oh in 2010 at City Club. We had dated back awhile ago, I blew him off alot he says but he has caught me so much when I fall. He is the smartest man I ever met, I was soo blind by all my drama since my downward spiral that I hadn't a clue. We had a great time tonight, went to dinner, hung out at his parents house who I haven't seen in awhile. ..everytime were together we have the best time, he's always been good to my kid's, he also helped me too with this car issue, he was who took me too crazy guys house to get belongings right after it happened, had to drive an hour to do it, and when I was in a bad car accident with my kids in 2010, not even a month into knowing him I called him and he rushed down to children's hospital, left work without telling his job why and sat with me until my kids where discharged, than made ny stubborn ass go to a different ER up at Beaumont and stayed with me. He's a good human being.

That is truly so special.

It's funny, I was just about to come here to blast Facebook because I feel like such a dunder head trying to figure out how to use it. I made what I thought was a private post to a certain someone's individual page and saw it in a full line-up of posts from TV Shows, Marketing Ads and people I didn't even know I was "following" or even "friends" with. Words could not began to express the amount of embarrassment that I felt at that moment.

However, after reading your last couple of posts, I realized that most of us spend so much time hiding from others that we eventually began to hide from ourselves emotionally and mentally. I think I need to learn to stop worrying about how I come across to others and just live...what will be, will be and the rest will take care of itself...

[kat (1)]

That is truly so special.

It's funny, I was just about to come here to blast Facebook because I feel like such a dunder head trying to figure out how to use it. I made what I thought was a private post to a certain someone's individual page and saw it in a full line-up of posts from TV Shows, Marketing Ads and people I didn't even know I was "following" or even "friends" with. Words could not began to express the amount of embarrassment that I felt at that moment.

However, after reading your last couple of posts, I realized that most of us spend so much time hiding from others that we eventually began to hide from ourselves emotionally and mentally. I think I need to learn to stop worrying about how I come across to others and just live...what will be, will be and the rest will take care of itself...

See, I'm used tobeing open with my emotions as I grew up in a dysfunctional family and we didn't hold anything back. Also, being in therapy for years since I was 14 just made me learn to always be open and hold nothing in. .supression is never good. Now grant it I am uber expressive, hell my nickname when I was a kid was Ms. Hollywood. .lol. I also hung in my teen years and am still friends with these people who grew up poor, no family structure and hence gangs become your family. ..I learned about feelings and to not give a phuck what people thought as a result, ny social work background also automatically makes me personally so in tune with feelings and suffering as a result. For me to not talk openly about feelings and trauma and mental health would be like telling a mechanic to not talk about cars. ..it's all part of my nature. (And being a writer and singing all my life also effects who I am as well. ) The more we hide our feelings, the longer they fester. ..and that's why people blow. ..I watched a shrink cry when I was 17 after going to see him after Angels dad died. Watching him show his feelings in front of his patient over what his patient just went through made him human too me. Did it hurt his career by being genuine? No, the man is probably one of the most well known Psychiatrists in the city. ..mention his name to anyone involved in the mental health field and he is known. ..and renowned as the best. ..and I believe it's because of his genuine nature.

[TronRP]

See, I'm used tobeing open with my emotions as I grew up in a dysfunctional family and we didn't hold anything back. Also, being in therapy for years since I was 14 just made me learn to always be open and hold nothing in. .supression is never good. Now grant it I am uber expressive, hell my nickname when I was a kid was Ms. Hollywood. .lol. I also hung in my teen years and am still friends with these people who grew up poor, no family structure and hence gangs become your family. ..I learned about feelings and to not give a phuck what people thought as a result, ny social work background also automatically makes me personally so in tune with feelings and suffering as a result. For me to not talk openly about feelings and trauma and mental health would be like telling a mechanic to not talk about cars. ..it's all part of my nature. (And being a writer and singing all my life also effects who I am as well. ) The more we hide our feelings, the longer they fester. ..and that's why people blow. ..I watched a shrink cry when I was 17 after going to see him after Angels dad died. Watching him show his feelings in front of his patient over what his patient just went through made him human too me. Did it hurt his career by being genuine? No, the man is probably one of the most well known Psychiatrists in the city. ..mention his name to anyone involved in the mental health field and he is known. ..and renowned as the best. ..and I believe it's because of his genuine nature.

Believe it or not, we grew up the same way (only put into therapy because the courts told us we were suffering because our parents got divorced...that didn't last long, case workers said we were too intelligent to continue with sessions). Our mother has an issue with what she calls "decention in the ranks". Her thing was get it out or you will have emotional problems that might involve visits to the "crazy house" as it was called back then...LOL. We watched relationships and people around us deteriorate right before our eyes before we even made it to middle school. We lost everyone else during and right after our high school years.

However, my situation stemmed from that conversation we had the time I dropped off that bag. It's been on such the down-low that only you and 4.5 others even know about it due to the proverbial can of worms...I just figured when I was ready to say something about it to others, I thought I would be the one to make that decision, not a mishap on social media, but that's what I get for trying to "get with the times".

I have clients on Facebook so I am usually very careful about how I state things or even if I use it for message purposes. Unfortunately, with all the new upgrades and changes, my archaic behind screwed up. I know it's such a small thing, but when you suffer from anxiety attacks, anything outside of your comfort zone or normal routine causes major mental setbacks. Then comes the uber embarrassment, especially when other's look at the same thing and wonder why you are acting like a total idiot for no reason.

I have spent the better part of a year trying to reroute my thought process, deal with anxiety attacks and how I would handle the approach. All I can say is at least I am actually living up to my New Year's Resolution...

Baby step...baby steps...

[kat (1)]

Penis. ..

[kat (1)]

A world of dysfunction....breeds chaos and disruption...tears cried by Angels, forced out their halos and now forever they weep. The guidance they brought to the world shred apart...by a war torn city a battle they tried and they lost. ..so back go the angels, to bare empty cradles, once met to deliver the lost. ..but so many souls soo weak to let go too selfish to carry the cross. ..now gone are the angels, who's really the fable, had we dropped all the labels perhaps we wouldnt have jaded an angel.

[kat (1)]

I'LL fix that up there later.

[TronRP]

I think I almost admire all those people I see who can just be and truly express themselves regardless of the situation or what others conclude about them.

[TronRP]

I've gotten so used to the façade of "me" that I've almost forgotten who "me" really is.

[creatureofthenyte]

No

[TronRP]

I hate sick days...when I am actually sick...

[EagleRose]

I am surprised by the fact that I haven't posted this week.