What Are You Thinking?

[Corvus]

Why do people think it's not a legitimate reason to be upset when I say I am not going to go to a party with you because I have to worry about getting food and gas money? That is the furthest from my mind, fucking party must be nic that this is all some people have to think about. My ST Disability Claim is messed up cause HR made a mistake. Maybe I can donate plasma but I'm not sure if they'll let me if I'm truthful about the accident due to the amount of blood loss, my neighbor said that may be an issue. Fuck it, I'm an idiot I am so stupid.  Everything is my fault, everything.

 you are not stupid, we are all dealt bad hands sometimes, and sometimes we all fall. What matters is that we pick ourselves up and keep trying. Look at me, in a toxic marriage for a yr and a half, working 80 hrs a week 6 days a week, trying to file a divorce but feeling it will just be another of my many mistakes. Letting my wife make me feel that I don't have value, etc

[kat (1)]

 you are not stupid, we are all dealt bad hands sometimes, and sometimes we all fall. What matters is that we pick ourselves up and keep trying. Look at me, in a toxic marriage for a yr and a half, working 80 hrs a week 6 days a week, trying to file a divorce but feeling it will just be another of my many mistakes. Letting my wife make me feel that I don't have value, etc

dude, I have fallen too much. I am just not getting it, maybe I should give in to my issues and give it up. I can't stand being a fuck up.

[kat (1)]

I love how fox 2 had Enter Sandman playing in the background while talking about knitting. Classic, they are hilarious.

[Corvus]

dude, I have fallen too much. I am just not getting it, maybe I should give in to my issues and give it up. I can't stand being a fuck up.

you arearen't a fuck up unless you quit trying

[kat (1)]

you arearen't a fuck up unless you quit trying

I don't, I'm just not doing it right.

[TronRP]

I think an all nighter on researching my mother's various insurance policies have taken its tole on me.

[kat (1)]

You know who your friends are when you get hurt, all these friends I supposedly have not a single one came to see me after my accident, not a single one calls to say are you okay, but, if I still partied with them they would all band together and pretend to give a damn. All I had was my mom and my brother and a bf at the time who did help me out but than whatever he thought it was OK to start cussing at me and calling me names idk, he was there and being nice at first even though he said he felt guilty for whatever reason so that was basically an ulterior motive. I have no fucking true friends. Nobody gives a shit. 

I think I'll sleep all weekend fuck it, I could be dead nobody would know. God, I'm so depressed. Fucking frienemies.

[TronRP]

Wow, now I know we are all running on empty. I get 3 hours of sleep in 24 and it's like I'm sleeping in. 

[Trene4000]

Will I EVER get off at 6:00 pm?

[TronRP]

Will I EVER get off at 6:00 pm?

This is a confusing statement because I used to relieve you at or before 6pm until school started on September 8th. No one seemed to realize that having me on the late night care watch, early morning bus stop duty and regular family responsibilities might weigh heavily on someone with the condition I have. I guess I make it look just that easy.

I tried not to complain because for some reason I have started being treated like I am an unstoppable robot with a solar panel for non-stop energy.

Whenever I state what it is that I am doing in excess of the aforementioned responsibilities, I receive texts and phone calls with the person on the other end sounding like I am trying to shirk my duties. I made a mistake and asked for assistance a few times and all I got were the "You are needed" texts and the "What exactly is the problem for you?" phone call.

I gave up asking for anything other than apologizing for passing out and that I was on my way. I came to realize that we are all too tired and no one has enough strength left for much of anything. I will try to do better.

I'll be picking up some NoDoz and Mountain Dew with a couple cases of Red Bull and Monster since I'll be coordinating the Respite move on Wednesday after my court appearance on Tuesday while setting up to file for guardianship of Ma and preparing to winterize the house during the time she is away. No worries, however, I will still get the kids off to the bus stop.

[TronRP]

I think that now that I have said everything here, I better not mention it again.

[TronRP]

This life is so hard and difficult, I often wonder why we spend so much time trying to make it work. It's like we've all been conditioned to accept suffering without question. It's only when things are going good that people start to worry.

[TronRP]

Hopefully, my next course of action will help everyone. 

[TronRP]

Finally got the chance to sleep in past 7am and woke up to a text requesting my assistance and another requesting action on an account. Not to sound whiny (again), but all I could think of is when do I get a break...then the cat puked at the foot of my futon. Guess that answered that. 

[kat (1)]

Researching Evening Primrose Oil benefits for my hormonal changes. Clearly the antidepressants I have tried weren't doing it, I feel my mood starting to dip since yesterday..

It's not actually rage yet, just slightly agitated.. 

Edited September 19, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Well, I do declare I have had guys send me pix of oh just about anything... Eww

However, someone sending me pix of a pile of 20 dollar bills,this, I must say is a first. That's some wannabe thug move, like something my other brother has done. I mean, at least send larger bills lol. I mean, I'm going to make fun of your dumbass either way but shit do it right. 

Wow, what nerve. I am so very entertained by this.

[creatureofthenyte]

Tomorrow should be good.

Edited September 21, 2015 by creatureofthenyte

[TronRP]

Maybe if I take pain pills with Red Bull, I can get pain relief without oversleeping...I think it's worth a try since I have to be at it all again in 3 hours.

[kat (1)]

Nothing will make me leave the house tonight, the SVU season premiere is on at 9 and it's a two hour event. I been waiting allll year for this. No karaoke, no party, no come give me a ride. Nada. Ahhh, I'm so geektified. 

[kat (1)]

They have outdone themselves as usual, it gets better every season.

[kat (1)]

My neighbor girl comes up to me apologizing and wanting to hug me saying her psych meds were all messed up.. I said, I know that.. It's OK. I'm glad you are better. Now she still walks from door to door looking for weed, stops me and asked me if I knew anyone I said I don't deal with nobody around here like that, I don't even talk to the neighbors, sorry..wow! Omg

And, I found out that a registered paedophile lives on the other side of her..two doors from me..I'm pissed the fuck off, there are alot of kids in this complex. I don't know what to do.

[kat (1)]

And now she's trying to bum cigarettes and sell me pills

 

Edited September 24, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Damn, I just got a check from the state of Michigan because I overpaid my child support. That's funny. 

[TronRP]

I like the fact that I accomplished everything that I needed to regarding the guardianships. Now I just wish I could be that focused with everything else. It's as if something is still holding me back from taking on and completing those tasks. I just wish I could figure out what it is and move past it. 

[Trene4000]

I miss sleeping naked.