What Are You Thinking?

[TronRP]

Coffee...?

hmmm...

[TronRP]

Oh great, the little nuts caught another bug...

[Trene4000]

What words are coming out of your mouth? What are you saying about yourself?  Your life?  Your health?  Your family?  Your dreams?

What you're saying is exactly what will be.

[TronRP]

I have so much running to do today I'm already mentally tired just thinking about it.  Especially after dropping my nephew off at Summer School today.  Seems he's been lying about how the morning school procedures work.  But what else should I expect.  That boy couldn't tell the truth to save his life.  And the only reason he came clean this morning was because an administrator was walking up at the time I was verifying all of the information he just told me on Tuesday.

People I speak to about him generally tend to act as though I am overreacting with his lying and sneaking behavior as if this is just a phase and he is supposed to grow out of it at blah blah age at such and such o'clock.  But the fact remains is we are living it now!  The future will take care of itself, but if he keeps this up, his future will be spent somewhere else.

[TronRP]

I should've known something was too good to be true.  I placed an order on June 24th and was told it would be delivered, "On the 30th."  Their exact words.  Today I find out "On the 30th" meant July 30th for stuff I had pulled off the actual shelves.  The special order stuff was supposed to arrive July 17th, but they came in on June 29th.  This is all messed up.

[Draco1958]

How much stuff we have in the basement and how much of a pain it is going to be going through all this stuff without messing my back up.

[Draco1958]

How dumb my neighbors are.  When taking out the trash a couple nights ago, my roommate made a discovery.  Now in the past we have found an Xbox 360 missing the hard drive and controllers but it does work, brand new in the box car speakers and a brand new backpack.  This time he found a quadcopter.  Needs a motor but otherwise in great shape.  With it was the controller, 2 batteries, the attachment to put your smartphone on it, instructions(which let us know we can replace the motor) and the camera that comes with it.  3 motors work so we are going to buy a new motor and have a working $150 toy.  Cats beware, we now have airstrike capability.  Evil thoughts........

[kat (1)]

I'm going to have to sit in my car all weekend or something. I can't do this. Its too much.

[kat (1)]

How do I rewind time?

[kat (1)]

Had I known this all was going to happen like this I would have stayed in Ohio and went to a homeless shelter. There is absolutely no openings here around me. 

[kat (1)]

I just feel like crying. Why am I so stupid about relationships. Why do I fall for bullshit. Now look at me. I have health drama and am homeless. I am so stupid. I need someone to just care. My childhood was terrible, that I couldn't fix, my adult life is mirroring my childhood. I know better. I know how to life so what is wrong with me? 

Edited July 2, 2017 by kat

[kat (1)]

She is like just picking at me and saying things about her dying and noone paying for her funeral and how we're all killing her and that I can't stay here because my brother but than when I say I'm leaving she gets upset and than I'm crying cause I already feel like shit she says quit crying cause I'm already about to snap. I feel bad for doing this to her. I feel like I did when I was 14 and five minutes later she's cool again:( 

She hates me because of my dad. She resents me because I look like him and it messes with her. That's probably why she called me ugly all the time. I feel like a damn child.

Edited July 2, 2017 by kat

[TronRP]

8 minutes ago, kat said:

I just feel like crying. Why am I so stupid about relationships. Why do I fall for bullshit. Now look at me. I have health drama and am homeless. I am so stupid. I need someone to just care. My childhood was terrible, that I couldn't fix, my adult life is mirroring my childhood. I know better. I know how to life so what is wrong with me? 

For one...you're thoughts are too scattered to focus on what you truly need right now.  You need a you time.  You need to surround yourself with positives to allow yourself to heal from the past.  Humans are creatures of habit and it's easier to fall back into what we are familiar with.  But when you remove yourself from the harmful habit and be able to take the time (without judgement) to sit and truly know yourself for your own strengths and weaknesses, only then will you be able to remove the self doubt and self blame and move forward regardless of the situation.

You are strong enough to do it.  You just need to know it for yourself. 

[kat (1)]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

For one...you're thoughts are too scattered to focus on what you truly need right now.  You need a you time.  You need to surround yourself with positives to allow yourself to heal from the past.  Humans are creatures of habit and it's easier to fall back into what we are familiar with.  But when you remove yourself from the harmful habit and be able to take the time (without judgement) to sit and truly know yourself for your own strengths and weaknesses, only then will you be able to remove the self doubt and self blame and move forward regardless of the situation.

You are strong enough to do it.  You just need to know it for yourself. 

I'm not around emotionally supportive family. My mom doesn't know how to be. I actually feel worse. I used to want to kill myself when I was a kid because of the crap and now I'm an adult and I'm here and its making me feel like I should just go jump off the bridge for real because I wouldn't be a bother anymore.

[TronRP]

2 minutes ago, kat said:

She is like just picking at me and saying things about her dying and noone paying for her funeral and how we're all killing her and that I can't stay here because my brother but than when I say I'm leaving she gets upset and than I'm crying cause I already feel like shit she says quit crying cause I'm already about to snap. I feel bad for doing this to her. I feel like I did when I was 14 and five minutes later she's cool again:( 

She hates me because of my dad. She resents me because I look like him and it messes with her.

She has the issues and how dare she take them out on you.  You are your own human being.  No one has the right to play those sort of mind games on anyone just because they know there will be no real repercussion.  She wants to keep you in that "I'm your little 14 year old child" mindset.  That is not fair to the grown woman you are.

[kat (1)]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

She has the issues and how dare she take them out on you.  You are your own human being.  No one has the right to play those sort of mind games on anyone just because they know there will be no real repercussion.  She wants to keep you in that "I'm your little 14 year old child" mindset.  That is not fair to the grown woman you are.

Right and that's why we always had a bad relationship but right now I am infringing on her so its like I have no choice. I sit in my car most the time honestly. Than she's like why you in your car but I know she doesn't have room here too so it frustrating her. I love my mom and she doesn't think I do because of my childhood. She cant let go and brings it up and starts ruminating and I try and tell her I'm over it and I understand and I been to therapy about it but she is paranoid.

[TronRP]

5 minutes ago, kat said:

I'm not around emotionally supportive family. My mom doesn't know how to be. I actually feel worse. I used to want to kill myself when I was a kid because of the crap and now I'm an adult and I'm here and its making me feel like I should just go jump off the bridge for real because I wouldn't be a bother anymore.

"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children."  

This is her control over you...she is your mother and your mind respects that.  But this is the toxic stuff that kills the little child.

You need to be strong enough to mentally find your escape.  That doesn't necessarily mean to run away, but to be able to find and intellectual common ground with her.  At this rate, she will never see you for more that what she already does...and you will die a little inside with every encounter.

[kat (1)]

2 minutes ago, TronRP said:

"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children."  

This is her control over you...she is your mother and your mind respects that.  But this is the toxic stuff that kills the little child.

You need to be strong enough to mentally find your escape.  That doesn't necessarily mean to run away, but to be able to find and intellectual common ground with her.  At this rate, she will never see you for more that what she already does...and you will die a little inside with every encounter.

Thank you for this❤ 

Literally my one brother comes here and he been sleeping on the floor. I told him I would but she feels terrible for that. She hoards but its gotten better. She has a spare bedroom with just stuff, we are not aloud to touch it. Even if its literal garbage.... and her room. Its an improvement since when I was a kid though.

[TronRP]

Time for a liquid pick me up....TO THE FRIDGE!!!!!

[TronRP]

HAHAHA...Tinkerbell...

[TronRP]

...and the paradigm shift begins...

[TronRP]

Speak long enough and eventually you will say something profound enough to be remembered. 

[Draco1958]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

Speak long enough and eventually you will say something profound enough to be remembered. 

Or say something so assnine that you wish wouldn't be remembered.

[kat (1)]

It sounds like they are letting fireworks off right in the motel lot...I'm going to check 

[Trene4000]

Sometimes there's no point in complaining. It just makes me feel exhausted, agitated, then aggravated, which is worse than the actual condition that I started complaining about in the first place.