more pathetic whining

[pomba gira]

(I kept thinking about all this at Cherry Lane this weekend. So I finally wrote it down. Helped... a little.)

Cherry Lane, 5/24/09

This is harder than I thought it would be. Not just seeing him and knowing he does not want me or care, although that is hard enough. And I knew the chances were good I would have to face her and her poor pathetic husband. But thinking of her in what should be my space, with what should be my beloved... that is eating at my heart like a grotesque wasp larva consuming a helpless caterpillar from within.

After years of trying to live Peace in thought, word, and deed, I am appalled by the magnitude of my hatred for this woman. She has everything a reasonable person could desire in life... so why did she feel the need to have what was mine, too? To despoil the newfound core of sweetness in my trying life? But I know the answer to that, because I know the unrelenting whisper of obssession. I know the bone-deep need that cannot pause to reckon what harm is being done, what grief is being set. I have done this same terrible thing myself, and now the Threefold Law comes into play. As Hunter Thompson once said, "This is a case of the chickens coming home to roost, accompanied by giant condors." This is the inescapable working of karma, and the only real question is whether my pain and grief are sufficient to cover both my karmic debt to Billee and the more recent one to Jean. I have to believe that it is. Because if it isn't, how will I ever find the courage to love again?

[Msterbeau]

[the eternal]

UPDATE: Hille is fine. At least that's what he said, and her, and her, and her, and him too.

Until she gets over lump-of-coal, she'll have to satisfy herself with

---her many admirers, who all shunned lump-of-coal last weekend while fawning over her

---her new job opportunities that may take her to distant lands like the Orient or the Bellagio.

---her new manga that came in the mail today

Love hurts but she's stronger than that.

[prick]

UPDATE: Hille is fine. At least that's what he said, and her, and her, and her, and him too.

Until she gets over lump-of-coal, she'll have to satisfy herself with

---her many admirers, who all shunned lump-of-coal last weekend while fawning over her

---her new job opportunities that may take her to distant lands like the Orient or the Bellagio.

---her new manga that came in the mail today

Love hurts but she's stronger than that.

Damn right she is!

[pomba gira]

It helps to have friends who care. I love all of you!

[Rev.Reverence]

(I kept thinking about all this at Cherry Lane this weekend. So I finally wrote it down. Helped... a little.)

Cherry Lane, 5/24/09

I have to believe that it is. Because if it isn't, how will I ever find the courage to love again?

...& this I pray...that your healing take as little time as possible...

...& that this healing will make you strong like iron made to steel.

~AMEN~

[creatureofthenyte]

That which does not kill you, can only make you stronger...

[bean]

[Msterbeau]

That which does not kill you, can only make you stronger...

And then you can go kill that which tried to kill you. :-)

[Rev.Reverence]

And then you can go kill that which tried to kill you. :-)

..vengeance does not become us...not one of us at all...

[Msterbeau]

..vengeance does not become us...not one of us at all...

I posted in jest ... I think you know me better then that. :-)

[Rev.Reverence]

I posted in jest ... I think you know me better then that. :-)

..yeah...I DO ...but you know I gotta' say it for "THE LURKERZ"...some of them don't know betta'...

[pomba gira]

Until she gets over lump-of-coal, she'll have to satisfy herself with

---her many admirers, who all shunned lump-of-coal last weekend while fawning over her

Yes, that was the "spitefully gratifying" part of the weekend. Lifestyle people really, really don't like cheaters & homewreckers, and the hurtful threesome were pretty much treated like pariahs the whole time.

Love hurts but she's stronger than that.

I don't feel very strong, but I guess if I were really as lame & weak as I feel, I would just be moping around the house feeling sorry for myself and eating chocolate & chicken wings all day. I made a conscious choice not to do that and so far have stuck with it even when I seriously didn't feel like it. So I guess I should give myself credit for that, at least.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

AWWW< Aunti Hille!

you are a beautiful lady, with such sparkle! whether you feel like it you do! Lady, you glitter like a blooming rose after the rain! (cheasy, i know).. but you!

I admire you! Such a lovely spirit, and heart, and mind, and body. You are Goddess in every way, because you.... you don't let your humanity (as in: an earthly self) hold you back. yes, you have responsibilities and such, but you listen to what not only your heart says, but your body as well! I love you, dear lady! Don't you ever doubt yourself, and don't let anyone make you think you need to! (I seriously hope that made scene and I didn't just stick my foot in my mouth. I sometimes do that when I'm trying to express to someone how i feel about them... it sometimes can be taken all wrong... so please bare with me. )

[TheGimp]

[Homicidalheathen]

she inherited your headache...look at it that way.

hugs sweety nice writing btw though it was very expressive

I think the fact you have so many friends that love you is reason enough to stick around...but I am being selfish in saying that cause I want you to.

[dragonluv]

If I may, I send you blessing.

Blessed Be/Take Care