Not all those who wander are lost.

[Mean Salley]

This summer I headed back to me mums house in upstate NY. My mum lives in an old Queen Victorian house built circa 1880. Now that she's the only one there, it's sort of not ideal for a 64 year old woman with double knee replacements and a slew of other health problems. Consequently, despite my mother's attempts to sell the house, my brothers decided it'd be an ideal location for rusty auto-part storage. So I've spent the last 2 months removing all of the hillbilly decor from the attic/basement/tool shed/side porch, planting a garden and generally cleaning up/repairing the property. (In case you were wondering, yes you can fit an entire disassembled 1978 chevy pickup in a small tool shed.)

Having already tired of the 15 year lapse in culture here in Little Falls, I did my best to get by and try to keep my sanity. Things took a drastic change in the interesting department a few days ago when I was chopping up some wood for me mum's old timey wood-stove.

I heard someone calling to me from the road down below the woods. I took my safety specs off and looked down at a police officer waving a hand at me frantically and hollering something about property and a permit. The guy's tone of voice was already pretty aggressive and condescending and I hadn't even said anything. He started barking at me to come down there so he could ask me some questions. I felt like hurling my axe end over end and just let that be an answer to all of his questions, but I didn't want to get blood on me choppin' axe. I got down there and he starts hollerin' at me like I'm a five year old who sank an ice pick into uncle Orvilles wooden leg while he was sleeping. He tells me I can't chop wood on someone else's property, and I need a permit to do it.

My reply was that it's my friend's land and he said I could chop down the dead trees and take them. Now he's pissed because I wasn't scared and playing his game so now he's barking even more.

"Hey buddy, if you wanna get smart mouthed maybe we can make an arrest and take you to the station..."

"I'm not your buddy until you take me out dancin', and if you want to play big-city law, I'd be much obliged to throw you some big-city challenge and we'll do the Mohawk valley tango."

Well, the guy wasn't ready for that and makes like he's ready to make an arrest, and all of a sudden there's this outrageous horrifying screech and I glance up to see three giant condors swoop down out of the trees and clutch the gun out of the officer's hand. The dude falls on his hiney, stunned from the shock of the avian attackers. The enormous birds swooped in again and tore a horrid gash in his shoulder. He opened the trunk and pulled out a shot-gun and started emptying shells into the condors as they circled for another sweep. Two more police officers showed up and started taking defensive positions awaited the next feathered assault.

There were even more screeching sounds and the thundering sound of 20 giant wings beating the air filled the woods. The tops of the trees were now blotted out by the nearly two dozen mammoth condors that had rallied and began a mass attack against the polices. Guns fired and the police called out desperately. Feathers, blood, and bits of beak and bone flew through the air as some of the bullets found their mark, but the sheer mass of the birds was tough enough to withstand many rounds. The birds swooped in and picked up two of the officers, tearing one to pieces with razor-sharp beaks, and carrying the other to the height of the tallest maple trees and letting him drop, screaming helplessly and smashing horribly into the ferns below.

Just then a swat vehicle showed up and more polices swarmed out of the back with automatic weapons. The woods were alight with muzzle flashes as branches were ripped apart by gunfire and the pack of condors was a chaotic whirlwind snapping and gashing at the men while they saw their flock being ripped to gory shreds. There was carnage and feathers everywhere. Men wailed in fear and pain while giant condors let their cries echo across the Mohawk Valley. The scene was the greatest of horror as men were held down and disembowled by powerful talons, and several of the great birds were bayoneted to death when their shattered wings could no longer bear them to the skies above.

When it looked like the police were getting control of the situation, the sky to the south darkened and was filled with the graceful, deadly flapping forms of hundreds of giant condors, ready to descend on the city of Little Falls and claim it as their new home. The few police remaining broke ranks and ran for their lives, leaving their wounded moaning, comrades to be feasted upon by the victorious avian juggernauts. And dark days began for the city as countless giant birds cirlced the city, ready to dine on man-flesh.

So for obvious reasons, there's no sense in my staying here any longer. I'll likely be headed back to Michigan early next week. I'll be working for my same agency and will hopefully be living in Oakland county somewhere. I'm not sure exactly where I'll be staying now, so give a holler if you know someone who might need a room mate or who might even have extra space for a bloke with a penchant for exotic drums and baked goods to crash for a short while. (Was that a run-on?)

If you looked in the news to try to find an account of the events stated above it is unlikely that you would find them as much of the report is nestled in the sweet loving arms of fiction.

I did chop some wood though.

I also caught you a delicious bass.

The end.

I might dress up as an enchanted boulder for the renaissance festival.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

that was a cool story.

[Homicidalheathen]

LOL glad your enjoying yourself and that your still postin'! Hugs!

If you go as a boulder can I be the dog that pee's on ya?

yah. JK

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

LOL glad your enjoying yourself and that your still postin'! Hugs!

If you go as a boulder can I be the dog that pee's on ya?

yah. JK

Edited July 9, 2009 by GothicRavenGoddess

[hunhee]

YAY!!!! Mean Salley is coming back!!! *dance around with joy* *kicks joy to the curb and dances with Mean-Salley*

Oh wait, was the "coming back to Michigan" portion fiction too?

Edited July 10, 2009 by hunhee

[Mean Salley]

LOL glad your enjoying yourself and that your still postin'! Hugs!

If you go as a boulder can I be the dog that pee's on ya?

yah. JK

lol, nnice, only if it's enchanted pee

[Ice Queen (1)]

I look forward to seeing you around again.