I am bi-sexual

[vampireprincess]

but i think am changing in to a straight lesbian!!! i am so sick of guys and how much they have hurt me.. i got raped recently... & i am so done with guys! ive been going threw a lot! i feel safe around girls... & they make me happier!!! then guys... i want to find the right girl.. am ready to stop looking! am ready just to wait till someone comes along & wants me for me! wat do u think??? i dont want to push away guys but i dont want to be with one

[Onyx]

There's really no reason you have to make up your mind right now, or ever really. You are so very young and learning about yourself, and really, that will sort of learning and exploring and getting to know yourself will continue for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry to hear that you were raped - that's horrible. I hope whoever did that to you was reported and arrested. If you didn't report it at the time it's not too late, though it will be much harder to get anything done about it.

[vampireprincess]

There's really no reason you have to make up your mind right now, or ever really. You are so very young and learning about yourself, and really, that will sort of learning and exploring and getting to know yourself will continue for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry to hear that you were raped - that's horrible. I hope whoever did that to you was reported and arrested. If you didn't report it at the time it's not too late, though it will be much harder to get anything done about it.

i reported it & he in jai; but i gtg testifi & am scared! but ill bev ok as long as he behind bars

[Destroit]

Sorry, but if you still feel sexually attracted to men at all, then you can't be straight lesbian. You may be that in whichever relationship that you choose, but if you're still even a little attracted to guys, then you're still bi. Just because a guy raped you (which is horrible, and I'm sorry to hear that happened) does not mean that men are all scary monsters. If you have a history of getting with bad guys...maybe you're going about it wrong and picking out bad people? Having a bad run in with someone in a relationship happens at least once or twice to almost everyone, usually that sort of relationship serves as a learning experience, but if you find yourself in multiple relationships that all turn out just as sour and in the same way then I can guarantee that you're going with the wrong men and refusing to put your foot down and tell them a simple "no".

Be confident, DON'T let yourself be walked all over, you are not a victim unless you let yourself be. That's some of the best advice I can give. Being the victim doesn't just apply to romantic relationships, if you find you put your foot down and say a polite but insistant "no" to people when they are trying to push you into something you don't want (it can be your boss asking you to work the weekend when you took it off ahead of time, parents with unreasonable expectations, friends who try to mooch from you alot, etc) your quality of life will become better, I guarantee it.

Everyone has the power to change their life and their surroundings, no matter who they are. Use that power.

[pomba gira]

but i think am changing in to a straight lesbian!!! i am so sick of guys and how much they have hurt me.. i got raped recently... & i am so done with guys! ive been going threw a lot! i feel safe around girls... & they make me happier!!! then guys... i want to find the right girl.. am ready to stop looking! am ready just to wait till someone comes along & wants me for me! wat do u think??? i dont want to push away guys but i dont want to be with one

Bisexual, lesbian, straight- these are all just labels of convenience. Sexual orientation is like a sliding scale, not a set of neat little boxes. Most of us are closer to one or the other end of the scale, some are closer to the middle... and where we are on the scale can change from one life stage to the ne xt. So don't worry so much about labeling yourself. The world will try to put you in boxes at every turn- it shouldn't be something you do to yourself. Especially at such a very young age... I agree with Onyx on that. If you don't want to be with men for a while (or forever), that's fine... but it's not like you need to have your sexual orientation tattooed on your forehead, ya know?

I will say, if you want to explore the lesbian culture (which is a very different thing from just choosing to have sexual/romantic relationships only with women), be aware that there can be a lot of prejudice toward bisexual women. Not a reason to not do it, just something to keep in mind. Also keep in mind that abusive lesbian relationships do exist. As Chernobyl suggests, if you tend to attract worthless guys, you are just as likely to attract worthless women.

It may be a good idea to "stop looking". Nothing attracts worthless partners like believing you need one to be complete or fulfilled. Learning to enjoy life as a singleton is a valuable lesson that everyone, especially women, needs to experience. I recommend working through In the Meantime by Iyanla VanZant. This book can help with the issues Chernobyl mentions. VanZant writes excellent affirmation-type self-help books. She is a Yoruba priestess but the lessons in her books are not tied to any particular belief system or orientation.

I am sorry to hear you were sexually assaulted... like many of us here I was raped at a young age (two young ages, actually)... if you ever need to talk I am here! I hope you're getting some kind of counseling. Unless you work through your feelings with a trained listener, they WILL pop up to torment you at some point in the future. I truly believe my life would have been very different if I had received counseling back then... but in those days most people thought it was best to "just let her forget about it". But you can't.

Blessed be sweetie!

[Rev.Reverence]

Sorry, but if you still feel sexually attracted to men at all, then you can't be straight lesbian. You may be that in whichever relationship that you choose, but if you're still even a little attracted to guys, then you're still bi. Just because a guy raped you (which is horrible, and I'm sorry to hear that happened) does not mean that men are all scary monsters. If you have a history of getting with bad guys...maybe you're going about it wrong and picking out bad people? Having a bad run in with someone in a relationship happens at least once or twice to almost everyone, usually that sort of relationship serves as a learning experience, but if you find yourself in multiple relationships that all turn out just as sour and in the same way then I can guarantee that you're going with the wrong men and refusing to put your foot down and tell them a simple "no".

Be confident, DON'T let yourself be walked all over, you are not a victim unless you let yourself be. That's some of the best advice I can give. Being the victim doesn't just apply to romantic relationships, if you find you put your foot down and say a polite but insistant "no" to people when they are trying to push you into something you don't want (it can be your boss asking you to work the weekend when you took it off ahead of time, parents with unreasonable expectations, friends who try to mooch from you alot, etc) your quality of life will become better, I guarantee it.

Everyone has the power to change their life and their surroundings, no matter who they are. Use that power.

I'll give this post a big ole fat +1

..I would go on, with all sorts of GREAT THOUGHTS that are flooding through my head..

....except that I have to go & throw up...yup, your lack of grammar is that offensive.Button won't let me +1 till later...

Edited July 15, 2009 by Rev.Reverence

[TygerLili]

Are you honestly asking a message board community to help decided whether you are going to date men or women?!? Sweetie, no. You need to figure out what you want. Besides, as at least one person pointed out, you can label yourself gay, or straight, or bi, or a whatever, but you're still going to be the exact same person. You're making really broad, unfair generalizations (at least I think you are, the grammar and spelling made it a little hard to understand what you were saying) about men and women, but let's not even worry about that until you decide what you actually want.

And, as my father once told me when I was feeling sorry for myself, no one can make you a victim but you. You can either choose to be a victim or choose to be a survivor.