Break-ups over phones, emails, letters

[GOTHIKA]

THIS IS THE REASON WHY I HATE BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS AND THIS IS MY EX'S REASON OF WHY HE WAS AVOIDING ME!

Ive been thinking it over for over three weeks and the answer is yes. if you want to know, i have too many things to worry about right now other than us. I have to stay focused, if I even want to have a chance to have the life I want. you be safe, and dont worry about me, worry about your future without me in it. no more calls. no more emails. no more contact. I have to worry about getting into ACT. not about my personal life, thats on hold for a while. you have a good life, and the only two ppl you should worry about other than your family should be you and your daughter.

WHY COULDN'T HE JUST TELL ME THAT EARLIER IN ADVANCE? WHY KEEP ME GUESSING? WHY KEEP ME IN PAIN? WHY KEEP ME AROUND? WHY COULDNT HE JUST CALL ME AND TELL ME THIS?!?!? WELL THAT WAS MY LAST RELATIONSHIP. IM DONE WITH BOYFRIENDS; THERE TOO HARD TO KEEP AND TO HARD TO LET GO OF.

WHAT WAS THE WORST BREAK-UP YOU EVER HAD? WAS IT AS BAD AS MINE'S? OVER THE INTERNET IN A EMAIL? PLEASE RESPOND WHILE I WIPE AWAY MY TEARS

[Simon Bar Sinister]

you probably don't want to hear this phrased like this, but he's a gutless piece of shit for not telling you all this face to face. The. End.

[Guest Megalicious]

*hugs*

In all honestly, be grateful he told you honey. Now you are able to move on to someone who is going to love you the way you need to be loved. He kept you waiting because he had to really think it though, which shows he cares, but in the end he had to do what was best for him ( or at least that is what it sounded like).

If you loved him just be grateful for the time you had with him. Remember the good times, but also remember that he just wasn't a right fit for you, he could not love you in the way you needed. *hugs* And although it is sad to say goodbye, it was the right thing to do.

I know its hard. It feels like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on, but you will be okay. *hugs* I know it doesn't feel like you are strong now, but you are and you are going to be just fine *hugs*.

[StormKnight (1)]

I was in the avant-gaurd in electronics break-ups. I got one from a girlfriend.

In 1995.

On a text entry mail client.

I wanted at least a face-to -face fight regarding the breakup.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

ahead of her time, that one

[AstralCrux]

It was bad, and happened several times... That's all I can say, he's still a member here.

[Homicidalheathen]

lilly livered yellow bellied coward

(I have no idea what lilly livered is, just wanted to give you a bit of understanding and sympathy.)

cowardice is not a attractive trait

personally would rather hear fuck off than not know.

[GOTHIKA]

i know; but then he tell me this:

yes. no more contact. I've gotta keep my mind straight on completing this place and moving on with my life. after this message, no more, i will not answer more.

if having a personal life with me is so complicated why even bother asking me out then?

[Marmee_Noir]

Yawn* All past breakups I've had, bad or good, mean nothing to me any more. Why should I let those people have power over me.. And why should I waste my life spouting woe is me over it! And besides I wouldn't be in the wonderfull loving caring relationship that I'm in if it wasn't for those break ups!

[Rev.Reverence]

lilly livered yellow bellied coward

(I have no idea what lilly livered is, just wanted to give you a bit of understanding and sympathy.)

cowardice is not a attractive trait

personally would rather hear fuck off than not know.

Lily Livered

Means cowardly. People once believed that your passions came from you liver. If you were lily livered your liver was white (because it did not contain any blood). So you were a coward.

Yellow Bellied

A plausible source is the medieval theory of medicine that assumed there were four humors (fluids) in the body. These determined the physical and mental condition of the person. If they got out of balance, you got sick or went crackers. The four humors were blood, phlegm, black bile and yellow bile. Yellow bile (choler from the Greek kholos for gall) made you peevish, choleric, irascible. The disease cholera got its name from the symptom of, ah, yellowish diarrhea. From there to yellow as symbol of jealousy and inconstancy was a pretty easy step.

...so...in your sympathetic epitaph...you are being overly redundant...

...& Gothika...that sux...

[GOTHIKA]

thx everyone for their support, advice and suggestions

[jynxxxedangel]

At least he told you the truth, even if it did take awhile.

Better than being left hastily, with lies.

Perhaps he feels guilty for having to hurt you.

[jynxxxedangel]

Yawn* All past breakups I've had, bad or good, mean nothing to me any more. Why should I let those people have power over me.. And why should I waste my life spouting woe is me over it! And besides I wouldn't be in the wonderfull loving caring relationship that I'm in if it wasn't for those break ups!

+5000

BUT-- I will never say those bad experiences meant nothing to me. They were dress rehearsals for the REAL thing. After all that, I knew exactly what qualities to look for, when seeking and pinpointing my true soul mate.

Hold on. To thine own self, be true. Never settle for less than what's good for YOU. When you find yourself, and are comfortable within your own skin, you will find him.

[GOTHIKA]

all i ever wanted was to be with him; i felt safe, myself and at peace with him; now its likehe doesnt need me anymore

[SpidersMoment]

The last i was broke up with i was torn, because it came out of no where, it was about 3 years ago. I vowed to never let myself get that vulnerable again, and even though i'm 2 years into my relationship right now, i still will not be crying like a baby if we break up. Because it will ALWAYS be his loss. Next time some awsome happens in your life he will miss out on it, and will cry all by himself because he will never be able to be apart of it...boohoo

sorry but this thread reminded me of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcidD2HFK8M

[jynxxxedangel]

The last i was broke up with i was torn, because it came out of no where, it was about 3 years ago. I vowed to never let myself get that vulnerable again, and even though i'm 2 years into my relationship right now, i still will not be crying like a baby if we break up. Because it will ALWAYS be his loss. Next time some awesome happens in your life he will miss out on it, and will cry all by himself because he will never be able to be a part of it...boohoo

No more Hurtzdonuts (hurts, don't it?).

Be careful, to whom you give it away; and be prepared (remember what you learned, while in Scouting).

Edited September 3, 2009 by jynxxxedangel

[pomba gira]

*hugs*

In all honestly, be grateful he told you honey. Now you are able to move on to someone who is going to love you the way you need to be loved. He kept you waiting because he had to really think it though, which shows he cares, but in the end he had to do what was best for him ( or at least that is what it sounded like).

If you loved him just be grateful for the time you had with him. Remember the good times, but also remember that he just wasn't a right fit for you, he could not love you in the way you needed. *hugs* And although it is sad to say goodbye, it was the right thing to do.

I know its hard. It feels like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on, but you will be okay. *hugs* I know it doesn't feel like you are strong now, but you are and you are going to be just fine *hugs*.

Meg is right. And I agree with her take on this guy's thought process. Would you rather have him stay with you, living a lie, and eventually growing to resent you more and more? I know, believe me I know, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with right now. But thinking of it like this instead of "that SOB just dumped me 'cos he's an asshole and doesn't give a flying fuck about me" will relieve you of carrying around a lot of spirit-eating negativity.

And yes, telling you via email was rather cowardly. But I've done enough cowardly and hurtful stuff in my time that I'm in no position to judge.

all i ever wanted was to be with him; i felt safe, myself and at peace with him; now its likehe doesnt need me anymore

Think of it this way: Do you really WANT someone who "needs" you? That implies that they are not complete and sufficient unto themself.

And yeah, I know a lot of people say their SO "completes" them... but there's a huge difference between "I've discovered that she completes me in ways I didn't even know were lacking" and "I need to find someone to complete what is lacking in me".

You are a strong young woman... you seem to be taking positive steps to improve your life. So I know you will learn from this, move on, and be stronger yet for the experience!

Worst breakup experience: the first time Lump-of-Coal left me. Two years ago. After a very bad-vibe evening at the Blues Fest, he picked a fight over a variety of totally stupid crap and told me to just get all my shit from his apartment and it was over. Not willing to leave it at that I went there & waited for him to get home, at which point he told me he wanted to be with an old flame from 20 years before. Which made very little sense as he'd visited this person in AZ a couple months earlier and had a totally miserable time with her. I was totally devastated... I was 45 years old and had been married twice, but no one had ever affected me so deeply. Spent the next couple weeks weeping uncontrollably, not eating, the whole nine yards. None of which I had EVER done before... maybe the worst part was feeling like such a pathetic weakling for losing it that way. I started feeling stronger after a month... and then he shows back up saying I was right and this woman made him feel horrible the whole time they were together. I had a feeling that would happen because I'd called her and got the distinct impression she didn't share his belief that she was the one & only love of his life... in fact she sounded pretty cavalier about the whole situation. So anyway, we got back together until this past March when he bailed again... this time for a whole new set of what I thought were stupid cowardly fucked up reasons. I was not as broken up this time, mainly because I saw it coming instead of being totally blindsided like before.

Don't know if there is anything helpful to you there, but you asked so there is my story.

Edited September 3, 2009 by pomba gira

[Oh_My_Goth]

all i ever wanted was to be with him; i felt safe, myself and at peace with him; now its likehe doesnt need me anymore

Sweetie, he never did.. Except maybe for reasons that don't make a 'real' relationship.

& Really it's better to know sooner than later if someone wants to leave.

[Guest Megalicious]

Think of it this way: Do you really WANT someone who "needs" you? That implies that they are not complete and sufficient unto themself.

And yeah, I know a lot of people say their SO "completes" them... but there's a huge difference between "I've discovered that she completes me in ways I didn't even know were lacking" and "I need to find someone to complete what is lacking in me".

This is the most intelligent thing I have read all day - thank you Hilie.

[Reaper]

Most times I confront the person about it. But there have been a few times where I just let it fade without words eventually. At least he told you even though it was in that form.

[GOTHIKA]

ya. all of you have good points about this and i thank you all very much and hopefully i wont give up on love so easily