Answers to dumb questions

[taysteewonderbunny]

I am curious about many things, most of which are only tangentially relevant to my life, so I ask many, many dumb questions the answer to which I will never have the occasion to use, but I feel I must know anyway. Surely, you have asked some yourself. This is your opportunity to ask those questions and answer them in a little show and tell. Example below:

QUESTION: Why are the Boeing plane models numbered so that they begin and end with '7'?

ANSWER:

Why 7's been a lucky number

BY MIKE LOMBARDI

One of the most frequently asked questions posed to Boeing company historians is, "How did Boeing come up with the 7-7 name for its commercial jets?" There are many myths about the Boeing 7-7 name, one of the most famous brands in history.

People who lean toward math and engineering are certain that 707 was chosen because it is the sine of the angle of wing sweep on a 707. It's not, since the wing sweep is 35 degrees and not 45. However, more people lean toward superstition and feel that the positive connotation of the number seven was the reason it was selected.

The truth is a bit more mundane. Boeing has assigned sequential model numbers to its designs for decades, as have most aircraft manufacturers. Boeing commercial aircraft use their model number as their popular name: Model 40, Model 80, Model 247, Model 307 Stratoliner and Model 377 Stratocruiser.

Boeing planes built for the military are best remembered by their military designations, such as the B-17 Flying Fortress or the B-52 Stratofortress. These airplanes also had Boeing model numbers assigned to them-the B-17 is the Boeing Model 299 and the B-52 is the Boeing Model 454.

After World War II, Boeing was a military airplane company. William Allen, Boeing president at the time, decided that the company needed to expand back into commercial airplanes and pursue the new fields of missiles and spacecraft. To support this diversification strategy, the engineering department divided the model numbers into blocks of 100 for each of the new product areas: 300s and 400s continued to represent aircraft, 500s would be used on turbine engines, 600s for rockets and missiles and 700s were set aside for jet transport aircraft.

Boeing developed the world's first large swept-wing jet, the B-47. That aircraft sparked interest with some of the airlines. One in particular, Pan Am, asked Boeing to determine its feasibility as a commercial jet transport. At the same time, Boeing began studies on converting the propeller-driven model 367 Stratotanker, better known as the KC-97, into a jet-powered tanker that would be able to keep pace with the B-52 during in-flight refueling.

Boeing product development went through several renditions of the model 367, and finally a version numbered 367-80 was selected. It was soon nicknamed the "Dash 80."

Boeing took a calculated risk by financing the development and construction of the Dash 80 prototype with its own funds. The goal was to put the airplane into production as both an Air Force tanker/transport and a commercial jet transport.

Since both of these offspring of the Dash 80 would be jet transports, the model number system called for a number in the 700s to identify the two new planes. The marketing department decided that "Model 700" did not have a good ring to it for the company's first commercial jet. So they decided to skip ahead to Model 707 because that reiteration seemed a bit catchier. Following that pattern, the other offspring of the Dash 80, the Air Force tanker, was given the model number 717. Since it was an Air Force plane, it was also given a military designation of KC-135.

After 717 was assigned to the KC-135, the marketing department made the decision that all remaining model numbers that began and or ended in 7 would be reserved exclusively for commercial jets. (After the Boeing-McDonnell Douglas merger in the late 1990s, the model number 717 was reused to identify the MD-95 as part of the Boeing commercial jet family.)

Other than the 717, the only anomaly to the Boeing commercial jet numbering system was the Boeing model 720. The 720 was a short-range, high-performance version of the 707 and was first marketed to the airlines as the model 707-020. United Airlines was very interested in the 707-020 but had previously decided to go with Douglas and the DC-8. To help United avoid any negative public relations for going back to the 707, Boeing changed the name of the 707-020 to the 720.

Since the naming of the initial 717, all Boeing commercial jets have been named in succession based on the 7-7 formula: 727, 737, 747...up to the latest Boeing commercial jet transport, the 7E7.

michael.j.lombardi@boeing.com

[Oh_My_Goth]

Q: How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

A: I think that the woodchuck could chuck as much wood as he wanted! By the way what is a wood chuck? Is it like a gopher? This is difficult to question answer. The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.

Some say it depends on three factors:

* The woodchuck's desire to chuck said wood.

* The woodchuck's need to chuck the aforementioned wood.

* The woodchuck's ability to chuck the wood.

Others say:

* He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!

* A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if woodchucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a woodchuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best woodchucks that chucked wood.

* If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* It would chuck the amount of wood that she sells seashells on the seashore divided by how many pickles Peter Piper picks.

* One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.

* It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.

* Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.

* It depends on how good his dentures are!

* A woodchuck, would chuck, as much wood, as a woodchuck, could chuck, If a woodchuck could chuck wood. But unfortunately, woodchucks do not chuck wood.

* About 5.72 fluid litres of wood

* About as many boards as the Mongol hoards would hoard if the Mongol hordes did hoard boards.

* Um....... 23????

* Tons. More than you can count. Honestly. No one can chuck more would than a woodchuck.

* If the woodchucks name was Maurice, then it could chuck all the wood that it wants to. However, if its name is Frank, no chucking would be for it.

* Due to the average size of a wood chuck and the general density of wood (not including cork) if a wood chuck could chuck wood it would probably get through about 6.573 pounds per day, assuming the wood chuck is functioning correctly.

* Using the formula: (W + I) * C where W = the constant of wood, which is well known to be 61, as agreed in many scientific circles. I = the variable in this equation, and stands for the word "if" from the original problem. As there are three circumstances, with 0 equaling the chance that the woodchuck cannot chuck wood, 1 being the theory that the woodchuck can chuck wood but chooses not to, and 2 standing for the probability that the woodchuck can and will chuck wood, we clearly must choose 2 for use in this equation. C = the constant of Chuck Norris, whose presence in any problem involving the word chuck must there, is well known to equal 1.1 of any known being, therefore the final part of this calculation is 1.1. As is clear, this appears to give the answer of (61 + 2) * 1.1 = (63) * 1.1 = 69.3. However, Chuck Norris' awesome roundhouse kick declares that all decimal points cannot be used in formulas such as this, and so it must be rounded to the final solution of 69 units of wood.

* "Sixteen and 1/2 board feet a day except on groundhog's day since groundhog is another name for wood chuck."- This answer is according to no less an authority than the 'Junior Wood Chucks Guidebook', a publication often consulted by Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck and referred to yet again by them in answering this very same question.

* How Chuck Norris got involved-A woodchuck would only chuck as much would as Chuck Norris would allow it to, because the woodchuck shares Chuck's name. Therefore, Chuck must punish it and make it chuck as much wood as Chuck can. So, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as Chuck could.

* None cuz a wood chuck cant chuck wood!

* Approximately 3.9675 pounds every 5.6843 seconds. So there.

* 2.865 lbs every 11.3686 Seconds?

* it depends how good his dentures are!!!

* As much as he needed to be satisfied

* But the true jokey answer, as told by my grandfather is: As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* a woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

* Are you kidding? Everybody knows a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* But it definitely couldn't chuck Chuck Norris.

* A group of people actually did a study on this. None of the wood chucks ate any wood planks so they never upchucked it but some of them chucked them (threw them) at people.

[Slogo]

^

[Oh_My_Goth]

^

I know.. I almost peed Meself reading some of that

[candyman]

Q: Is there an official rating scale for farts?

A: Official Fart Scale, approved by Congress on March 31 and signed into law by President Bush on April 1 (which happens to be W's birthday.) Information compiled by the Department of Homeland Security, Biological Warfare Division.

0 - No stink, no sound, no problem. Just air.

1 - A little sound, registers on microphones as a slight buzz.

2 - A normal fart falls here. Some sound, a low dull tone like a clock. Beginnings of a smell detectable by special forces canine units.

3 - SBD. No warning sound, but an awful smell cleans the sinuses moments later. Be wary of this one, as it can release at any time, especially in the checkout line.

4 - An extremely loud and wet sound, along with a similar smell. This fart has a very heavy stench that will linger and clear out most rooms less than 500 square feet.

5 - This fart can be mistaken for an approaching thunderstorm. Usually quite loud, enough to shake the room, and the smell driven by its force produces its own wind that carries it long distances. Dangerous enough to require nose holding.

6 - This sounds like an incoming MOAB and the resulting explosion. It smells like unwiped, sweaty old-man ass, a state rest stop bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in a year, and a dead skunk's cunt drying in the sun in Arizona. This one will register on seismic indicators as a minor earthquake.

7 - Officially a weapon of mass destruction. An asshole that creates this monster is out of UN regulations and a threat to nations everywhere. The smell will cause trees and grass to wither up, the elderly and disabled to go into cardiac arrest, and strong men cry. There may or may not be a sound, but the air-raid sirens will probably overpower any ass-flapping.

8 - A doomsday weapon that would give W a hardon. This one will make the oceans boil, the air itself will weigh down with the poison, and fart winter will ensue as soon as the shockwave of stench and force incinerates major cities, forests, and has the capability to rot living flesh. Has a radius of some four thousand miles and the impurities can stay in the air for decades. The sound is much like the roar of a hundred tornadoes during a nuclear holocaust.

9 - This one only occurs in tiny amounts for fleeting instants, but its six foot radius will immediately vaporize anything within range, which makes it a prime choice for ass-ass-ins. There is no sound, as this is an SBD on acid and speed.

10 - There is no escaping the mighty 10. This one, upon release, will turn the earth's crust to magma and combine with the atmosphere to generate a poisonous green gas that consumes anything organic it touches, and spreads across the globe at the speed of light. Chances are a dinosaur let this one about 65 million years ago. If a fat-ass human lets one, it could blow the entire world.

Now you know more about the new governmental fart rating system, and note that farts can be fractional, such as a 2.6. Also, we have a new rating system for the threat of farts that will match the terror-threat colors for easy memorization. Don't forget to duct-tape your ass in the event of a major fart, so that you don't become a weapon too.

Green : Low threat of farts (taco farts)

Blue : General threat of farts (SBD's, cheese-cutters)

Yellow: Elevated threat of farts (buy gas masks, insulate windows)

Orange: High risk of farts (write your will, build a fall-out shelter, buy fart insurance)

Red: Severe risk of farts (cover your ass and hope that someone has Beano).

[candyman]

Q: What is "all get out"?

A: Very; extremely; to the utmost degree to which it is attainable; moreso than normal.

"It was as cold as all get out. Seriously. I was freezing my balls off."

[taysteewonderbunny]

QUESTION: Can a swallow carry a coconut after all?

ANSWER:

Michael Campbell's My1UP Page: millionairemick.1up.com

<h1 style="margin-top: 10px;">CAN A SWALLOW CARRY A COCONUT?</h1> Posted: 2007-07-06 16:47:28.503

In Monty Python and the Holy Grail the ultimate question is raised. "Where did you get the coconuts?"

This follows with a lengthy discussion about whether a migrating European Swallow could carry a coconut.

Well I plan to find out.

"Listen, in order to maintain

airspeed velocity a swallow needs

to beat it's wings 43 times every second"

Actually wrong, a swallow only needs to beat it's wings at around 15 beats per second, with an amplitude of around 22cm.

Using the equation that states the speed of a flying animal is roughly 3 times the frequency x amplitude, you can work out the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

A swallow has a frequency (how many times it beats it's wings in a second) of 15bps and an amplitude (height of wing beat) of 0.22m

So the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is-

Frequency = 15bpm

Frequency x 3 = 45

Frequency x 3 x amplitude (0.22m) = 9.9

The airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is roughly 9.9 meters per second or 36km per hour.

"It's a simple question of

weight ratios! A 5 ounce

bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut!"

Actually wrong!

Again.

A swallow is only 0.717 ounces or 20.3 grams.

A 1 pound coconut equals 453.6 grams.

453.6 divided by 20.3 equals around 22.4

So you need around 23 swallows to equal the weight of one coconut.

Swallows can barely carry the extra weight of having digested berries in their stomach.

"Birds have extremely efficient digestive systems for processing food. As flying machines, weight is critical, and they must be able to get sustenance for energy but not carry the added weight. They eat the berries and quickly excrete the seed and indigestible matter."

So carrying a coconut which is 23 times heavier than it is pretty much impossible.

"It could grip it by the husk!"

Actually probably not.

Again

For the third time

A weak point in swallows is their small feet.

These feet make perching very difficult, and probably impossible to get a good grip on a coconut.

In Conclusion

A swallow can travel at 36kmph

A coconut is 23 times heavier than a swallow and swallows can hardly carry berries in flight.

Swallows have very small claws which make perching difficult and so can't get a grip on a coconut.

A Swallow cannot carry a coconut.

(All this information is correct for a European Swallow by the way)

[torn asunder]

QUESTION: Can a swallow carry a coconut after all?

ANSWER:

well, not a eurpoean swallow, naturally. but what about an african swallow!?

(but then, african swallows are non-migratory...)

[taysteewonderbunny]

well, not a eurpoean swallow, naturally. but what about an african swallow!?

(but then, african swallows are non-migratory...)

Hmm. Apparently there isn't exactly an 'African Swallow.' It could be one of two species: the South African Swallow (Petrochiledon spilodera), or the African Swallow-tailed Kite (Chelictinia riocourii). The latter is larger and has a larger habitat range, but isn't at all, really, a swallow. The former, per its size, would seemingly have the same issue as would the European swallow, but I haven't the numbers to back that assessment up--I only eyeballed it.

[Nightgaunt]

My question was, "How did Congress decide that $700,000,000,000 in "banker bailout" money was exactly what was needed to get the economy back on track? (ha ha)

The answer, according to the New York Times:

As for that figure, it lies between the optimistic estimate of $500 billion and the pessimistic guess of $1 trillion about the cost of fixing the financial mess.

[taysteewonderbunny]

My question was, "How did Congress decide that $700,000,000,000 in "banker bailout" money was exactly what was needed to get the economy back on track? (ha ha)

The answer, according to the New York Times:

Hey, well that's $50,000,000,000 closer to the optimists' estimate than it would have been if they'd simply split the difference. WTG, fiscal conservatism!

[candyman]

Q: Where is Waldo?

A: Where's Waldo? He is off on a new adventure, exploring the Web. Can You Find Him?

Q: How the hell does that tell me where Waldo is?

A: Tip: Save time by hitting the return key instead of clicking on "search"

Thank you google...

Edited September 2, 2009 by candyman

[taysteewonderbunny]

For myself, but also apparently on behalf of TA, SK, and TL--QUESTION: What does 'DIAF' mean?

ANSWER: "Die in a fire."

[n0Mad]

12.16.01

By Scott Drebus

www.itwillfail.com

A while back ago I received an e-mail forward containing humorous bits and questions on the perplexities of life. The e-mail was entitled “Questions” and just to suck all the fun out of humor, I attempted to answer all of those questions with humorous anecdotes of my own. Some of them are actually real answers, others are just bullshit that sounds like they could be real answers. But most of them are just bullshit that sounds like bullshit. Anyway, below are all those questions and answers copied and pasted directly from the e-mail I sent out replying to all, and now I pass them along to you.

<< If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several

times, does he become disoriented? >>

No. They become dizzy, just like the rest of us.

<< If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't people

from Holland called "Holes"? >>

It's that extra L thing.

<< Why do we say something 'is out of whack'? What's a whack? >>

A whack is something you do to a machine to get it to work. It's similar to a slap. If something is out of whack, then it's not working and you must therefore whack it to get it to work thus putting it in whack.

<< Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? >>

But only infidels enjoy infidelity.

<< If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? >>

I would be. Wouldn't you?

<< Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't

they be wearing nightgowns? >>

In my kingdom, I'll make sure of it.

<< If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? >>

Because the feel of pulling off silk, lace, and satin to reveal the smooth, warm skin of your lover underneath is such an erotic turn on that ... is it hot in here, or is it just me?

<< When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you

put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? >>

Interest. There's nothing worse than droning on and on while the other person loses interest so you bribe them with an extra penny to get them to pay attention.

<< Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? >>

Because he doesn't have any of his own money to invest. If he did, he'd be rich and wouldn't have to bother with yours. Instead, he's flat broke and he's hoping to live off the interest of your investments.

<< Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale

bread to begin with. >>

You wouldn't want something to happen to them to make them fresh and tasty, now would you?

<< When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? >>

Probably "person", which reminds me of a joke. Two ducks were walking through the park and the first duck saw that the second duck was going to hit his head on a low hanging branch, so he called out, "PERSON!" And as Nathan Knaack always says, "Why do they say 'head's up' when they really mean 'heads down'?"

<< Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a

person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? >>

Because you're missing a whole other word. He'd be a race carrist. Just like a horse racer would be a horse racist.

<< Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? >>

I am a wise man giving wise guy answers. If this doesn't make things perfectly clear, then you're an idiot.

<< Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? >>

When you look for something, you don't necessarily find it. However when you see something, you're staring directly at it. So to overlook something is to try to find it, but you just can't see it. Where as oversee means you see it, over and over again to make sure it's right. The real question should be, "Why does, 'I must have overlooked it' and 'I'll look this over tonight' mean two entirely separate things?"

<< If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make

terrible? >>

And if something's so beautiful that you are in awe over it, does that make it awful?

<< Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? >>

The same reason 13 isn't pronounced onety three. If you look at the pattern, 31 is a combination of thirty and one, 21 is a combination of twenty and one, and 11 is a combination of ten and one, so to keep the pattern, it should be tenone, tentwo, tenthree ... but it's not and that's why English is stupid. Plus, why do we say 'double-u' when it's really a double-v? Most other languages call it a double-v.

<< "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. >>

That's not a question. How'd that get in there? You could always use a contraction and make it "I'm". Plus there are all those sentences with you understood. Like, "Sit. Run. Sh." I think "Sh." would be the shortest.

<< Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? >>

It should be, but divorce has a way of shortening things. Of course, "smiles" is the longest word because it has a mile between each s. And the word "mailbox" has the most letters in it. And the Chicago building with the most stories is the library.

<< Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? >>

Yes. And they probably refer to forceps as IVseps.

<< Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars

in the universe you will believe them? But if they tell you a

wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? >>

I don't believe them. There are far more than 1 billion. As Carl Sagan would say, "Billions and billions ..." Besides, there's no way you could count all the stars, so most people don't even try. You can touch a wall however so proving the paint is wet is easy.

<< If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? >>

Of course. All postal employees are fed up. That's why they all have guns. I guess that's better than Up Sex though. But I don't think they can merge due to monopolies and such.

<< Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? >>

Yes. And all Folgers employees are English so they take tea breaks.

<< What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald

men? >>

None. Reminds me of another joke about a license plate that said "NONE" but I'll tell you later.

<< I was thinking about why people seem to read the Bible a

whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . .

they're cramming for their final exam. >>

Yet again, that's not a question. How am I supposed to answer these non-questions? Stop doing this to me!

<< I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little

spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use...

Toothpicks? >>

Sounds good to me.

<< Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post

Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they

just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could

look for them while they delivered the mail? >>

It's a tradition left over from a time when we all went to the post office a whole lot. That way the pictures could receive a lot of viewing traffic. There are a few other reasons, but I won't bore you with them. Criminals cannot be put on postage stamps because of that whole law thing. Someone has to be dead for so long before they can appear on a stamp. I guess Capone and Dilinger could appear, but since they're already dead, I really don't think the postal employees need to be looking for them.

<< How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? >>

Technically, it'd be shallower. Since sponges displace water, sea level is higher than if they wouldn't be there. If you removed all the sponges, the existing water would fill in the space where the sponges occupied thus making the sea level go down somewhat.

<< If it's true that we are here to help others, then what

exactly are the others here for? >>

To help us. What are aliens here for? To serve man. "It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!"

<< You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. >>

Fuck off asshole. I said no more damn non-questions. I never learned to swear until I got a computer. Especially one running Microsoft products.

<< No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning. >>

See above answer.

<< Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it

didn't zigzag? >>

Actually, there are three types of lighting and only one zigzags. The one that does however travels from the ground up, not the other way around like most people think.

<< Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime

next door went nuts. >>

::mimes a whole bunch of swear words for putting another non-question in with the mix::

<< If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide,

is that considered a hostage situation? >>

Actually it would be considered a mass suicide thing like that David Koresh deal. So I guess if an mps threatened suicide, then the dominant one would be a cult leader.

<< If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? >>

No. People shoot milk out there nose when they laugh because it's still in there mouth, and they don't want to open their mouth when they laugh 'cuz that would be disgusting, so they keep it closed and the milk is forced through the sinus cavity and out the nose. In order for a cow to do the same, it would have to ingest milk. However, they just eat grass. So I guess a cow would shoot grass out its nose if it laughed. But honestly, have you ever seen a cow laugh before? I don't think it's possible.

<< Whatever happened to preparations A through G? >>

Failed prototypes. I feel sorry for the guy who had to test them.

<< If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? >>

Does vegetable oil come from those people in the hospital that everyone considers euthanasia on? I always though euthanasia was a Chinese kid. Did you know Gerber baby food didn't sell too well in Africa? Since a lot of people can't read, they put the picture of the product on the label. Imagine what those Africans thought when they saw that cute little baby.

<< Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? >>

A driveway is used as transit to get from the road to your garage, thus you drive on a driveway. A parkway is a road big enough cars can park on either side, thus, in addition to driving on a parkway, you can also park on it.

Well, there it is. I hope you have as much fun reading these as I did answering them.

-Scott Drebus

[Oh_My_Goth]

Where do babies come from? Funny vidio answer

[taysteewonderbunny]

Never heard of 'em but I love the name... I wonder how many people under 30 actually get it?

Wait, say that again I didn't hear you with the lower grade cotton stuck in my ears.

I may be under 30 but that doesn't mean schools can't send me on countless field trips that will teach me WAY too much about cotton, building log houses, and pooping in small sheds with holes...and I though all that info would be useless!

Because I didn't know, even if I should:

fair to midland/middling

Q] From John Rupp, Dallas, Texas: I have often heard the phrase fair to Midland (middlin’?) in response to the inquiry ‘How are you doing?’ Any ideas on the origins of this phrase? [A] I do like “fair to Midland”. It sounds like a weather forecast: “fair to Midland, but the North will have rain”. That’s a Texas variation on the phrase, a joke on the name of the city called Midland in that state. It’s really fair to middling, of course, a common enough phrase — in Britain as well as North America — for something that is moderate to average in quality, sometimes written the way people often say it, as fair to middlin’.

All the early examples I can find in literary works — from authors like Mark Twain, Louisa May Alcott and Artemus Ward — suggest it became common on the east coast of the US from the 1860s on. The first example in the Oxford English Dictionary is from Artemus Ward: His Travels of 1865: “The men are fair to middling”. Another is from Horace Greeley’s Recollections of a Busy Life of 1869 in which he records seeing a play: “The night was intensely cold, in-doors as well as out; the house was thin; the playing from fair to middling; yet I was in raptures from first to last”.

Hunting around, I’ve found an example three decades earlier, from an article with the title A Succinct Account of the Sandwich Islands, in the July 1837 issue of the Southern Literary Messenger of Richmond, Virginia: “A Dinner on the Plains, Tuesday, September 20th. — This was given ‘at the country seat’ of J. C. Jones, Esq. to the officers of the Peacock and Enterprise. The viands were ‘from fair to middling, we wish we could say more.’ ”

So the phrase is American, most probably early nineteenth century. But where does it come from? There’s a clue in one of the OED’s later citations, from the Century Dictionary of 1889: “Fair to middling, moderately good: a term designating a specific grade of quality in the market”. The term middling turns out to have been used as far back as the previous century for an intermediate grade of various kinds of goods, both in the US and in Britain — there are references to a middling grade of flour or meal, pins, cotton, and other commodities.

Which market the Century Dictionary was referring to is made plain by the nineteenth-century American trade journals that I’ve consulted. Fair and middling were terms in the cotton business for specific grades — the sequence ran from the best quality (fine), through good, fair, middling and ordinary to the least good (inferior), with a number of intermediates, one being middling fair. The phrase fair to middling sometimes appeared as a reference to this grade, or to a range of intermediate qualities — it was common to quote indicative prices, for example, for “fair to middling grade”. The reference was so well known in the cotton trade that it seems to have eventually escaped into the wider language.

[n0Mad]

[GOTHIKA]

Q. why did a chicken cross the road? really i gotta know!!!!!

[n0Mad]

Q. why did a chicken cross the road? really i gotta know!!!!!

[GOTHIKA]

rofl priceless

[n0Mad]

Okay, here's some interesting stuff I found that doesn't really answer a question so I guess the question is simply ...

Wasabi?

Known as "Japanese horseradish", its root is used as a spice and has an extremely strong flavour. Its hotness is more akin to that of a hot mustard than the capsaicin in a chili pepper, producing vapors that stimulate the nasal passages more than the tongue.

Wasabi is generally sold either in the form of a root which must be very finely grated before use, or as a ready-to-use paste (either real wasabi or a mixture of horseradish, mustard and food coloring), usually in tubes approximately the size and shape of travel toothpaste tubes. The paste form is usually just horseradish, since fresh wasabi is extremely perishable and more expensive than horseradish.

Inhaling or sniffing wasabi vapor has an effect like smelling salts, and this property has been exploited by researchers attempting to create a smoke alarm for the deaf. One deaf subject participating in a test of the prototype awoke within 10 seconds of wasabi vapor being sprayed into his sleeping chamber.

[StormKnight (1)]

Okay, here's some interesting stuff I found that doesn't really answer a question so I guess the question is simply ...

Wasabi?

i?

Forgot to mention that the paste we have in most sushi/Japanese restaurants is actually a horseradish paste with traces of wasabi. The real wasabi (taken from the root of the plant,) is much less pungent and has an earthy flavor to it. Had it at Morimoto's restaurant in Philly. They used a real sharkskin file to grind it off the root.