GRRRRR!

[EvilEve]

i'll give you the short version; my sister cheated on her boyfriend with her ex. she had a kid, and it's her ex's, but she never told her boyfriend. her boyfriend thinks it's his. her boyfriend's in jail until next month, and still thinks that her son is his. she's been seeing her ex ever since he went to jail, knows the kid to be her ex's (the kid and her ex look identical) but still didn't break up with her boyfriend. now, because her ex is a conflicted mofo', she wants to get rid of the ex, and be with her boyfriend when he get's out of jail.

here's the short version before he went into jail; while my sister was pregnant, her and her boyfriend fought A LOT!! he would criticize her, talk down to her, make her feel like sh**. he's even thrown stuff in MY house while he was staying here. (didn't hit her, mind you, but he was upset because she wouldn't talk to him about what was wrong) they fought before, during, and after she was pregnant. she wasn't happy while he was around her. tried to break up with him 3 separate times, but they never did because HE didn't want to. (control freak, what?)

wtf makes someone think that going back into a situation like that will have a different outcome? is it the fact that she's afraid to raise her son by herself, and these two asshole's are the only one's that she knows that will actually put up with her? is it the control/mental abuse that triggers the subconscious into thinking that, "Oh, this is okay, because I'm use to this kind of behavior."

we never had an easy childhood (i don't think many have), and our parents fought A LOT while we were growing up. almost all kinds of abuse took place between them, my sisters and i ended up with the emotional/mental scarring from these battles. i always tried to protect them from whatever my parents threw at each other, keeping them out of the way. i would take the hits, so to speak.

i think she's better off without either of them in her life. she's the kind of person who CANNOT be by herself, at all. she needs that emotional attention/connection of some kind. what drives a person to crave THAT kind of attention?

i need to find a way to talk some sense into her before he's released. i also need to find a way to approach this without her biting my head off. she can intervene in everyone else s life, but don't mess with hers.

grrr.... i love my sister dearly... however, i think i'm going to end up hitting her with a 2x4 if she doesn't wake the hell up.

[Oh_My_Goth]

I just don't get that shit... She must be very insecure.

[CatsEyeOfTheWiccan]

Sounds like some serious Jerry Springer and Maury shit to me.

-CatsEye

[EvilEve]

*smirks* funny thing is that her and i joke back and forth about which talkshow our lives represent... her's is Maury.. mine's more of Jerry Springer...

[Lillylu29]

The thing is dear your not gonna beable to change what she does, the more you push her the more she's gonna go to them. She's a big girl and knows its wrong. You for your sanity need to remove yourself from the situation and tell her you cant be her co-dependent counterpart no longer. Alot of us have been threw this kind of thing. I know i have. it took 7 years to wake up and walk the hell out. its something she has to do on her own thoe. :/

[creatureofthenyte]

The thing is dear your not gonna beable to change what she does, the more you push her the more she's gonna go to them. She's a big girl and knows its wrong. You for your sanity need to remove yourself from the situation and tell her you cant be her co-dependent counterpart no longer. Alot of us have been threw this kind of thing. I know i have. it took 7 years to wake up and walk the hell out. its something she has to do on her own thoe. :/

+1

Your sister made the bed, now she has to lay in it.

No real way to soften the blow, when everything hits the fan, hopefully that will wise her up.

[Guest Megalicious]

The thing is dear your not gonna beable to change what she does, the more you push her the more she's gonna go to them. She's a big girl and knows its wrong. You for your sanity need to remove yourself from the situation and tell her you cant be her co-dependent counterpart no longer. Alot of us have been threw this kind of thing. I know i have. it took 7 years to wake up and walk the hell out. its something she has to do on her own thoe. :/

It's sad, but the truth. Suggest to her that she could benefit from building some new copying skills through therapy. What she decides to do with suggestion is her choice. I know its hard, especially when its your own blood, but L29 is right, anything more would NOT help, and just keep that co-depentent relationship going. *hugs*

[prick]

Its sad, some just cant be alone and have to be in a relationship even if it isnt healthy. Some feel they cant do any better then what they have. Still there are some who like the drama and stay in a bad relationship due to it. I do not feel sorry for these people but i do pity them.

Edited September 21, 2009 by prick

[dragonluv]

It's sad, but the truth. Suggest to her that she could benefit from building some new copying skills through therapy. What she decides to do with suggestion is her choice. I know its hard, especially when its your own blood, but L29 is right, anything more would NOT help, and just keep that co-depentent relationship going. *hugs*

I agree as well.

If I may suggest.

Haven is a domestic abuse shelter. If I remember correctly, they offer free therapy. They do offer other help as well. This is for Oakland County residents only. Here the link: http://www.haven-oakland.org/

For Macomb County residents, the shelter is called Turning Point. Here the link: http://www.turningpointinc.com/

This is a link for all types of shelters, including for domestic abuse. This link has for areas throughout MI, If I remember correctly. Here the link: http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/michigan.html

If your sister like to read, I can recommend books of women who been through it. Just let me know.

If I may offer some advice for you. Try to take care of yourself. You got a baby on the way. You do not need to get yourself so stress out, that you mess up your health. If I may, hugs.

Good Luck.

[Homicidalheathen]

didn't even get past the first paragraph. Why does she like losers and why is she not on the pill for starters...now she has a kid, she should just be on her own and get herself together and forget romance for at least a year.

[EvilEve]

i'm staying out of it. it's not worth the stress on myself. too much stuff going on in life as is to deal with, yet again, high-school bs. kinda hard to avoid her when she lives in the same house a me.

[Homicidalheathen]

that sux. that you have to live with her I mean.

Edited September 22, 2009 by Homicidalheathen

[EvilEve]

sibling rivalry apparently never ends, even as we get older. she thinks i'm mad at her, for whatever reason, when it's she that's mad at me, and wants me to leave her alone. so that's exactly what i'm doing; ignoring her. now she can't stand not getting the reaction she was expecting. it's funny, kinda. girls are screwed up...

[dragonluv]

Hugs