What do you consider cheating?

[Ratsel]

Ok ladies und gentlemen, here it is; the nasty truth about Ratsel. Oh and this one is going to have the guys roaring.

WARNING :: Woman with strict convictions here. And lack of care for opposition.

What I consider cheating : (its a long list)

1. Sex talk

2. Flirting (online or off)

3. Taking another person's phone number (opposite sex) and HIDING it.

4. Thinking of another person while having sex...yeah not so good.

5. Obviously, any sexual act with anyone else

6. kissing someone else (and I don't mean the peck on your family member)

7. online correspondence (especially e-mail) with someone you are hiding from your partner

8. text messaging that same type of person through your cell phone

Things that would get you farther from forever with Ratsel :

1. going to a club or bar and hanging all over someone else (Buuuuut I never touched her) DOESN'T WORK

2. same senerio but with dancing (come on)

3. making your partner wonder too much, and feel they need to ask questions

4. keeping logs of porn and pornographic pictures on your computer

5. saying "oh yes, your the one, and I love you so much, there is no one else) and then you go and flirt with someone else behind your partner's back

LAME!!!!

Now....if all of this makes me a severe prude...so be it, because I'm telling you I've been through it all already and here is the cold hard fact - If your with someone who does this crap, they are NOT, I repeat, NOT happy and/or they have a severe issue/crisis.

And here is the argument I get...from both sexes (There is no man out there who doesn't do these things)

RIGHT!

And gentlemen....this is why women have self esteem issues, bitch mode issues, tend to sift through personal belongings issues, may look over your shoulder from time to time issues...and so on.

And guys, here's a tid' bit : If she's doing any of those things I just mentioned, its not because she's WONDERING if your doing something you shouldn't, its because she knows damn well you are already and she wants to confront the issue with fact.

Here is the last and the saddest part of this whole damn truth.

Women who refuse to put up with these things, cannot stay in a relationship. They get cheated on, badly spoken for, pushed aside, replaced or just plain left. And its because MOST men do not want anything holding them back.....Matured. The human attention span is yes, short, but boredom shouldn't come so easy. Women today are unattractive unless they have buns like Pamela Anderson, tits like perfect pieces of fruit, legs like a gazelle and if for some reason that woman has an opinion.....she's damned. And lately...if she is perfect looking and sweet/charming...blah blah blah...if another one comes by him and looks just as good...his mind still trails off. SAAAAAD!

You will never meet anyone more cinical and prudish than I. And this is why I am not married. Not because I don't want to be....but because forever with me would mean being a 100% honorable, faithful, and respectful Man.

I'm curious to see how many people agree with some of my strict morals.

[Ratsel]

Oh and I cannot speak for all women here but I will add this....cuz there's always one guy who asks "Why don't women take the guy she knows won't hurt her..the good guy".

Here is my answer according to me.

Because if he isn't hurting me now as a friend....he will never have the opportunity to hurt me as a lover, and he would. That's the answer.

[candyman]

Nothing wrong with those ideas at all.

I will have to say that I never had the "chance" to cheat on anyone but if the "chance" came about I don't think I could really do it. I have really only been in open relationships so making a promise or being exclusive didn't really some up at all. I would like to try out something a bit more "traditional" but my dating career tells me nothing more that I suck.

I might have some troubles down the road because I keep in touch with a few of my ex-flames but if anyone were to ask them if they would like to be anything more than friends with me again they could not stop laughing...but I guess I will have to work that one out when the time comes.

I do have a problem with looking...but I look at anyone withing my viewing range.

Not a bad set of rules to go by...makes me remember what I am missing...STANDARDS!

[Ratsel]

This came from a long line of being extremely naive and allowing men to walk all over me at any given moment. So I didn't always have standards. I wish I had.

Humor here... a lot of the creeps in my past were CC patrons. Shocking? NOT!!

And my boyfriend wants to know why I don't want him there without me. SHHHHHITE. I don't want him to become what I WAS.

[scyko_kitty]

I have the same rules to a point but i dont mind the dancing b/c i do it

[Tacohitts]

The problem with society in this country is

no honesty

and no respect

makes me wish I was part of the animal kingdom instead,humans suck.

Edited October 5, 2009 by Tacohitts

[Msterbeau]

The bottom line for any relationship is that there is communication and trust within what is explicitly stated between the two people. "Cheating" is when one person goes outside of what has been agreed upon as acceptable behavior within the relationship. For you, it's as you list, for others it may be the same, or quite different.

[bean]

Ok ladies und gentlemen, here it is; the nasty truth about Ratsel. Oh and this one is going to have the guys roaring.

WARNING :: Woman with strict convictions here. And lack of care for opposition.

What I consider cheating : (its a long list)

1. Sex talk

2. Flirting (online or off)

3. Taking another person's phone number (opposite sex) and HIDING it.

4. Thinking of another person while having sex...yeah not so good.

5. Obviously, any sexual act with anyone else

6. kissing someone else (and I don't mean the peck on your family member)

7. online correspondence (especially e-mail) with someone you are hiding from your partner

8. text messaging that same type of person through your cell phone

Things that would get you farther from forever with Ratsel :

1. going to a club or bar and hanging all over someone else (Buuuuut I never touched her) DOESN'T WORK

2. same senerio but with dancing (come on)

3. making your partner wonder too much, and feel they need to ask questions

4. keeping logs of porn and pornographic pictures on your computer

5. saying "oh yes, your the one, and I love you so much, there is no one else) and then you go and flirt with someone else behind your partner's back

LAME!!!!

Now....if all of this makes me a severe prude...so be it, because I'm telling you I've been through it all already and here is the cold hard fact - If your with someone who does this crap, they are NOT, I repeat, NOT happy and/or they have a severe issue/crisis.

And here is the argument I get...from both sexes (There is no man out there who doesn't do these things)

RIGHT!

And gentlemen....this is why women have self esteem issues, bitch mode issues, tend to sift through personal belongings issues, may look over your shoulder from time to time issues...and so on.

And guys, here's a tid' bit : If she's doing any of those things I just mentioned, its not because she's WONDERING if your doing something you shouldn't, its because she knows damn well you are already and she wants to confront the issue with fact.

Here is the last and the saddest part of this whole damn truth.

Women who refuse to put up with these things, cannot stay in a relationship. They get cheated on, badly spoken for, pushed aside, replaced or just plain left. And its because MOST men do not want anything holding them back.....Matured. The human attention span is yes, short, but boredom shouldn't come so easy. Women today are unattractive unless they have buns like Pamela Anderson, tits like perfect pieces of fruit, legs like a gazelle and if for some reason that woman has an opinion.....she's damned. And lately...if she is perfect looking and sweet/charming...blah blah blah...if another one comes by him and looks just as good...his mind still trails off. SAAAAAD!

You will never meet anyone more cinical and prudish than I. And this is why I am not married. Not because I don't want to be....but because forever with me would mean being a 100% honorable, faithful, and respectful Man.

I'm curious to see how many people agree with some of my strict morals.

[pomba gira]

The bottom line for any relationship is that there is communication and trust within what is explicitly stated between the two people. "Cheating" is when one person goes outside of what has been agreed upon as acceptable behavior within the relationship. For you, it's as you list, for others it may be the same, or quite different.

+1000

Everyone has a different security/comfort level in relationships; everyone has different ideas on what actions are harmless and which ones are significant. For me, any dishonest act is cheating, or any act that my partner knows I will find hurtful but does anyway. I don't have a long list of specific actions that are taboo; the context of an action is what matters to me.

[Msterbeau]

The bottom line for any relationship is that there is communication and trust within what is explicitly stated between the two people. "Cheating" is when one person goes outside of what has been agreed upon as acceptable behavior within the relationship. For you, it's as you list, for others it may be the same, or quite different.

Let me ammend this... It can be between two or more people, but the ideas the same.

[Rev.Reverence]

You have me slightly on the confused here, I've 2 points to address, in 5 parts ^{(HAIL ERIS)}...

1. Sex talk

2. Flirting (online or off)

3. Taking another person's phone number (opposite sex) and HIDING it.

4. Thinking of another person while having sex...yeah not so good.

5. Obviously, any sexual act with anyone else

6. kissing someone else (and I don't mean the peck on your family member)

7. online correspondence (especially e-mail) with someone you are hiding from your partner

8. text messaging that same type of person through your cell phone

1...'sex talk' must be defined in order to even begin this discussion...there are many kinds of sex talk...talking about sex in a biological, instructional, or anecdotal manner, not only ok & cool, but, sometime NECESSARY...talking like a phone sex operator, not right to say the least (that may be what you mean)...then, there is the 'grey area' of the off colour jokes & silliness to which we may thank the likes of Benny Hill for...I find it very hard to pass up a good-pun-fer-fun (but, you may mean this as well.)

2...again, there is the Benny Hill type of humorous comment that was not meant to go anywhere...then, there is the flirting that is expressly the prelude to mating rituals, which, may or may not be acceptable, depending on the cultural taboos that the partners agree upon at the onset of the partnership.

3, 7, &8... really the exact same thing to me, 'clandestine communication'...ANY thing that is hidden, destroys the root of the word 'partner'.

5...duh...

6...you mean on the open mouth, right?

...Oh, as I started this way back before he posted, I type slow when I have to think up such bombastic words, whilst cleaning the house..really slow... +1 to MSTERBEAU for saying that SO CONCISELY!

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I don't see any problem with your "rules". Might be because my rules are pretty close to the same...

[Lillylu29]

The bottom line for any relationship is that there is communication and trust within what is explicitly stated between the two people. "Cheating" is when one person goes outside of what has been agreed upon as acceptable behavior within the relationship. For you, it's as you list, for others it may be the same, or quite different.

+ 1000

mine is quite different, I think as long as me and whomever im with at the time has understanding and honesty things are all good....

[torn asunder]

The bottom line for any relationship is that there is communication and trust within what is explicitly stated between the two people. "Cheating" is when one person goes outside of what has been agreed upon as acceptable behavior within the relationship. For you, it's as you list, for others it may be the same, or quite different.

exactly...

Edited October 5, 2009 by torn asunder

[Oh_My_Goth]

Cheating is oral or fucking.. Making out with someone is not cheating, but highly frowned upon in my book... But I wouldn't leave someone for it... Now I'm talkin' a quick heat of the moment hot dancing mini make-out.. Not hour long make out session or in the corner... That's when it starts to get to be rude

But I still wouldn't be completely betrayed by it.. Just really pissed.

I am a very open minded person & I trust my partner to not hurt my feelings by doing things that make Me feel uncomfortable.. I don't mind dancing and flirting, as long as things are made clear to the person that my partner is taken.

Edited for clarification

Edited October 6, 2009 by Oh_My_Goth

[Homicidalheathen]

+ 1000

mine is quite different, I think as long as me and whomever im with at the time has understanding and honesty things are all good....

good answers both of u

[Onyx]

It's good to be clear about what you want exactly. The only thing that's a bit difficult for me in that list is the flirting thing.

I've been accused of flirting when I was really just being friendly (but this was years ago when I was in my 20s and looking back, I really think the problem was that my partner was insecure and was seeing things that weren't there). It's easy to be misunderstood when you are a naturally very social person.

It's a fine line and communication is key, for sure.

[creatureofthenyte]

Well,

I don't feel like roaring, that really wouldn't be very productive.

Maybe its just me, but this thread at the onset anyway, has a very stand-offish vibe to it.

Ratsel, I agree with your list; in fact I would look at it as "status quo".

It's good to have strong convictions; if you don't stand for Something, you'll fall for Anything.

If I met someone new, with the intention of dating, and she took a stand-offish attitude toward me, it would be over right then and there.

The people in the relationship need to respect each other; i.e.: cheating should never take place.

Something very relevant;

Women cheat too.

Pretty much everything that men do(that shouldn't be done while in a committed relationship), women do them too.

An example, from personal experience even...

A woman I was dating at the time, cheated on me with another guy.

When I confronted her about it, she looked me straight in the eye and told me that she loved Me, and that she wasn't cheating.

I knew something that she didn't though; the guy she cheated on me with, ratted her out to me.

So, yeah women cheat too.

Attraction isn't always Just physical.

I have to be just as attracted(if not more-so) to a woman's mind/heart, as I am to her body.

If I am not attacted to Both of those attributes, then I don't want be involved with her at all.(The woman should feel the same way(my opinion).

And No, a woman doesn't have to have a "perfect" body..that's a stereotype.

An ugly personality, often has a nasty way of making great boobs/asses/legs look very ugly too.

People in a relationship should trust each other(like alot of other people have already posted);

they shouldn't say things like: "I don't want you going there Alone without me".

I'm sorry, but statements like that, make a person sound insecure.

If you can't trust your S.O. to go out alone, to wherever; that means you don't trust them, and if its like that in the relationship, then why be in it???

Seriously.

Edited October 6, 2009 by creatureofthenyte

[TygerLili]

I agree with almost everything COTN said, but to make my own points:

Dishonesty in a relationship, in all forms, is inexcusable. Whether or not it's "cheating" is a moot point because it's a deal breaker no matter what you call it.

As for the rest of the things on your list; it totally depends on the terms of the relationship. There are malicious and harmless forms of just about everything you mentioned. If you are honest with your partner, then I think flirting, dancing, sometimes even kissing, is not really that big of a deal. If you have an open or poly relationship, the list of what is acceptable is even broader.

If you (and I mean the general "you" here, not talking to anyone in particular) trust your partner and feel secure in your relationship, then honestly most of this stuff shouldn't matter. For example, if your sexual needs are being fulfilled then who really cares who looks at what porn? If I felt that I had to worry about any of this stuff, then I'd know the person wasn't right for me.

[pomba gira]

Good points from COTN & Tygerlili... especially COTN's point that women are just as capable of dishonesty as men. And of superficiality, although when women are obsessed with the superficial it is usually wealth/status rather than physical appearance.

If someone of whatever gender is repeatedly ending up with dishonest/disrespectful partners... they need to ask, "Why am I attracting, and then settling for, this type of person? Am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?" This is a really easy pattern to fall into and very hard to recognize for those who are caught up in it.

[Ratsel]

Ok.......whew.....wipes sweat away.....tries to pull away the smoke.

Here it is. YES I'M STAND OFF-ISH.

Personal experience:

I am brutefully honest with everyone, all the time. I consider it a gift. When I know I want to be in a relationship, I am straight to the point from the get go. I fairly advertise my OLD FASHIONED views and what I will not stand for. And yes, it has crumbled opportunities with some, but, again...thats another gift. Saved me time and pain.

BUT....I have had so many ex's SOOOOOO MAAAANY. (I've been around)that have sworn to me very convincingly that "You have nothing to worry about".

What happened :

Found e-mails

Found phone numbers with obvious signs that they weren't for work or innocent usage

Caught lies

Had to deal with immense amounts of othe women's pictures being stored on hard drives/e-mails/so on

Found them at clubs and bars with other chicks when they said they were staying home

Um.....hey, you name it, I've experienced it.

That is why I am so rigid now.

And you know what, saddly.....it has its destructive times in my current relationship. My TRUST is paper thin (its more like "Please don't hurt me when I leave your presence)

It kills me.

Stand off attitudes come from a long line of bad experiences and the ability to sniff out whats coming around the corner.

And today's "society" is so built up on the "perfect" mate, that those of us who are not pornagraphicly superb, suffer from it.

Thats just the way it is.

example : Was told that I was extremely intelligent and had a great personality....look good when dressed up and so on......same people who said this, played.

And OH_MY_GOTH.....dude, you are more patient than I. The one I'm with danced with another chic at CC one night without me there and I flipped. FLIPPED.

Sometimes I wish I was more relaxed, but when you give an inch.....you know the rest.

[Guest Megalicious]

If someone of whatever gender is repeatedly ending up with dishonest/disrespectful partners... they need to ask, "Why am I attracting, and then settling for, this type of person? Am I creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?" This is a really easy pattern to fall into and very hard to recognize for those who are caught up in it.

[Ratsel]

point above is : you can be as honest as you want with someone and come to an agreement ""....but people still lie. Its terrible, so in the end, trust is about as fictional as world peace.

[Ratsel]

One more thing....

I have spent the last oh....8 years with NO FEMALE FRIENDS. Because of the trust issue, but..... I joined this network for the purpose of making girl friends so that I can just bury the past.

A lot of people with trust issues just give up all together. I think pessimistic words are seriously counteracted by optimistic actions.

That and I'm tired of not having chic friends I can be me with.

Future reference: I'm all TOO OPEN....and I will talk about things that will make you lift your eyebrows many times, doesn't mean I'm nuts, just means I'm brutefully honest and open. Its a trait of mine that what ever few friends I have/get......will tell you is why they respect me and like me.

One gentlemen on here already hand picked me for that very reason, 2 years ago.

[Msterbeau]

There are gentleman here?