Ways To Annoy A Yankee

[gothicmom]

Ways To Annoy A Yankee

Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.

When giving directions, finish with "and it's right

down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of

'em.

Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so

you can understand what they're saying.

When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em

"Delta's ready when you are!"

Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC

basketball.

Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.

Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't

have it, raise a ruckus.

Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.

Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle

names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. .

.you get the idea)

Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression"

in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil

War", always interject that "there was nothing civil

about it."

Address all males as "son" and females as "little

lady".

Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For

example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".

Put Tabasco on everything.

For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New

York is New York City. In other words, if they say

"Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!" say "Well, I'll be

darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway

show!"

When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show

up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana

ones.

Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em

that!)

Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their

reaction.

"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to

school.

Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do"

something.

Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.

Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all

conversations... Offends the heck out of 'em.

Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving

directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn

left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think

they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway,

turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well,

turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish

on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on

the other side of town.."

Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em

you went driving around in your convertible this

weekend.

Call 'em a yankee. Works every time.

[gothicmom]

For those that don't know, we lived in North Carolina for about 6 years. I think I encountered everyone of these instances!!-----theres yer sign!

[Jarodaka]

Git 'er done!

[Scary Guy]

I was standing in the shower one day thinking, if you've ever stood in the shower drinking a beer, you might be a redneck.

Not that I drink beer in the shower, or anywhere else for that matter.

[phee]

Ever seen "Blue Collar TV"?

[Onyx]

Yuk. Everything on that list annoys me, and I lived in the south half mylife.

[Head Wreck]

i'm glad i never did.

i just have to put up with the rest of my kind

[Ginevra]

Can't remember if it was on the list, but one way to annoy folks too is to say "all y'all" rather than the just plain "y'all".

[Fierce Critter]

>>Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.<<

Particularly this one: wait for traffic to ALMOST clear. Then, when you see my truck coming down the road at 60 mph, pull out IN FRONT OF ME, even though there is NOBODY BEHIND me. Then, do 45 mph. Thanks, Bubba.

>>Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.<<

A-yuh. I could write a book with the dragged-out words I hear - at twice the necessary pages, of course. :

>>When giving directions, finish with "and it's right

down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of

'em.<<

Don't forget, Q) "How far would you say it is?" A) "A ways..." Uh, yeah...

>>Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC

basketball.<<

I so totally don't follow football, I can't even tell you what SEC or ACC are. But I CAN tell you this: If I never see or hear about anything having to do with Duke, the Panthers, or any other of these teams, it won't be soon enough for me.

>>Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.<<

One better: Drink. "I'm gonna go get some drink".

>>Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't

have it, raise a ruckus. <<

And hush-puppies and barbecue - and not GOOD barbecue, either.

>>Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression"

in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil

War", always interject that "there was nothing civil

about it."<<

Technically, my ancestors were in Poland, so I really couldn't give a rats' ass. But in general, "We WON. GET OVER IT."

>>Address all males as "son" and females as "little

lady". <<

I've gotten "Honey". But for guys, it's actually "Bo". I'm not sure, but I think it's short for "brother".

>>Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For

example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".<<

Actually, it's Peh-cahn", as in "Grahnd Pree" :

>>Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their

reaction.<<

"There you go".

And don't forget: NOTHING comes after "I tell you whut". So stop waiting for them to actually TELL you WHAT.

>>"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to

school. <<

And nobody seems to "Live" anywhere. They all "Stay" someplace. Which just goes to show you - there ain't much livin' to do in the country. But yer stuck, so there you "stay".

>>Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving

directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn

left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think

they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway,

turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well,

turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish

on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on

the other side of town.."<<

"It's by the new Food Lion." There are two Food Lions, each 10 miles away, and since they've both been in business since BEFORE we moved here, it's ALL new to me.

And I've gotten this one, "it's right over where Snoopy's used to be". Uhh... what the fuck is/was Snoopy's???

And no matter how midwest my accent is, how Queen's English I speak, people still talk to me like I've lived here all my life when giving directions. "You know - off Walter Myatt road." Walter whothefuck? "Well, then you know where the Lassiter's live." WHICH Lassiters? There are two dozen in this town alone. Nevermind - I'll use mapquest. "Blank stare"

>>Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em

you went driving around in your convertible this

weekend. <<

Yeah, but on the 5 days a year it DOES snow & ice-up down here, I'm the only mutherfucker who is still on the road, while their convertible is turtled in a ditch.

>>Call 'em a yankee. Works every time. <<

Yeah - Makes me PROUD. WE WON, GET OVER IT.:grin:

Edited December 1, 2004 by Fierce Critter

[LuluVox]

"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to

school.

Oh my gosh, yes. I lived in northwest Georgia for 10 years (before that, I lived in Orlando, Florida, where the only thing southern that happens is sweet tea, which incidentally is the only thing I miss about Georgia), and I NEVER got used to any of those words. Especially 'mash'. It just threw me off every time. That, and when they said 'borry' instead of 'borrow'.

Oh man.

[Deadpunk1187]

i will have to tri this...