What to do about a possible stalker?

[Der Nister]

This question/topic is open to everyone regardless of having been on the recieving end of a stalker.

I want to ask if anyone has dealt with a situation where an ex refuses to stay out of you life. Or if you know/knew someone that dealt with it.

What did they/you do?

I really need to know.

Edited November 4, 2009 by Der Nister

[jynxxxedangel]

Cut them off, COMPLETELY. This means absolutely NO contact. If they don't get a reaction from you, then they will stop meddling.

If you have them on YIM, however, DO NOT delete them from your buddy list-- or they will be able to see you, even if you go online as invisible. Even if you put them on your iggy list, they can still see YOU. Gotta love that stupid Yahoo glitch.

Edited November 4, 2009 by jynxxxedangel

[bean]

If you feel like you are being harassed or are in danger, file for a PPO. That's what I would do. Click this for more info

[Oh_My_Goth]

Had one as a teenager.. He threatened my life on a few occasions.. I never went anywhere alone. Pretty scary shit.

After a while of completely cutting him off and warning him that I would get a restraining order, he backed off.

[EAF (1)]

Depending on the situation...if the person is not mentally disturberd in a great way then they most likely will just back off with no contact and threats of a restraining order. However I know someone who was not so lucky until recently to have his ex leave him alone. Before we met, but after they had broken up (she broke it off) they even went as far as public slander on business cards, juveniele grafitti where he works, posing as another girl on myspae and then egging him, and the list goes on and on. But now it has slowed to the basic drunken call ever so often even after he has changed his number more than once. Now his plan is to let them go to voicemail and report them as incidnets to get a restraining order. You have to have 3 seperate instances on record by the way to be able to file one...how stupid.

[LittleMissLuckyCunt (1)]

My ex was like that a couple years back, it was really bad. I had to get a PPO on him, that got him away for a while.

[Homicidalheathen]

i find a lil ass kicking goes a looong way most people want to keep their teeth

[CalicoKittyKat]

Change your phone number. Make all online profiles private (I thought that deleting my myspace and making a new one without my name would help, but no--MySpace decided to feature me on "cool, new people" when I did that). Let other people know someone is stalking you. Notify your job (if there is security at your job, be sure to tell them). Don't walk out to your car alone. If you can, file a police report (I tried this two years ago. A female cop over the phone told me she would file one for me, but when I got to the station, it was a male cop I dealt with, and he simply just told me to call them if he showed up at my house...one of the "good ol' boys", I guess). SAVE ANYTHING YOU CAN, for example--Voicemails, text messages, myspace/facebook messages, etc. Always be aware of your surroundings.

[pomba gira]

i find a lil ass kicking goes a looong way most people want to keep their teeth

I gotta agree with HH. Fuck taking the victim role... if I were ever in that situation I'd definitely get proactive in the most concrete way possible.

[Guest Megalicious]

I agree with CK, MAKE SURE YOU LET people know that someone is stalking you. LET YOUR SCHOOL OR WORK KNOW right AWAY. They usually have video cameras in play that can pick up the person that is following you. When presented with things like VIDEO they can no longer deny it or if they do , their credibility IS SHIT.

NOTE ALL DAYS and times that you notice them following you.

IF you can, invest in a cell phone that has a good video camera, also EXTREMELY useful in documenting stalking.

Change you phone number and if possible the place you live.

Always be aware of your surrounding environment, especially if it is night, or if you are a secluded area.

The most important advice I can give you, don't let the psycho know how much they are effectting you, that is what THEY want.

[Rev.Reverence]

.....um...ever think of stalking them twice as hard?

[Homicidalheathen]

Hang a funeral wreath on their front door with their name on it.

[littlepinkkitty]

who has the time to stalk anyone theses days really? I had a guy that was stalking me. I was 19 and he was 31. I kept it from my at the time boyfriend. I ignored him. He would call me all day leaving crazy voicemails either begging me to go out to lunch or calling me a bitch for ignoring him. He had a girlfriend too and he woud say iwas the one stalking him. He tries to get me fired from work and he told them he was afraid for his safety when he came to work out. I weighed 100 pounds at the time and he is 6'4 and really muscley. Eventually they crumble into their own craziness. I ignored him completely. My boss saw he was crazy and he was told he would lose his membership at the club if he talked to me. I randomly get phonecalls and myspace messages from him saying please answer me back but i ignore them.

I do not beleive in having some one beat up. Not up to us to dealt out karma. Karma takes time but it always kicks in eventually. If you feel you are in danger get a restraining order. You can also send a notarized letter to their house saying that if they dont stay away from you legal action will be taken. Thats what the police chief told me. Sometimes it just takes a while of ignoring someone before they get the point and go away.

[pomba gira]

People are murdered all the time by someone they have a restraining order against. If a person is really disturbed they couldn't care less about a piece of paper. When I worked at channel 4, Carmen and almost all of the online personalities had stalkers... it was part of my job to deal with Carmen's. If they weren't directly threatening we generally ignored them, because unfortunately there is not a whole lot that can be done about these people through legal channels. They would go to court, be remanded for psych eval, and sent back home due to the extreme lack of mental health care in our communities these days. For someone who is just obnoxious and not threatening, ignoring them is probably best. But trying to ignore or hide from someone who's actively threatening you and/or interfering with your day to day life... that just perpetuates this kind of shit. If women could stop accepting the victim role, I believe we'd see a lot fewer of these situations. I know that's much easier said than done for many... women are socialized to be passive victims & look to others for protection, and it's EXTREMELY hard to overcome that conditioning. But hey we all gotta start somewhere.

[KatRN05]

PPO's mean dick. Get a CCW.

Edited November 8, 2009 by KatRN05

[Raev]

Krav Maga.

CCW.

Pepper Spray.

Brass Knuckles.

Expanding Baton.

Irritable mohawked friends with low tolerance for bullshit.

All good deterrents for a stalker.

[KatRN05]

One or more of the above.

Edited November 8, 2009 by KatRN05

[pomba gira]

One or more of the above.

Agreed.

Just make sure you actually know how to use your weapon of choice... it doesn't just come naturally like in the movies. Practice makes perfect, or at least competent.

I want to stress that I do not believe in violence as a primary problem-solving mode. Under NORMAL circumstances, there's always a better way. But being made to live in fear 24-7 is a different story altogether.

Edited November 8, 2009 by pomba gira

[kat (1)]

Hang a funeral wreath on their front door with their name on it.

I love it!!

[AmieLamie]

I say, give them a show!

JUST KIDDING. Don't do that.

[Joey Deadcat]

Call on folks from my old 'hood - the sight of a group of ass-kicking, Southwest Detroit Mexican-Americans will make any woman's stalker turn the other direction.

[AmieLamie]

Call on folks from my old 'hood - the sight of a group of ass-kicking, Southwest Detroit Mexican-Americans will make any woman's stalker turn the other direction.

He is right.