A question for all about unconventional relationships

[Ivy_Cat]

1) What is your honest opinion about open marriages?

2) if you are in one how do you handle the criticism or the people that treat the females in it as lose women?

[Msterbeau]

1. As long as everyone involved is completely honest to one another, drama should be minimal. But there will likely be incompatibilities with some people. That's to be expected. All that to say: If it works for you, I have no issues with it. As long as it's not being used to mask some other issues. (Some of which you ay not even be aware of.)

2. They're entitled to their opinion. They can also fuck off and mind their own business. :-)

[pomba gira]

I have been in two. Both ended for reasons that had nothing to do with that aspect of the marriages. Also recently ended a two year relationship where we were in the swinger lifestyle. Works for me as I kind of don't get the whole concept of enforced monogamy, but I understand it's not for everyone. I have seen "open" or lifestyle relationships where one person only agreed to it to please the other... and the scenario Marc mentioned, about masking other issues. That I don't approve of, it has to be a mutual desire and understanding, based on honesty & trust.

As for question #2, anyone who's close enough to me to know my personal business, is not likely to be narrow-minded about these things. If they are, well, they prolly know me well enough to understand that voicing their opinions will be a pointless exercise. So the issue of criticism doesn't really come up for me.

[bean]

1. This might seems closed minded or prudish, but I don't get it. I have a hard time understanding how you can be in love with someone, yet have sex with other people. I couldn't imagine my husband being with other people - I would be devastated. I would feel like I was worthless or that I wasn't good enough because he would have to go elsewhere to enjoy himself.

2. Even though it doesn't make sense to me, I think that if it works for you, you are happy, and no one is getting hurt, then have it at. Monogamy just doesn't work for some people. That I can understand. I don't look down on people who are in open relationships, and I don't think that the women (or men) who are in open relationships are loose; they are just doing what makes them happy. Just like I don't want to be criticized for being in a monogamous marriage, I'm not going to criticize people who are in an open relationship. Different things work for different people.

Edited November 8, 2009 by bean water

[Rev.Reverence]

1) What is your honest opinion about open marriages?

2) if you are in one how do you handle the criticism or the people that treat the females in it as lose women?

...it is not really for me...& I have rarely seen it work.

..we used to have an open thing, when we first started datin'/hangin' out...& I realized, (whilst fucking a friend of mine) that sex without O_M_G, hmmm...it just ain't as fun, nor cool.

.....NOW...We have the whole triad thing goin' on...& a WHOLE LOT of peoples totally mistake that for an open relationship, & try to like, hit on my Wife, & Girlfriend...like, with barely even knowing us......the young Ladies that hit on me all hear he same refrain, "That sounds nice, but, you wanna' talk to me Wife SHE, sets up stuff like that, Darlin'...", works like the charm, & they run away...girls, get the picture easier than boys ...boys are dumb, oK...

...I would recommend, telling them to quit trying to put you in the box their mind is, it is a small cramped box for someone with such wild wiles.....OR, ignore the ignorant, judgmental, ass hats.

..also, a simple, "FUCK OFF!" can do wonders now & again...

[jynxxxedangel]

1. I think it all boils down to personal priorities in life. All healthy, wedded relationships are based upon a mutual agreement of priorities and beliefs. I think every human being in the world wishes and hopes for someone to come into their life, who will share their desires, interests, hopes, and dreams.

In regards to sexual aspects, some folks are happy to do all of their sexual experimentation on their own, and get it all out of their systems BEFORE settling down. Others prefer to have partners, with whom to continue these social experiments with.

I happen to be from the same school of thought as Bean. My curiosities, escapades, and philanderings were all carried out and fulfilled, before I chose to settle with my life partner. Any further delving into the arts of love and passion, will be done strictly and exclusively with him. I honestly can't even imagine anyone else's hands upon me, for ever-after, except for his.

2. As for question number two: I think that any woman who initiates, and/or openly enjoys sex, is frowned upon, in this society. People are intimidated by it.

Edited November 7, 2009 by jynxxxedangel

[Homicidalheathen]

You would be surprised how little sex some of us actually get and how few partners we have in a year.

All 3 of my current partners I have known for years. One of them I don't have full intercourse with. One I am married to. He is not seeing anyone right now I don't think...dunno...I don't ask...I did find someone else's undies in my laundry rencently and no one had spent the night in a long time...we have a totally open thing going on...I use condoms with him thus...thats our choice...its prob the most unconventional you will find anywhere.

and my response to critisism is this ONE FINGER VICTORY SALUTE

I am 44 have tried every type of relationship and this is the only thing that works for me/us.

Not to many people can handle it or agree with it...

Like my finding the undies...my response was laughter...and at least he got some. If it were my best friend I would have that reaction so...what do you expect?

Being married 20 yrs turns you into best buds on many levels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeJmmQ5y9eQ

[TygerLili]

1) As long as all parties are happy, and are not hurting or inconveniencing anyone else, then I am fine with what ever type of relationship a couple (or more, I guess) wants to have. I personally would never want to be involved in any way in an open marriage. I think, in practice, they work out well very little of the time.

2) If you are going to have an "unconventional" anything, people are going to criticize it. You either have to be thick-skinned and learn not to care about that, or conform. If your real friends accept you the way you are, then who cares what everyone else thinks?

[Nienna]

I have alot of friends who are in open or polyamorous relationships. It works as long as everyone is on the same page.

Personally, I prefer a more "poly" approach to things, like what Rev was talking about. My BF and I are actually seeking a girlfriend ourselves right now. It's not an open relationship though, it's a desire to bring someone else in, in a monogamous way.

[n0Mad]

Well Maria, you got my fill last night. Anyone who themselves is in an alternative relationship has no right to judge any other alternative relationship. As far as name calling ... pots and kettles.

[creatureofthenyte]

It's not something I'd ever do, but I don't have any issue with anyone else doing it, if they choose to. I wouldn't think differently of someone who chooses to do that; its something that's just not for Me is all...

[FortisLombardi]

Having been married twice, I can only say the monogamous thing wasn't for me...I currently have a fwb relationship situation, and it was a mutual decision to keep it that way. So, it's whatever works for the people involved. Let others name-call all they want, it's really none of their business anyway.