Incomplete news

[Mean Salley]

Find a news headline on whatever news site of your choice. Cut and paste the title, but do not read the story.

Finish the rest of the story on your own.

Me will start

"Thief yanks San Jose widow's 6-pound Maltese mix from her SUV"

Smarlma Dushanky was on her way to pick up a few pineapples and vaseline for her monthly Oakland CA swingers meet-up. When she stopped at an intersection at 2:00 pm, a man wearing a chainlmail thong with more broken links than a "goth of the month" site, puma sneakers and a billabong T-shirt ran up and snatched her 6 pound Maltese puppy dog from the passengers seat.

As the man ran off, Smarlma screamed and jumped out of her Explorer. She sprinted after the man, both of them weaving and dodging between unwitting pedestrians. The bloke with the dog slipped in some swill in front of Amos P. Goodbody's world famous steak sammich shop and took a spill which caused him to lose his hold on the dog. Smarlma closed in, leaped off of a nearby fire hydrant and dropped a wicked awesome "Macho-Elbow" onto the guy's sternum. He rolled over and tried to crawl away, but Smarlma had more plans for the would be canine thief. She clotheslined some dumb shit-stain hipster and took his vintage 1976 nerd bike and set it up side down, with the handlebars and seat on the ground. She grabbed a pedal and cranked it 'round and 'round until she got the rear wheel moving at a pretty good speed. Then she lifted up the thief, stripped him from the waist down and set his scrot-sac on the spinning wheel while keeping the speed up with one of her feet. The fella screamed with brutal agony as the filthy wheel skinned off the epidermis and bounced his genitals around like a sausage in a garbage diposal with dull blades. Finally she eye gouged him with that little knobby part on the top of the fire hydrant and sat her fat cottage cheese hiney on the back of his nugget for a few minutes just so he'd never forget.

The end.

[Msterbeau]

[Homicidalheathen]

Here is a pic of the man in the thong.

[Oh_My_Goth]

Nice

I will have to get back to this thread...

*wonders off to the NET to find a headline*