sick jokes

[lullaby1031]

A man came home late from work one night and was feeling.. well.. a bit frustrated so we went to his local whore house. The man walks in and asks to speak to the pimp. Mr. Pimp comes out and says "Well hello there, how may we service you this evening?" The man responds, "Well, I'm looking for a blonde to have some fun with..." Mr. Pimp - " Oh well we got the perfect chics here so that won't be a problem. Just go to the room at the top of the stairs and someone will be with you shortly." The man is nervous but happy and heads straight up the stairs.

While his in the room, he notices 2 buckets of what looked like whipped cream mixed with strawberries. The man thinks, "hey that'd be pretty hot...I'm going to rub some all over me and when she walks in she can lick it off." He takes off his shirt and scopes up some and starts smeering it all over his chest as the girl walks in. She belts out a scream of bloody murder and runs out of the room. He puts his shirt back on and goes downstairs to talk to the pimp.

The man sees the pimp and says "Hey where'd your chic go? She came in and ran out screaming?" Pimp says 'Oh well what happened?" The man says "I dunno I just was layin there gettin ready and she looked at me and ran..." The Pimp says "Ok well go back up and I'll send up my personal favorite.."

So the man ran back upstairs to wait for another girl and takes his shirt off and recoats himself with the strawberries and whipped cream. A light knock rapped at the door and he said "Come in!" The girl walks in and takes a look at the man and starts screaming at the top of her lungs for the pimp to get upstairs A.S.A.P.

The pimp walks in and goes "What the hell is wrong with you?!" The man says "Man I dunno what kinda place your running here but I just was gettin ready, noticed these strawberries and whipped cream and thought I could get some licks out of the deal" The pimp gives a disgusted look and says "What the hell did you think was in the buckets?!" The man says "Strawberries and whipped cream???!!" The pimp respondes " Man, those ain't strawberries with whipped cream..... thats last weeks abortions....."

[Fierce Critter]

Oh, that's too gross....

Time for the dead baby jokes...

Q) Which would you rather unload? A truck full of dead babies, or a truck full of bowling balls?

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A) A truck full of dead babies. It's easier 'cause you can use a pitchfork.

[lullaby1031]

LMFAO Harsh :laughing good one!

[Guest MsMaldoror]

Q: How do you know if a woman's macho?

A: She rolls her own tampons.

OK, I think it's funny... :blushing

[SomeDanGuy]

That's a classic. I usually hear it as "What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can unload the babies with a pitchfork"

Ha, I like that tampons one too

[mallochai]

my personal favorite, a two-parter, as told by a friend in high school, because at the end he'd do a fiesta dance:

How do you get a hundred dead babies into a telephone booth?

Puree.

How do you get them back out?

Tortilla Chips!

*pictures a skinny faggish kid with a black bob doing a fiesta dance*

hehehehe....

[LadyWindstone]

My mother actually told me these. Its a 2 parter.

1 What do you call something blue and wiggling in a corner?

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baby in a baggy.

2. what do you call something green and still in a corner?

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same baby two weeks later.

[Brenda Starrr]

:blink

I almost peed myself......

[Hellion]

:devil Here is a few oldie but goodies: What kind of wood does'nt float; natilie wood. 2 Whats brown and knocks on windows: baby in a microwave. 3 How did they punish Helen Keller when she really misbehaved. They left the toilet plunger in the toilet. 4 why is her leg yellow; her dog is blind too.