Have you ever tried to kill yourself?

[bean]

It's been on my mind pretty much non-stop for the past 2 weeks, and I have to keep telling myself not to do it. I already know what will happen: I will attempt it, and I will fail and be in a worse state than I was in before. I keep hoping for a really bad car accident, or that one of these days I end up drinking too much and just don't wake up in the morning. Whatever.

[Homicidalheathen]

Yah ok I will admit it. I thought about it too. I have extremely bad SAD and when it rains.....it poors. I may have to move back to Pheonix.

It's been on my mind pretty much non-stop for the past 2 weeks, and I have to keep telling myself not to do it.  I already know what will happen: I will attempt it, and I will fail and be in a worse state than I was in before.  I keep hoping for a really bad car accident, or that one of these days I end up drinking too much and just don't wake up in the morning.  Whatever.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Medea]

I will be honest... I could never commit suicide. It's just a concept that is beyond me. It doesn't actually solve something, to me it is just giving up. And not only that... it makes the people around you, that care for you, feel like you do.

Don't get me wrong, I have had some damn depressing times, times when I felt that I was the ugliest, most useless thing to walk the face of this earth, and maybe it wasn't worth dealing with, but I was more considering locking myself up and becoming a hermit, not suicide.

It just seems so... much. Besides, I'm VERY not into pain. When I feel depressed, I get a friend and some beer, and we talk it out, we try to find some plan to change or fight the situation that is making me feel that way.

And with my mom so sick, life has become even more precious to me. Every moment means so much to me these days, because I know that slowly, minute by minute, her time on this earth is ticking away...

Gods... I'm crying now, I'm sorry if I seem at all preachy... I'm really sorry...

[DarkVampire]

A failed attempt of ODing back in my stupid days after a breakup of that special someone. I became better and stronger for it as a result. NEVER would I ever allow anyone to bring to that point again. Taking the easy way out is for cowards. Be strong, confront your issues and live.

My last line may be harsh, but harshness is necessary at times to snap people back into perspective.

[capuchin]

I could never do it. My sister killed herself by way of a drug overdose and after seeing how much it affected everyone in her life, I could never do that to anyone else. I mean, I might go through some very bad times but I couldn't cause that much pain and grief to my boyfriend, parents, brother, etc.

[bean]

When someone is at that point where they think about suicide, they think/feel like no one will care if they are gone. If you thought someone might give a shit, then you wouldn't do it because you know they would be sad and all that and you wouldn't want to make someone feel bad on purpose. So telling someone that is in that state of mind that people will care if they die won't really do any good, usually. *shrugs*

[capuchin]

When someone is at that point where they think about suicide, they think/feel like no one will care if they are gone.  If you thought someone might give a shit, then you wouldn't do it because you know they would be sad and all that and you wouldn't want to make someone feel bad on purpose.  So telling someone that is in that state of mind that people will care if they die won't really do any good, usually. *shrugs*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't know that I necessarily agree with that. That presumes that the person's depression is very interpersonally based, which isn't always the case. Many people who successfully commit suicide go to great pains before killing themselves to let those that they're close to how much they care about and appreciate them, often doing things to try to alleviate the guilt...which they would be unlikely to do if they genuinely were unaffected by or oblivious to others' caring of them.

One of the features most commonly associated with suicide attempts is not, in fact, the severity of the depression but the impulsivity of the person in question. That's why you see suicide so prominently in teenagers and people with rapidly changing moods (both of which tend to rank much higher in impulsivity.) For that reason, anything that can get a suicidal person to think things through more can be helpful, including the impact on other people.

Also, suicide is more common among those that are coming out of a depression than in the throes of it. This is why you see a higher rate of suicide rate on certain anti-depressants...as odd as it sounds, when a person is very deep in depression, they actually don't have the energy to kill themselves. It's when the depression starts to lift that a person is likely to attempt suicide. Basically, they've cheered up just enough to realize how much their life sucks. So, anything you can do to direct that newfound energy into something that can give them hope has the possibility of helping. Perhaps not everyone and in every situation, but certainly in some cases.

[the eternal]

And with my mom so sick, life has become even more precious to me.  Every moment means so much to me these days, because I know that slowly, minute by minute, her time on this earth is ticking away...

Gods... I'm crying now, I'm sorry if I seem at all preachy... I'm really sorry...

When I was 19, I found out my sister had been molested all through her childhood.

I had no idea and yet I carried an overwhelming amount of guilt for not having stopped it.

I still do sometimes.

That was a very difficult time for me and I'd rather not elaborate further.

Everytime I hear "Something I Can Never Have" by NIN, it brings me back.

[fever blister]

yes sir me and suicide go back like 4 flats on a cadillac, in fact i think thats the way im intended to go, its like my destiny or something

[Brenda Starrr]

Right about now I'm wishing I was dead. I'm not going to do anything about it, though.

[Nienna]

... (edited because I need to not think like that)

[The_Dark]

I kept looking at this thread. Never actually reading it. I kept thinking.. "No, I haven't." Just no I remembered.. I did... Once. I was 19. I got really drunk and somehow snapped. I beat the hell out of my best friend. The guilt hit me like a wall at 100mph. I borrowed a friends car and went for a ride. at 90mph I slammed the front whell drive car into reverse. The car rolled 3 times. I got out and a trucker helped me get it back on it's wheels. I went home and ate 2 bottles of OTC sleeping pills and washed them down with a 5th of vodka. My next memory is from a week later. My friends tell me about the weird stuff I did over the next week and thelarge amount of pills I ate... I failed. I don't like to do things I'm not good at. So, I have never tried to do it again. I'm pretty good at dealing with the shot life hands me, so I'm sticking with that.

[Medea]

When I was 19, I found out my sister had been molested all through her childhood.

I had no idea and yet I carried an overwhelming amount of guilt for not having stopped it. 

I still do sometimes.

That was a very difficult time for me and I'd rather not elaborate further.

Everytime I hear "Something I Can Never Have" by NIN, it brings me back.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the hugs, Eternal.

And I can very much understand your feelings of guilt. You just feel like you should have noticed something was going on, and maybe then you could have stopped it. I had the same feelings when I found out my friend was on heroin.

[Steven]

intentionally? No.

subconsciously? Maybe.

I know what its like to have parents that are hardcore addicts.

I know what its like to be beaten bloody over and over again as a little boy.

I know what its like to be raised in a religeous cult and be seperated from the mainstream and to wait for armegeddon.

I know what its like to move to a new house and new school every year and leave everythgin you know behind again.

I know what its like to have others see the abuse and never do a thing.

I know what its like to live scared and pee the bed till I was 12.

So......, I know what its like to have problems with my head. And secrets.

And to go on week long drug binges of any and every sort possible.

And to drive motorcycles very fast down Hollywood Blvd while hallucintating on acid and PCP.

And to lay in the street in my own vomit.

And to use so much Meth every day that I was just a walking (and stinking) open sore.

And to fuck anyone at any time and never use protection.

And to fuck WITH - the wrong people and thus need protection.

And to be out on the wrong streets at the wrong time playing the wrong odds looking for the wrong thrill.

And to feel like Angels were watching you, some to help you and some to harm you, but you listen to the wrong ones over and over again.

[Homicidalheathen]

Listening to the 'wrong' angels? Yah...uh.....speed makes ya go nuts. I too think I have had a subconcious thing for hurting myself.....but in my old age am pretty much over it.

I don't really do drugs anymore.....maybe the occasional experiment....

I do get depressed in the winter as I have S.A.D. This summer has been wonderful......sunny everyday.....I am so happy!

Just wait until winter comes.....I will need you guys.

Dude it sounds like you had a rough time and came out ok.....good for you. :grin

intentionally?  No.

subconsciously?  Maybe.

I know what its like to have parents that are hardcore addicts.

I know what its like to be beaten bloody over and over again as a little boy.

I know what its like to be raised in a religeous cult and be seperated from the mainstream and to wait for armegeddon.

I know what its like to move to a new house and new school every year and leave everythgin you know behind again.

I know what its like to have others see the abuse and never do a thing.

I know what its like to live scared and pee the bed till I was 12.

So......, I know what its like to have problems with my head.  And secrets.

And to go on week long drug binges of any and every sort possible.

And to drive motorcycles very fast down Hollywood Blvd while hallucintating on acid and PCP.

And to lay in the street in my own vomit.

And to use so much Meth every day that I was just a walking (and stinking) open sore.

And to fuck anyone at any time and never use protection.

And to fuck WITH - the wrong people and thus need protection.

And to be out on the wrong streets at the wrong time playing the wrong odds looking for the wrong thrill.

And to feel like Angels were watching you, some to help you and some to harm you, but you listen to the wrong ones over and over again.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Steven]

You old fart.

I saw your picture by the way, and you look great, and I think I'm an (slighty...easy now) older fart than you....

Arent we all more than a bit tweaked? I know I can swap storeis with the best of them, but so what really? In the end - we all suffer - we all get hurt - we all get "programmed" to some degree and pain is relative anyway.

I learned to get help...with me. I think thats the difference. I have a handful of spiritual mentors (including my wife - my partner - my best friend) that I can safely go to and say hey - my heads a wreck - I need assistance here.....

I wish we aLL partnered more in life. Our troubles make us lone wolves, thats were we get defeated in the long run......

PS - the angels were real......

Steven

[vampgirl21]

i tiyed 3 times. 2 times i od on pain killers but i got my stomach pumped and 1 time i slit my wrist but my mother found me before i passed out in the tube. after that i just got tierd trying cuz i guess i suck at trying to end my own life.

[Saephyr]

In that case sweetie...think you'd better stay here with us and just enjoy the little things in life then

I had a massive drug reaction just last year. I was being treated for my migraines with something old drug wise. My friends hated it and I thought it was failing anyway. The neuro didn't have any problem leaving me on this grocery list of shit so what can you do? :doh

I got hit w/ a massive headbanger...went to ER TWICE where I was discharged TWICE after being given Dilaudid and explaing my drug regimen was all messed up and I should have bloodwork done to check it. NAH...they know better :devil

...got back to the b/f house where I was hallucinating all day..hearing things...and couldn't sleep being my 2rd day w/o any I was really trippin! I was thinking that I was going to die from the pain and I'd better swallow something to help. A fistfull of something later I was on the phone with poison control and he said I HAD to get to ER and get pumped NOW :tear Ok I had no clue what was happening! Honest! Like I was watching someone else do this. i woke my poor b/f and told him what was happening and he went with me to watch the charcoal treatment begin I love life and had no clue why it all happenedexcept for massive overdose due to the Dr. fault NOT mine! Labeled as a suicide attempt in the hospital is such a drag but you meet nice nurses every visit.

AFTER THAT...I was released from the hospital and my blood was still not right and I could tell...I was released to go see a counselor...finished the interview and had a GRAND MALL SEIZURE which I had never in my entire life had. It was due to all the fucking drugs I had over the past week. So YES I tried to die and DID for 20 seconds I was told! (No cool visions, ni white light, no Grandparents or even my stepson to call me into any lights...).BUT it wasn't during my drug induced actual attempt...it was after doctors had me totally screwed up with drugs and I had a seizure at a med facility. No permenant damage and I have my entire tongue left after chomping it in half

...so just stick around for the show DGN folks cuz I think I got a KARMA kick in my ass for being an idiot and not simply telling someone "I don't feel right." It could have saved me a ton of pain & my family too. People care.

[Mizstomp]

Once, but that was 6 years ago, I was 15.

I wouldn't do it, ever.