need some major help

[jcheeka]

How do I tell my 12 year old that I am dating someone. Her dad and I just told her today that we are getting divorced. The marriage hasnt worked for a while we are better as friends. We seperated in oct but still live in the same house. I met the new guy in aug but we didnt start getting serious until i seperated from my husband. I plan on moving in with this guy sometime but I want my 12 year to get to know him first. Any advice on how to go about telling her?

[torn asunder]

no idea - it's going to be really hard to explain to a 12 yr old why you just split with their dad and are already dating someone else. this is why i've always been a firm believer in people being disentangled before moving on.

good luck with it, it's a tough situation...

[Slogo]

It's one of those things that will just have to take time make the situation better

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

This is sorta hard. On the one hand, explaining things could get a little "over their head" on the other, you don't wanna lie to em...

[pomba gira]

no idea - it's going to be really hard to explain to a 12 yr old why you just split with their dad and are already dating someone else. this is why i've always been a firm believer in people being disentangled before moving on.

good luck with it, it's a tough situation...

Yup. Your young one is going to blame guy #2 for the breakup, I really don't see any way around that. A 12-year old cannot make sense of "the marriage hasn't worked for a while we are better as friends"... from her POV it will simply be: 1. Mom & Dad announce they're splitting up; 2. Mom immediately thereafter shows up with new boyfriend who she's obviously been seeing for a while.

[AstralCrux]

I'm going with. See the guy for a year without telling your daughter. Around a year after the divorce, start slowly introducing him into her life with simple activities like dinner or mini-golf. Don't even mention that you're dating. About 3-4 months after introducing him, mention that you've been on a few dates and ask what your daughter thinks of him. By that point she should like him in general.

My dad used something like this to introduce my step-mom to us when we were kids and it worked. My mom was upfront about dating from the first date and we generally tried to kill the poor bastard that she'd bring around. They were under the impression she had wild gorillas living with her that really enjoyed throwing things. We'd try to mindfuck the poor guys too.

[Msterbeau]

Unfortunately for you... if you don't want to mess with your child's head more then will already happen at her age, you should wait a while before introducing anyone new. Even if you weren't just getting divorced, it's a good idea to wait a while and make sure of where the relationship is headed.

[jcheeka]

thanks for all the advice

[TygerLili]

Yep, give her at least 3-4 months to process the divorce before you even think about introducing a new guy, and then do it very slowly. Be prepared, though, that no matter when you introduce her to the new guy, she's probably not going to like it, at least for a while.