Have you ever felt so lost

[jcheeka]

In the span of less then 24 hours my whole world has fallen apart. I had been with this guy we were planning on getting a place together and starting a life together. He has an ex who is the mother of his daughter. In the last two weeks he has been spending a lot of time at her place to see the kids (his and her other one by another guy) I didnt say to much because its his kids. The only part that upset me was that he would stay after the kids went to bed. So in the last two weeeks I kinda suspected something but he kept telling me that he loved me that I was the love he had been looking for his whole life and that he would never leave me to go back to her. She was always so mean to him very jealous controling and liked to make fun of him. Call me crazy thats not what you do to someone you love.

So two days ago we got in a big fight about everything. We both kinda calmed down and he asked if we could talk more yesterday. All morning he told me that he loved me wanted to be with me couldnt wait for us to go out saturday and couldnt wait for our life together to start. We went back to his house so I could see his daughter. We played for a while and he was really quiet. Got ready to leave and this is the part that made me so mad I told his daughter goodbye that I would see her soon and that she could met my daughter really soon. He let me say all that waited for me to drive home and he calls me and tells me that he still has feelings for his ex and he is sorry. He doesnt know what else to say.

Now this morning I just found out that my best friend who is like a sister to me told my soon to be ex husband a bunch of stuff about me and my boyfriend and some other stuff. So now I no longer have a boyfriend or a best friend. Anyone got any ideas on how to make the pain go away. the funny things is I am not really into girls but if my exboyfriend asked if I would be willing to be in a realtionship with him and his girlfriend (she is bi) I would just so I could be with him. That is so sad I know

[Slogo]

[jcheeka]

thank you

[Oh_My_Goth]

I would say you should step as far back from these people as possible and let yourself heal and move on... Time is the only thing that will heal you.

[Slogo]

I had the same feeling about the middle of last year and OMG is right only time will make it better. Though I'm still bothered by what had happened it does feel somewhat better over time

[Lillylu29]

I say just step back and take time to heal, there is no instant cure but time. I know how it feel to lose it all including the bestfriend. mine of 13 years the girl I grew up with, the one I called my sister did something horrable to me and I never spoke to her again. Then I did something aweful to myself I stoped talking to people period and never made another friend again untill recently (13yrs later) Do NOT do this to yourself. Take a deep breath, talk to others and vent. it helps. as for the best friend, so she talked some shit.. not cool but maybe you should talk to her about it ask her why? and let her know it hurt you. Maybe somewhere down the line she will relize what she did, people make mistakes its just part of who we are. As for the guy, let him go if he likes the abuse you speak of then you can do much much better. But only time will heal the hurt you feel. Things happen for a reason, and sometimes good things go away so better things can come into our lives!

[Onyx]

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

It's difficult to sort things out when you're in the middle of a divorce and not really the best time to start another relationship. Sometimes it's better to take some time for yourself and just completely avoid relationships for awhile, concentrate on yourself and becoming emotionally independent and strong.

[KatRN05]

Forget about the dude, he probably wasn't done with his ex to begin with. As for your "best" friend, you can try to repair your friendship with her but I think you would always have trust issues with her. Honestly, if she was your friend at all, someone whom you share all of the deepest personal stuff with, she wouldn't have told your ex-hubby anything, but she did. If it was me, I would write her off and never speak to her again.

Edited January 22, 2010 by KatRN05

[TygerLili]

I agree that the best thing is to step back first and sort out your own feelings. I don't know what happened between you and your best friend, but maybe you'll be able to talk it out with her after you calm down and have had a little time to process what happened between you and your boyfriend. If it were me, I would at least give her a chance to explain herself at some point.

As far as the guy is concerned, well, there's no way to "make" someone not have feelings for their ex. You have to let him do what he want to do. Maybe he'll realize that it didn't work and that's why they broke up in the first place and he was happier with you, maybe not. Don't sit around waiting for him, do what you need to do to heal, and maybe just be single for a while.

[jcheeka]

Thank you all for the great advice. I never meant to fall for the guy I figured he had feelings for his ex but what can you do. Got an email from him today saying he is sorry and its hard to love two women at the same time. He doesnt think he deserves me which is so stupid he is a great guy if he would only realize it. I guess he likes a women who cheats on him is mean to him very jealous and calls him worthless all the time. Its kinda funny I told one of his friends that he went back to her and just asked if he could help me with some computer stuff he said yes then went off on a nut about how stupid this guy is. It wasnt my intention to make his friends mad at him but it made me laugh. All his friend hate his ex. His own mom is not to crazy about his ex but she loved me lol. As for my friend she has lying issues all the time but this was the last straw. We had a party to go to and she was mad that I left a little early to go see my guy. So she took it upon herself to tell my soon to be ex husband about it along with a bunch of other shit that he wouldnt know unless she told him. So at this point I dont see us being friends. My life has been so crazy since oct met this guy just talked till my husband I seperated then fell for him like a dumb ass. He wasnt the reason my marriage fell apart he was just the reason the divorce got sped up. As hurt as I still am I have decided to start my life over try to get ahold of some people and start to have a life again. If anybody knows any place that is hiring let me know. My goal is to get a job and go to school so I can afford a place for my daughter and me.

[jcheeka]

well today is a new day. Got an email from him yesterday and although I am still hurt and crushed I kinda understand. He is in love with both of us but wants to try with her again. Cant really blame him she is the mother of his kid and things are kinda complicated on my end right now. She has spent so long telling him he is worthless that he doesnt think he deserves to be happy with me. Told him that I think he is stupid to go back to her but I do hope things work out with them. I dont see it happening in the 4 years they were together he said he has had more unhappy then happy times. I figure its only a matter of time till she does it again. If someone hasnt changed in four years they never will. We started off as friends so that is what we are going to try again he always said I was his best friend and I feel the same way. Yesterday when I found out all that stuff about my sister he was the first person I thought of to talk about it with. I realized that I almost as sad about losing a friend as a boyfriend. I told him I would be there for him as a friend and would pick him up when she rips him apart again. I will probably knock him upside his head and make him promise he is done with her but I would pick him up after I hit him. Who knows if we were meant to be then things will work out if not at least I will still have a great friend. Who knows it might be fun to be friends with him and make her worry a bit about me. i will never do anything to ruin what the have. Told him if nothing else if they break up we could be fuck buddies lol he is so good in bed.

[Onyx]

I told him I would be there for him as a friend and would pick him up when she rips him apart again.

If you care for him still, it seems to me you are setting yourself up for a whole world of hurt. (and I know how it feels to still want someone in your life, but it's impossible to heal when you are still involved like that)

[Homicidalheathen]

Its always good to remain on speaking terms or better, who knows...maybe he will introduce you one day to your future husband?

My 3 best guy friends I had a thing with at one time...

It could happen.

Besides I read that keeping in touch with old friends just expands your social circle...which helps find new pals...possible jobs...lovers...

Good luck.

[jcheeka]

Doing much better today. Just kinda woke up with the attitude that I was done being crushed. Still sad and I miss him and would take him back if he wanted but it would be on my terms this time. He says he needs time, for what you left remember Im the one who is supposed to need time lol. Oh well what can you do. Guess he is finding it hard to figure out what he wants. Oh well not going to wait around to see what he decides going to get a job and place to live and enjoy being single for the first time in a long time. If it works out that he ends up with me great if not enjoy a life of irratation. I really do hope the two of them are happy if this is what they want there are two kids involved so all this back and forth is not good for them. Hell I even told him I would be friends with both of them just so she wont throw a fit if he talks to me. I swore I wouldnt do anything to break them up and I meant it. Thank you all so much for all the advice I so need to meet you guys at the club. Guess im going to be solo for a while so I want to be able to meet up with people there dont want to be by myself all night lol.

Edited January 24, 2010 by jcheeka

[Enishi]

:(

[jcheeka]

its been a week and I have had good times and bad. Been talking to a couple of his friends and they are so pissed at him. First for breaking my heart and second because they really really dont like his ex. Hell even his mom hates the girl and sees her for who she is. She is just using him to pay her bills and she just wanted him back because he was with me. I figure it shouldnt take her to long to go back to the way she was. I cant belive he was stupid enough to belive she had changed she told him the same thing she tells him everytime they break up. Oh well I have been wanting to work out to get in better shape this just gives me really good reason. I want to see his face if my ass looks better then he thinks it does now. (he isnt an ass man but he is obsessed with my ass). Would I still want to be with him oh hell yes but things would have to go slower then last time cant just jump like a blind dumb ass again.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I agree with others' posts. I feel that they have given you excellent advice. It is highly unusual of me to recommend such a thing, but I think you might find some comfort in a sermon I have heard lately. It's a Unitarian sermon, so there aren't many denominational references in it. I found it inspiring and have been thinking on it much. Some of the sermon is relevant really only to my church congregation, but the greater lesson is pretty universal. In any case, I hope it gives you some consolation.

Clicky here to hear "Free Fall."

[joshthe007]

i am so lost i dont even pay attention to the days anymore the years are going too fast

[jcheeka]

well things just keep spinning out of control. He texted me on thursday and said he made a mistake and he wants me. I told him we can be friends for a bit and see where it goes. He says he understands and will do whatever he can to get me back. Now my grandma is not doing good at all. She seems to be getting worse by the day

[creatureofthenyte]

yup

Edited February 9, 2010 by creatureofthenyte