The Choice

[SpidersMoment]

For the last few months i've been the subject to a war between, friends and lovers. I am deeply in love with my long distance bf, but my best friends do not like him. They claim up and down that he is controlling me, and that i dont know him. I do know him, and he is not controlling me. Period.

But it just seems they will not listen to me, that i'm "in denial" which i'm not (seriously)

So they've given up on me. I reallly dont know what i should do.

Should i break up with my guy to make them happy?

Should i let them walk away?

Or should i just say fuck it, and leave them all?

[DarkenedCharm]

Go with your heart.

If your friends are true friends, they will accept you regardless if they think you are wrong or not. Do you sincerely love the guy? Then stick with him. Friends wil ALWAYS try to meddle in your business, whether it be with someone long distance, or someone local. If he IS, in fact controlling you, then maybe you should talk to him. But that has to be YOUR call to make. NOT theirs...ONLY leave the guy if that is what your heart tells you to do.

I hope I have helped. I refuse to let my friends control my life. If I let them have their way, Rose and I would not have gotten together in the beginning, much less married and spend 16 long and happy years together.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

[bean]

I was in the same situation a long time ago, and only after awhile did I realize that my bf at the time was controlling me. My friends tried to tell me that he was, but I felt that he wasn't, and it caused some friction. I lost a few friends over the entire situation. After I broke up with him, my true friends were still around.

For you, all I can say is that I hope that he is not controlling you, but if he is, you will learn in time, and only you can make that realization. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes others happy. Your real friends will stick around no matter what. Good luck with your situation! :clover

[Homicidalheathen]

I went through this before, and told my freinds to stop trying to control ME. I will date who I like, need to learn and grow from my mistakes and want freinds who just stand by me when I fuck up. Is that so much to ask? If it is....get new freinds.

As long as he isn't abusing you physically (unwanted) or ripping you off or on drugs.

For the last few months i've been the subject to a war between, friends and lovers. I am deeply in love with my long distance  bf, but my best friends do not like him. They claim up and down that he is controlling me, and that i dont know him. I do know him, and he is not controlling me. Period.

But it just seems they will not listen to me, that i'm "in denial" which i'm not (seriously)

So they've given up on me. I reallly dont know what i should do.

Should i break up with my guy to make them happy?

Should i let them walk away?

Or should i just say fuck it, and leave them all?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Onyx]

Take what your friends say into consideration, but they may not see the whole picture (and then again maybe they see something you don't).

In the end though, it's you who have to live with the decision, not them. I would have missed out on so many good things in my life if I'd let other people make my decisions for me. Life is too short for that. What's really important is figuring out how you feel about it.

[Brenda Starrr]

Go with your heart.

If your friends are true friends, they will accept you regardless if they think you are wrong or not. Do you sincerely love the guy? Then stick with him. Friends wil ALWAYS try to meddle in your business, whether it be with someone long distance, or someone local. If he IS, in fact controlling you, then maybe you should talk to him. But that has to be YOUR call to make. NOT theirs...ONLY leave the guy if that is what your heart tells you to do.

I hope I have helped. I refuse to let my friends control my life. If I let them have their way, Rose and I would not have gotten together in the beginning, much less married and spend 16 long and happy years together.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I couldn't agree more. I have lost a lot of so-called friends over this type of thing. If they really are your friends, they will be there for you, no matter what.

You shouldn't HAVE to choose!

[Daevion]

For the last few months i've been the subject to a war between, friends and lovers. I am deeply in love with my long distance  bf, but my best friends do not like him. They claim up and down that he is controlling me, and that i dont know him. I do know him, and he is not controlling me. Period.

But it just seems they will not listen to me, that i'm "in denial" which i'm not (seriously)

So they've given up on me. I reallly dont know what i should do.

Should i break up with my guy to make them happy?

Should i let them walk away?

Or should i just say fuck it, and leave them all?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thats hard choice. On one hand they may be correct, since they have objective vantage point and can see what you could be overlooking. On the other hand, they could be simply jealous that you may be spending more time with this guy and less with them. Love can be blind, and almost everyone falls into that trap at some point or another..and lets the person they "love" get away with murder so to speak. Love is a strange kind of evil and some will sacrifice everything for it, they will throw thier friends and family to the wind if they think they can find it. Heh, seriously I don't know what to recommend for that kind of situation.

[torn asunder]

my jaded view!? lose them all & start over - of course, i have neither friends nor lovers right now, so that may be influencing me a bit... :erm :whistling

[Medea]

Just out of curiousity, is it possible one of the reasons they think he is controlling you is simply BECAUSE you're in a long-distance relationship? I mean, I can see how to someone outside the relationship it somehow might appear that he was trying to prevent you from dating other people, etc... but then, if he was right there with you, he still wouldn't want you dating other people.. Sorry, that was just a side track.

Some things to consider:

Does he ever say things like "You can't wear that outfit tonight" or claim that you're trying to attract other guys?

Does he ever tell you that you can't go somewhere, or pressures you into spending all of your free time with him rather than with your friends or family.

Does he try to seperate you from your family, asking or telling you not to go visit/spend time with/call your family or friends.

Has he ever thrown out things that belong to you like clothes or make up without your permission?

Does he constantly badmouth your family or friends, telling you that they're not worth your time?

If any of this stuff is going on, you need to seriously examine your relationship.

Either way, your true friends would not abandon you to what (they think) is a horrible person. They would be your friend and try to be their for you in case something bad DOES end up happening.

**Also, you might take into consideration that YOUR actions could be making HIM seem controlling. I was in a relationship where I spent all possible free time with my boyfriend. I would turn down invitations to visit friends or go to parties and even neglected to visit my mother in the hospital because I was so focused on him. However, he was not the one making me act that way. It was my own behaviour, but to my friends, it looked a lot like he was trying to monopolize my time. In reality, I was just GIVING it all to him.

It might be possible that you are giving things up for this relationship, like certain behaviours, clothes, or time with friends by your own choice, and that may make your guy SEEM like the bad guy, because they think he made you do it.

But, then, I could totally off base. In that case, just realize that your real friends will stick with you, even if they think you are being a colossal idiot

[SpidersMoment]

I guess that i have been volunteering my time with him.

There was a time before this last month or so, where i've had to send him a txt message before i ever went anywhere late. But that was just because he didnt have the net and i didnt have a cell phone so at a certain time, like around 930 or 10 he would call me. I just didnt want him to call me once or twice when im not there and wake my parents up. But i guess it didnt look that way to my friends when they'd have to wait.

He doesnt pressure me to do anything, he doesnt insist that i not wear something. There may be times when he's asked me not to go out looking sexy cuz he was afraid that guys would be all over me. But he just gets insecure and i have to reassure him that there will be no guys all over me, cuz no guys have ever been on me, nor do i think they even look at me. WE would share a laugh and go on. But thats it.

He has bad mouthed my friends, but thats because they've always hated him and told me things, to which i would tell him and he would get upset.

My friends have been known to try to be controling or very over protective. Kaitlyn(the one who has the biggest problem and has left me) has a tendecy to tell me what i do and do not like, or if it's something i like and she doesnt she gives me some shit about it.

What i was thinking was that maybe, she could've just be in control of me this whole time, and by me finding him, she loses control and backlashes into telling me things to rethink the relationship and break up so she could have reign over me once again. Think that, that might be happening?

[Onyx]

Well that's interesting. Sounds like your friends are accusing him of being controlling but maybe they are the ones who want control

That would drive me nuts. I think I'd back away from those kinds of friends or at the very least draw some very large boundary lines.