Sarah Palin has done it we are doomed...

[candyman]

Latest Sarah Palin Speech Opens Sixth Seal

IDAHO FALLS, ID—Speaking unto an audience of anti-immigration advocates, global-warming deniers, and members of the Tea Party Nation, former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave forth utterances Monday that reportedly opened the sixth seal of the Book of the Apocalypse.

"Wow, it's good to be here, just shootin' the breeze with a bunch of real, hardworking Americans who love their freedom," said Palin, her words echoing across the Idaho Falls Civic Auditorium as mighty tremors caused great unrest beneath the land and the sea. "So are the little guys like you and me gonna fight these Washington insiders with their big government agenda? You betcha we are!"

And lo, there was then a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair; and the moon became as blood; and "gosh" was spoken repeatedly; and the stars of heaven fell upon the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken by a mighty wind.

These disturbances reportedly went unnoticed by the audience, however, as their thunderous applause drowned out the sound of the foretold cataclysm.

"This Tea Party movement just goes to show ya that America is ready for another revolution," Palin said as things long ago divined came finally to pass. "Who do you think is gonna stand up for the freedoms promised by our Founding Fathers? Folks like us, or some socialist professor of constitutional law in the Oval Office?"

It was then, witnesses claim, that there was a tearing of the heavens, and the skies receded as does a scroll when it is rolled up, and anecdotes about everyday middle-class Alaskan families were enunciated in down-to-earth tones.

"That's right, partner," Palin said, as every mountain and island moved from its place, and flames overtook the lakes and the rivers and the seas. "Thanks, but no thanks."

According to biblical scholars, the opening of the seven seals described in the Book of Revelation will usher in the End Times, the Tribulation, the reign of the Antichrist, and the eventual salvation of the 144,000 chosen few. It is thought that the sixth seal's opening will bring about the full fury of God, leading ultimately to the Day of Wrath.

"Admittedly, this is not what we were expecting," said Robert Harwood, a doctor of divinity at the University of Cambridge. "The Bible speaks of a beast with seven horns and seven eyes, not a raven-haired woman from the north who knows not what foolishness she speaks of."

"Still, there's no denying it," Harwood added. "The End of Days is upon us."

One member of the crowd not torn apart by swarming harpies told reporters he feared living in a country where his daughters would grow up speaking Spanish and not be allowed to carry handguns.

"Palin for president!" Bill Coleman, 37, of Topeka, KS chanted, and the stench of flesh rotting in the belly of Satan rose up, and the stench of death rose up. "Sarah Palin for president!"

"Small town folks—the folks who grow our food, run our small businesses, and teach our kids—are getting pretty riled up by President Obama's big socialist ideas," Palin spoke as the stage upon which she stood was rent apart by an unseen hand, opening as unto a great chasm, whose gaping void she narrowly escaped by clinging to the podium.

"Uh…how's that hopey-changey stuff workin' out for ya?" Palin added.

Chaos and disorder then spread across hill and valley to every corner of the earth, eyewitnesses reported, and as the minions of the Antichrist prepared for their millennium of world dominion, even the teeming masses of heathens could not in their hearts deny that the final phase of Armageddon was close at hand, and that you're darn right Joe Six-Pack pays too many taxes already.

The Antichrist, whose true identity remained unknown as of press time, will reportedly come to torment the sinners of humanity as soon as the seventh and last remaining seal is opened.

"I'm so happy that we've got the liberal left running scared," Palin concluded. "Because whatever the TV pundits might want you to think, from where I'm standing, the future looks really good."

[Msterbeau]

[phee]

Yay for breaking down partisan lines!!!

Oh wait....

Love the onion

[creatureofthenyte]

What exactly did she "do" ? All I can see is that she gave a speech...whoop dee doo, where is the "gotcha punchline" in that article ???

[candyman]

What exactly did she "do" ? All I can see is that she gave a speech...whoop dee doo, where is the "gotcha punchline" in that article ???

Its the Onion so the whole thing is really a joke...

[candyman]

Yay for breaking down partisan lines!!!

Oh wait....

Love the onion

I thought it was a good jab at both sides...her speeches are kinda nutty and the people that oppose her can make a huge deal out of nothing.

[pomba gira]

Classic Onion brilliance!

I thought it was a good jab at both sides...her speeches are kinda nutty and the people that oppose her can make a huge deal out of nothing.

Agreed.

[creatureofthenyte]

Its the Onion so the whole thing is really a joke...

Yeah well the way the title of the thread is worded, it sounded like someone had taken yet another ridiculous swipe at her.

Why do so many people hate her so much ?

That's what I would like to know.

[Rev.Reverence]

Yeah well the way the title of the thread is worded, it sounded like someone had taken yet another ridiculous swipe at her.

Why do so many people hate her so much ?

That's what I would like to know.

She is not Elite enough to Rule.

[creatureofthenyte]

She is not Elite enough to Rule.

What do you mean "Rule" ?

The office of President of the United States is Not a Monarchy, last time I checked.

What would make her "elite" enough to "Rule" ?

Does she have to play golf with Charley Wrangel out in the Hamptons?

Does she have to ride the trolley in San Fransisco with Nancy Pelosi ?

She speaks from the heart, and cares about the people of this country, which is what politicians are SUPPOSED to do.

So, for that she is hated!???

Good.

I hope she decides to run in 2012, and I hope she wins, then maybe our government will once again work For the people instead of Against the people.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Yeah well the way the title of the thread is worded, it sounded like someone had taken yet another ridiculous swipe at her.

Why do so many people hate her so much ?

That's what I would like to know.

She's a woman that has risen to power on her own merits.

[creatureofthenyte]

She's a woman that has risen to power on her own merits.

And the Democrats feel threatened by her...awwwwwwwwwwwww

[pomba gira]

Yeah well the way the title of the thread is worded, it sounded like someone had taken yet another ridiculous swipe at her.

Why do so many people hate her so much ?

That's what I would like to know.

Because she is incompetent at what she does, and stupid in the most dangerous of ways. Since you asked.

[creatureofthenyte]

Because she is incompetent at what she does, and stupid in the most dangerous of ways. Since you asked.

Did Alaska have a 1.4 Trillion dollar budget deficit when Sarah was governor ? No.

Barack Obama hired a man who CHEATED on his Taxes...to run the IRS !!!! Is THAT a smart and competent decision ???

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Did Alaska have a 1.4 Trillion dollar budget deficit when Sarah was governor ? No.

Barack Obama hired a man who CHEATED on his Taxes...to run the IRS !!!! Is THAT a smart and competent decision ???

No, she's stupid and incompetant. Doesn't matter that she had the highest approval ratings of any governor Alaska has ever had... or most other states for that matter. Doesn't matter that she kept he campaign promises. Or that she is credited for weeding out corruption in her state government... even going after Republicans. Her shinig record as Governor doesn't matter either...

She's a woman thats Pro-Family, Pro-Life, and beleives in personal responsibility. Worst of all, she choose to not abort her baby when she found out he had Downs and she didn't force her daughter to have an abortion either. Stupid in the most dangerous of ways.

[candyman]

...maybe I will stick to funny SPORTS news from the Onion from now on...