rules to live by

[Homicidalheathen]

1. Live honestly- Be honest with yourself, true to your heart and be straightforward with others. Be honest with others, but take care not to harm them with words they may not be prepared to hear. If you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself.

2. Live authentically- Live what you love to do. Find your passion and take time out of each day to pursue your dreams. They may not come overnight, but given time and persistence if you follow your heart, your dreams will become reality

3. Think positively- Don't dwell on the negative in life. Find the positive in each situation (even if it's really difficult), and positive things will come into your life.

4. Take time to relax- Being type "A" all the time can take it's tole on the mind and body. Take time for yourself to unwind. Do something you enjoy and calm your mind and spirit. Be peaceful for awhile.

5. Give of yourself, don't expect anything in return and it will come back to you ten fold. Practice random acts of kindness and you will be surprised where it takes you.

6. Keep your body and mind moving. Nothing is worse than stagnation. Keep your body limber by doing activities you enjoy and keep your mind sharp by learning something new or exercise your mental power with brain games.

7. Value your family- Take the time to love and appreciate them, for you never know when they may be gone.

8. Trust your intuition- Follow your gut instincts and listen to the little voice inside your head. Chances are that it is there for a reason.

9. Don't judge- You never know where someone is coming from unless you have walked a mile in their shoes. Keep an open mind, an open heart and a welcoming smile.

10. Don't hold resentments- They will eat you up inside. Work to solve issues rationally. If they can't be solved, put them out of your mind and move on. Life is too short to harbor grudges and animosities

Edited March 2, 2010 by Homicidalheathen

[candyman]

Never under any circumstances take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same evening. Yeah I stole that from Jimmy Johns but it makes sense.

[KatRN05]

Never under any circumstances take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same evening. Yeah I stole that from Jimmy Johns but it makes sense.

This will be rule #11.

[Homicidalheathen]

that and I hear, lighting farts seems fun but back draft happens...

here are some more good ones.

Humor:SEVENTY HUMOROUS GUIDELINES FOR LIVING:

(Click on more more jokes to return to the main jokes page or main site to browse 70 topics ranging from exotic kaleidoscope designs to the strange world of lucid dreaming.)

Men are always hearing "the rules" from the female side. Now, here are some rules from the male perspective.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair... and by then you're stuck with them.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand and don't assume our forgeting one is failing some sort of love-test.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Men believe that yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us and force us to lie for reasons of self protection.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. (It doesn't mean we don't love you anymore. We're hard-wired to ogle.)

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials... unless it's a sports car commercial.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but figure you really want to punish us with your inscrutability.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss the shotgun formation or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

(Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that; it's like camping.)

NEW!!!

Men are easy to understand. We've been hard wired by a billion years of evolution to want three things because having them maximized our chances of survival or spreading our genetic material: (1) Desiring material possessions (because having lots of food, clothing, etc. meant we were more likely to survive); (2) Power over other people (ditto): (3) lots of young attractive women (young because they are more likely to survive childbirth and less likely to have already been impregnated by another man and attractive because it used to be a primary indicator of health.)

We live in times when acting on these drives is no longer appropriate, but they are still present and influence much of what we feel and do. This isn't shallow or determined by our upbringing, but the imprint of a survival strategy that has carried us to becoming the dominant species on the planet. Women have a similar, though different, set of primal drives. For one gender to look down on another because of them is to ignore how we got where we are.

No matter what we say to protect your feelings, fat (even a minor bulge) is never attractive. Sorry, girls.

When a man sees a woman, "newness" (as in he's never seen her before) is an attraction attribute as concrete as the color of her hair or her figure. This is so strong that can render a less attractive but unfamiliar woman more desireable than a known, more attractive woman. This behavior is perfectly rational from an evolutionary point of view.

You don't need to ask us if you're over weight if half the tops in your wardrobe look like maternity blouses.

The following are from a speech that Bill Gates gave to an assembly of college graduates.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping-they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time!

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

More Rules to live by!

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize " and "You are right. "

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody! "

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her...BELIEVE them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

8. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

10. Work is good, but it's not that important.

11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Reality:

21 Rules to Live Your Life

1. Accept everything just the way it is

I’ve already stated that I think acceptance is the way to instant happiness so I always try to implement acceptance into my life. If you aren’t accepting things then you are simply resisting what is, resistance causes internal conflict and then tends to lead to negative emotions or downward spirals.

Often things we resist are in the past i.e. not accepting that someone has died or still being angry about a previous relationship. These are things we simply can not change and that is why it makes no sense to resist what has happened. Total acceptance also allows you to live in the now and much more consciously.

2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake

This is one I really had to think about to start to understand. What I believe Miyamoto was suggesting here is that you should not look for pleasure simply in order to have pleasurable feelings. Another interpretation of this by the University of Minnesota suggests that it means you shouldn’t seek pleasure solely for yourself.

In my opinion, you should focus on the things that you enjoy then pleasure will exist as a byproduct, rather than pleasure something you’ve had to work on specifically in order to receive the benefits.

3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling

This is quite self explanatory, but, simply put; don’t act in high importance or high risk situations based on a partial feeling. It’s great to go with your instinct now and then and just ‘go with the flow‘ but when something is crucial, make sure you know what you are getting into.

4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world

You are who you are, nothing more and nothing less. You are not the car that you drive and you are not the size of your bank balance. It’s fine for others to think of you as funny, cool, rich or any of those things, but if you place a large importance on them and start to identify with what these words represent then you’ll start to live a much more reactive life.

Accept who you are, know your strengths and weaknesses, don’t over qualify yourself to the world but definitely don’t under estimate your potential. The world and everything in it is truly amazing, see it, explore, make the most of everything; take nothing for granted.

5. Be detached from desire your whole life long

Detachment is to be disinterested in the outcome of an event or situation. Therefore, being detached from desire your whole life long means that you shouldn’t care about the outcome of the things you want in life. Worry about the outcome projects negative emotions such as fear. As with a point earlier, attachment to something means you are identifying with it, you see it as part of yourself in one way or another.

Whatever your desires are in life, don’t make the outcome necessary. If something doesn’t happen then be OK with that, realise everything in life is abundant.

6. Do not regret what you have done

I have a favourite saying for when I look back after having taken action on something that says “I’d rather regret the things I DID do rather than the things I DIDN’T do”. However, if you look at this on a presence and acceptance level, you should never regret the things you have done, simply because you can’t change what has happened.

7. Never be jealous

What reasons do you have to be jealous of anybody? If you are jealous of somebody with lots of money then you should re-frame your thinking. Be glad there are people out there that show you there is potential for you to make lots of money as well.

If you are jealous of somebody’s looks then you identify with superficiality much more than is even necessary. You never know what ‘problems’ people can have under the surface, fitting in with society standards doesn’t make you a happier person, it just makes you more socially conditioned.

8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation

According to the Buddha, attachment is the source of all suffering and as far as separation goes this certainly applies. Separation can apply to losing a partner, a pet, money, possessions or anything of the sort. I think what Miyamoto is referring to here is once again live in total acceptance of what happens and don’t hold on to things that have occurred previously.

You have the choice to be angry or happy at all times, there’s no point wasting time in the frame of the former. When I was mugged at knife point recently I lost my drivers license, lots of money, my credit card, mobile phone (worth over $300) and more. I was disappointed for a short while, but I was more pleased about the fact the knife wasn’t used on me or my brother during the incident.

9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself or others

Once again this is pretty self explanatory. Resentment and complaint aren’t going to get you anywhere in life, except to be troubled with negative emotions. Accept everything for what it is and always appreciate the moment, nothing else applies.

10. Do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love

I don’t think that this means anything to do with celibacy like others have interpreted this as, but more about controlling your own destiny. If you have a good grasp on reality a.k.a. an abundance mindset then you will know there are literally billions of potential partners out there for you. I don’t believe that there is always just ‘the one’ but I believe there are many people you can connect with and love.

If you feel you want to marry someone then go down that route, but don’t let your strong attachment and emotions guide the direction of your life. Take control and enjoy lust / love on the way, don’t completely immerse yourself in their powers and detach from other areas of your life.

11. In all things have no preferences

Before you are so quick to dismiss this, think about what it is saying. Obviously we all have a preference over things such as Coke vs Pepsi or Cars vs Motorbikes but that isn’t the main message. I think the message here is not about having no preferences but rather about not letting certain preferences control your emotions.

For example, if there is a noisy party next door and you are trying to sleep then wishing there was silence (preferred) isn’t going to help. Instead, you should just accept the noise, don’t create any internal conflicts and you’ll be asleep before you know it. [Example Source]

12. Be indifferent to where you live

The word indifferent is best described as “that which does not matter, one way or the other” and in reality where you live shouldn’t make any difference to you internally. Whether Miyamoto was referring to the idea that you should travel more or the underlying fact that it was much harder to move around in 1645 I’m unsure.

13. Do not pursue the taste of good food

I have a feeling that this doesn’t refer to food literally but haven’t found anyone that has yet to explain this in more detail. Maybe a copy of the book is needed or if anyone can leave a comment I’ll update this one.

14. Do not hold on to possessions you no longer need

Letting go of the things that you don’t need can give you multiple benefits. First of all you get a lot more clarity in your life (and environment) due to lack of clutter. Secondly, someone else can benefit from your possessions and put them to good use.

This may seem quite negative to the likes of collectors and those who are very materialistic but it makes a lot of sense. Also, we tend to attach ourselves to our possessions and feel strong negative emotions if anything happens to them, even if we don’t need / use them.

15. Do not act following customary beliefs

We live in a society where a large majority of people spend their time living in spectator mode, just like everybody else. We follow celebrities in the media, we play computer games and we watch a lot of TV. These are all influences on how we should live our lives and are actually a place where a lot of this ‘life’ is wasted.

Make your own life rules based on reference points, experience and with proper, truthful mindsets such as those of abundance and potential.

16. Do not collect weapons or practice with weapons beyond what is useful

In 17th-century Japan this was a lot more relevant due swords being a commonality and the many forms of Martial Arts were in full swing. I take this message as saying ‘Don’t waste time with things (weapons) that aren’t going to benefit you‘.

Sure, there are hobbies such as fencing that involve weapons which aren’t necessarily used in this way because they are useful. People take part in fencing because they enjoy what they do. However, in terms of learning to perform skills with weapons which serves no purpose, this could be seen as protecting you from acts which simply inflate the ego.

17. Do not fear death

I’m a big preacher of living in the moment and doing things for the now, I started learning more about ‘The Now’ through the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. In his first book Eckhart states that there is ‘no such problem in the now’. In my lack of understanding, I hesitantly asked on an Eckhart Discussion Forum how the likes of having a knife in your chest could not be seen as a problem in the now.

One of the responses I received that I liked went along the lines of “Death is no different to birth, they are both natural. They are one and the same. If you fear death then that is like fearing birth.”

18. Do not seek to possess either goods or fiefs for your old age

Stated very strongly in the book ‘The Four-Hour Workweek’, we tend to try to save up our money so that we can start to enjoy life once we retire from our jobs. However, as you will discover, if you can live in the moment you will see how stupid and incorrect our societal views on this actually are.

Think about it, most of us actually do plan to save money so that we can enjoy life when we retire and do the things we love. However, this is silly because we are planning for something that:

• a) We may never reach
• b) Involves our form being in it’s worst ever condition (aging)
• c) We could be doing right now

19. Respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help

I’m not Christian or involved in any other religions so I don’t believe in the common view behind the word ‘God’. However, that isn’t to say I would judge or look down upon anyone that chooses to have belief that such Gods exist.

Respect the teachings and messages of others, but don’t use them as a crutch to keep you balanced.

20. You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honour

The one thing we all have in common when we born, albeit deemed as negative, is that we are going to die. We can’t stop the aging process (although we can limit its affects through the likes of plastic surgery) and we can’t cheat death.

Despite that, this precept is saying that along the way you should always stand to live by your own moral values. Don’t change them due to pressure from others or the usual conforms of society.

21. Never stray from the Way

‘The Way’ may be viewed as something monumental like finding and acting our your life’s purpose and it may also be viewed as something small like keeping on top of your goal progress. Either way, you should always try to remain focused on the things you want to achieve and stay on that path.

There are many distractions these days with drug or alcohol abuse, financial worries and much more. However, you should simply see these distractions as hurdles that filter out those that really want to achieve something and those that don’t. Never stray from the way

[Raev]

tl;dr

Enjoy the little things.

[torn asunder]

wow.

i was down with reading the first list of ten, but ffs, there's no way i'm reading all the rest of that!!

[Msterbeau]

Rule #0 There are no rules.

[Guest Megalicious]

Don't fuck up.

Don't be lame.

Don't get dead.

[lordkraven]

my number 1 rule life isn't a game it's a thin line between the pleasure and the pain, laughter and the tears, the sunshine and the rain and knowing the between them all and just enjoy it while it lasts

Edited June 6, 2010 by lordkraven

[Joey Deadcat]

Never give a sucker an even break.

Be good and if you can't then be good at being bad.

Edited May 31, 2010 by Joey Deadcat