Toxic People

[asphyxian_doll]

Don’t Get Stuck In The Muck! Clean House!

Toxic People can be irritating, obnoxious, and bothersome . They can create anxiety. They can eat away your self-respect.They can weaken your spirits. They can ruin your reputation. They can get you fired from your job.They can drive you insane. These people can stress you out to the point of depression, heart attacks or strokes. They can ruin your relationships with partners, relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, and friends.

Toxic people are all around. You come across them day-after-day. You work with them.You speak to them. You’re related to them. You might even live with them. More often than not they can make your life miserable. If You Allow Them too. The thing to bear in mind is that without our unconscious consent, these chronically conflicted and toxic folks can’t spread their poison. When we begin to consciously withdraw our consent to associate with toxic people, and the toxic thoughts and feelings inside of us, we leave them without any place to thrive.

My experience with one particular Toxic person was a very powerful testament to the following quote:

” Who we are – our very essence – is continually being transformed by the company we keep.”

Within This saying hides a deep Truth that can enlighten and empower every aspect of our lives. It did mine. I had a Toxic person in my life that was an absolute master of all the Character traits listed below. Most people who knew me would say I was a very happy go lucky person. Creative and a free spirit of sorts. But let me tell you when I looked in the mirror I no longer saw that person they described. I saw myself slipping away into a darkness I would wish on no other. I became That Sad, Angry, Bitter, Mean, Resentful, Selfish, Insecure, and Needy person… I was becoming Toxic. It was as if I was stuck in this Thick, Dark and, Foul Pit and I could not get out. The more this Toxic Person invaded my life and my privacy the farther I fell and the darker I became. This person seemed to derive a sick pleasure out of my anguish. The darker my life became The more this person would show up gloating, judging, criticizing, tearing me down building herself up, the farther I seemed to spiral to the bottom of that Thick dark and ugly pit. I Thought I Was the Crazy One I could take no more. One day when she started in on me, I told her she was like a venomous snake always spewing her poison at me. I told her That every time she came around I felt as if she was sucking the life force right out of me. It was them I realized that It did not matter that she was related to my family, She was toxic and I was going to do whatever I could to keep her poison out of my life! I would not allow myself to be transformed by her company! Below you will find the steps I took to rid myself of all the negativity.

This is a list of 10 common types of toxic people, and their common trait’s. (later we’ll discuss what do about them!)

The Judge, Critic, And Put-down Artist :

They spend most of their time and effort judging and criticizing others in an effort to avert attention away from their own flaws and unhappiness. They can be direct and straight-out demeaning, or they can be subtle (but no less dangerous).

The Professional Victims:

Things always happen to them. Nothing is ever their fault. They are deeply oblivious of any action on their part that played a part in their current state of affairs! This person is a incessant martyr and will even go so far as to allege that anything bad that has befell you isn’t nearly bad as what’s happened to them.

The Drama King or Queens:

These types thrive on turmoil, chaos and conflict. If there isn’t any drama, they stir the pot to create it. They tend to exaggerate even the tiniest issue and make mountains out of molehills. They constantly try to pull others on an emotional roller coaster right along with them. This person plays it to the extreme to get the much needed attention.

The Bitter to the Core/ Haters:

These wretched people are so unhappy with themselves and their lives that they need to spread their wretchedness to every unfortunate person who encounters them.They lives Thrive on creating chaos, ill will and strife. They hate everybody who are smarter, richer, more gracious, or more successful than they are. They will find dissatisfaction with everything and make a point of never being happy ever. They blame others for all their unhappiness and failures.

The Psychopath and Sociopath:

Psychopaths lack empathy and sympathy, gains pleasure from others’ suffering, and is completely without a conscience. Sociopaths are incapable of experiencing shame, guilt, or remorse. They Completely disregard the feelings and rights of others.

The Extortionist:

Will work hard to gain your trust so they can acquire your secrets and weaknesses and exploit them once They feel you have crossed them.

The Needy Failure:

This person is smart, well balanced and has a good personality. Unfortunately, this person can siphon the life out of you every time they say that they need something or ask you for something. This type of person will probably pretend illness to get attention. This sort of toxic person has a much darker side than you may believe. If you go to them with your troubles, they’ll try to make you feel like you’re a burden.

The Guilt Tripper:

This person is quite cunning. He or she will tell you everything that you would like to hear when you ask for help. They’ll offer help even when you don’t ask for it. Nevertheless, this person will complain about how hard it was for them to get it and try make you feel guilty about the entire situation, even though you didn’t ask for it.This person likes to make choices then complain about the pressure of how difficult their choice is.

The Cunning Coward:

This individual notices all of the negative qualities in toxic people. This individual will even complain about it. But when confronted with the person that they have a problem with, they will say barely anything and behave as though nothing’s wrong. This is a weak person, a subservient person who likes to play dominant to other (seemingly) submissive people. But, they can’t contend with true dominants.

The Soulless:

This is quite unquestionably the worst person to be around. This individual can bring you to your lowest just by greeting you with their presence. This person is 4 types of toxic people combined. They will point out your flaws and everyone Else’s flaws and mention something that they had to do that was hard at the time so they can wind up getting something that they wanted. When you’re at your lowest point, they won’t be around or they will not want to “deal” with you unless they want something. This individual can literally suck the life out of you.

Now that you know some of the types of toxic people that are possibly in your life, what do you do? Begin today, this very moment, to withdraw any permission you’ve unwittingly given these individuals to be in your life. Do not judge yourself, or those around you, but instead come awake and refuse to spend one more second of your life exposing your precious life force to their poisons.

We need to cleanse the places in ourselves where such toxic creatures reside. This powerful and positive action can change your life. As you begin to refuse to associate with what is toxic, dark, and depressing you’ll find that you begin to attract what is light, good, and cheerful. Your relationships will deepen, your life will acquire new energy and glow, and your days will start to resemble the radiant Life that you’ve intentionally chosen as your own.

Attitude Is Everything: Change Your Attitude...and You Change Your Life! Positive attitude is a choice you can make. You can either allow yourself to get weighed down by toxic people, or you can leave them to roll around in their own muck and mire. You choose.

My own personal experience was with a person that actually showed traits of all 10 listed here. Which ultimately left me with no other option that to totally Clean House. I found myself in a vicious cycle of going through 1-4 of the list below over and over again to no avail. This Person would totally disregard everything I told her about Leaving me alone. She would call 10-15 times a day at all hours, email all day long , show up when I refused to answer her calls or her emails, stick her foot in the door so that I could not shut it on her. Finally after a emotionally exhausting struggle( years of trying to set boundaries), I Let Go… literally cut this person out of my life and released all the toxic sludge that been building for years. Whew! I have to say it was truly a wonderful and liberating experience.

1. Shut Them Out

Don’t let them in. Toxic people are like vampires. They’ll suck the life force right out of you. If you see them, don’t even let them in…because once they’re in, they’ll do damage.

2. Create A Buffer Zone.

You can do this by limiting your interaction with this person as much as possible. And when you must interact with them, gear up emotionally in advance. Talk to someone positive in beforehand, so you feel cheerful and good about yourself.

3. Take Away Their weapon’s

Get rid of any ammunition they can use against you. If they ask you for something, tell them no. If someone offers you something,say “Thanks, but no thanks.” That way nobody that can use you or make you feel guilty.

4.Tell Them Know How You Feel

Call them on what they’re doing and really get your point across.Put your foot down. Let them know that the behavior is not acceptable.Tell them how toxic you feel they are and how you refuse to continue to tolerate their crap. Tell them in no uncertain terms that this is your life and you choose not to be manipulated, controlled, decieved, used or abused by their tactics any longer. They can choose to respect your life choices and grow or they can choose to be left on the curb! If the behavior continues, let them go.

And Last but not least: if all else fails…

5. Clean House

This doesn’t mean clean up your house. This means that it’s time to cut the person out of your life permanently. You’ve given them chance after chance, and you have done everything conceivable, but it did not work. So, it’s time to let that individual go. You can do this any way you want the important thing is to just do it. Any hopes for this individual to change are gone, so there’s no reason to try any longer. They still could try to make it completely about them and try to make you feel bad about cutting them out, you just have to let the feeling fade. You did what was best for you and you will wind up happier. I did.

Everybody has a toxic person in their life, full of poison for your soul. The objective is to get them out of your life. Oprah Winfrey is always encouraging others to live their best life, and freeing yourself of as many negative things as possible is the first step. Here’s to your best life.

Get rid of all the negative and make room for all that is good and healthy!

Edited March 6, 2010 by asphyxian_doll

[torn asunder]

i didn't have time to read the whole thing right now, but i saw the quote in red - does this happen to stem from wayne dyer? seems like he just released a book/seminar regarding "change your thoughts, change your life". i love reading his stuff, very helpful, very true, and he has a great way of phrasing things. if you dig him, you'll like a lot of deepak chopra's stuff too!

i'll come back to this later...

[Hellion]

My room mates gf is a major arrogant POS,someone that IMO should have been dropped in the ocean with bricks tied on,or better yet aborted,my sister is another POS drama b---- as well.

People like that I usually write out of my life for good,and consider them non exhistant.

Great topic

[candyman]

Just a though but...I find people that look for toxic things in you to be toxic...so who would be toxic then? It seems to me at least that although there are people that really are toxic that certain people will "turn" someone toxic simply because they don't agree with them. I know people that with the help of this I could call toxic...but I usually just deal with them or stay the hell away from them. Pretty much everyone is going to be "toxic" one way or another...just pick your poison and you should be fine...if you want to wait around for the perfect person I believe Jesus said he would be back sometime soon...

[Slogo]

Hey! Some are good.

[~Tszura~]

My room mates gf is a major arrogant POS

So she is? I thought she just didn't like us that day of the party. We were getting nasty vibes from her all night. People with that kind of presence and attitude are usually just insecure, jealous, and feel threatened, like they are going to be knocked off whatever pedestal they're on.

And in regards to the thread topic~I completely agree! I've had to clean house on more than one occasion, even with one of my best friends. Sometimes people are not toxic when you meet them, but then things change.

[Homicidalheathen]

I had a councilor for awhile because I can't say no...

pretty much she gave me the same list.

My mom is a narcasist and my dad a sociopath

we tend to repeat these patterns trying to 'fix' or

'own'

the abuse

the trick it to see it and stop it...

there is a book about reincarnation where the guy talks about people even bringing past life patterns into this one.

it gets you stuck, thats for sure.

Just can't always turn your backs on people either...everyone has their good side...and if they have shown that to you, and in good times..their inner light shines so bright...how do you forget them and give up on them? Are you not always hoping they come around again? At what point do you give up?

[~Tszura~]

I had a councilor for awhile because I can't say no...

pretty much she gave me the same list.

My mom is a narcasist and my dad a sociopath

we tend to repeat these patterns trying to 'fix' or

'own'

the abuse

the trick it to see it and stop it...

there is a book about reincarnation where the guy talks about people even bringing past life patterns into this one.

it gets you stuck, thats for sure.

Just can't always turn your backs on people either...everyone has their good side...and if they have shown that to you, and in good times..their inner light shines so bright...how do you forget them and give up on them? Are you not always hoping they come around again? At what point do you give up?

I cut people when they're sucking so much out of me that I have nothing left for myself. It's at that point, that I have no problem cutting them out. I also have no problem letting people back in, either, but they have to show that they are at least addressing their soul sucking issues.

I also agree with Candyman, we're all toxic at some point, so we have to stay in touch with ourselves, and keep ourselves in check, too.

[torn asunder]

I cut people when they're sucking so much out of me that I have nothing left for myself. It's at that point, that I have no problem cutting them out. I also have no problem letting people back in, either, but they have to show that they are at least addressing their soul sucking issues.

this... :

[phee]

I hope people don't clean house too often.... I wouldn't have any friends anymore... *cries*

[asphyxian_doll]

Just a though but...I find people that look for toxic things in you to be toxic...so who would be toxic then? It seems to me at least that although there are people that really are toxic that certain people will "turn" someone toxic simply because they don't agree with them. I know people that with the help of this I could call toxic...but I usually just deal with them or stay the hell away from them. Pretty much everyone is going to be "toxic" one way or another...just pick your poison and you should be fine...if you want to wait around for the perfect person I believe Jesus said he would be back sometime soon...

There is some truth there.

Water does seek its own level.

I however disagree to a large extent.

There is a difference between toxic PEOPLE and toxic BEHAVIOR.

Toxic people thrive on self hate, self sabotage, anger, pain, chaos, and methodical or non-methodical torture of themselves and others.

I'm not looking for the perfect person....I am myself definitely not one.

The subject on Toxic people doesn't beget the insinuation that perfection is the goal here.

Which is unobtainable in the third dimension...or what I like to call "shitville"

(And Jesus never said he'd be back....the greeks did, the greeks and their retarded mistranslated half ass bible rip off)

Edited March 7, 2010 by asphyxian_doll

[asphyxian_doll]

I had a councilor for awhile because I can't say no...

pretty much she gave me the same list.

My mom is a narcasist and my dad a sociopath

we tend to repeat these patterns trying to 'fix' or

'own'

the abuse

the trick it to see it and stop it...

there is a book about reincarnation where the guy talks about people even bringing past life patterns into this one.

it gets you stuck, thats for sure.

Just can't always turn your backs on people either...everyone has their good side...and if they have shown that to you, and in good times..their inner light shines so bright...how do you forget them and give up on them? Are you not always hoping they come around again? At what point do you give up?

There is a great difference between turning your back on someone, and setting SOLID boundaries.

Some people are so self absorbed and manipulative(toxic) that you are not doing THEM any favor by being in their life ESPECIALLY if it is out of guilt. If you feel guilty for needing them out of your life, or feel guilty for wanting to give up....I think you need to really ask yourself what good is it doing BOTH of you, to stick in there and adhere to their game? There comes a point where giving up is LETTING GO.....which is definitely a healthy thing to do.

Edited March 7, 2010 by asphyxian_doll

[candyman]

There is some truth there.

Water does seek its own level.

I however disagree to a large extent.

There is a difference between toxic PEOPLE and toxic BEHAVIOR.

Toxic people thrive on self hate, self sabotage, anger, pain, chaos, and methodical or non-methodical torture of themselves and others.

I'm not looking for the perfect person....I am myself definitely not one.

The subject on Toxic people doesn't beget the insinuation that perfection is the goal here.

Which is unobtainable in the third dimension...or what I like to call "shitville"

(And Jesus never said he'd be back....the greeks did, the greeks and their retarded mistranslated half ass bible rip off)

JESUS WILL BE BACK!

And yeah just making sure you were not one of those people seeking "perfect"...I see alot of that in college...

[asphyxian_doll]

JESUS WILL BE BACK!

And yeah just making sure you were not one of those people seeking "perfect"...I see alot of that in college...

No I'm not seeking "perfect" ahaha!

Jesus isn't coming back!

augh!

[KatRN05]

I just ended a friendship recently.I felt really bad for her at first when she lost her job but honestly, she screwed herself over. Then after she lost her job, she had a baby, of course the father is not involved. I felt bad for her, helped her out, I paid her DTE bill so her electricity wouldn't get shut off even though I was having financial problems myself. Big mistake on my part because she asked me for money about six months ago via text message and when I ignored it, she sent me another text that said "I guess that means I'm not gonna get the money". I only started talking to her again after our friend was killed. Then there's just the little things like making a very condescending comment to another friend of ours' about how it must be nice to have a husband who takes care of her and their baby. And then she started asking for stuff again. Most recent, she texted me asking to bring food to her son's birthday party after I told her twice the day before that I was not coming to the party. But she insisted I make something and drop it off before work. Why the hell would I make something for a party I can't even attend? What an idiot. Anyhow, I've had enough of her "Pity-me" bullshit and I learned my lesson.

Edited March 7, 2010 by KatRN05