Sometimes I wish

[Destroit]

wow, that is AMAZING! as soon as I post on this thread, a post I made in a previous thread is now up for review and I may get yelled at again. You may actually end up being alone in your logic now, because if this crap keeps going on, im probably going to leave for another 6 months.

Bull shit I say.

The moderator staff is not always responsible for doing this. If we receive a complaint from a member or two then we have to treat them respectfully and as if it is a legitimate complaint until we can prove otherwise.

Wouldn't you like that same respect?

That's like if a woman reported being raped and the officer's just didn't believe her because she wasn't, oh say crying profusely, and laughed in her face. That is fucking disgusting, I'm sorry. And that's sort of what you're describing.

SO PEOPLE...the mods are not the only reason posts disappear or are brought into review. Many times it's your fellow members.

All we try to do is create an environment that is not necessarily kittens and rainbows but at least on the level of human respect and tactfulness towards each other. We use our best judgement in this. We have a full "jury" of different judges. It takes us hours of our lives to come to these conclusions and we don't ask for anything monitary in return. We don't have to do what we do. We do it because we love our community, value our fellow members, are avidly involved in the gothic (and subgenres of such) subculture and would like to see people with similar interests have a place where they can go and mingle without having to put up with Drama Llamas that act like they're five and then demand the respect-level of being an adult. This is what we strive for. We are never out to get any one particular member; we try so VERY hard to make sure that favorites are not played.

If you want to call someone Scrotie McBoogerBalls then there's a board for that. It's called 4chan and it's the home to "thought-filled" teenagers everywhere .

Edited March 25, 2010 by Chernobyl

[Eevee]

If you want to call someone Scroty McBoogerButt then there's a board for that.

I know this doesn't really relate to the topic but...A+ to Cher for the nearly South Park reference.

(Though they had it as Scrotie McBoogerBalls)

[Destroit]

I know this doesn't really relate to the topic but...A+ to Cher for the nearly South Park reference.

(Though they had it as Scrotie McBoogerBalls)

Fixed! A+ for out South-Parking me. That's quite rare.

[Msterbeau]

Dont compromise, continue, please. I feel like im the only one on ths site that doesnt, aside from maybe saint.

From where I stand, your definition of compromise means saying whatever you want without apology or consideration for the people you're speaking to or about. Read what Mike says below, and remember what I wrote in the marijuana thread. Compromise involves changing your opinion or beliefs. Making your point firmly but RESPECTFULLY is NOT compromise. When you signed on here, you signed on to abiding by the rules. You can either learn to use your vocabulary more appropriately and with a sensitivity to other people's situations or you can get booted and have no one else to blame for it but yourself.

people have always been able (and encouraged) to voice their opinions here, no matter what side they come from. what they're *not* allowed to do is act like an asshole. nobody is required to support others' choices blindly, but the nature of this board is such that people want to be supportive, encouraging, uplifting. on the flipside of that, many people also tend to voice their opinions if they think someone is going down the wrong path. as a "friendly, jerk-free" community, that's our goal, as i see it, and i think we've pretty much accomplished that. this is a very supportive, accepting community!

people need to learn how to argue and disagree without becoming disrespectful. there's a big difference between "you've know idea just how wrong i think you are", and "you're an idiot/moron/etc." there's also a way to make your opinion known without being rude ("really? i can't believe you like that, i think it sucks" as opposed to "anyone who likes that is an idiot/stupid/a moron!") one of the things i get tired of is people who don't exactly break the rules, but know damn well they're close, and they're doing it intentionally.

and finally, there is no "free speech" on this board. it's a privately owned board, and as such, it's subject to the rules put down by its founder. everyone who joins this board agrees to abide by the rules. and really, how hard is it to follow the basic rule of "be nice to people"!?

and to address this, which seems to be referring to supposed favoritism on the board...

people who tend to have a track record of harmonious interaction on the board and no real history of any rules-violating issues are shown a little more tolerance when a post is questionable; a member who has a history of jerk-like behavior will garner much less. someone who has a history of being talked to by the mod staff, or even of having their warning levels raised should know better.

[freydis]

I like you alot, I often want to call people out for there posts and then get yelled at for it later, bunch of BS. you cant call a crack whore stupid now without getting yelled at by a mod. Alot of people on this site think im a troll simply because when someone says something stupid, i call them out.

No, I called you a troll because you wander into a topic, and say the most inflammatory thing you can, and sit and wait for responses.

Thats pretty much the definition of BBS troll.

You're not attempting an honest dialogue over opinion. You want cheap entertainment.

Usually, A_D *is* looking to express an opinion with open dialogue.

Big difference.

[freydis]

Thanks for your input, I see a lot of error in my assessment, and appreciated the clarity and effort I received.

I do have a particular problem, and felt I already explained it.... I saw a trend in many of the threads and used one that frustrated me more so than the others, as an example of what really bothers me....

Enabling.

I see it everywhere, and to be honest, I was really frustrated when I started this thread, and just plain frustrated with people in general who don't own their behavior and look for permission to keep it up.

As for everything else, I agree....things fluctuate...its life.

Guess I was seeing the negative with blinders on and forgot to take the beam out of my own eye so to speak.

Enabling disgusts me too.

Good topic.

I think enabling belongs in its own little pathology box, depending on what it is someone is enabling in someone else.

[Epic_Fail_Guy]

If you want to call someone Scrotie McBoogerBalls then there's a board for that. It's called 4chan and it's the home to "thought-filled" teenagers everywhere .

Rules 1 & 2!!!! OMFG this is blasphemy!!!! Haha.. no just kidding. That's actually the site I was referring to in my last post when Troy brought up "maybe DGN was never good" it reminded me of that site.. never being good, to quote it it went like this, Person A, "Remember when /b/ was good?" Person B, "/b/ was never good!". but there literally are NO RULES on that site unless.. of course you count their unofficial rules of the internet (like rules 1 and 2)

Prettymuch, the site was entertaining for a while, but what I said previously, the origional thought and win of that board was ultimately destroyed by it's reputation it got for it's flame wars, and raids. Prettysoon the whole place was nothing but trolls. Then it got worse, Trolls started trolling other trolls, of wich in turned started trolling those trolls, and before long it was trolls trolling trolls, trolling trolls, that got trolled, so nothing could become acheived and the place became a pit of suck and fail, also if you go to a board with no rules and everyone posts anonymously, when word gets out, you get some extremely sick individuals to gather there.

I still check it every now and then when I hear something may spark up, but really, if that board were to belly up, nothing of any value would be lost.

I would recommend somethingawful.com forums however.. you have to pay them to post at all, but that's their policy.

To have some edge, comes with a price. 4chan suffered that price.

And thanks raev for the props!

[asphyxian_doll]

Some of what was said in this thread reminded me of this... http://www.theonion.com/articles/america-a-fascist-police-state-stoned-underage-dru,3463/

Those of you who get where I am coming from will probably agree, those of you who don't might think about our fascist police state.

LOL!

I love it when someone complains about how unfair things are, when they're blatantly breaking the law. >.>

*cough*

[phee]

*bows*

[DJ Nocker]

No, I called you a troll because you wander into a topic, and say the most inflammatory thing you can, and sit and wait for responses.

Thats pretty much the definition of BBS troll.

You're not attempting an honest dialogue over opinion. You want cheap entertainment.

Usually, A_D *is* looking to express an opinion with open dialogue.

Big difference.

Seriously, Freydis, You seem really cool, and you like white wolf which automatically makes me like you, that being said.

If i wanted cheap entertainment, I would go buy a 6 pack and hang out with my friends in the real world. Not sit and worry about you guys on DGN. Postingh my honest opinion just tends to be more blunt than others.

[phee]

Seriously, Freydis, You seem really cool, and you like white wolf which automatically makes me like you, that being said.

If i wanted cheap entertainment, I would go buy a 6 pack and hang out with my friends in the real world. Not sit and worry about you guys on DGN. Postingh my honest opinion just tends to be more blunt than others.

Do you think there is a difference between "blunt" and "unnecessarily harsh" or "inflammatory"?

[DJ Nocker]

Do you think there is a difference between "blunt" and "unnecessarily harsh" or "inflammatory"?

No, blunt can be harsh depending on the topic and who believes what. And tbh, it doesnt mater if your blunt or not on this site, just if you have a semi negative opinion. My last situation about my post in the fashion boards is proof. I used proper words for the situation and was on watch almost instantly after the post. I could have been way worse. whatever

[Raev]

No, blunt can be harsh depending on the topic and who believes what. And tbh, it doesnt mater if your blunt or not on this site, just if you have a semi negative opinion. My last situation about my post in the fashion boards is proof. I used proper words for the situation and was on watch almost instantly after the post. I could have been way worse. whatever

Did you receive a reprimand?

[phee]

Interesting... I do see a difference in delivery of information,

[DJ Nocker]

@ Raev, No I didnt, but it was put on invisible and I was told I would be given a reprimand if it was decided to delete the post. which probably would have resulted in me making a big stink and leaving the forum for another 6 months, luckily, 1 or 2 or the moderators saw reason and decided to leave it up.

@ Phee, to each there own, I tend to see things in either black or white, or so im told.

[phee]

@ Phee, to each there own, I tend to see things in either black or white, or so im told.

If that is so... I am sorry. It can be a very difficult way to go through life.

[DJ Nocker]

If that is so... I am sorry. It can be a very difficult way to go through life.

Interesting...I figure that it would make things easier with having to not worry about so many options... again, to each there own. The idea of there being shades of "grey" so to speak, just kind of confuses me.

[phee]

Interesting...I figure that it would make things easier with having to not worry about so many options... again, to each there own. The idea of there being shades of "grey" so to speak, just kind of confuses me.

The problem with looking at things as binary, is that in life there very rarely is black and white absolutes. And almost certainly not absolutes when it comes to people... I suppose I like having more ways of looking at things then black and white, us and them, right and wrong, good and evil, etc...

How does this relate to what we are talking about?

Lets say for instance, there was someone I really respected and thought was a good person who was acting like a total Asshole. I could just blast him with the "blunt option" or "not say anything" (That would be black and white choices) But I like this person, so instead of blasting him -> pissing him off -> him not listening to me because I am blasting him -> potentially damaging a good friendship, OR just not saying anything making it so his asshole behavior continues... I talk to him respectfully and truthfully, not saying stuff and calling him names to piss him off, but saying "I don't know if you are aware of this, but you have been acting really badly lately and it is coming off as asshole like, thought you might want to know because I doubt you mean to do it" (That would be the non black and white/grey area) It might A.) Get the point across without the interference of ME being abrasive and loosing the message. B.) He might value my friendship more for having the balls to tell him, but not be a jerk right back to him about it. C.) Everyone else might be happier because he stopped acting like an asshole.... where as if I had just been a prick right back to him friendship damaged, he is still acting like an asshole, and I look like one too now.

[DJ Nocker]

The problem with looking at things as binary, is that in life there very rarely is black and white absolutes. And almost certainly not absolutes when it comes to people... I suppose I like having more ways of looking at things then black and white, us and them, right and wrong, good and evil, etc...

How does this relate to what we are talking about?

Lets say for instance, there was someone I really respected and thought was a good person who was acting like a total Asshole. I could just blast him with the "blunt option" or "not say anything" (That would be black and white choices) But I like this person, so instead of blasting him -> pissing him off -> him not listening to me because I am blasting him -> potentially damaging a good friendship, OR just not saying anything making it so his asshole behavior continues... I talk to him respectfully and truthfully, not saying stuff and calling him names to piss him off, but saying "I don't know if you are aware of this, but you have been acting really badly lately and it is coming off as asshole like, thought you might want to know because I doubt you mean to do it" (That would be the non black and white/grey area) It might A.) Get the point across without the interference of ME being abrasive and loosing the message. B.) He might value my friendship more for having the balls to tell him, but not be a jerk right back to him about it. C.) Everyone else might be happier because he stopped acting like an asshole.... where as if I had just been a prick right back to him friendship damaged, he is still acting like an asshole, and I look like one too now.

Guess that is where we are different. If someone is being an asshole, I tell them flat out, friend or not. If they get pissed, thats there problem for not being able to take the truth. If a friendship is lost over something like that, it was not worth calling it a friendship in the first place. Probably why i have a small friend base, but id rather that then a bunch of people I have to tip toe around with opinions.

[phee]

Guess that is where we are different. If someone is being an asshole, I tell them flat out, friend or not. If they get pissed, thats there problem for not being able to take the truth. If a friendship is lost over something like that, it was not worth calling it a friendship in the first place. Probably why i have a small friend base, but id rather that then a bunch of people I have to tip toe around with opinions.

I suppose it is.

I mean it really depends on what your goal in telling the person is.... is it your goal to simply tell them off? Or do you wish to make them aware of the situation and perhaps have a choice of their own.

Telling a stranger they are a jerk is much easier then telling someone you interact with IMO.

I doubt a friendship would be "lost" over it, but if a friendship is based on mutual respect (which I think a good friendship usually is), there is no need to to tip toe, and there is no need to be brutal either... just be honest without the padding or the barbed wire (that's what blunt is... blunt does not mean brutal, it means blunt).

For example my wife will be blunt with me almost all the time, not cruel. If she thinks I am not say... handling the car correctly; she is blunt and she will say "Phee you are not handling the car correctly, it will result in a problem, here is a better way." She will not say: "Oh you are driving really really well, but you are just doing this differently but I am sure that is okay because I love you..." That is tip toeing (not good). She also will not say "Phee you are driving like stupid ass head, I think its stupid the way you are doing it." That way is unnecessarily nasty and is not designed to help me drive better, but to make me feel bad (which I get the impression is the way you come off to a lot of folks here... in the latter category.)

The way I am having this discussion with you now for example, honest (I hope), not rude or mean (I hope), and not tip toeing (I hope).

[DJ Nocker]

I suppose it is.

I mean it really depends on what your goal in telling the person is.... is it your goal to simply tell them off? Or do you wish to make them aware of the situation and perhaps have a choice of their own.

Telling a stranger they are a jerk is much easier then telling someone you interact with IMO.

I doubt a friendship would be "lost" over it, but if a friendship is based on mutual respect (which I think a good friendship usually is), there is no need to to tip toe, and there is no need to be brutal either... just be honest without the padding or the barbed wire (that's what blunt is... blunt does not mean brutal, it means blunt).

For example my wife will be blunt with me almost all the time, not cruel. If she thinks I am not say... handling the car correctly; she is blunt and she will say "Phee you are not handling the car correctly, it will result in a problem, here is a better way." She will not say: "Oh you are driving really really well, but you are just doing this differently but I am sure that is okay because I love you..." That is tip toeing (not good). She also will not say "Phee you are driving like stupid ass head, I think its stupid the way you are doing it." That way is unnecessarily nasty and is not designed to help me drive better, but to make me feel bad (which I get the impression is the way you come off to a lot of folks here... in the latter category.)

The way I am having this discussion with you now for example, honest (I hope), not rude or mean (I hope), and not tip toeing (I hope).

Not gonna lie, think you are ful of it, I doubt your wife sounds that robotic, im sure she is more likley to say "Phee your driving like an idiot" than what you said, if im wrong, than thats cool, just sounds reeeaaalllyy odd to me.

[phee]

Not gonna lie, think you are ful of it, I doubt your wife sounds that robotic, im sure she is more likley to say "Phee your driving like an idiot" than what you said, if im wrong, than thats cool, just sounds reeeaaalllyy odd to me.

yesterday morning I was told to let the car start and run longer because of the cold weather.... No name calling or battering verbally was necessary.

I am sorry if the experiences you have had are such that insults and communication are so hand in hand.

That is not to say it NEVER happens, I mean people get mad... but on the whole we try to communicate without the interference. If someone says "You are driving like an idiot" the person who was just told that will usually first feel pissed off that the other person is treating them that way, then maybe try to figure out why the other person is being such a jerk... usually because of the delivery of that kind of message... the message itself is lost (In other words, the person being told they are driving like an idiot probably won't try to drive better, just get pissed off at the person saying they are driving like an idiot.)

[Eevee]

Hmm...I think it would be intriguing to hear Rayne's two cents on that

[Rayne]

Hmm...I think it would be intriguing to hear Rayne's two cents on that

Yep, Phee is correct.

[Epic_Fail_Guy]

actually i can see both sides of the coin here and why either side would make sense.

I don't use black and white aboslutes unless it's a last resort, usually i try phee's approach first.

But if that doesn't work, then i'm faced with a choice, is it conflicting with my principals that i govern myself with? Or is it not. Is it corrupting my established order over my life? Other's that are a part of this order in my life? If yes, then I must correct this problem. If nicely doesn't work at first, then it is time to put them on blast. When it comes down to it, if they're worth my friendship, they wouldn't be forcing me in an ultimatum where i must compromise principals i set in place in my own life for good reasons, or kicking them out.

Also, black and whites don't work because sometimes, by going off black and whites alone, you can unintentionally contradict yourself or come off as a hypocrite. I find a few basic principals (not rules) sort of work best in maintaining order and peace in your own life.