Boundries...

[Cowboydave]

So, I generally get on well with my ex's. I am even natured and this allows me to go through relatively few bad break ups. Subsequently I end up hanging out with and being friends with most of my ex's. In the past this has seemed to workout nicely. More than once I have even moved in with an ex as a roommate. So, when this situation came up again, I was less apprehensive about it than most of you reading this probably are. I have not been here a month yet. I think the issue was that this particular ex was my most recent, having broke up with ME just before Christmas. As normal the break up did not go badly, there is no reason for that after all, and about a month ago I was asked if I could move in as she was in need of a roommate.

I was quite happily situated in a fraternity house. At my age, not the best situation, but at the same time, stable and not in pressing need of new accommodations. She complained about being scared living alone in her HUGE house and needed roommates that she knew and trusted (she has just recently moved to Michigan from Maryland). Although, I have no urgent need to move out, I agree to it based on equivalent rent and the assumption that it is semi permanent, as the second I move out, my room will be taken over and I will have no where to go from there. Not even two weeks into moving in and she had a hissy fit about my bring someone home who I am half seeing at the moment. There were no awkward face to faces, we watched a movie down stairs - on my TV and Xbox 360, then retired to my room for the night - and no there was no sex, so there was no loud awkward noise either!!

And yet the hissy fit this morning. She has never met the girl I am seeing now, so it cannot be disapproval, and even so, she does not get to have a say in whom I see - PERIOD. This mornings hissy fit consisted of not talking to me, opening and pouring out 5 bottles of a six pack of my Smirnoff Twisteds and drinking most of my bottle of Lambic - Really? Are we 12?

In her defense, not that I see this as an excuse, but since we have been single she has gotten into the habit of seeking me out when she needs to cuddle or if she is horny. I have made it quite clear as to the nature of this - there is no relationship. I have also stopped the sexual portion of our relationship. As far as I am concerned, the other aspects of our friendship are done too - no cuddling or the likes.

The situation is simple. I was in a comfortable situation - as annoying as it often was, and now I have jumped into a precarious one at best. I am leaving for Afghanistan this time next year. Should I just be celibate to appease her? Should I tolerate her intrusion into my personal life - my food stuffs. I just spent a good amount of money fixing up the room and painting it the way I want it and I am really not in the mood to move again less than 2 weeks after moving in!!! She had given me assurances that she was ok with our no longer dating - she broke up with me after all. Now she has me over a barrel as I cannot afford a normal apartment and cannot go back to the fraternity house and I am leaving for Afghanistan in a year anyway...

How far should I push the issue of having my own life and the separation of our friendship from our old relationship? I have never had things go bad before like this with an ex and I am kind of treading new ground.

As an add on to this post I have just been given the ultimatum of stop bringing people over or find a new place to live within 30 days. I am pretty good at seeing both sides to arguments and I am just not seeing her side of this one. Obviously, despite the fact that she broke up with me, there are still feelings. I still do not see how it is that I am the one who is a bad guy here. I have not in ANY WAY OR SHAPE been misleading or anything but straight forward about the nature of our relationship. Yet now I am the one having to look for a new place to live 2 weeks into living at my new place and 2 weeks after someone took my old room at the fraternity house...

Life just sucks....

[Epic_Fail_Guy]

Tell her to take a shit or get off the pot.

Either you both talk about hooking back up, or you desprately find another place to live. She's putting you through total bullshit.

And when you move out, i reccomend telling her to go fuck herself too.

All that should be a last resort, at least try to talk to her about it, if she only argues, say fine chick, i'm gone in 30 days, peace and you'll never hear from me again if you wanna be this retarded and crazy.

I've been in a similar situation, she broke up with me, i still had feelings for her, we stayed "friends" then she blew me off (and the friendship) as soon as she met someone. I started dating someone else too (who i'm with now actually) and lo and behold just yesterday she came back as if she never did any wrong and tried getting a little flirty with me.

I stopped her dead in her tracks, told her i was with someone, and even showed her a picture. She got pissed as hell and tried playing the bro's before ho's routine..

I simply asked, ok who's ass was your head up for the past 3 months hmm? You put me 2nd, i'll stay 2nd, but so will you. I hung up on her after i said i had to go meet my girl. I've already gotten several angry emails already.

Your situation is worse, yet not as bad as the same time, worse that you're living there, but if you seen the story above.. it can get worse, if she's the same type as my ex (wich could quite possibly be a very good chance she is from reading your story) fairness and logic are non existant. It's hypocricy, double standards, and an all around selfishness that dominates her thought process.

Deal with the hastle of finding a place to live until Afganistan, trust me man, get out before shit could get worse.

[KatRN05]

I'm sorry, she what? She drank your Lambic? To me, that's grounds for me kicking someone's ass. No one fucks with my Lambic. Sorry, having a moment..

She had given me assurances that she was ok with our no longer dating - she broke up with me after all. Now she has me over a barrel as I cannot afford a normal apartment and cannot go back to the fraternity house and I am leaving for Afghanistan in a year anyway...

I think her assurances to you are just lies. I don't believe she is okay with you two no longer dating. If she was okay with it, she wouldn't have had the hissy fit she had. If you really don't want to move again, so be it but I don't think its worth it to stay. You are just going to get more aggravation in the future.

Should you be celibate to appease her? Fuck no! As far as I am concerned, you are single and should be allowed to date whoever the hell you want. You are roommates, nothing more. If she's bringing guys home, then she should have no problem with you bringing girls home.

[DJ Nocker]

LoL you walked rught into that one... You seriously didnt think there would be any problems? seriously?

[Cowboydave]

LoL you walked rught into that one... You seriously didnt think there would be any problems? seriously?

As I have said, this is not the first time I have been in the situation of living with an ex post relationship. It has never been a problem in the past. Also, since posting this, things have calmed down and she has apologized and said there is no need to move out. I am of course skeptical now, but seeing as my options are limited.... I am still on the lookout for other options.

[Musashi]

When you move into a place and pay rent, that entitles you to certain things. Not the least of which is the right to have company. Nevermind the whole relationship/friendship thing. A person has a right to have a place where they feel safe and comfortable. Anyone who infringes upon that is simply wrong. A girlfriend may have a right to an opinion on "who" you have over, but that, obviously is neither here nor there. If she's not your girlfriend, she has no right. Plain and simple. It's good she saw her folly and apologized. Hopefully she will have learned a lesson and it won't be an issue any longer.

[Hellion]

I have no problem with room mates I do have a problem when they impose/get into my personal life,that will piss me off,stay out of my personal life,and things will be fine.

Edited April 10, 2010 by Hellion

[TygerLili]

If you posted this for advice: Look for something else and move out as soon as possible! I know moving sucks, but not as much as living in a hostile environment. It's only a matter of time until a similar problem arises.

If you posted this just to vent: Carry on. I have nothing constructive to add.