WANTED: A super awesome roommate

[Destroit]

For those of you who don't know, we recently had a room open up in our house for availability. We have a very harmonic household at this point so people who revolve around drama or always have "something wrong with them" (that is all in their head) need not apply. We made a mistake a few years ago by having someone extremely emo move in with us and it was awkward for all parties involved as we are all about being blunt, honest, and to the point. Apparently sensitive people cannot handle the truth about the world and this would cause conflict and would always end in a pathetic crying fit. We were not MEAN, as I said, just TRUTHFUL all the time...so if this sounds like you, I can already tell you you're setting yourself up for disaster by moving in. I cannot say "no children" either, but there are a few stipulations: You will have NOWHERE to put your child. The room is NOT big enough. We are also lewd and obscene and make a lot of adult jokes and use a lot of inappropriate language. It's bad enough I have to censor myself in public but I refuse to do so in my own home. Your child will be permanently scarred. Just and FYI, it's definitely a bachelor-pad kind of setting, not a wholesome family home.

COUPLES welcome! Only rule to this is that every time you have relations, you have to scream out "CHUCK NORRIS" every time either of you climax . (Kidding of course, this is optional. Just because I do it doesn't mean everyone else has to also). I may tack on a bit of extra money for rent just for the fact that there will be another person sharing the house, but it would not be much at all.

House specs

~ This is a 960 sq ft bungalow.

~ Basement: 700 some-odd-sq-ft

~ Garage: 400 sq ft, you can store things for free if you live here (within reason)

~ Good sized backyard that is going to be used all summer for grilling, gardening, and lighting shit on fire.

~ Two bathrooms, one full upstairs, one half bath in the basement

~ We don't do cable, it's a waste of life. Everything that you can get on cable is also already on the internet for free, so it's a waste of money. We have free wi-fi however. We also have a Blu-Ray player. Tim and I also have an awesome taste in all things anime and have anime nights on Saturday..

~ Our house has four tvs, each new gen system (some of which there are multiples of), DDR-awesomeness, and anything else that would make any gamer nut themselves.

~ Located in a nice quiet neighborhood at 9 Mile Rd and Van Dyke in Warren. Don't believe everything you hear on the news, it is actually a very safe neighborhood and all of the neighbors have been wonderful so far.

~ Washer and Dryer are being installed within the next month. Detergent will be supplied and I will not charge for its use.

~ The house is being fully painted by June.

Other important stuff

~ We have cats, if you are allergic, probably not the house for you.

~ I allow small animals, cats, and possibly a small dog. No large dogs, please.

~ We have a large dog. He is cat friendly, he's a big wuss. As much as I <3 him, that's why I say "no large dogs". One is more than enough .

Price/Room

~ Your new room is about 10'x10'. However this is a very social house and is not one where you should feel like you HAVE to hide in your room out of awkwardness. On the same coin, if you're like me where you're in college and a writer and need a lot of alone time, we honor that and won't bug you.

~ It is primer white with ebony hardwood floors. You can paint it whatever color your want so long as you don't fuck up my floors.

~ Your room has a closet for your clothes, two windows, a light fixture, surround shelving, and a smoke detector.

~ I'm asking $200 plus splitting utilities between four people. So that usually puts it at about $300 a month. We also have a "community grocery program" where if you throw an extra $50 a month you can eat our groceries. We do NOT usually buy crap, junk food, etc. We buy healthy lunch meat, "ready foods" for emergencies like canned soup and ramen, stir fry materials, fresh produce/fruit, etc. Maybe some treats here and there like ice cream, pop, chips, etc, but it's not a staple in our diet. As I said this is optional, but if you opt out of if, I best not see you eating food out of my fridge. If you opt out of it you can still store your food in our fridge, if it's properly labeled, or I can supply you with a mini fridge for your room.

~ Toilet paper, hand soap, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc are all supplied for you and are included in the rent.

~ THIS IS A NO SMOKING HOUSEHOLD. That means no smoking cigarettes even in your room.

~ I don't care if you drink, just don't belligerently flop around and break expensive shit...that is MY job.

What is required of you

~ STEADY income of some sort. I cannot stress this enough.

~ Paying me on time or at least explaining to me why you cannot. I am VERY lenient. I am the NICEST person you will EVER rent from, guaranteed or your money back. If you have a problem where your check gets delayed, etc, I am VERY understanding and do not charge bullshit late fees or anything. Just come talk to me and we'll work it out.

~ CLEANLINESS. Our house is NOT 100% spic and span. I do not require it to be. But I DO require a decent amount of cleanliness from the tenants. You will have designated things to clean weekly as it's almost a boarding house kind of situation. It's not extensive and is just a way to make sure everyone does their part in maintaining the sanitary-level of our house. There are a good amount of guests that come over too and I want our house to be somewhat presentable so they'll want to come back.

Note: One of our tenants works a night job. He is very understandable that everyone does not share his schedule, but he sleeps until around 2-3pm. You don't have to be quiet as a mouse between these hours, he's a somewhat heavy sleeper, but please do not be Samuel L. Jackson during the hours of 7am-3pm. The good news is that he's gone all night and the rest of us stay up late, so at night you can be a true goth and make all the noise you want.

Our dog also howls when we have to put him in his kennel when we leave for work. We don't have to do this ALL the time as we usually have our hick dog sit him, but I'm just putting it out as a warning. He will most likely drop this behavior as time goes on and he is better trained and accustomed to the kennel because he is a puppy right now.

PM ME IF YOU'RE INTERESTED OR HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS!!!!! Thank you Trust me, if you're living under my roof it is very easy living, no maintenance, no drama, no weirdness, no pressure, etc. Just keep a job, pay me the SMALL amount of rent (or work it out with me if you're short for some reason that month), and don't be a fucking slob and we'll all get along quite nicely .

Edited April 7, 2010 by Chernobyl

[Nightgaunt]

Where the hell were you 10 years ago when I needed a place like this????

[Iris]

Where the hell were you 10 years ago when I needed a place like this????

*Tries to imagine an all most 15 year old Chernobyl....*

Do you really want to know the answer to that question?

[Destroit]

Where the hell were you 10 years ago when I needed a place like this????

Living at Boshy's house .

[GOTHIKA]

im interested; but let me know if you wish to discuss business

[Annona Synclair]

I'm very interested. Have to discuss with Nicholas, of course, but it's a GREAT possibility that he'll ALSO be interested. He keeps about the same schedule as you friend, the whole 7am-3pm deal, so that's not a problem. We DO have a 6 month old, but have no problems exposing him to ANY of the above mentioned behaviors, mostly due to the fact that WE expose him to pretty much the same things. The baby can ALSO sleep through a chainsaw buzzing right next to him, so ALSO not a problem. ^_^ Dietary guidelines basically fall under the same category, though Nicholas HAS to have his soda and chips every once in awhile {but usually sticks to vitamin water}. ALSO, I absolutely LOVE to cook. TV's a bore, nowadays, and we spend a GREAT DEAL online, love to game {we're major nerds/geeks/whatchamacallits}, and I, at least, am a sucker for a good anime'. SQUEE! Any-hoo, I'll talk to Nicholas and pm you to discuss what he thinks and whether or not YOU think we're suitable candidates. Chiao, luv!

[Destroit]

I'm very interested. Have to discuss with Nicholas, of course, but it's a GREAT possibility that he'll ALSO be interested. He keeps about the same schedule as you friend, the whole 7am-3pm deal, so that's not a problem. We DO have a 6 month old, but have no problems exposing him to ANY of the above mentioned behaviors, mostly due to the fact that WE expose him to pretty much the same things. The baby can ALSO sleep through a chainsaw buzzing right next to him, so ALSO not a problem. ^_^ Dietary guidelines basically fall under the same category, though Nicholas HAS to have his soda and chips every once in awhile {but usually sticks to vitamin water}. ALSO, I absolutely LOVE to cook. TV's a bore, nowadays, and we spend a GREAT DEAL online, love to game {we're major nerds/geeks/whatchamacallits}, and I, at least, am a sucker for a good anime'. SQUEE! Any-hoo, I'll talk to Nicholas and pm you to discuss what he thinks and whether or not YOU think we're suitable candidates. Chiao, luv!

*sad face*

I posted in the other thread and must've forgot to post in this one but the room is taken. It was kinda first-come-first serve and we found someone who wanted to move in ASAP and we took the offer.

[GOTHIKA]

aww

[FarrIL]

Damn, if i had prospects downstate as far as jobs go, this sounds like something I'd snag in a heartbeat.