Should company pay to stay the weekend with someone?

[GOTHIKA]

Well, its been a while since I wrote anything but i am stressing out on this MAIN ISSUE! As you know, I'm stuck living with my mom in gibraltar since jan. 2010 and she has been charging my man/ex $20 every time he stays the weekend (fri-sun) with me. At 1st, I thought this would save caleb money when he was going to baker in allen park, now its becoming a major issue to the point where I can't see him ever again since he lives in dewitt, mi. I can't reason with my mother and the fact that my sister has to pay double for her man to stay here is BULLSHIT AND UNFAIR! THIS is the only website i can say this: MY MOM HAS NO RIGHT TO KEEP CHARGING HIM IF HE TRANSFERRED SCHOOL AND I HATE HER FOR THIS! Thanks to her, every time she gets the money from caleb and my sis's bf she uses it for her own good like cigarettes, beer or whatever dumb excuse she got like putting it towards my G.E.D. school.

IF I DON'T FIND A WAY TO SOLVE THIS, I MAY JUST GO OFF ON HER AND I COULD CARE LESS IF I GET KICKED OUT OR IF I HURT HER FEELINGS. HER IDEA COST ME MY RELATIONSHIP AND I NEED EVERYONE'S OPINION AND REASONING ON WHAT SHOULD I DO FROM HERE, THX!

Oh, btw, wish me luck next week because motorcity casino called for me and I'm hoping this will save me otherwise......you know the rest

[Guest Megalicious]

In all honesty, her house-her rules. *hugs* (not that I agree or that it makes it right)

Good luck with what I can only assume is a job opportunity at MC.

[Onyx]

Well since you asked opinions.... sounds like it's way past time for you to get your own place. Are you paying her rent?

[taysteewonderbunny]

I understand your indignation at your situation, but it sounds like your mom is trying to make a compromise between her comfort level and your need to have romantic relationships while you are under her roof.

Ultimately, as long as the house is in HER name as opposed to yours, her decisions as to who can stay trump your desires.

She probably understands, though, that as an adult you have certain needs that require you a) to continue living with her, and b) have a boyfriend.

Consequently, she is giving you an option that

1. Offsets her expenses in having someone else in the house (those kilowatt hours and cubic meters of water add up, as does the food expense if your bf eats there),
2. Compensates her somewhat for the intrusion on her privacy that a regular guest, who is not even HER guest, brings with it,
3. Costs you and your bf less than renting a hotel room for the same 48 hour period, and
4. Provides you an incentive to get your own place in the near future.

It's doubtlessly not what you had hoped for, however it seems a fair compromise between what is her preference (that you lived on your own and your boyfriend didn't spend the night at her place) and yours.

If this is STILL not working for you, I recommend that you discuss it with her reasonably and respectfully. Perhaps you can do (maybe even with your bf) some work around the house instead of paying $20, but you would have to be consistent in following through. Or, perhaps she intends on saving up this money to give back to you when you move out. Find out, but try to see things her way first.

[Oh_My_Goth]

You said it perfect TWB...

When I had roommates long ago.. Some of them would have their significant other staying at the house every weekend. It DOES add up bill-wise, more than one would think.

The comfort factor is pretty big as well...

& EVERY weekend is no longer "company".. That's called weekend boarding, & yeah, people should have to pay for that.

Shit, I wish I would have thought of charging them people to stay over.. & Hell..I would have spent it on anything I damn well pleased.

I know you came here maybe hoping to get support and have people tell you that your Mom is being unfair.. But the fact is, you really have to be able to put yourself in her shoes for a moment.. Which I understand is hard to do if you have never been in a similar situation as the 'head of a household'.

Please don't take Me wrong, and think I'm being mean.. I have no reason to be mean to you :0

Just stating the facts, Miss

Edited April 10, 2010 by Oh_My_Goth

[prick]

I agree with what everyone else has said to you.

[TygerLili]

I agree with pretty much everything everyone has already said, so I'll just be brief:

Mom's house, mom's rules.

[GOTHIKA]

HERE'S THE FUCK-UP PART THE PLACE IS NOT IN HER NAME BECAUSE HER CREDIT IS SO FUCKED UP OVER THE YEARS; ITS IN SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME. EVERY TIME I ASK HER WHY YOU CHARGE OUR COMPANY SO MUCH MONEY SHE SAYS: "ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!" Me & my guest have some right to know how much she wants, where the money goes and so forth. not to mention she has NO JOB & she's depending on my younger sis to pay even double for her guest since he is from the far part of detroit and she charges her for the gas and the days he stay!

The amount is ridicilously high as hell; I disagree with it since the apartment is not in her name. even my mom's bf thinks its too high but all she cares about is getting her "smokey treats" and beer whenever she wants! 1st she says if you stay 2 nights, you dont pay but now she changes it around and says whether its 1, 2 or 3 days she still wants money to do whatever she wants to do! FUCK THAT SHIT! So whats your opinions on that?!?!?!

btw; ya the motorcity is offering me a housekeeping position so I'm crossing every fingers, toes and eyes to get this job because the sooner I get it, the better I'm out this hellhole! and NO she doesn't charge me rent.

[xenoterracide]

She doesn't charge you rent but you do provide food for the household with your bridgecard.

She's a leech... she'll leech off anyone and anything she can. As I've said asking for gas money to pick up your sister's bf isn't out of the question... That's an acceptable expense. Since the food is off Gothika's bridgecard I don't affect that bill at all... so no board is being provided by her mother. Technically the bed Gothika sleeps on is also mine. I don't actually incur her any expense other than being there.

It costs me $35 just to get there, plus $20? I can't afford it. I have no job I live on student loans.

It's not every weekend it was for a little while because I was attending school in the area. But I'm not now, so Gothika is the only reason I have to be there.

consider this exceptionally rude behavior, especially considering I was taking care of Gothika for several months until I lost my place and had to move in with my parents.

[xenoterracide]

I also agree that the funds are not going to be put to good use... as far as "maybe she'll give them to you when you move out" highly doubtful and it's kinda asinine to ask ME for money for her daughter, and use that as a reason.

[Guest Megalicious]

but all she cares about is getting her "smokey treats" and beer whenever she wants!

I know this all to well. My mother was the same till I was in my 20's, hence why I moved out at 15. My advice to you - instead of getting angry and mad, offer your mom some help. Try to let her know how much you care about her, love her and don't want to see her going down this road anymore. Offer her the emotions support she needs to get CLEAN- otherwise shit is NOT going to change and you and your mothers relationship WILL ALWAYS be strained and distant, even when she finally realizes she doesn't want to lead that kind of life anymore.

I know how hard this sounds because it HURTS. It hurts when a mother can't put you (or your needs) before her need to get high *hugs* My heart goes out to you. However, you are no longer a child, you are a young woman and if you are going to continue to live under, what is technically, her roof, it is going to be by her rules. Doesn't matter if they are rational or not. I'm not saying its right, but it is what it is.

She's a leech... she'll leech off anyone and anything she can.

She is also G's mother. Show a little respect, even if her mother doesn't deserve it, she is still her MOTHER. *nods*

[xenoterracide]

I'm sorry I can't respect her. I tried, she's lost my respect. I won't discuss details (because I don't really know much and it'd all be heresay to me anyways) but I'm pretty sure she's guilty of enough crimes to go to prison if anyone knew, or was pressing charges. leeching from me is not the worst she's done, and I can't respect that. Getting pregnant and having a child does not automagically make you worthy of respect. My father didn't raise me, and he went to prison, for many things including check fraud, and lost my respect. My mother beat my sister enough to have a warrant out for her arrest. She lost my respect. I don't care who or what you are... respect requires merit, and if you don't merit it, you shouldn't get it. If you care more about your addictions than the happiness of your children... that's not respectable.

I'll respect her rules and I've thus considered that the next time I go will possibly, probably, be the last time. Because I won't/can't pay.

[GOTHIKA]

SORRY, I CANT HELP THOSE WHO REFUSE MY HELP. SINCE I WAS 12 SHE'S BEEN SMOKING AND DRINKING AND TAKING PEOPLE'S MONEY. I REFUSE TO HELP HER IF SHE KEEPS SAYING NO TO MY FACE!

Edited April 11, 2010 by GOTHIKA

[prick]

Still alot cheaper then a motel or apartment of your own.

[Jinx]

Here is the reality like it or not. The place can be in her name or the name of the POPE. If it is not in yours you have not rights. Yes you may provide food BUT where would you sleep if she did not let you stay there? It's her home not yours and if she wants money for the privilege of you BF staying over then it's her right. I also got to think if this guys was worth anything your mother would be bending over backwards to help you if for nothing else it would get you out of her home. If you are not in high school or college where that is your full time job then it's time or you to be an adult and move out. A better question would be why at your age are you still living with your mother? If you cannot moe out on your own and your mommy is giving you a place to live then you have no more rights there then when you did as a child. You can scream all you want how "it's not fair, I want to kill my mom" but unless you can be enough of an adult to pay your own rent,electricity,heat. Then you have NO RIGHT to complain about whatever rules she puts in place in HER HOME! A home in which you are just a guest. I am sure it was not your mothers dream in life to be having you living with her after you were done with school. Did you ever think that your inability to start an adult life of your own thus forcing you mother to still be providing for you might be part of the problem.

JINX

[xenoterracide]

You say 'the pope' like he's supposed to be some counter example to bad... A guy who's child molester policy is "don't ask, don't tell".

[Nightgaunt]

You say 'the pope' like he's supposed to be some counter example to bad... A guy who's child molester policy is "don't ask, don't tell".

I think you're missing my sister's point. Substitute "Pope" with "President", "Dalai Lama", or "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark". The point is that the homeowner makes the rules and must be respected, even if the homeowner or rules are not to your liking.

[Hellion]

House rules existed when I used to live at my moms place,they did not exist when I was away from home at a friends/other relatives,at work,only at the house,then they were non existent again after I moved out.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I am 34 and my fiance is 33. We live at our mothers' homes where the rent is cheap and the food delicious. We obey their rules. Which means that even though we are 1) engaged, 2) undoubtedly adult, 3) previously "corrupted," and 4) have lived on our own previously, we still a) sleep in separate rooms when visiting each other, b) do chores both at our homes and the homes we visit, and c) pay money when asked. It doesn't change. Mom's rules rule.