Different On The Inside

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I want to shy back and stand out of the way most of the time

calm with myself or my loved ones quiet, sublime.

I want to relax, dance and just smile, pleasant and polite

but sometimes, something has me doing what i know isn't right.

Sometimes i pull myself out of my too-small bed

and act in ways that are not what is really in my head.

[Brenda Starrr]

=(

[Guest Game of Chance]

Dude...if this has anything to do with our conversation last night...you're fine...i think you have nothing to worry about...cmon your Troy Fucking Spiral for crying out loud, you are "The Man"

Don't sweat the small stuff bro

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Haha. Thanks GoC.

I've been telling people "buck up camper! you rock!" for so long i forgot how to tell myself to do the same i think. Thanks for the positive vibes sir.

Basicly that poem is mostly about the past. I've made some drastic personal changes recently and its for the better. Last night actually was the first time in a long time that i was the "real troy" at CC pretty much the whole night. (if a bit confused and let one or two people get a bit closer to me than i'd like but not for long. *crosses arms* hah) I know i pissed a few people off but i need to change. I dont like this new troy that showed up at city club in the last few months.

Sometimes (hell a LOT of the time) i'd rather just hide out in a corner somewhere and chat with a few people and/or dance. Im much more ... er.... "laid back" or lets say "proper" on the inside. Often i end up being "social troy" or "entertainer troy" or "obnoxious funny troy" instead of just "being troy" like i want to do and know i should.

I thought to myself the other day "City Club is ruining my life!". Why? No troy its not city club, its YOU troy YOU are letting yourself ruin your life. Your doing things you woudlnt normally do, basicly becasue your trying to make other people happy WAY to much and need to stop saying "yes" to everything. Stop it!

I pretty much be myself, but at the club for some reason (and sometimes other "social" places) its different and its screwing things up for me and people i care about. I have been spending the whole night trying to make other people happy, and when i leave , im not happy with myself.

Its hurting, but im changing that , and fast, for the better. =)

[Black Sunday9]

it's not all your fault.

[Dollardave]

Everyone expects the same shit from me too tho like if I have a bad day and come to the club all bitchy not my usual funny self then they wonder if I'm ok. I used to drop acid for 2yrs straight every weekend and I talked to no one just danced. When I go to the club I'm under heavy fire to be funny some nights I just like to spend kind of alone with a sweet girl like circe dragonus. She knows how to treat a man and shes beautiful I think. So don't feel alone Troy. Wifey liked sybil and thought she was funny. So that was cool.

[Onyx]

Last night actually was the first time in a long time that i was the "real troy" at CC pretty much the whole night.

I thought to myself the other day "City Club is ruining my life!".  Why?  No troy its not city club, its YOU troy YOU are letting yourself ruin your life. Your doing things you woudlnt normally do, basicly becasue your trying to make other people happy WAY to much and need to stop saying "yes" to everything.  Stop it!

Yeah, only saw you for a second, but you *were* different! I like the real Troy - let him out more often.