Comfortable With Being Single ?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

In recent years i was always very comfortable with "being single" and i enjoyed my freedom. Now, all the sudden im scared to death of it. Its , for lack of a better term "weakening". I felt in the past that i was generally very emotionally strong. Now, i feel as if im not in control of certain aspects of my emotions and that im vulnerable to all sorts of possible crazy trauma that i wasn't , at least in recent years afraid of.

What the heck happened to me? Feel like i got in another car accident only this one there isn't really any medicine for. Wish i could go back to the old way of thinking. I used to make jokes about "being a sap" or "being a mush ball" whenever i was getting a bit overly passionate / romantic about someone or something. Now , its hard to even joke about it. I think im a permanent sap.

Its a DRASTIC change. For years I've been trying to cultivate the idea that its "ok to be single" and was puzzled why so many people seem like they just cannot be happy no matter what if they are not with someone. Almost to the point were the seem to be taking just about anything that comes along.

Now, im starting to understand this sort of thinking and its scaring me a bit. Its almost like if your single there's something "missing". Before i didn't think this way at all. I thought im fine by myself, if something great comes along, good! If not im still happy and having fun!

Not sure how i lost that feeling , or even if i want it back for sure. Its amazingly painful. I've never been one to "chase after" a relationship, as soon as i thought it wasn't working out i'd usually start looking for an exit. Now i have almost the opposite opinion.

Now i have this tremendous longing for someone that truly understands me and loves me in a romantic way, andi feel the same of them. This feeling just will not seem to leave, i swear to god i feel like im 15 seconds away from crying my eyes out , very regularly because if this really intense longing. How sad is that?

Before my defense mechanism was to become sort of hard-shelled and insulate myself to the point where i can clearly remember several instances were some very sweet, attractive girls were pushed away by me because i was in my "defense" stage to avoid getting hurt. I dont think i want to do that anymore. But the alternative is to walk around with a gaping hole in your heart? Ouch. Not sure i like that alternative either.

[holliwood66]

This is the end piece to an article I wrote last year, but it made me think of you and how I think about relationships in general:

"open your eyes you post-modern cynics and wear your heart on your sleeve, wave your flag called love because life is so damn short. So I cry sometimes when I read the paper: for all the lost souls and for all the calluses."

Be strong and love like it's your last

[Onyx]

Now i just have this tremendous longing for someone that truly understands me and loves me in a romantic way.  How sad is that?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not sad. I think it's because you've had it once and it was a wonderful experience and now you miss that.

I lived most of my life without ever experiencing real love. Now I don't think I'll ever feel complete without it. I don't really know what the answer is.

[Black Sunday9]

Troy I don't think it's that you mind being single, you just miss a particular person. You can probably find a chick this saturday night at City Club no problem, hell we both know you can, but you probably won't - why? Because you miss one person, you don't miss having just anybody.

I don't care whether I am single or not, but I can not bare being without her.

make sense?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Wow that was a hard post to hit "add post" on. Thanks for being kind in your replies. Almost feel like i'd shrink down to about a half inch tall if i left that post up, did it anyway. *tries to keep chin up*

Im supposed to be the strong one helping people with their issues. Not the one crying his heart out like a baby. GAH!!! Sad, Longing, Confused , how stereotypical can you get troy? =( I feel like a scared little rabbit. First time in a long long time old troy has actually been "scared" like this. Hard to come to grips with the fact that i have this major of a weakness in my personality. Very hard.

[pomba gira]

  Hard to come to grips with the fact that i have this major of a weakness in my personality.  Very hard.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A lot of us have that kind of weakness sweetie- it's called "being human" :confused

[Black Sunday9]

Wow that was a hard post to hit "add post" on.  Thanks for being kind in your replies.  Almost feel like i'd shrink down to about a half inch tall if i left that post up, did it anyway. *tries to keep chin up* 

Im supposed to be the strong one helping people with their issues. Not the one crying his heart out like a baby.  GAH!!!  Sad, Longing, Confused , how stereotypical can you get troy?  =(  I feel like a scared little rabbit.  First time in a long long time old troy has actually been "scared" like this.  Hard to come to grips with the fact that i have this major of a weakness in my personality.  Very hard.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It happens to every human being on the planet Troy. There is no design for how you're supposed to feel or act. You can't help the way that you feel.

You're not the first person to be frightened by the intensity of their own emotions, you're not even the only person in this thread going thru it.

You have several friends willing to help you though.

[Onyx]

It's not a weakness. It's NOT!

Only strong, unselfish, giving people have the ability to love.

[Paper Hearts]

I was in a particularly involved thing for a lengthy amount of time. We lived together for a half decade and had a child...then she decided that we weren't the life she wanted afterall, started shooting heroin again and got hooked on cocaine and alcohol and evetually just stopped coming home (sparing you the pleasantries).

Before she left I went through a lot of shit with her that i wouldn't have cared to try to wheather if it weren't for our daughter. By the time she left us completly I was already over her, I had gone through all the heart break while she was still there, it was almost two years that I dealt with this before she left, so really, I was over her by then. It was such a relief for so long, to be single again, it was fucking liberty as i've only known it. What could i want from anyone by this point? It's fucking tragic but people do get lonely...

[Troy Spiral (13)]

It happens to every human being on the planet Troy.   There is no design for how you're supposed to feel or act.  You can't help the way that you feel.   

You're not the first person to be frightened by the intensity of their own emotions, you're not even the only person in this thread going thru it.  

You have several friends willing to help you though.

"Shut the hell up you crybaby." Basicly what i been telling myself every day all day. Not working, yet.

[Homicidalheathen]

Maybe it has more to do with age and maturity. I too, now consider myself a sap, softy...emotional. I was hard when I was young and free. No one to live for but myself I was able to be selfish with my emotions. In having a family and kids I cannot help but get a little mushy as I care more about stuff.

However I think being or getting soft when your single may be the result of lonliness and does make you more vulnerable to getting taken advantage of. Just the longing for physical contact can make one go out on a date one normally wouldn't consider.

Thats why I want to start a cuddle group. Anyone?

In recent years i was always very comfortable with "being single" and i enjoyed my freedom.  Now, all the sudden im scared to death of it.  Its , for lack of a better term "weaking".  I felt in the past that i was generally very emotionally strong.  Now, i feel as if im not in control of certain aspects of my emotions and that im vulnerable to all sorts of possible crazy trauma that i wasn't , at least in recent years afraid of.

What the heck happened to me?  Feel like i got in another car accident only this one there isn't really any medicine for.  Wish i could go back to the old way of thinking.  I used to make jokes about "being a sap" or "being a mush ball" whenever i was getting a bit overly passionate / romantic about someone or something.  Now , its hard to even joke about it.  I think im a permanent sap. 

Its a DRASTIC change.  For years I've been trying to cultivate the idea that its "ok to be single" and was puzzled why so many people seem like they just cannot be happy no matter what if they are not with someone.  Almost to the point were the seem to be taking just about anything that comes along.

Now, im starting to understand this sort of thinking and its scaring me a bit.  Its almost like if your single there's something "missing".  Before i didn't think this way at all.  I thought im fine by myself, if something great comes along, good!  If not im still happy and having fun!

Not sure how i lost that feeling , or even if i want it back for sure.  Its amazingly painful.  I've never been one to "chase after" a relationship, as soon as i thought it wasn't working out i'd usually start looking for an exit.  Now i have almost the opposite opinion.

Now i have this tremendous longing for someone that truly understands me and loves me in a romantic way, andi feel the same of them. This feeling just will not seem to leave, i swear to god i feel like im 15 seconds away from crying my eyes out , very regularly because if this really intense longing.  How sad is that?

Before my defense mechanism was to become sort of hard-shelled and insulate myself to the point where i can clearly remember several instances were some very sweet, attractive girls were pushed away by me because i was in my "defense" stage to avoid getting hurt.  I dont think i want to do that anymore.  But the alternative is to walk around with a gaping hole in your heart?  Ouch. Not sure i like that alternative either.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Brenda Starrr]

"Shut the hell up you crybaby."  Basicly what i been telling myself every day all day.  Not working, yet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quit saying it. Just quit it. You have a good heart, and I think it's great that you're not afraid to show it.

I think a cuddle group is actually quite a cool idea.

Edited June 21, 2005 by BrendaStarrr

[Nienna]

I understand totally how you feel. I used to be alot more independant too, but lately all I want is affection, and to be loved and understood. It's funny how when it's all you want, it's what you can't find. Hang in there.

[Head Wreck]

all i go to say is. life is short, and most of the masses live grey lives of monotony

if you love, love

if you hate, hate

dont lock either emotion away and never fear what others think, like thier opinions matter when the final nails smacked in.

all that you got is what people know about you. be honest never back down, and live honourably.

i'm single now, have been for ages. it doesnt bother me. i'm not afraid to admit anything and i feel a whole lot more comfortable with life in general.

when i'm with someone. i felt so much better in the relationship when i was open with everyone, not secretive.

moral of this:

fuckit. scream it from the rooftops.

[Dollardave]

Just get a box of tissues, some hand lotion, a dirty magazine or video and beat off more. It will help u with being single. I've never been single since 17 so I really don't know how it feels. I'm always in a relationship I just have add-on girls. Just dont let it smash your pride. BTW I thought u were married troy.

[Nienna]

Just get a box of tissues, some hand lotion, a dirty magazine or video and beat off more.  It will help u with being single.  I've never been single since 17 so I really don't know how it feels.  I'm always in a relationship I just have add-on girls.  Just dont let it smash your pride.  BTW I thought u were married troy.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The problem isn't a lack of sex. It's a lack of love and pure feelings. Sex is easy to get. Love isn't.

[Dollardave]

Sex is easy to get. Love isn't.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe if you're a girl its a little more difficult for men. Guys will stick their dicks in anything i.e. mudhole, toilet paper rolls, even pizza (example one)

http://www.bigsausagepizza.com

[Black Sunday9]

Dave that's just wrong.

Edited June 22, 2005 by Black Sunday9

[Dollardave]

Dave that's just wrong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ya and you love it.

[Guest Game of Chance]

The problem isn't a lack of sex. It's a lack of love and pure feelings. Sex is easy to get. Love isn't.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm with Nienna...its easy to find someone to have fun with for the night...or a couple of weeks or whatever...but to find someone that you connect with on that deeper level...is much more rare

Troy, like I said before...dude...you are Troy Fucking Spiral...and you know it

You just have to find something that you enjoy doing on your own...for me it was poker...I started playing after I broke up with my girlfriend of 6+ years...now I consider myself to be one of the best players in the Detroit area. You just gotta find something that you enjoy...that will occupy your time. You'll meet the right person when the time is right, and no sooner. In the meantime, stay social like you are...and have some fun for crying out loud.

Good luck bro

[mallochai]

Oh, Troy... how you mirror my heart sometimes.

I haven't got anything new to say really, just murmerings of all else that's been said. Strength comes and goes, and in the absence of it, you feel things that much more. Needing love and companionship isn't a weakness at all, though. You'll get through this too, find distractions in daily life, new projects to occupy your mind. Different ways to love and be loved.

I wish you the best, you're too good of a guy to have to feel down about this.

You need lots of hugs, I'm sorry I'm not there to share them. *squeeze*

[Homicidalheathen]

Ok then I will ask the guy that owns a place we can hold it in Detroit at 7ml and woodward it is a chiropractors clinic. I would only charge enough to give him somehting for the space like 5 bucks a head.

I think if we all got cuddles we wouldn't feel so lonlely and/or desparate and thus act out of desparation.

Sometimes I just want to cuddle.

Quit saying it. Just quit it. You have a good heart, and I think it's great that you're not afraid to show it.

I think a cuddle group is actually quite a cool idea.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Brenda Starrr]

Seriously, HH. It's a brilliant idea. No sex-just cuddling. Frankly, I love being cuddled. I love cuddling. There's noting wrong with it. We need this in Maryland....

[Dollardave]

Seriously, HH. It's a brilliant idea. No sex-just cuddling. Frankly, I love being cuddled. I love cuddling. There's noting wrong with it. We need this in Maryland....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds like an orgy to me.

[Guest MsMaldoror]

Dave always knows how to cut straight through the bs and get right to the point.

Sounds like an orgy to me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>