How do you make a child listen

[EvilEve]

ok, so this is just an open ended question/suggestion/story telling topic.

this girl we're living with has a 5yr old boy. he acts about the same age as my 17mo old son! how do you give suggestions and help someone to re-enforce what they want the child to do when he seemingly has the attention span of a humming bird? the only thing that seems to get results is spanking, and that only lasts for a total of 2min before he' back into humming bird mode, and she's thrown in the towel. i'd like step in and discipline him, but i don't want to over step my bounds. most days, my 17mo old listens better than him! i'm not sure if it's her particular life style that's causing the 5yr old to lash out, or if all kids get like this? or what causes a parent to not want to give a child boundaries. i know that most parents want to be seen as "friends" but this is annoying.

anyone else want to give me their input/2 cents? anything right now is better than nothing.

[Glory13666]

I have a 3 1/2 year old who doesn't listen to me at all!!! It is so frustrating, even spankings don't work on him (and I give 'em good). His dad doesn't have any better luck with him. Sometimes making him stand in the corner or sit in time out will work but only briefly. We are happily married and financially secure so there's no home life issues. I have two older children from my first marriage, a 12 yo daughter and 6 yo son who I never had this problem with. I refuse to give up on disciplining him even though he's been like this since the day he was born.....I know, how do you know you have a bad infant right?? Because he never let me put him down, would scream for hours until he got his own way. He's very smart and determined to get what he wants, I think he's going to make an excellent adult when he's allowed to make his own decisions all the time. I have no suggestions as to what to do about it but at least you know there are other kids that are the same way.

[eatdirt426]

Take the things away he loves the most. I do that with my oldest he is four and it works most of the time. I take away his favorite video game for either an hour or a day depending on his behavior and when he is really bad I send him to his room where there is nothing but a bed, all his toys are in the basement. So he cant play he can either take a nap or sit there for a little bit and calm down. He usually comes out gives me a hug, apologizes and acts better. On his really bad days I spank him. I dont want to be seen as my children's friend I am thier mother not a friend they can make plenty of friends when they are in school they only have one mother. In your case talk to the mother maybe she can take parenting classes to learn how to disclipline him I know of some places that offer them for cheap and some that are free. Giving up on him is not the way to go.

[torn asunder]

first thing that popped into my head was, is it possible he has adhd or something like that? not that this is the first thing everyone should assume, but it's worth looking into, i think...

[EvilEve]

he's has adhd. his mom has add, is compulsive on some levels, and, like her son, has the attention span of a humming bird. she takes his toys away, puts him in time out, yet still he continues with his "bad behavior." her family doesn't exactly follow her rules when it comes to interacting with her child, so that could be one reason. the dad isn't in the picture. so the only male role model this kid has lately is my boyfriend, but he's still establishing his role with our oldest son, the 17mo old! i think the parenting classes would do her some good. the main thing that concerns me is that our 17mo old sees this behavior, then minutes later, does the EXACT thing the 5yr old does (or close to it). the only difference is WE correct him. the 5yr old throws massive fits when he's not getting his way, which is another reason why his mom gives in to him, to keep him quiet. she's just NOW realizing that that wasn't the best card to play.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Kids need structure, ADHD kids need even more structure, and they need consistent enforcement of rules without much room for exceptions (read: none would be best) Its especially hard when you have multiple people giving them mixed signals, that is an especially hard thing to overcome (if not impossible) as one caregiver will just basically ruin the work of another. Patience, patience and more patience. It seems to be just the same things that go for any good child-raising plan it just takes a lot more patience and a lot more enforcement, as kids without ADHD learn much faster what is acceptable and what isn't than those with. Now is the time to do it though, rather than wait till they are older and its an even harder task once they are harder to control.

Ok thats my summary of what I read in the doctors office. If we could "just say no" to kids the way we can to smoking/drugs, I'd vote for that system, unfortunately its not very helpful.

I wish hugs would fix everything (big fan of hugs) which apparently are in short supply, at least around here.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

[Destroit]

If we could "just say no" to kids the way we can to smoking/drugs, I'd vote for that system,

Wait...I didn't know there was an option for just saying no to smoking drugs... . I'm all sortsa confused now .

Wait...I didn't know there was an option for just saying no to smoking drugs... . I'm all sortsa confused now .

[Msterbeau]

Start establishing strict boundaries for behavior and consequences if he doesn't meet them. Sit him down and explain that the way he has been behaving will not be accepted any more. Don't be a jerk but don't pretend to be his pal either. you are parents/guardians, not his friend. You're there to teach him and set an example for how to live life. Don't spank him, he learns nothing from that except that violence is OK when you can't think of anything else. Use Google. There's lots of good professional advice out there on the web.

[EvilEve]

the past 2 days, she's been pawning him off on family members. not that there's really anything wrong with that, but she mentioned yesterday that she wants to start getting on a "strict schedule" & the only thing i can think of at this point is how to construct one that'll be good for BOTH of them. i haven't had to deal that much with short attention spanned people, so my patients at this point is running thin.

[EvilEve]

I know of some places that offer them for cheap and some that are free. Giving up on him is not the way to go.

think you could give me a list of those classes? haven't seen her these past few weeks, she finally comes back saying that her son got in trouble at school for throwing sand in another kids face, and laughed about it. i can already tell that this kid is going to be socially awkward. the classes might give her some insight as to what she's doing/not doing and how to help improve his behavior.

[Joey Deadcat]

Reason #1145 why I don't have kids.

[eatdirt426]

think you could give me a list of those classes? haven't seen her these past few weeks, she finally comes back saying that her son got in trouble at school for throwing sand in another kids face, and laughed about it. i can already tell that this kid is going to be socially awkward. the classes might give her some insight as to what she's doing/not doing and how to help improve his behavior.

Sorry I didnt see this until just now. This website http://www.lifematters.com/parenting_states.asp offers online parenting classes its not cheap but it can be used as a last resort. A friend of mine took her daughter to the Guidance Center on Northline Rd. Its a counciling center that specializes in dealing with children that have ADHD. They take medicaid there I'm not sure what you have to pay out of pocket if anything. The number for them is (734) 785-7700. The LASED Center used to offer Parenting Classes for free I'm not sure if they still do. Also American Indian Health offers classes too for free but they only happen once every few months. This website has court approved parenting classes for cheaper than the first place I added on here http://parentingclass.net/ . Also try searching yahoo. I'm not sure what area you are in but most of the stuff I know of is for Downriver.

[Joey Deadcat]

"I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."

— Katharine Hepburn