Why do your relationships end?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Is it more likely that a relationship ends becasue you didn't properly understand what you were getting when it started? Does it end becasue your desires changed? What is the most common reason your relationship(s) have ended?

By relationship I mean romantic relationships that got up to the BF / Fiance / marriage level.

[phee]

To sum up...

1st serious relationship ended when my GF left me for my best friend.

2nd was that she went untreated for postpartum depression for years... left me as part of that.

3rd well it was just enough of being walked on.

4th... still in it we will see how it goes

[kat (1)]

My first love passed away.

I had one relationship end in the past due to us both being too immature and irresponsible, (we were young punks that tried to do life together when we were like 21 years old, but all we wanted to do was party...we tried...

but we were too young and incompetent to handle something as large as "love", which, in my opinion I think the inability to handle the realness of love and what it actually entails is an issue with many people at any age.

Real love, in my opinion, is a deep, intense, unconditional, emotion and the reality of that is very scary to many people. It is also a feeling you don't really get to control...I mean, it's common to expect someone to control their anger, hence "anger management classes and skill building exercises", but love management doesn't really exist. Another thing that is scary about love, IMO, is that unlike, anger, happiness, and those type of emotions that are your own and that you are ideally in control over, with love, that emotion is different because another person is involved, and sometimes, you don't even realize it until later, that your heart and mind, has somehow, let them in, now hopefully, they are in love with you as well, and me personally I hope that one day I will be able to feel a connection with another person and we will both know, but, after all, I am a hopeless romantic, that believes I have a twinflame out there somewhere in the world so I am biased.

Oh, damn, I got off subject.....

Edited June 25, 2011 by kat

[Slogo]

1st. I'm not Jesus-y enough

Another one, we tried to make it work a couple of times but we just weren't right for each other.

[taysteewonderbunny]

1) We were twelve, she was heterosexual, and I didn't know if it meant I was a total freak or what, so we buried it.

2) I just hooked up with him to find out what this sex thing was--it took me four months to work up to it and then seven months more to have the courage to break it off. Yeah, I know it was callous to use him like that, but at least it weighed on my conscience for seven months.

3) He was a sociopath and I was weak. Once I realized that it was never going to end except in either my death or my walking away, I walked away.

4) She cheated on me, first with her physically abusive ex-girlfriend, and then with the wife of her drug dealer.

5) The (nearly) greatest eight months of my life. True, my heart was completely broken and I was a wreck for two years following, but, WOW, what a ride. I was her first girlfriend, and, given that all her hetero relationships had a two-week expiration date, I think I did astoundingly well by her.

6) He didn't have a visible dark-side. The man even smiled during the recounting of how a freak plane accident (plane crashed in their backyard) killed his father when he was six right in front of his eyes. He never seemed to get upset about anything. I couldn't help thinking that either he was REALLY dumb or he was hiding something so evil that it was beyond my imagining.

7) I tried. For nearly five years, I tried, but he just wasn't capable of the psycho-emotional closeness and support I craved.

8) I don't know what I was thinking. He had the emotional depth of a hairball, but he was, in his bland, pablum-seeping sort of milquetoast manner, the nicest boyfriend I'd had until then. But when it came to the discussion of drama, he couldn't comprehend why things shouldn't always have a happy ending. And, regarding children, he preferred a lifestyle that would enable him to take frequent naps. So, not what I was looking for.

9) Well, they are the reason I'm here. All I'm going to say is that I broke it off and we weren't the best match.

10) It's not over. It's not nearly over.

[Destroit]

Either I get cheated on, their looks decline like WHOA, or they stop putting out. Anything else I can date happily.

I've never actually broken up with anyone; I've only been dumped. I'm not sure why I was dumped, not to sound like an arrogant ass or anything. I think I'm too detached maybe and guys, as much as they say they DON'T, crave emotional gooey shit that I simply have to force myself to provide.

I actually am in a point with Pestilence where I hug him and am affectionate without being asked for it, so I dunno why that is either.

Edited June 25, 2011 by Chernobyl

[candyman]

Because I am in them...and I have better things to do that be someones bitch...

[Eevee]

Its always been my decision to end the relationships I've been in that have evolved into boyfriend/girlfriend status. They also have not lasted more then 2 months.

I just feel like I change my mind too quickly. So I avoid dating because it seems senseless.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

had lots of relationships, had lots of reasons for ending them.

[victoriavengeance (1)]

generally I get dumped for someone prettier, more goth, skinnier, bigger boobs, insert inferiority complex here. but I think the real reason is they just can't handle how completely badass I am. It's hard being this awesome man.

[Iris]

I've ended relationships in my past on the basis that I believed I was not being "fair" to the other party. Count me open-minded and accepting of all a person is (as they stand), but I believe in the past I have not genuinely expressed my own uniquity/desires/me-ness in the manner I would expect from another. Life gets in the way on occasion, tepidness gets the best of me, or I retreat too far into self-thought to the point where the other is left knocking at a door that refuses to open.

I am aware when I lose a certain composure that I pride myself in, I let my guard down much too fast (usually bringing a later onslaught of consternation), and I have compromised personal ideals that I know define me.

At some point, I become blatantly aware of my misgivings; And by this time, the other has been neglected far beyond what I deem healthy. What happens next can be seen as diplomacy and truth-saying. I am normally calm, though I shake within. I know that either of us may have had our misgivings (the matter of proportion does not enter into the argument), but I also know that I am in need of retreat and personal growth.

From what few relationships I have had in the past, thusfar none have ended on a negative note. Common ground is met that we should all simply pursue our own objectives from henceforth. Rigidity may still exist, a bit of uneasiness, or an oath of silence but I know I should count myself lucky not to have incurred any undue wrath or ire.

In recent months, I have made genuine strides (and perhaps a humble tumble along the way) in growing myself as a person; I have begun examining the being that I am, talking to it, learning from its embedded wisdom. Sure, it is far from easy. The butterflies swarm around in my stomach, waiting for release; Years of emotion (withdrawn in the past) now bubble to the surface. Passion fills the air; And though it may logically follow that life would go easier without the burden of romanticism, I am also aware that such a life would be utterly drab and ultimately unfulfilling. Also, I would eventually rend at the psychologic seams if I allowed a lifetime of bottling a force that has no off-switch (outside of perhaps a lobotomy).

Edited June 27, 2011 by Iris

[Shaun]

Whats this relationship thing everyone is talking about?

[EAF (1)]

I have stopped relationships from starting at times since I could tell it was going to be a train wreck. I have also turned people down to not feeling mutual. I have dated only a small amount of people ever. Most ended in flames due to them not caring as much as they said. It happens...people lie. I have called some off and sometimes others have called them off. But in all honesty I do not have much experience with relationships at all let alone serious ones. I am currently in some serious relationships and they are going very well. I would say the biggest things that kill them for me have be honesty and motive. Most people are not honest about what they want or may not even be sure of what that might be.

[bean]

I have always been the one to end the relationship. Sometimes I would end a relationship when I started getting serious feelings for a person, so I would bail before I could get hurt, or let my emotions loose (thus losing control). The other times I ended a relationship after gaining the courage to leave an abusive situation.

[littlepinkkitty]

Well i dated some one for 6 yrs. I was happy for only a few of them. We started dating when i was 17 and i got with him becuase i wanted a boyfriend like all my friends. I wasnt in love with him like he was with me but in the begining we had a good friendship. I stayed with him for so long cause i didnt want to be alone. I had some one who was always there for me even if he wasnt always nice and supportive. Atleast he was there. I hope that doesnt make me sound awful. In the last bit of our re;ationship we lived together and that was terrible. He was mean and only wanted to play video games. He was always a gamer. Thats all he did. He wouldnt pay attention to me unless he was yelling at me to get away from the TV. I had to wait for him to leave me. He wouldnt go when i tried to leave. I moved out and we barely saw each other and finally he ended it. It was scary because i was alone. I fell madly in love with some one after him. I wanted so bad fo it to work. I tried to force it. He turned out to be a jerk that i couldnt let go of for so long. I still think of him....that story sucks i think about it and my guts hurt. I felt like he was saying he wanted to be with me to get in my pants. He wouldnt be with me at an exclusive level and that really hurt me. Theres more to it but i still get so fucking mad at him. All i think about is "why wasnt i good enough for him to love me?' I want him out of system. He contacted me a month ago and i had the hardest time ignoring him but i didnt want to be left a crying mess again....why the fuck do i miss the guy?

[TygerLili]

I've only had one serious relationship end, and it was because of a combination of me being inexperienced in relationships, having unrealistic expectations, and listening to some majorly bad advice from my friends, and him not being patient enough to deal with me, and not wanting to put in the time to be in a full time relationship at the time.

My current fiance and I were broken up for a while because I didn't want to deal with the long distance thing any longer, but I think we both knew we'd end up getting back together, so I won't really count that.

[phee]

Relationships always end when the flesh rots too much and you are forced to dig up a new GF.

[Nienna]

Lets see if I can do this without outing anyone, since I've dated several DGNers now... LOL

1) She was my foster sister and we had a background relationship for abut 4 years before her mom finally cleaned up, took her back and moved out of state. I still think abut her often, but I never saw her again.

2) We were like 14... he was weak and I dumped him.

3) He was the weirdest guy I'd ever met and we were awesome together.. until he cheated on me with several girls and impregnated two of them. Then I left. I still talk to his sister though.

4) He was the "Great Love" so far. 9 years. We were perfectly in love for 6 of those years and fought hard for the last three to get it back. It wasn't meant to be, we had grown out of each other. We're still very good friends though.

5) He was a sexual fling based around City and sex that I let get into my head like a relationship. It was fun while it lasted, but he dumped me, took me back, and dumped me again in quick succession. The sex was awesome, but nothing else was.

6) He had an understanding way about him that made me feel quiet and calm, and he needed me, which was nice. After a time though it felt like I couldn't help him and I had to leave to maintain my own autonomy. Selfish or no, it was necessary.

7)Friends 13 years, lovers three more. He was my true soul mate, but he was dark, dark, dark and also a total sociopath. He made my dark side come out in ways I had never thought of before and it was a very destructive relationship in alot of ways. I reveled in it for awhile and then fled, for my own preservation more than anything else.

8)He treated me like a princess, seriously the nicest guy I'd ever known. He had his own demons though and I never could get through them. It eventually made me lonely and I left.

9)We were both broken and took solace in each other. It was a mistake.

10) Current. Its been alittle more than 2 years now. Things are good, stable, and mutually supportive. I'm not sure it's the one though. time will tell I suppose.

[~Tszura~]

Looking back, it seems as though the same things that attracted me to people, also repelled me after a while.

1. What a badass! I was 15 when I first saw him, a lanky, long haired skater boy, who took my breath away. After about two years, he opened the door by starting a conversation with me. I was very socially awkward, so it took me a while to warm up to him, even though he made me swoon. Because I didn’t believe in love at the time, and didn’t let him in right away, I didn’t realize what an asshole he really was until I had already allowed myself to fall. All of the “breaking the law,” and “bad boy” things that I just went goo-goo over with him, got old as I realized that he was spending more time in jail than out, and how the hell were we supposed to have any life together with a lifestyle like that? Though the relationship was more bad than good due to his control issues, and it took me forever to get out, I learned one hell of a lot from the schmuck about what I will never allow myself to put up with again. He was also not very talkative, which worked at the time, but I also didn’t want to eat in silence at the dinner table.

2. He was 7 years younger, and it lasted 2 years. I was attracted to the fact that he could make me laugh, which after #1, was not something I was at all used to. His brand of humor, however, soured quickly with me as it revolved around poop and fart jokes. I love a good fart joke, but not every day.

3. I was attracted to his simplicity, and his “moral code” which, at the time, I saw as “upstanding.” His simplicity became a bore, however, as did his “moral code,” which I discovered developed that way only because he had not allowed himself the freedoms to explore anything at all. BORING!! Oh, and he also liked to watch “Momma’s Family” EVERY DAY!! Had I not left that relationship, he would have bored me to death. Also he answered the question “if someone paid me to clean their house naked with nothing else involved, would you be ok with that?” with “no.” WHAT? Oh, yeah, he had to go, because if the shoe were on the other foot, my answer would have been “Bitch, why aren’t you there yet?” Ha!

With the other people that I have lightly dated, I usually had to walk away because we didn't live in the same reality, or they were too into themselves. I love confidence, but damn!

After 3 years with Nightgaunt, the same things make me laugh and attract me to him as they always have, so I think he is pretty safe now.

[LadyKay]

I'm married now so this story from my past about a relationship ending. The truth is, I did not know that the relationship had ended until the guy I was dating stop calling, and stop showing up. It was all kind of strange and I think a really crappy way on his part to end a relationship. He was in the army so I never knew when he was coming home on leave. I would find out through someone else that he was home like a week ago. And that he return to the service without ever calling me or stopping by to see me. When this happen several times I decide that well, I guess we have broken up. To be honest I wasn't all that heart broken over it ending. But still, it would have been better if he just came out and told me. Instead of just not showing up anymore.

I guess it does not really apply to the post question since I really have no ideal why the relationship ended. It just did.

[Rayne]

Oh ... I could go on and on about this ...

Let's just sum it up.

#1 - combination of abuse, Poligamy, and his questionable criminal activity.

#2 - 6 years was a long time to live with irresponsible/bad life choices.

[*Siren*]

#1 Cheated on me at the birthday party I threw for him, with all of our friends in the next room.

#2 Rebound that I would really like to forget.

#3 Pretended to be a completely different person for an entire year. When he turned into a verbally abusive jerk, I showed him the door.

#4 He still makes me happy every day.

[Raev]

From age 16+...

1-cheated on me

2-cheated on me

3-We met at City when we were 18. When she got pregnant, I decided it was time to stop partying and running wild all the time. She still to this day prefers her social life over being a mother. This caused many arguments, strained things and caused us to resent and hate one another over time. We split after 6 years.

4-Life threatening genetic illness + work schedule conflicts + college schedule conflicts. It couldn't work.

5-cheated on me

6-Another girl I met at the club. Real cool person, fun person to hang out with - it just didn't work. Still friends to this day and have not a bad word to say about her.

7-Batshit crazy. She flipped out on my daughter after 3 months and became very verbally abusive toward her after my daughter forgot to say "thank you" one day. This was the final straw after months of frustration. Shortly after she ended up in psychiatric care ward in the hospital.

8-Still with, just over a year and a half now. No complaints, my partner in crime. <3

[phee]

Oh ... I could go on and on about this ...

Let's just sum it up.

#1 - combination of abuse, Poligamy, and his questionable criminal activity.

#2 - 6 years was a long time to live with irresponsible/bad life choices.

(Here is to hoping that the fact that I am a walrus with down syndrome doesn't ruin this one)

[Class-Punk]

They never begin.