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Looks Versus Personality


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This probably should go in the sociology section but seems more "at home" here.

A very common statement is "looks don't matter" or "looks shouldn't matter" but in actual practice? Yeah right. Hell even in non "romantic" interactions is so obvious it isnt funny. Over and over and OVER again I see people that aren't any smarter or funnier or more intellectually interesting than someone else (and usually on the dull side) getting special treatment. Or for no apparent reason, being described as "awesome" by others, with really the only component being that they look whatever we want to call "good" or "hot" is.

I defiantly weigh personality over looks, and in the last decade or so I weigh personality WAYYYYYYY over looks, but there still is a minimum level of attractiveness.

I remember being a teenager and litterally thinking to myself "ok I really don't want people judging me on how I look so I shouldn't care how they look either" but try as I might, and I did try (and still do) looks are at least a factor, not the most important factor but they are a factor.

I've found many very attractive women that are also smart / interesting but, lately I'm getting to the point where I almost DISCOUNT my interest in someone the hotter they are, as years and YEARS of experience have taught me that the "super hotties" while sometimes really smart and fun / funny (like all the girls on DGN of course) its actually fairly rare combination, if not exceedingly rare.

I assume since they've not had to devlope their personality and have just slid along on their looks for much of their life. Or worse yet, they EXPECT special treatment, and when they don't get it they end up jaded / bitter and just plain rude. Again of course not true in all cases, but its SO common I can't help but feel its more than just a coincidence.

For some men "good looking women" apparently are intimidating, which I don't quite get, as I tend to assume at a minimum , in some stereotypical way you'd want to talk to them, find out if they are interesting/smart/whatever , rather than NOT find out. Now I personally have some problems due to health issues that can sometimes make me shy but its not related to this.

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It took me losing a bunch of weight and truly feeling good about myself THEN finding myself the object of unwanted attention to realize that looks do matter. There has to be a balance and early in a relationship is when they matter the most. If I take care of myself and put my best foot forward - I will generally have more in common with someone who does the same.

When you do not feel good about yourself, your expectations drop accordingly.

A good balance of attraction/commitment/mental compatibility is required to help you through the times when your relationship is lacking in the other areas. As one area grows, the others are not as important. Assuming we make good choices early on, it is a good thing for humans our commitment levels and mental compatibilty typically increase with time - along with our age and the depth of our wrinkles.

There is only so much tolerance for Hugh Hefners in this world.

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As I've gotten older I've become more focused on personality than looks, and generally less judgmental. I can lower my standards, to a degree. This hasn't done much yet, but at least given me more opportunities to be social rather than create walls. Introversion and silence tend to create walls for me, and not totally to my disdain, since the brunt of the negativity is not from my perception.

I still get shy around women in person I'm attracted to and don't know, usually if there are a lot of other people around; like its stirring up old anxiety attacks. Between years of studying and practicing mysticism and writing, I've become excessively introverted/silent.

I think you can have a female that's not high on the general scale and her ego hits the ceiling, which I came into contact with somewhat recently.. and vice versa to a lesser extent, with someone very attractive and not obsessed with or knowledgeable of it, which I tend to think would be more likely to happen with someone less Western-minded.

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Looks are really important to pretty much everyone, myself included. However, it is less important to me than most other people, I think. Sure, someone had to catch my eye for that initial attractio, but personality really influences my view of someone's attractiveness. If someone is just an all around awesome person, they will become more attractive to me, but if someone has a terrible personality, they will become less attractive.

Last week I was talking about someone to a friend of mine. He was talking about how this person was hot, and I pointed out that she is a bitch. His response: "But she's fucking hot."

I can't stand that. I hate that "hot" people get a pass to act as shitty as they want.

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  On 7/4/2011 at 4:30 PM, bean said:

Looks are really important to pretty much everyone, myself included. However, it is less important to me than most other people, I think. Sure, someone had to catch my eye for that initial attractio, but personality really influences my view of someone's attractiveness. If someone is just an all around awesome person, they will become more attractive to me, but if someone has a terrible personality, they will become less attractive.

Last week I was talking about someone to a friend of mine. He was talking about how this person was hot, and I pointed out that she is a bitch. His response: "But she's fucking hot."

I can't stand that. I hate that "hot" people get a pass to act as shitty as they want.

Heeeyyy what about people who are just shitty acting and not hot... like me?

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If I don't feel physical attraction for a person's physical body, I will not be interested in having a physical (sexual) relationship with them.

In terms of personality and frendship however, I try to be careful to monitor whether the physical factor is causing me to percieve their personality incorrectly.

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I find it kind of amusing that if you are only interested in people at or above a certain level of physical attractiveness, it's considered bad, shallow, or exclusive, but if you are only interested in people at or above a certain level of intelligence, it isn't. Both are traits are inherent and predetermined, and you can't really, drastically change them. Yeah, you can do things to try to improve both you appearance (make-over, plastic surgery) and your intelligence level (reading, studying) but if you were born with below average intelligence, you're never going to be a genius, just like you're never going to look like an Adonis if you were born to look like a garden gnome.

I personally don't think that my preference for guys who are quick-witted is any less, or more, shallow than my preference for guys who are taller than I am.

Edited by TygerLili
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