My Dad and his new g/f

[Nerdcore]

well my dad has been seeing this woman for a bit .. and I dont talk to him much liek I should. So i met her recently. she seemed nice at first ( beacuase i did not notice theis) but she was drunk. i was like ok mabey they went out to the bar. Well I needed to catch a ride with my dad that same day.. and while we were in the car.. she opened up a beer! and drank it! I kinda said to my dad .. you know this is bad right..?? and he did not say anything. Well It was a short ride ( thank god) ok 3 months later.. my dad calls me out of the blue. And he complains about her..saying she wakes up and drinks .. is drunk all day and said that this past weekend she downed a 30 pack in an hr and a half. My dad says she likes her and all .. but cannot take the drinking. even her kids are embarrised to be around her. well i told my dad " you have to leave her.. shes a drunk and will not get any help.. also mabey give her a altamadum and say if you dont shape up im kicking you out ." and my dad said " I know I know" I mean my dad is lonely and all but he can do better than her. I mean he was married to my mom for 20 yrs. I dont know what else to say to him. should I let this go .. or talk to him some more. but when we do talk we always end up fighting...

sorry Im rambling.. but I just dont want my dad to get hurt in any way ...

[sglgothmom]

i'm sorry if this sounds like i'm butting in on you or anything but did you ever think that if you tried to have a little bit of a better realtionship with your father he might not be so lonely ??? My parents were married for 20 years also and i moved in with my dad about three thier divorce was final. He had a girlfriend then and she moved in a coupld months after i did and then they moved into a house together but my dad and i had a good relationship then. Well shortly after that my dad dumped her and she was gone for about three weeks before he took her back and all. Well during that three weeks my dad and i were fighting and i know now he was really lonely and was scared to be alone. Anyways now he's married to the she-devil and wants nothing to do with any of his kids. But that's another story and i'm begining to ramble. the best advice i can give you is just try and be there for your dad and yes do ask him about it. He came to you for help so help him isn't that what he did for you when you were growing up ???

[Nerdcore]

I understand where your comming from but my dad used to beat the living shit out of me when i was younger, so I left at 15.. I mean we talk still and all. but he has never really been there fo rme or my sister.. now hes crying for help.. I mean me and my is tryed to help him in the past and all but he wouldnt tak eit. dont get me wrong i dont mind helping him out now.. its just strange to me and all.. and i dont know what to say to him

[sglgothmom]

Well then maybe he's become wiser in his old age and knows the errors of his ways and is trying to have a relationship with you ??? My dad and i haven't talked in about three or four years and this year out of the blue he actually called me and wished me a happy birthday. It was wierd but a month later i did the same for him i wished him a happy birthday. So now we are starting to talk a little more but it's hard I'm hurt by things he said and did to me in the past and i'm sure he feels the same way for me but He was the one trying and i wondered why and didn't know until i went for a visit to my grandfather and he's the one that told me... My dad feels sorry for what he said and did to me and he wants to try and have a relationship with me again. So maybe that's what your dad is trying to do ?? Just take it slow and yeah you guys will argue but hey who doesn't argue nowadays ??? especially with family ?

[Homicidalheathen]

It takes a big person to be there for a parent who has abused them (I should know) and maybe thats all you can be for now. You cannot make him throw her out....even though he knows he should.

Just hope he doesn't let her rip him off, my grandpa got too lonely and married a gold digger who took allot of his stuff and left him.

This drinking in the morning is about as alcoholic as you can get.

I understand where your comming from but my dad used to beat the living shit out of me when i was younger, so I left at 15.. I mean we talk still and all. but he has never really been there fo rme or my sister.. now hes crying for help.. I mean me and my is tryed to help him in the past and all but he wouldnt tak eit. dont get me wrong i dont mind helping him out now.. its just strange to me and all.. and i dont know what to say to him

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[Black Sunday9]

she downed a 30 pack in an hr and a half.

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light weight.

[Nerdcore]

haha I needed that .. thanks

[gothicmom]

I understand where your comming from but my dad used to beat the living shit out of me when i was younger, so I left at 15.. I mean we talk still and all. but he has never really been there fo rme or my sister.. now hes crying for help.. I mean me and my is tryed to help him in the past and all but he wouldnt tak eit. dont get me wrong i dont mind helping him out now.. its just strange to me and all.. and i dont know what to say to him

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You can be the bigger person and be there for him. Maybe this is what you two need to restart your relationship.

[Soulrev]

alcoholics are the kind of people you have to just throw in the ditch.. I'm sorry but with my experience with alcoholics (my uncle who damn near drank himself to death, literally spent 6 weeks in Cook County Hospital in Chicago (where the show ER is based) recovering from alcoholism.. He stopped drinking for about 6 months and went right back into it full swing.

What did my dad and the rest of our family do? Nothing. My dad told him if he wants to continue fucking up his life then it's his choice and we didn't want to be around to see him like that anymore..

Then he finally straightened out. Alcoholics can not be helped if they do not help themselves and I have no compassion for those kind of people. My friend Rob's mom is a fuckin alcoholic and she can sit here and be nice one minute, get drunk and be a bitch the next minute, and I have no respect for a woman who is more than twice my age and has no sense of responsibility or maturity that even I have with half the life experience she has..

Hope that gives ya some insight. That's all I have to say.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Sounds like my Dad, except he is seeing a crack head prostitute. He thinks he can "save" her from herself. She is 40 something, been a ho since she was 14 when her dad put her on the streets for $ and crack. She has like 5-6 kids all from diff dads, has custody of NONE of them...He picked her up after his divorse and has been w/ her since...6 years now, but every 3-4 months, she goes out on a crack binge, screws all kinds of nasty to get it then comes home smashed and feigned out. About every 6 months or so she is in jail for something, but he cannot let go of her....? I don't approve, but what can I do? All they do is fight and argue, he beats the shit out of her, abuses her, etc...which is one of the reason I think he is still w/ her......b/c she allows it, insigates it etc...she is Schizophrenic, and the meds she is on is crazy but even worse when she is drinking on them....he goes to work and she goes out can/bottle hunting blah blah blah Anyway, point in, I have talked to my Dad till I am blue in the face. He is hurting himself now at this point.

[Medea]

alcoholics are the kind of people you have to just throw in the ditch.. I'm sorry but with my experience with alcoholics (my uncle who damn near drank himself to death, literally spent 6 weeks in Cook County Hospital in Chicago (where the show ER is based) recovering from alcoholism.. He stopped drinking for about 6 months and went right back into it full swing.

What did my dad and the rest of our family do? Nothing. My dad told him if he wants to continue fucking up his life then it's his choice and we didn't want to be around to see him like that anymore..

Then he finally straightened out. Alcoholics can not be helped if they do not help themselves and I have no compassion for those kind of people. My friend Rob's mom is a fuckin alcoholic and she can sit here and be nice one minute, get drunk and be a bitch the next minute, and I have no respect for a woman who is more than twice my age and has no sense of responsibility or maturity that even I have with half the life experience she has..

Hope that gives ya some insight. That's all I have to say.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Y'know... addiction is the only disease that people get mad at you for having.

No one says "Cancer... you worthless fuck. Get off your ass and do something about it!"

I have had friends with addiction. The problem is... it is an ADDICTION. It's something their body has developed a need for, and stepping away from that addiction is physically painful.

It's hard to convince someone to do something that will cause them pain and has no obvious direct benefit when continuing their pattern of behaviour is so much easier and often makes them feel good.

You have to BE there for them, encourage them, talk to them, show them there are options. But in the end, they have to realize it themselves. It's just a really difficult thing. They have to hit rock-bottom often before they realize what is happening to them.

[Nerdcore]

I sat down with my dad today . and said this "dad look you have been through alot of crap and you have been in trouble with other sorts before. I do not want you to get hurt. I know you are lonley and me and amanda have tryed to be there for you. But you are a smart man and can do better than her. I would give her an altamadum. Tell her to clean up or get out. " My dad said that he knows he needs to not be with her or get her help. But he thinks he cant get anyone better. I said "dad you are a hansome man at your age, U can do better than her" he has low self esteam now to I think. I said to him he needs to get out more.. and I have alford to take himn out and all and even hook him up with others too.. its just hard for him and all.. And I am trying to be the bigger person .. just other things are now going on .. and I guess hse is trying to get better.. she came to the hospital sober today .

[Onyx]

That was an awesome thing to do for your dad. I know it must have really made him think. (((hugs)))

[Soulrev]

Y'know... addiction is the only disease that people get mad at you for having.

No one says "Cancer... you worthless fuck.  Get off your ass and do something about it!"

I have had friends with addiction.  The problem is... it is an ADDICTION.  It's something their body has developed a need for, and stepping away from that addiction is physically painful.

It's hard to convince someone to do something that will cause them pain and has no obvious direct benefit when continuing their pattern of behaviour is so much easier and often makes them feel good.

You have to BE there for them, encourage them, talk to them, show them there are options.  But in the end, they have to realize it themselves.  It's just a really difficult thing.  They have to hit rock-bottom often before they realize what is happening to them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know what it's like to have an addiction and I have no compassion for anyone who is too weak to realize their addiction is ruining their lives and bow down before a drug and let it control their lives. It's pathetic however you look at it. You're right, you do have to be there for them but you can only do so much..

[honeymustard02]

I sat down with my dad today . and said this "dad look you have been through alot of crap and you have been in trouble with other sorts before. I do not want you to get hurt. I know you are lonley and me and amanda have tryed to be there for you. But you are a smart man and can do better than her. I would give her an altamadum. Tell her to clean up or get out. " My dad said that he knows he needs to not be with her or get her help. But he thinks he cant get anyone better. I said "dad you are a hansome man at your age, U can do better than her" he has low self esteam now to I think. I said to him he needs to get out more.. and I have alford to take himn out and all and even hook him up with others too..  its just hard for him and all.. And I am trying to be the bigger person .. just other things are now going on .. and I guess hse is trying to get better.. she came to the hospital sober today .

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's a good first step. You need to keep it up and keep telling him these things. Let him know that you are there for him. It's hard to be there but it's worth it in the end. I hope he gets rid of her and finds himself a better woman