Guys crave more cuddling and women want...sex?

[Destroit]

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43655906/ns/today-relationships/

Interesting article from MSNBC.

Men need more cuddles and kisses than women, and if that weren’t surprising enough to researchers in an international study on long-term relationships, sexual satisfaction is more important to women in long-term relationships.

Researchers interviewed 1,009 heterosexual couples in the United States, Brazil, Germany, Japan and Spain. Participants, ages 25 to 76, lived together or were married at least one year, but an average of 25 years. The study, done by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, is the among the first to examine sexual and relationship satisfaction in middle aged and older men and women in long-term, committed relationships.

“There are so many popular stereotypes, caricatures and jokes about women and sex, but this study is saying that, for the average couple, sex is important and maybe it’s even a tad more important for female partners,” says Raymond Rosen, study co-author and chief scientist at New England Research Institutes, a private research organization in Watertown, Mass.

The findings hold true in Contessa Myrick Rudolph’s decade-long marriage.

“When it comes to that special time, I’m not thinking about anyone else’s pleasure,” says the 40-year-old Detroit health educator. “It’s all about me. It’s only self-fulfilling.”

But her husband, David Rudolph, a public relations professional, says he desires deeper intimacy.

"I really appreciate it when she holds my hand or slides closer to me on the sofa,” says Rudolph, 44. “It’s more important for me to get hugged and touched; everything doesn’t have to be about having sex.”

Couples in the study that frequently hugged, kissed and caressed their partners and had sex more often reported being more sexually satisfied, researchers found. Both men and women noted being happier the longer they stayed together. For women, the sex got better the longer the couple was together. Those who'd been with their partner for 15 years or more reported an increase is sexual satisfaction.

In other findings, Japanese men reported significantly (2.61 times) more sexual satisfaction in their relationships than American men, and Japanese and Brazilian women were more likely to report sexual satisfaction than American women. Generally, men were more likely to be happy if they were healthy, and their partners had orgasms.

“This is an important study because it shows people can be in relationships for decades and still enjoy healthy, vibrant sexuality,” says Michael Sand, study co-author and clinical sexologist at Boehringer-Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals in Richfield, Conn. “A lot of stuff we hear in the media is fueled by popular press, anecdotes and information people take as a given. It’s a stereotype; it’s not what we have as reality in research.”

Kimberly Hayes Taylor is an independent health writer based in Detroit. A former staff writer for newspapers including The Detroit News, Minneapolis Star Tribune and The Hartford Courant, she's also written for magazines such as Essence, Black Enterprise and Decisive. Her latest book is "Get It Up: The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction."

[Nevar (5)]

Totally!

[Destroit]

Totally!

NO CUDDLES FO' YOU

[Nevar (5)]

NO CUDDLES FO' YOU

No Mr. Piper for you.

[DJ Nocker]

...no

[Destroit]

...no

You mad, bro?

[Joey Deadcat]

I can live without either.

Edited August 8, 2011 by Joey Deadcat

[Destroit]

I can live without neither.

Once again, painfully goth!

+bat

[torn asunder]

You mad, bro?

[Destroit]

My take on this is that there may be more to it than originally thought. In the modern age, men hardly have to "control" their urges (just short of actual rape, obviously). Guys are allowed to completely over sex themselves, it's easier to get laid (now it takes a few dates, whereas back in the day many women were trained to be stubborn and get a ring first), there is a cornucopia of crazy kinky porn alllll over the internet, prostitutes (gross, but in desperation guys do it) are more openly available (or so it seems anyway, less under-the-radar than back when). Because of this, men probably don't state sex is as important as in prior decades because not only are they more satiated, but fetishes and fantasies are able to be fulfilled more readily and often than in the past. However, men still do not openly touch as much as women do on a daily basis. Men hardly hug each other, a simple handshake usually does it. Guys will hug maybe like, their mother, or some guys occasionally hug female friends/acquaintances (and even then, I can only count a small fraction of guy friends I squeeze when I see them), and men do not (usually as much as women anyway) interact/play with/hug children and babies as much.

Women, on the other hand, are more open sexually than ever before, but many still feel somewhat mentally oppressed (what I've gathered from talking to other women). It's this weird gray area where they're finally comfortable admitting they want to get laid more, and are more willing to demand it out of their partner, but opening this new door for women does not mean ALL avenues are "normal" to them. Women usually have a less varied way of getting off, I suppose, most likely because imo maybe it either doesn't occur to them that this type of stuff is out there, or the other common answer I get is that it's "weird/gross/etc". So there's still this odd double standard, but because of the fixed partner gravitation, they obviously must then demand more out of that single source. Cuddling, as I was somewhat implying in the last paragraph, is probably not as important to women because they have more varied and socially "acceptable" means of passively touching and hugging other people readily available to them.

So in short, men don't crave as much sex directly from their partner because they have a more varied ability to release in that aspect, and women have more opportunity to physically touch other people in their daily lives.

Other than that, I'm stumped and guys are complete prudes who like, totally won't put out and shit even after I've paid for dinner and bought them like $40 fucking dollars in drinks at the bar, which is pretty much like stealing if you think about it .

Edited August 8, 2011 by Chernobyl

[Class-Punk]

One thing to note is men can't have that many orgasms in one day compared to women. Except for Muhummad (pussy be upon him), who due to his stature, bent the rules and controlled the spice.. just like it says in The Bible by Dr. Seuss.

[Shaun]

Don't need either one really, masturbation does me just fine.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Its pretty interesting.

In the context of a long term relationship is the key, have to let that color your understanding of this report, we are not talking about the population as a whole. In the general population the opposite is the case and the "stereotype" is generally borne out in the studies I've read. Men are interested in sex (I am still in a mind-fog from yesterday not in the mood to go look up the exact details) a larger percentage of the time in general, and need less "cuddling" in general, but within the context of a relationship were the women feel safe/secure then they let lose and need less reassurance and feel more apt to seek sex and the "safety" they feel in the courtship stage of a relationship is reduced the longer the relationship continues, thus the less need for cuddling. This is the current thinking anyway as far as I can remember in the last few articles I've read in psychology today on the subject. (yes , yet another type of nerd im half-assed at).

There is a large cultural component to it that is, growing up and just in society in general women and men are "taught" how they should think/feel about such things, and in the context of a relationship some of that gets minimized and again they can "let loose" / learn what their partners like over time.

That discrepancy between different cultures and sexual satisfaction, (generally the USA ranks lower in such studies) seems to at least partly be based on our puritan heritage. Although the above is an oversimplification the general idea (seems) to be well established.

Me personally the cuddling just calms me down a lot, lot less side effects than Valium and all the other crap they have me on. So I'm in a lot different situation than the usual study subjects. Hooray for cuddles. Doesn't even necessarily have anything to do with sex at all.

I come from a long massage therapy background so "touching" doesn't = hitting on or sexual-interest at all to me, where many people seem to think the two are almost equivalent. Silly.

... and the guys that wont put out after awhile like cher is talking about are likely either mental mutants of some variation (dont mean that as a joke) or just uber insecure / have some ethical issues with it. (there are other reasons too but these seem to be the most common from the stuff I've read)

[Joey Deadcat]

Don't need either one really, masturbation does me just fine.

I don't even have any use for that.