Addiction

[RosyBlue]

How do you make someone realize they're an addict when they don't believe you? Is that just a normal part of addiction, not believing there's a problem? My husband spends $120 on weed every month (usually more) and our only income right now is unemployment and SSD. When he doesn't smoke he turns into a monster. Snapping at everyone, breaking things, getting frustrated with the kids, yelling at me over nothing, etc. I know he's out before he even tells me just by the way he's acting. If I let him he'd spend more on it. I don't mind him smoking, but we just can't afford it right now. And he refuses to admit he has a problem with it. I've always heard weed is not physically addictive, but it sure is mentally addictive in this case. How do I convince him of that?

[Slogo]

Unfortunately the only way some people learn is when something bad happens. At that point they have no choice but to face the fact that their addiction/dependency is doing real damage to themselves and/or the people they love. Sadly, if he has denied that he has a problem thus far, he probably isn't going to realize it out of nowhere.

Hope all goes well though

[RosyBlue]

I don't know what more has to happen for him to realize it. I don't want something bad to happen to the kids or him before he comes to his senses.

[SaGa]

I don't know what more has to happen for him to realize it. I don't want something bad to happen to the kids or him before he comes to his senses.

the snapping and breaking things. sounds fairly scary. looks like hes using it as a crutch to cope. without it. all the issues become 10x worse

[RosyBlue]

Well he's been smoking since he was a teenager and I think he never learned to cope with life without it.

[Destroit]

How do you make someone realize they're an addict when they don't believe you? Is that just a normal part of addiction, not believing there's a problem? My husband spends $120 on weed every month (usually more) and our only income right now is unemployment and SSD. When he doesn't smoke he turns into a monster. Snapping at everyone, breaking things, getting frustrated with the kids, yelling at me over nothing, etc. I know he's out before he even tells me just by the way he's acting. If I let him he'd spend more on it. I don't mind him smoking, but we just can't afford it right now. And he refuses to admit he has a problem with it. I've always heard weed is not physically addictive, but it sure is mentally addictive in this case. How do I convince him of that?

Someone who uses weed to cope is not physically addicted, as you state, they are mentally weak. It is habit forming for people who have trouble telling themselves "no". If they didn't have the weed, or never was introduced to them, you can bet they would be addicted to something else that is habit forming (or actually addictive and harmful, like alcohol for instance). There was actually a couple who let their baby starve to death because they were "addicted" to World of Warcraft, which clearly isn't even a drug.

There is something in his personality, or his life, that is lacking and he uses something to fill it so he can make himself feel better. My advice would possibly be some sort of counseling, if you think it is that severe. You may not even need that. Is he the reclusive type that has an issue with talking about his problems? Instead of just jumping to scorn him, maybe try asking him what the deep-down problem is. Sometimes it's something that can be fixed, and sometimes it's something that cannot be "fixed" (i.e. ridiculously uncomfortable with mortality, thinks life in general is boring or pointless and has no interests, naturally bitchy personality, etc). If you can't get him to quit, or he feels his quality of life is severely diminished, maybe try to convince him to at least slow down. If he's blowing that much on it, that's a pretty large amount for one person to consume monthly on their own. Cutting down will both lower his tolerance back down and save money for everyone.

Good luck, definitely a sticky situation.

Either way, good luck.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Denial is a separate problem from addiction although often related. How to GET them to realize they are in denial is ultra-situational. Sociopaths (say mafia members) go to their grave, even after massive personal loss thinking their behavior is just fine, while other people seem to snap out of denial fairly easily. Most smokers "know" smoking is a problem but cant stop, or have trouble stoppping for a million different reasons but are not in denial that they are addicted. This is probably strongly due to the huge PR push against smoking in recent decades.

Denial is a more complex thing than addiction, I would avoid thinking they go hand in hand as often they are not even present. Many of us are in denial of many things but not addicted , many are addicted but not in denial.

Unfortunately both problems are often untreated or improperly treated as psych problems are still , even in the 21st century a stigma rather than something that needs treatment rather than insults to be improved upon. Not that your doing that rosey, just one thing I've come to realize (and felt myself) in the past , that psychological problems were basically bullshit problems that only idiots or "pussies" have (as some have aluded to above). Not that that lets anyone off the hook for their behavior.

Sorry you have to deal with such a crumby situation.

[RosyBlue]

He does have trouble saying no to things. He spends way to much money on fast food and sometimes other things. He gets cranky/mean if I try to tell him no. We're supposed to start counciling but we're on a long waiting list for it.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

He does have trouble saying no to things. He spends way to much money on fast food and sometimes other things. He gets cranky/mean if I try to tell him no. We're supposed to start counciling but we're on a long waiting list for it.

Long waiting list? Insurance problems I take it?

And yeah it sucks being unable to offer constructive criticism without them blowing a gasket,(not that many people LIKE being critsized but it doesnt end the dialog), makes it really hard to have a conversation about things. It can be maddening. It sucks. Lots of experience with it , both in friendships, S.O. relationships and this place here.

[RosyBlue]

The counciling place is free so they have a waiting list of people trying to get in.

Oh and $120 per month IS him slowing down. He used to spend $100 per week.

I don't mind him smoking I just don't like how mean he gets.

[BloodCupcake]

Maybe he needs anger management. Weed calms people down and maybe that's why he's using it but it sounds like he has an anger problem. Once u get into counseling, mention the anger thing. But in the mean while, if it's killing u financially I'd just tell him shape up or ship out. I know u have kids but he CAN'T be a good influence right now anyway if he's smoking all the time. Tough love. Give him a rock bottom before he hits his own, and who knows how long that could take on his own. Give him some ultimatums to work with or he's out.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Despite my subtle post above, I had an idea... maybe hit the lumber yard and pick up a nice 2 X 4 , I heard they can be "enlightning" when swung at the correct velocity at stubborn men.

[RosyBlue]

I don't know what to do anymore. He just went and bought and smoked $20 worth in ONE day, yet our gas and electric are about to be shut off. But I'M the a**hole for being pissed. Oh and he says he can do whatever he wants with "his" money. We're married and have kids and he's on unemployment. It's not his money. Sorry. Pissed beyond belief and needed to vent,

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I don't know what to do anymore. He just went and bought and smoked $20 worth in ONE day, yet our gas and electric are about to be shut off. But

damn didnt even know that was possible. (well not without like just being... something.)

I'M the a**hole for being pissed. Oh and he says he can do whatever he wants with "his" money. We're married and have kids and he's on unemployment. It's not his money. Sorry. Pissed beyond belief and needed to vent,

grrrrrrrrrr See this is why we dont like people. damn people. :grouphug *

[littlepinkkitty]

I don't know what to do anymore. He just went and bought and smoked $20 worth in ONE day, yet our gas and electric are about to be shut off. But I'M the a**hole for being pissed. Oh and he says he can do whatever he wants with "his" money. We're married and have kids and he's on unemployment. It's not his money. Sorry. Pissed beyond belief and needed to vent,

Hi i know this an old thread...I have addiction experience. NA meetings are free. People need rock bottoms and ultimatums. A lot of ppl are there for weed. You are more important then a bag of weed. It is a hard decision. A lot of ppl had to walk out of my life before i realized i had to stop doing drugs. I almost lostmy job. NA meeting got me clean and I still am and i love it. No pills no weed no alcohol. He can do it! Encourage him!

[prick]

Hi i know this an old thread...I have addiction experience. NA meetings are free. People need rock bottoms and ultimatums. A lot of ppl are there for weed. You are more important then a bag of weed. It is a hard decision. A lot of ppl had to walk out of my life before i realized i had to stop doing drugs. I almost lostmy job. NA meeting got me clean and I still am and i love it. No pills no weed no alcohol. He can do it! Encourage him!

Way to go!

[littlepinkkitty]

Way to go!

Thank you sir

[TronRP]

I don't know what to do anymore. He just went and bought and smoked $20 worth in ONE day, yet our gas and electric are about to be shut off. But I'M the a**hole for being pissed. Oh and he says he can do whatever he wants with "his" money. We're married and have kids and he's on unemployment. It's not his money. Sorry. Pissed beyond belief and needed to vent,

I hope you and your family received the assistance you so greatly needed.