Is It Bad For Me To Feel This Way

[LadyKay]

My husband and I have some dear friends, to whom I am grateful for. But I am envious of them. I see them and I cannot help but think that this is how our lives would had been, if the company my husband had worked for had not closed down causing our finances to go to hell in a hand basket along with it. They live the life that I think I should be living. With a nice house with landscaping and a jungle gym in the back yard for the kids. They are very good friends willing to help us out in a jam and have at times done so. I feel I shouldn't be feeling this way but I do. I want to be them. I want the life that they have! I see them and in the back of my mind I think because I do not dare say it, "That should be us." But it's not. And as much as I love them and enjoy being around them, I feel a bit sad in seeing the life that I think that we should have, but we don't. I feel so bad about how I feel. I really do.

Edited July 11, 2012 by LadyKay

[Class-Punk]

That's pretty much how I feel about the mega-rich. I wouldn't use that money to buy mansions or car collections, but I'd develop unstable countries for fun by building and funding fortified libraries.

[*Siren*]

What you are feeling is normal and you shouldn't feel bad about it. A lot of people are in the same boat right now. We have have worked hard and fallen flat on our asses due to reasons that are beyond our control. I think a lot of people are envious of those that have what we believe we could have had if the recession didn't happen. All we can do is ride it out and hope for the best.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

My husband and I have some dear friends, to whom I am grateful for. But I am envious of them. I see them and I cannot help but think that this is how our lives would had been, if the company my husband had worked for had not closed down causing our finances to go to hell in a hand basket along with it. They live the life that I think I should be living. With a nice house with landscaping and a jungle gym in the back yard for the kids. They are very good friends willing to help us out in a jam and have at times done so. I feel I shouldn't be feeling this way but I do. I want to be them. I want the life that they have! I see them and in the back of my mind I think because I do not dare say it, "That should be us." But it's not. And as much as I love them and enjoy being around them, I feel a bit sad in seeing the life that I think that we should have, but we don't. I feel so bad about how I feel. I really do.

I don't do envy or jealousy, but I'm also in a tiny minority in that regard, so I'm pretty sure you're much more in line with normality here than I'll ever be. Siren's right - lots of people feel like that.

Is it "bad" for you to feel that way? Only you can answer that. I'm certainly not even going to try.

[kittypoo99]

jealousy, as i am well aware, is an entirely non-productive and useless emotion. contentment is not found in material things. seriously. i've been uber poor (well, "poor" in america), and i've been comfortable, and honestly i was happier with less.

ultimately, though, if you revel in these feelings, it'll be up to you (and your spouse) to be proactive and change things....start an ebay business, dog sitting, etc. no one can help you but yourself. that's how you learn, grow, and maintain.

i hope things get better for you, in whatever form that is....

Edited July 11, 2012 by kittypoo99

[Troy Spiral (13)]

My husband and I have some dear friends, to whom I am grateful for. But I am envious of them. I see them and I cannot help but think that this is how our lives would had been, if the company my husband had worked for had not closed down causing our finances to go to hell in a hand basket along with it. They live the life that I think I should be living. With a nice house with landscaping and a jungle gym in the back yard for the kids. They are very good friends willing to help us out in a jam and have at times done so. I feel I shouldn't be feeling this way but I do. I want to be them. I want the life that they have! I see them and in the back of my mind I think because I do not dare say it, "That should be us." But it's not. And as much as I love them and enjoy being around them, I feel a bit sad in seeing the life that I think that we should have, but we don't. I feel so bad about how I feel. I really do.

I would try not to look at your feelings as bad or good. They are real. Don't beat yourself up or think your feelings are invalid or "wrong". Just accept them, take a deep breath (figuratively and literally if you like). Let them be, as you have no choice initially anyway, then decide if you want to continue to feel that way about a given situation. If you don't , you do have the power to (slowly) edit your reactions to what you'd prefer them to be. But don't beat yourself up or try to invalidate the feelings and push them away , beating yourself up in the process.

Allow yourself to feel however you feel, and just see if you cant slowly chip them in a direction you would prefer them to be. There is no easy fix, its a long, and often gut wrenching problem. Often the only option is to slowly accept and then shift your reactions to something more healthy. But I'd really try hard not to label any feelings you have as "bad", they are real, allow them to be, and just try to adjust them to something more soothing/encouraging/positive as your ability to do so permits.

Easier said than done I know, I struggle with severe PTSD/PCD which causes all sorts of emotional crap, along with causing me to become poor (and at times have that "if only..." feeling) and feel like a jackass/loser in the process, since my old self esteem system was based on my ability to "produce" and "entertain others" and "help others" and basically bust my ass 24/7 in various ways, which was always very high, I found out quickly that is a piss poor system to base ones self worth on once that ability goes away.

I wish I could just "wish away" unwanted feelings but it doesn't work like that. I learned the hard way that people of the "suck it up crybaby" mentality are dead wrong, since I used to have that mentality, and I've been trying the "suck it up" system for 7 years and it hasn't worked worth a damn (and my inability to just suck it up, the way i could pre-car accident, has just made things worse due to this mentality). Learned a lot of empathy along the way.

[Glory13666]

Your feelings are normal and it's OK. What matters most is how you deal with them and it sounds like you're dealing with them well. I wish the best for you and your family and hope that one day you do get what you deserve.

[Illuminatrix]

One way to help combat feelings like that is to list the things you're grateful for, and make a list of things you can actively work toward to bettering yourself and your situations. Even if these goals are small, every step counts.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

One way to help combat feelings like that is to list the things you're grateful for, and make a list of things you can actively work toward to bettering yourself and your situations. Even if these goals are small, every step counts.

Good advice. I try to do exactly that, but like anything, "try" is the issue hah. Sometimes i feel like to make "progress" I have to set the bar so low, that I think bah.. whats the point, fuck it. But, then I make like The Little Engine That Could and huff and puff, trying to keep at it "I think I can, I think I can..." like they say, if you think you can or you think you can't, you are right. (not exactly true in all cases but its a great point)