this guy I know and his fiance'

[kat (1)]

Okay, here is what I need to know. This guy I know once had a German Sheppard rescue dog and when the dog, who needed training, tore up some things in the house the guy got very angry and picked the dog up and threw him against the wall in the back room. The dog whimpered and layed there, the guy did this in front of his children and wife as they cried and begged him to stop he didn't care. This guy I know called his little step daughter a "little bitch" three month's into his new marriage when she was six years old.

This guy I know told his wife, who had to drive his care one time, but when she brought it back it was doing something weird, so he told his wife, everything you touch turns to shit. This guy I know, forced his wife to "get rid" of a pregnancy because he just didn't want another kid. This guy was just controlling and angry. When they were together, he treated her like a princess. He told her all the things she needed to here and gave her anything she needed or wanted, her and her daughter...He found out music was her thing and lured her in by pretending to like the same stuff she did, he would bring her CD's to their Philosophy class everyday, which is where they met. Anyhow, after they got married he turned into a different person.

Anyhow, I finally left and we have been divorced officially since April, but his new fiance has contacted me and, basically said, "hey, you guys have a child together and we should know each other". I agree, she is right, we should. However, upon speaking with her, casually, as she thought she was trying to tell me how to live my life or something, it came out that her ex cheated on her and kind of, it sounds, like was probably an emotional abuser as well. I think that my ex sniffed her out and that she is vulnerable still, although she seems very strong, still, my ex has not been through therapy for his anger and control issues and he can make a girl feel like a million dollars. For one, I am not going to lie, he is extremely attractive on the physical side. He bought this girl a beautiful ring, specially made, she went to get a dress at David's Bridal, she is very excited. I don't want to burst her bubble, rain on her parade, ruin he life, make her prince into a frog, or the like, and I know people can change. I even think that maybe my ex was a freak because it was my fault at times, maybe I made him act like that. I don't know. I think that she needs to know that maybe he is not so perfect, though. (He is type A and will present like he is perfect) I don't care about is imperfections I care about him being abusive emotionally toward this woman and hurting her, she seems nice. She also has a little boy and, not to mention when me and him sepererated my daughter didn't exist to him anymore, so he doesn't even care about the child involved after he fucks your head up!

So, I am thinking the consensus is going to be don't get involved, but, he was emotionally abusive and what he did with my dog I can't just not say nothing about the dog? So, what do I do?

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I know the consensus is always "stay out of it (especially if its not a friend of yours)" 1. becasue she probably wont listen to you anyhow, she thinks this guy is great and is going to assume your just jealous. 2. It could end up causing you problems yourself. 3. There is some slight chance that he'll be different with her than with you.

But lets say you did say something, at least you planted some seed in there, that might make her just a little bit more on guard, and hey, maybe the realtionship might work out, but at least she was warned.

From a "saftey" standpoint I might say don't say anything. From a "helping out humanity" standpoint I might suggest saying something.Having said that , it still seems hard, becasue I know several people that have changed, despite the "they'll never change" dogma that is constantlly repeated. Hard decision. You never know whats going to happen.

Claiming a clear cut , easy answer to this I think probably incorrect. Its too complicated.

[creatureofthenyte]

It's Not a hard decision.

It's a shitstorm of drama that you Don't have to be involved in.

Get out of it and stay out.

It's not your problem.

The only connection you need to have with him is your son; beyond that there is no reason to involve yourself further.

It's only going to cause problems for You, if you get involved in their situation.

[kat (1)]

I thoughr about all the things you said, Troy which is why I have such a dilemma. I know, though, but I agree with creature, the only reason me and her need to have contact is regarding my son. I guess I will keep that as a boundary line, and they just moved in together so if he has calmed down she has until May to see before the wedding. Thanks guys.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I Usually suggest staying out of things, often its the best choice, but its not always the best choice. Life is complicated. Sometimes concern for the welfare of others trumps concern for our own welfare. I assumed it was your sons father. Which I think makes it an even harder decision. I wouldn't nessiarly alwlays go with "its not my problem so I'll stay out of it" thats how hitler took over europe. But In this particular case you could just end up causing more trouble than its worth, and who knows, some miracle could have occured and hes different or will be different (doesn't seem likely but who knows).

[Illuminatrix]

I say just be nice to her and say that you're there if she ever needs help with anything. What she does is her own decision. Perhaps things will be different, perhaps not. But it's a positive way of dealing with the situation and keeping on her good side.

[kat (1)]

I say just be nice to her and say that you're there if she ever needs help with anything. What she does is her own decision. Perhaps things will be different, perhaps not. But it's a positive way of dealing with the situation and keeping on her good side.

She seems really nice and has my respect, so far. She is also being a good step-parent and has not showed me anything I should be concerned about, so I will play nice, I promise:)

[Illuminatrix]

She seems really nice and has my respect, so far. She is also being a good step-parent and has not showed me anything I should be concerned about, so I will play nice, I promise:)

Sounds good.

[kat (1)]

He just flipped out on me! Like old times, he said I'm a loser and I'll always be a loser. It's so funny he said that I been thinking the same thoughts.

[~Tszura~]

There's no "on the fence" with this one darlin'. Stay the heck out of it. What he said to you today proves he's still a douche. You got away, and its not your job, even though you have the biggest heart around, to try to warn, or "be there" for the fiancee'. If you want an emotional wife, and if you want to deal with that asshole more that you already have to, then dive right in. You have enough on your soul and spirit, though, so I would let the adults be adults, and take care of their own mess. Sometimes it takes us 2 weeks, sometimes 10 years to realize the good guys from the fuckers. How long it takes her is her bag, not yours.

Focus on yourself! Be there for YOU!! Don't let the vampires suck everything out of you. Fuck everyone else right now.

And you are the complete opposite of a loser, sweetie. When your down, thats when people want to come up and kick ya. Grab their legs, and flip those fuckers good!!

[prick]

If she comes to you and wants to know what happened and she opens and says shes been expieriencing the same thing then tell her. Otherwise leave it alone. She probably wont believe you because she loves him and will think your just thew jealous ex. She might not have the same problems, lets hope, with him that you had. He will only get pissed and attack you more if you get involved.

[kat (1)]

@Tszura and Prick, thanks guys:)

[Riochat]

i am all for letting adults deal with the consequences of their decisions, but did i catch that she also has a little boy....? I would ask after him, how he's doing, his relationship w ex n your son etc... if u see ANY cause re the kids i would either talk to her then or depending on the severity other anonymous steps can be taken....