Tomorrow

[kat (1)]

I think a great deal about really deep issues that people really do not want to face, think about, talk about, plan for, deal with, stress over, etc...

My issue is not to stress over the future but I am just a curious person as it seems as if, in my idealistic little head I belief the Lotus theory....that out of the merky swamp, the dirt, the ugly that beauty will prevail..

I guess, what I am wondering is why does it seem like society doesn't care as to whether or not they leave a legacy behind? Why does it seem that the world is just so lazy and careless? Like nobody is thinking ahead in terms of the lessons we are teaching our children, the ones who will be in control, the ones who will be caring for us? Who the role models for the babies? What the hell do they have to look up to? I look at my daughter and I realize I am the only positive person (and that's not saying much considering how hard I let things hit me and how stressed I get, or how I wear my heart on my sleeve and am very sensitive so as a result I let things fuck with me waaaay to much) and I am ALL she has in this world...........EVERYTHING....and the reason why is pretty much the model we have as an example to everyone now a days....sit on your ass, get a government check and complain about having to lift a finger when someone tries to help you out, for example...my mother I was taking care of letting live with me, the woman waited five months got approved for SSI her first try, and I am not even going to get on the topic as to how the little scheme was hitched.....I had nothing to do with it and know damn well it was bullshit, anyway..........I try and help the woman, my only requirement is she work her therapy treatment properly, work out her isssues, well she works it all right, works the system, she already was a codependent person who relied on others to support her all her life, so doing a bit of housework while living here, because she had nothing else going on and my brother and I work and my daughter is at school, well she considered it being treated like a slave.........this is a good example of how society and allowing people to depend on the government for support is not increasing independence and self-sufficiciency, rather it is creating codependence and enhancing the learned helplessness that people like my mother have....this scares the shit out of me........because this is only going to get worse.

I fucking know life sucks, I know there are days I want to just say fuck it and die., there are days I want to give up, give in, and, believe me, I have bipolar disorder and an autoimmune disorder and could very well be apart of the Learned Helplessness club.......but I have been struggling for so long and I can't give up I don't want to, I just want to cry and it hurts my heart to see how someone like me can go through all the bullshyyyyyyyyyy.........that I have yet someone who I see, over my years of working with people in the capacity that I have to see people who have'nt seen half the shit in life that I have yet they just give up, throw in the towel, why are we so lazy?

But, these are my experiences seen through my eyes, everyone's are different but prospectives are good.

I am thankful that someone out there has put the fire in my heart and has given me the strength to fight and I pray and pray that I never lose that part of me. I just wish other people would wake the fuck up and realize that we set the bar, we set the examples for the future generation.......and we have seriously been fucking it up......thoughts

Edited January 16, 2014 by kat

[Troy Spiral (13)]

We have our own "lens" that we see things through. Which clouds reality. It MIGHT cloud it on the positive side (seeing things better than they are) but that doesn't seem to be very common, generally we tend to focus on the negative things and "highlight" them.

When we were living out in the desert (for 99.999% of human history) that instinct, to react strongly to negative things, kept us alive and that is all that mattered. We didn't go to counseling, we didn't get a broken leg fixed, we just straight up died from almost every disease and could die at any moment from any strange noise , and it was FAIR to view things that way as we were so ignorant. So anything negative was a huge red flag to be avoided. Now, in our easy society (yes it is easy compared to living out in the desert with nothing) we way, way WAY overestimate how bad things are. Because we are still using that desert-dweller-doesn't-even-know-what-soap-is brain.

Then there are all the layers of crap built up over our lifetimes.

Then there is were you live and whom we associate with, that is huge. (could go on for hours about that).

"The golden age" never existed. When was it that were everyone treated everyone right? There was never a time. Only now are we even begining to understand how to extend life, ACTUALLY deal with mental ilneess, and even be able to look at social / personal 'failings' in any fair way. It was all just rumors and superstitions. Cancer? Didn't even know what that was, let alone how to treat it.

Every measurable thing is better now than it was generations ago. When is the last time we got in a bar fight over slavery? When is the last time a whole town lynched the local "witch"? Rape, still a problem, is a huge social discussion, ages past? You just shut the fuck up about it and hoped you didn't get shamed out of town or beat up by whoever wanted you to shut up. No one had a clue what "depression" was 200 years ago, if you were rich you were eccentric , if you were poor you were a crazy moron.

Slackers are a product of psychology. Rarely does anyone wake up in the morning and decide to be a slacker for life. Its a combination of lifestyle, upbringing, biology and society, with SOME personal choice obviously, but that isn't what makes up the majority of things. (and slackers do piss me off to no end)

We decide what is "good" or "bad" the rocks and the trees don't give a damn. They will do what they do, they don't make value judgement like "good" "evil" "pretty" "ugly" only we do that. The sun doesn't care if we are lazy slackers, or mega overachievers. Its all perspective of a human mind. It shines on whatever it shines on, it just does what it does.

We can try to choose :

Rage rage against the dying of the light.... Do not go gentle into that good night.

(Dylan Thomas, encouraging a hell-bent rage against death)

To be or not to be?

(Hamlet, contemplating suicide, seemingly in favor but too afraid to actually do it)

In the end its how we act, not how others act is all we can really have much control over. The world is going to be however it is regardless of our opinion about it

Now having said all that. I tend to think the world is shit. But that is not my intellectual side talking that knows better, somehow my emotional side takes over and ignores any "facts" that might slip in. The real problem is when we start beliving our million year old ignorant, never heard of "germs" or "womens rights" or "eating right" emotional brain that never heard of soap, over our rational side. We can use emotions to "inform" intelligent thoughts, but only just. Our emotional brain comes from a time when it leads us astray far, far more often than it helps. When was the last time someone "intellectually" decided to kill themselves? When did an "intellectual" rape of a little girl happen? Rarely. That is the emotional animal-on-the-prairie side winning.

But life does suck... or... do i just "feel" like it sucks, despite any large scale evidence? Or does it suck becasue i live around sucky people and assume the whole planet is that way?

Its an open question, but one with a clear answer.

Just my brain doesn't seem to care about facts, it just decides the world is fucked and no amount of detail is going to change that.