Lost

[Soulrev]

So my life for the past .. 2 years.. has been living hell. I don't feel like going into the details of it right now but I don't know what to do anymore. My wife (whom I have been separated from for 2 years) seems to want nothing to do with me or our son. Since we separated I've been staying back in Indiana with my folks. Things went from bad to worse over the time I've been here. Now, I have no job, no car, no license.. I can't find a job because I have no car, can't find a car because I have no money. She has been inconsistently sending me money to support my son and barely pay bills we have.. I feel like I've been ice skating uphill all this time. Add to that extreme depression ever since we separated, the fact that she doesn't even come to see me or our son when she does come back home to visit her parents and stuff.. His birthday, in September, instead of sending a card, or calling, or sending a birthday present, all she did was send me a text message saying "Hey, tell Gabriel I said happy birthday and give him a kiss and hug for me" ... Really?? He doesn't even know you so why do you care?

It's all so depressing, and I thought I've hit rock bottom in my life before, but I don't know what to do anymore. I've been sitting around for months trying to keep busy around the house, trying to figure out SOMETHING but all I come up with is empty hands.. My folks literally live in the middle of nowhere so trying to get a job without a car is impossible. Friends that I do have either can't or won't help. The ones that won't, are pretty much off my friends list. The ones that can't help, feel really bad for me, because I have never been in such a position before. I was always the one who had their shit together, who helped THEM out when they were in need, and expected nothing in return.

It's all driving me the the point where I just want to give up. I'm not saying this is all her fault, because a lot of it was my own fault. Over these 2 years I've had time to reflect on our 5 years of marriage "together" and I know I made a lot of mistakes. I was irresponsible with our money, and selfish. She just bottled it up and never said anything. We should have sought marriage counseling, she brought it up.. Instead, like an idiot, I just got really upset and left to go live with my folks. Things haven't gone as planned. I was supposed to come back and work and save up some money so we could get back on our feet.. Just never happened that way. I let my emotions and depression get the best of me.

I've made some big mistakes, I'm not going to lie. I just wish now she would give me the chance to show her that I'm trying to make a difference, I'm trying to be a better man,. But at this point.. would it even matter? And even if it did, how the hell do I dig myself out of this hole I'm in? My bridges are burned and nobody has a rope to throw me. That's why I just feel so ... lost.

[Soulrev]

Yeah and not to mention I've tried to just "get over her" and "Move on" but it's not that easy. Especially since the first person I ended up meeting and actually having feelings for, just tore my heart out and threw it into a blender. It just never ends.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

The being broke part makes everything worse, as even when you do have the motivation to try and do something (i'm reading the depression part as also a lack of energy as they go hand in hand , im there myself right now) you don't have the resources (money/transportation) to do much with that little bit of motivation you have here and there.

In the short term the only solution is to try and find something you enjoy and helps keep your mind off things. I know that isnt easy. Just straight up "distraction" is a coping mechanism. With no transportation I'm guessing that means mostly just doing stuff around the house or tv or video games maybe. Which is what I try mostly. Especialy stuff that is interactive with other humans (online) even if you don't nessisarly "like" it THAT much, the fact that there are other people on the other end of the computer, forces you to focus your attention more, and thus distracts you from the stuff that is upsetting.

I'm not in any way saying I have a clue about your situation but i can understand the feelings you describe. It just feels futile and you just want to throw in the towel. It sucks, bad.

Not knowing any of the details I can't say much further. Try to look at it like something you just have to "manage" its going to suck and there will be occasional "up" times, but its not a black & white "win" or "lose" thing, its just a process. Try to find stuff you enjoy, thats the only thing that is going to keep you going in the long run. I find more and more that "just breathing" isn't worth it. Have to find things to enjoy , otherwise, there really is no point.

Not sure if you play any of the Blizzard games (i only play the new free card game Hearthstone, but you can add me on battlenet troyspiral@gmail.com) or just hit me up on my cell 734 637 3883. If your up for learning Leauge of Legends thats one of my "keep my mind off things" games. (all of these are free, KEY POINT hah)

[Soulrev]

Well, to be honest a lot of my problems I created myself, as a direct result of depression/ptsd (her and I are both veterans, she still serves) but it just seems I've gotten myself in one hell of a hole I can't dig myself out of. It's not so much that I lack motivation, I keep myself as busy as possible and with a 4 year old that's not hard. I work out, try to eat right, but some days it's just really tough. Today is a better day, but it literally varies day to day.

I play a lot of Guild Wars 2 in my free time, will have to check out LoL, I've heard a lot about it, but never played.

And yeah a huge majority of my, our, problems are financial problems. I'm an automotive technician so finding work shouldn't be that hard. I graduated from WyoTech and it just so happens I saw my toolbox partner from my Drivetrain class is now working for Chip Foose on "Overhaulin"", so it's nice to see someone is doing well. I've thought about hunting him down on facebook and asking him to hook me up with a job! Haha, but I don't want to be that guy..

Biggest problem like I said, I get a pittance from her in support of our son and to pay a few bills, but I can't hardly save a dime. If I could just get transportation so I can go get a job, I'd be good. Or even if I could save up some cash to move somewhere in a city where a car is not required, that would be great. I'm well qualified, just not in a position to do *anything* and being held back drives me nuts.