Another People Are Strange To Me Post

[LadyKay]

So....I moved back to my hometown. I found a childhood friend on FB and found out that she also has moved back to a town about 30minuts from me. Since I am always being accused of not making an effort when it comes to trying to make friends; I decided to take a step. I sent her a message saying something like "hey we should get together sometime." She reply telling me that she comes to my town about once a month to visit her god parents. I then told her the name of the apartment complex I am in. She reply with a simple "Okay." To which I took to mean that she wasn't really interested in getting together but doesn't want to say so.

So I left it at that. Telling myself that I did try to make an effort.  A few months went by and one day she contacted me. She said she was going to be in town today and wanted to know if she could stop by? I told her yeah that I would be home all day. She said good and that she would be by around 3:00pm.  So......I spent the day cleaning the apartment and looking forward to my childhood friend showing up.

Well 3pm came and went and she never showed up. Nor did she contact me to explain why. I thought well maybe she forgot. Maybe something came up. I thought she would message me on FB to explain what happen. But I got nothing. No message. I did not want to message her about it because frankly I do not want to sound "needy". And I felt that she should be the one to contact me and explain why she didn't show up. But she never did. So I spent the whole day cleaning waiting for her to show up and she just doesn't. I now wonder if she simply forgot about the whole conversation? Well anyway thanks for letting me vent my issues.

Edited July 13, 2016 by LadyKay

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Well that sucked but was good.  The part about not even being notified as to what happened is especially irritating / frustration / sad.  

But it was good that you TRIED , mainly people don't get what they want not trying, have to keep at it.   Making NEW friends I know is not always the easiest, but sometimes its the only option.

[Scary Guy]

I like to message people to ask if they're okay, as soon as possible too so I don't see if there is any activity to indicate they're okay.  Sometimes people forget and that's fine.  Sometimes people do things with the best of intentions.  Some people just suck at life by accident.  Others however suck at life by choice and couldn't care less about things.  I get that people have lives to live.  True friends will contact you out of the blue.  I had one call me yesterday and we talked very briefly, but we talked.  I have other friends I can go years without seeing and we're still on good terms.  I get caught up in life too sometimes and forget thought I do try not to.  I also don't want to feel like I'm annoying people by contacting them too much.

I figure in any relationship one person always cares more than the other.  Many are so easily broken down too, usually over irreconcilable disagreements, simple misunderstandings, or just plain "I don't like you anymore" with no real reason other than they don't like you anymore.

Some people are just friends of convenience too, like you're stuck together in school/work and so you make an effort to get along.  Once you're no longer have to deal with each other though the other person falls off the map and maybe you get an e-mail or failbook request from them if you're lucky.

I'm good friends with a nice married couple and used to hang out all the time, go on trips to places like D.C. and the U.P., and they'd even come over and watch T.V. with me and my family.  Then they got jobs and I hardly ever see them these days, although I still text them stupid shit all the time.  Life just gets in the way and I could call them up to hang out, but again I don't want to annoy them (not that they'd probably care.)

Another good friend got a girlfriend and hardly goes out now.  Another got married and had a kid, they go out even less (maybe I'll see them on New Years Eve, maybe.)  It's feels like they died sometimes.

I suppose in the end all anyone can do is try to find people they care about, and true friends will stick by or at least keep in contact.  Anyone else isn't worth the time or effort if they aren't willing to put any in themselves.

Sorry if I've rambled, I tend to dwell on things.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I get it.  I "try" to be a good friend, but I fail at it for various reasons.  Some people suck at it becasue they don't even have a clue how to be a good friend.  It doesn't take a ton of work to just "touch base" with someone. 

What I love is you send someone a message and they don't respond... ever.  Even though you know you are still on decent terms with the person.  Its like if they don't respond in say 36 hours they figure... eh.. fuck em.  Uh... no... you just respond when you get a chance to respond. 

 

The whole "got married haven't heard from him sense" or "had a kid haven't heard from them since" type stuff really burns me and its not a legit excuse.  Its just, I THINK letting us know were we stand.  

 

Although some people are very social phobic and the longer they go without talking to you, the harder it is for them to "restart" (thats partly why I try to force myself even if I'm not in the mood to do stuff like The Gathering)... and hell DGN as a whole, including the sort of "DGN Surrounding Cloud" that isn't part of DGN Proper... in a sense. 

[LadyKay]

It is just that when people tell me they are going to stop by, i expect them to do it. It kind of  "puts me out" sort of to say when I wait around the house all day thinking they are coming and they don't show up. Nor do they call and explain why. It just makes me feel like I really wasn't that important to them in the first place.  Then when I complain about not having friends, people tell me it is my fault for not making an effort.

So anyway back to my first post. Do you think I should have message her and asked her what happen? I just felt that she should message me. But I don't know how these social rules work.

Edited July 26, 2016 by LadyKay

[Scary Guy]

On 7/26/2016 at 9:53 AM, LadyKay said:

So anyway back to my first post. Do you think I should have message her and asked her what happen? I just felt that she should message me. But I don't know how these social rules work.

 

Personally, I think there is a certain amount of time that passes before you should try.  In getting someone's number they say you should wait two days so you don't seem desperate.  I think that can apply to more than just a romantic situation.

Likewise there is an end point where after it just seems pointless.  They've made no effort to contact you or explain themselves.  So I think the window should be from two days to a month (maybe longer if family or a good old friend.)

Not that I really get relationships (friend/relative/romantic/work/etc...) anyway.  I mean things tend to follow specific rules and patterns but everyone is different and there are always exceptions to those.