What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[Scary Guy]

30 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Took me a moment to catch up that you wanted your "relationship status" as deceased...I just woke up out of a crummy sleep so words were not making a lot of sense.  It was like reading that insurance question that asked "Were you in an accident where you died?"

 

19 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Have you or someone you know died after drinking contaminated tap water from WhiteLines' Marriage? If so then you may be entitled to financial compensation. Act now to determine your eligibility and file a claim!

Call 1-800-WTFWASITHINKING Call Today!

If I'm reading into things right he's saying that his marriage is as dead as Jesus is, and has about as much chance of coming back to life.

Which, that's rough especially with two kids.  I hope she treats them better than she treats you.

I have a friend who's in a bit of the same boat.  Half the time he has to play punching bag (not literally but verbally) so she doesn't take it out on the kid.

Divorce would probably be the best option, but I'm sure there are reasons behind not going through with that.  Partly because some dumb part of you still loves them despite their constant attempts to kill that part off.

As I told someone else recently "to be free is often to be lonely." However sometimes to be free is also to remain (mostly) sane.

[TronRP]

7 minutes ago, Scary Guy said:

 

If I'm reading into things right he's saying that his marriage is as dead as Jesus is, and has about as much chance of coming back to life.

Which, that's rough especially with two kids.  I hope she treats them better than she treats you.

I have a friend who's in a bit of the same boat.  Half the time he has to play punching bag (not literally but verbally) so she doesn't take it out on the kid.

Divorce would probably be the best option, but I'm sure there are reasons behind not going through with that.  Partly because some dumb part of you still loves them despite their constant attempts to kill that part off.

As I told someone else recently "to be free is often to be lonely." However sometimes to be free is also to remain (mostly) sane.

~~~~~

Yes, dude has A LOT going on in the aspect of this relationship.  I've just been a fly on the bullet train wall, going along for the ride and bracing for impact.

[TronRP]

I think the natives are getting restless.  The little buggers are attaching themselves to my futon.  Time to get up for real. 

[Scary Guy]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Yes, dude has A LOT going on in the aspect of this relationship.  I've just been a fly on the bullet train wall, going along for the ride and bracing for impact.

gwen has been commenting on some of his old posts and I have been remembering how bad things were, and that was a while ago now.  It doesn't sound like it's gotten much better, but she has cancer.  While that is unfortunate hopefully that situation humbles her a bit.

IMO she needs therapy, and they need marriage counseling.  But I am also just a fly on teh wall.  I don't know crap, just hope everything gets better for them all.

[TronRP]

4 minutes ago, Scary Guy said:

gwen has been commenting on some of his old posts and I have been remembering how bad things were, and that was a while ago now.  It doesn't sound like it's gotten much better, but she has cancer.  While that is unfortunate hopefully that situation humbles her a bit.

IMO she needs therapy, and they need marriage counseling.  But I am also just a fly on teh wall.  I don't know crap, just hope everything gets better for them all.

~~~~~

Honestly, I had hoped a certain service had stepped in, but people are good at putting the right face forward when it helps their situation.  I just feel like there will not be an outcome that will satisfy anyone in this case.  Some legal and medical things will happen and then there will be a new norm.

[Scary Guy]

2 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Honestly, I had hoped a certain service had stepped in, but people are good at putting the right face forward when it helps their situation.  I just feel like there will not be an outcome that will satisfy anyone in this case.  Some legal and medical things will happen and then there will be a new norm.

I don't really think CPS helps in most situations.  I know Stu would agree with me on that.  Though if there's actual physical abuse then the government should get them out.  I'd say for psychological abuse too, but that isn't as easy to define as we all have varying degrees.  Is religion psychological abuse?  I think it is, but I'd also be in the minority there.

Many parents have problems though and figure it out.  Parenting isn't an exact science and I don't think it's right to remove children for a bunch of minor transgressions.  Often they either get placed into a worse home situation or get chewed up by the system itself.

Part of the problem is we're so disconnected from one another as a society too.  It takes a village to raise a child, and help a family.  So many are just on their own with no means of support really.  Support is hard when you feel like an outcast from mainstream society, or purposefully make yourself one because society sucks.

[NocteSpiritus]

12 minutes ago, Scary Guy said:

I don't really think CPS helps in most situations.  I know Stu would agree with me on that.  Though if there's actual physical abuse then the government should get them out.  I'd say for psychological abuse too, but that isn't as easy to define as we all have varying degrees.  Is religion psychological abuse?  I think it is, but I'd also be in the minority there.

Many parents have problems though and figure it out.  Parenting isn't an exact science and I don't think it's right to remove children for a bunch of minor transgressions.  Often they either get placed into a worse home situation or get chewed up by the system itself.

Part of the problem is we're so disconnected from one another as a society too.  It takes a village to raise a child, and help a family.  So many are just on their own with no means of support really.  Support is hard when you feel like an outcast from mainstream society, or purposefully make yourself one because society sucks.

 

Agreed with CPS not helping in most cases. And putting kids into foster care (outside family) doesn't help either. In some/many cases people who foster do it for the check and don't care for the kids.

[TronRP]

2 hours ago, Scary Guy said:

I don't really think CPS helps in most situations.  I know Stu would agree with me on that.  Though if there's actual physical abuse then the government should get them out.  I'd say for psychological abuse too, but that isn't as easy to define as we all have varying degrees.  Is religion psychological abuse?  I think it is, but I'd also be in the minority there.

Many parents have problems though and figure it out.  Parenting isn't an exact science and I don't think it's right to remove children for a bunch of minor transgressions.  Often they either get placed into a worse home situation or get chewed up by the system itself.

Part of the problem is we're so disconnected from one another as a society too.  It takes a village to raise a child, and help a family.  So many are just on their own with no means of support really.  Support is hard when you feel like an outcast from mainstream society, or purposefully make yourself one because society sucks.

 

1 hour ago, NocteSpiritus said:

 

Agreed with CPS not helping in most cases. And putting kids into foster care (outside family) doesn't help either. In some/many cases people who foster do it for the check and don't care for the kids.

~~~~~

I was addressing WhiteLines situation and only that.  He posted actual pictures of the situation and we commented back and forth about it.  And yes, there is psychological damage happening there when a kid believes that sitting in a mountain of everything, to the point that you can not see anyone sitting next to you, is a daily norm.

 

Also, I was involved in the situation that "Stu would agree with".  I had a slap a b**** moment, but I get that the ladies were just doing their jobs.  At least the first rep was somewhat sympathetic in allowing me to assist.  But I could have put my boot somewhere regarding the second lady.  That was definitely a case that didn't have to happen and it was and is heartbreaking.

 

Also, remember, me and the Monchichis are also a result of a CPS moment.  Yes, DHS and CPS went all drastic in handling that too.  They even have the wrong name on the official court filed documents.

 

We grew up under the watchful eye of CPS simply because our parents got divorced and our mother was now a single female raising 4 "high risk" children simply because we lived in an inner-city neighborhood.  She was forced by court order to take us to mandatory counseling.  The counselors were doing everything in their power to prove to us that we were angry at our current situation.  I'll just say the methods they used in "counseling" us were anxiety inducing.

~~~~~

 

The problem is these agencies lump all the "save the children" situations under the same "rescue" umbrella, regardless of the actual goings on.  However, in the case where a child has to be removed, they do reach out to family first before a child is remitted to foster care:

1. The family would have to turn down the responsibility of care.

2. There are no surviving immediate family members.

3. The parent(s) signed the child over to the system for foster care.

 

My aunt was a registered foster care provider.  She would take in kids who had been signed over by their parents due to mental illness, behavioral issues or the parents just didn't want them anymore.

 

There are so many layers to the juvenile protection system that sometimes the lines are blurred and on top of that, more often than not, the representatives are not properly trained in handling the sensitivity level of certain case files so most everything is filed under "abuse" with a verdict of "removal from premises" because it's too much trouble to determine if the details actually fit the profile.  Then there is the legal oblivious moment where a representative can ONLY act if they witness abuse or neglect for themselves, which then falls into the category of "immediate removal from premises".  Which in itself is a judgment call.

~~~~~

 

I could talk about this all year, but it has been proven time and time again that the current system is flawed.  Sadly, the ones who really need the help, don't get it due to a technicality and the ones who don't really need the help, get it because they fit into the work mold easier.  That is not to say that when the right person is on the right case that all the stars won't properly align because there have been numerous cases of children being rescued for the right reasons.

 

We just have a broken system that no one is in a hurry to fix anytime soon.  Each "child case" only last until the age of 18, then the child is cut loose and their file is closed.

[TronRP]

Oh, dang, I didn't mean to write a novel. 

[WhiteLines]

25 minutes ago, TronRP said:

Oh, dang, I didn't mean to write a novel. 

That's exactly what the little voice in my head says every time I finish writing a post on here.

Lol

[TronRP]

9 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

That's exactly what the little voice in my head says every time I finish writing a post on here.

Lol

~~~~~

It's like you get out some of what you want to say, then you feel a bit embarrassed that wrote so much, then you know someone might read it.  That's about the time I start wondering if they will understand what I wrote or are they going to read between the lines.  Then you brace for impact. 😆

[TronRP]

Yes, I'm guilty of overthinking just about everything.

😄

[WhiteLines]

4 hours ago, Scary Guy said:

 

If I'm reading into things right he's saying that his marriage is as dead as Jesus is, and has about as much chance of coming back to life.

Which, that's rough especially with two kids.  I hope she treats them better than she treats you.

I have a friend who's in a bit of the same boat.  Half the time he has to play punching bag (not literally but verbally) so she doesn't take it out on the kid.

Divorce would probably be the best option, but I'm sure there are reasons behind not going through with that.  Partly because some dumb part of you still loves them despite their constant attempts to kill that part off.

As I told someone else recently "to be free is often to be lonely." However sometimes to be free is also to remain (mostly) sane.

That's three kids including the oldest, my 12 year old stepdaughter. It's her firstborn child from her previous marriage. She was just 3 years old when we got together and the father is a stereotype classic deadbeat junkie, so I'm the only father she's ever really known. We have not heard from him in some years now and stepdaughter Laura has long since denounced and disowned him.

And my marriage most certainly is NOT dead like Jesus is... At least Jesus may still rise again thru the resurrection, on the other hand my marriage ain't likely returning from the grave LMAO

[Scary Guy]

16 hours ago, TronRP said:

A novel

 

Yeah, the system has many problems with it.  The real question though is does the system get things right more often than it gets them wrong?  From most of what I've heard it doesn't, however you don't generally hear about the times it actually does get it right.  There is definitely some type of selection bias going on.

 

 

15 hours ago, WhiteLines said:

That's three kids including the oldest, my 12 year old stepdaughter. It's her firstborn child from her previous marriage. She was just 3 years old when we got together and the father is a stereotype classic deadbeat junkie, so I'm the only father she's ever really known. We have not heard from him in some years now and stepdaughter Laura has long since denounced and disowned him.

And my marriage most certainly is NOT dead like Jesus is... At least Jesus may still rise again thru the resurrection, on the other hand my marriage ain't likely returning from the grave LMAO

 

Oof.  Well you sound like a great guy.  Also it sounds like your oldest is about old enough to watch the others if needed so that'll be nice.

My mom was the oldest of four kids and pappy was a drunken abusive asshole who she was glad when he died in the VA back in '87.  He always treated me like gold but after I heard how he treated them fuck him.  It's hard being in a bad situation because it means you can't enjoy your childhood as you need to grow up fast.  My point is you should try to be sure that your oldest and the rest of your kids can enjoy their's, as they only get one.

Also I don't know what would make your wife happy, but perhaps nothing since some people just like to be miserable.  Though "happy wife; happy life" or at least less miserable in your case.

Edited June 19, 2023 by Scary Guy

[TronRP]

20 hours ago, Scary Guy said:

 

Yeah, the system has many problems with it.  The real question though is does the system get things right more often than it gets them wrong?  From most of what I've heard it doesn't, however you don't generally hear about the times it actually does get it right.  There is definitely some type of selection bias going on.

~~~~~

I really only hear about the success stories from "feel-good" documentaries and when profile investigation series wants to prove that the system works (for a certain case): Nightline, 20/20, 48 Hours, Dateline, On The Case with Paula Zahn, etc.  However, they also won't hesitate to show you where and how the system failed so many. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by TronRP
typo

[kat (1)]

16 hours ago, Scary Guy said:

Do what makes you happy.  My moral compass is a bit skewed though.  I'll never cheat on anyone else but if someone else is going to cheat then it might as well be with me.  Though I have a clause to that policy that if they're in a good relationship and their partner is actually a decent human being then I won't bother.

 

I completely agree.  I'm the boss of me with no gods or masters.  Only my own moral code defines how I do/do not behave.

I support mouthing off to the police.  The problem with that though is the possibility of getting that one unstable cop who gives zero fucks either.  I had a job at a small computer shop in the late '90s early '00s.  The boss gave the lady cop a free CD-ROM drive because the other one failed and it was out of warranty. She went all Karen about it and he didn't want to possibly get shot over it, so she got a free drive and said she'd never shop there again which was fine by us.

Lol. I think that she cheated or something like that and left him or something. He's probably just waiting for her to love him again or whatever that thing married folks get back together for, I booked out of mine over 10 years ago lol. I have went to her fb and start to message her before but I don't because well, I'll somehow be the enemy because women hate each other...in general. Not to say all women but we're real bitches to each other in general. I just don't need to start anything, noone's is worth the headache and drama. He'll find a cheatee. Easily or whatever.

Edited June 18, 2023 by kat

[WhiteLines]

2 hours ago, TronRP said:

 

~~~~~

I was addressing WhiteLines situation and only that.  He posted actual pictures of the situation and we commented back and forth about it.  And yes, there is psychological damage happening there when a kid believes that sitting in a mountain of everything, to the point that you can not see anyone sitting next to you, is a daily norm.

 

Also, I was involved in the situation that "Stu would agree with".  I had a slap a b**** moment, but I get that the ladies were just doing their jobs.  At least the first rep was somewhat sympathetic in allowing me to assist.  But I could have put my boot somewhere regarding the second lady.  That was definitely a case that didn't have to happen and it was and is heartbreaking.

 

Also, remember, me and the Monchichis are also a result of a CPS moment.  Yes, DHS and CPS went all drastic in handling that too.  They even have the wrong name on the official court filed documents.

 

We grew up under the watchful eye of CPS simply because our parents got divorced and our mother was now a single female raising 4 "high risk" children simply because we lived in an inner-city neighborhood.  She was forced by court order to take us to mandatory counseling.  The counselors were doing everything in their power to prove to us that we were angry at our current situation.  I'll just say the methods they used in "counseling" us were anxiety inducing.

~~~~~

 

The problem is these agencies lump all the "save the children" situations under the same "rescue" umbrella, regardless of the actual goings on.  However, in the case where a child has to be removed, they do reach out to family first before a child is remitted to foster care:

1. The family would have to turn down the responsibility of care.

2. There are no surviving immediate family members.

3. The parent(s) signed the child over to the system for foster care.

 

My aunt was a registered foster care provider.  She would take in kids who had been signed over by their parents due to mental illness, behavioral issues or the parents just didn't want them anymore.

 

There are so many layers to the juvenile protection system that sometimes the lines are blurred and on top of that, more often than not, the representatives are not properly trained in handling the sensitivity level of certain case files so most everything is filed under "abuse" with a verdict of "removal from premises" because it's too much trouble to determine if the details actually fit the profile.  Then there is the legal oblivious moment where a representative can ONLY act if they witness abuse or neglect for themselves, which then falls into the category of "immediate removal from premises".  Which in itself is a judgment call.

~~~~~

 

I could talk about this all year, but it has been proven time and time again that the current system is flawed.  Sadly, the ones who really need the help, don't get it due to a technicality and the ones who don't really need the help, get it because they fit into the work mold easier.  That is not to say that when the right person is on the right case that all the stars won't properly align because there have been numerous cases of children being rescued for the right reasons.

 

We just have a broken system that no one is in a hurry to fix anytime soon.  Each "child case" only last until the age of 18, then the child is cut loose and their file is closed.

Damn I could type all day  to the point of physically damaging my fingers just trying to summarize this past 12 months or so, that's just far too much to type tho. The situation has improved there actually to my surprise.

Super short version I got back from the MI job late last year left with no work for the following 5 months. The relationship was vastly improved the first few months, the living conditions did not improve much tho. At some point her window of stability had a brick thrown thru it. I got blindsided by her full on rage, irrational thinking, crazy-making "episode" revolving around the most way f***in out there false accusation I've ever heard out of her mouth with multiple absurdities stated to be "proof" and "evidence" that lacked any common sense or even an iota of sane thought... Like many similar episodes before it passed and she returned to "reality" with only foggy memory of the whole ordeal. The peace wouldn't last as this was the dawn of a whole new cycle of recurring episodes of rage, paranoia, accusations, attacks, dissociation, and nonsense totally void of rational thinking or logic. I went out on the road for my new employer who paid all of Judas' silver and the lost city of El Dorado's gold in order to get me. After 1½ months I returned home to fi toxic battleground, fueled by her now rapid shifting extreme ups and downs showing real deal psychosis. I was versed decently enough in psychology to recognize that and to be quite concerned or even fear it like the wrath of God if need be. It got better for like 15 minutes at the end of the week when I was headed back out the door to work. This week long cataclysmic event served as a catalyst for some change tho. Now the conditions have made improvements. Instead of living in the bed and the family using our bedroom as a living room, she now has followed my advice of going with the kids in the living room which is much cleaner, drinking more water instead of living on energy drinks like id suggested before. Started doing Yoga, making and keeping Dr. appts. Trying to garden some out front, she got back into the Suboxone clinic program, I'm actually quite proud of her which unfortunately seems to not mean jack flippin squat to her, for the straightjacket gods demanded a sacrifice, that sacrifice was her "splitting" me, a term I've come to understand as she now sees all that I say or do or am or am not as something negative regardless of how much her thoughts, feelings, etc... either defy logic, lack any foundation in reality or fail to make any sense. When last I returned home I was a bit shocked and confused by the 2 of us now sleeping on opposite ends of the house, but upon taking in this past years events in full I must say that I must now be honest with myself that I believe that I've endured far too much damage from this troubled woman's soul, that the relationship had damn near always been the most toxic and the most one sided long term shit show, far worse than the previous two decades long shit shows before it... And that, I have exhausted damn near everything I could do to maintain things at my own expense while there ain't been shit that shows evidence of a similar effort on her part or even an effort even less than equal. It was often no effort at all except her talk about intending to make an effort but then never following thru on it. I realize i made a bad decision and I knew I was making a bad decision, I even ignored advice that came from people whose wisdom I respected.  Reckon I had allowed myself to get in too deep. And now I'm typing out my disorienting thoughts into a gawd awful migraine inducing memoir that I'm sure is painful to look at, let alone to read thru all of it. I felt strongly that I aughta attempt to share this jumbled rambling gobbledegook of a white trash saga with y'all right this moment while I'm simultaneously procrastinating sending out a message to her and resume wherever it was this is headed. I wish I could've hashed out this story in better details, I mean damn, there's been some mind straight f***in blown type shit happen over last year... I guess er'body aughta kinda sorta get the drift of wassup here, if not just ask me, it goes without saying that I'd be happy to further make a fool of myself LMAO just kidding, but really ask anything although I'd recommend against it just for the sake of your sanity. And...

2 hours ago WhiteLines said: A whole lot of words again. Whole lotta them

[kat (1)]

I was just thinking about the chapter of my white trash saga about my bank robbing, ex-con, suicide committing,  nasty ass comment making daddy. Maybe cause Father's Day. 

@WhiteLines I'm loving that white trash saga term. I'm borrowing this. 

Edited June 18, 2023 by kat

[WhiteLines]

2 hours ago, Scary Guy said:

 

Yeah, the system has many problems with it.  The real question though is does the system get things right more often than it gets them wrong?  From most of what I've heard it doesn't, however you don't generally hear about the times it actually does get it right.  There is definitely some type of selection bias going on.  I'm also a bit biased against the system because ACAB too.

 

 

 

Oof.  Well you sound like a great guy.  Also it sounds like your oldest is about old enough to watch the others if needed so that'll be nice.

My mom was the oldest of four kids and pappy was a drunken abusive asshole who she was glad when he died in the VA back in '87.  He always treated me like gold but after I heard how he treated them fuck him.  It's hard being in a bad situation because it means you can't enjoy your childhood as you need to grow up fast.  My point is you should try to be sure that your oldest and the rest of your kids can enjoy their's, as they only get one.

Also I don't know what would make your wife happy, but perhaps nothing since some people just like to be miserable.  Though "happy wife; happy life" or at least less miserable in your case.

I've strongly felt over the years that due in part to her upbringing in toxic environments that she developed an "addiction to drama" so to speak which despite it flying in the face of logic itself, it seems to be a real thing. It's as if she's not happy unless there's some form of toxic, chaotic, drama, BS in the air, which to me seems paradoxical. No one looks like they're having fun the midst of some sorta unpleasant bullshit, but maybe that's their definition of fun. To each their own

[WhiteLines]

What was I thinking? Wtf was I thinking?! I been sittin here mechanically typing away at the screen for hours. I think I'm gonna go outside now maybe eat a pine cone, stop and smell a tree, or just stare blankly into the sun.

[kat (1)]

I had wanted to work for CPS that was why I went to school for Social Work..we was the result of slipping through the cracks and I didn't want another child to ever live in the absolute filth and neglect that we were in as kids but after working in the field in Juvenile Justice I worked close with CPS workers and I seen first hand what they were up against. The system is it's own worst enemy. It's not about saving the kids. It's about saving the government money so they tie alot of workers hands with the red tape nightmare. The workers who actually do care end up frying their own mental health. I know I'm biased, though. I know you know all about this. Of course. 

[kat (1)]

I wonder if when people walk by my window they say, that fat lazy bitch needs to put more clothes on? 

[TronRP]

1 hour ago, WhiteLines said:

What was I thinking? Wtf was I thinking?! I been sittin here mechanically typing away at the screen for hours. I think I'm gonna go outside now maybe eat a pine cone, stop and smell a tree, or just stare blankly into the sun.

~~~~~

Not to make light of everything you shared, but the first thought that screamed in my ear was, "He typed ALL of this on a phone?!?!?!?!?!?"

📱👈

[TronRP]

1 hour ago, kat said:

I wonder if when people walk by my window they say, that fat lazy bitch needs to put more clothes on? 

~~~~~

If you've got people walking by, looking in your windows at you, trust me, they are not wanting more cloths on...

That's when you set up a webcam and charge a fee.

[TronRP]

1 hour ago, kat said:

I had wanted to work for CPS that was why I went to school for Social Work..we was the result of slipping through the cracks and I didn't want another child to ever live in the absolute filth and neglect that we were in as kids but after working in the field in Juvenile Justice I worked close with CPS workers and I seen first hand what they were up against. The system is it's own worst enemy. It's not about saving the kids. It's about saving the government money so they tie alot of workers hands with the red tape nightmare. The workers who actually do care end up frying their own mental health. I know I'm biased, though. I know you know all about this. Of course. 

~~~~~

Your hands were tied from the moment you were hired.

 

I got to speak with some of the workers in the records department in the basement at Lincoln Hall.  They do everything by the book...

 

However, the conversation changes when they are out of sight of the cameras and you get to hear the real stuff going on behind the scenes.  There is literally nothing one department can do without the sign off of another department being run by yet another department.  And it's all tied to funding and who is in control of it.  The offices upstairs pulls all the strings and everything has a trickle down effect through the courtroom down to records.

~~~~~

 

My mind still boggles at how one rep and his secretary calmly locked me an my mother in an upstairs office with them until we did one of 2 things regarding the Monchichis, as my mother had been fostering them until an upcoming court hearing (which they bypassed):

1. Terminate the current foster care and have the kids taken by the court TODAY.

2. Adopt the kids on the spot.

 

It was either adopt your grandchildren or leave without them because they were going to have a car pick them up from the elementary school.

 

Due to my mother's level of college education and her (then) current employment at BCBSM, they laid everything out in terms of benefits and government funding and childcare resources to "help" her "make a proper decision".

 

It rings of legal child trafficking, but I'm not going to go there.