What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[oXMiahGraceXo]

15 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I think that's also one of the reasons people get addicted to energy drinks.  While in college, mine was Amp by Mountain Dew and later, Monster.  I had discovered Frappuccino by Starbucks by the time I was doing construction.

Caffeine makes my heart hurt lol I think I'm too high energy sans caffeine so with it my body just VIBRATES 

 

But 100% the worse a job is as far as work life balance the more people are going to me taking energy pills and drinking monster. 

[TronRP]

27 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

 

I think that's the main issue; I'm the only one at the house. I'm doing what I can with the house. 

~~~~~

I taught the Monchichis to space out housework so it's not overwhelming. 

 

When there are no other "main" factors in a living space, I do what I call a "maintenance cleaning": basic dusting, floors, straighten things, pest control.  This is done 3 times a week.  A full blown top to bottom house cleaning is done maybe 1 to 2 times per month.

 

When specific things need to be fixed or maintenanced, I make a To-Do list starting from "most need" to "can wait" items so I don't stress over something that can be put off until later, but written down so as not to forget about it.

 

For stuff that takes the most amount of funds, I do the prep work for it, façade it (to give it a neat appearance) then come back to it when I have the money.

 

Knowing where to put the most energy and knowing what can wait can keep you focused. 

[NocteSpiritus]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I taught the Monchichis to space out housework so it's not overwhelming. 

 

When there are no other "main" factors in a living space, I do what I call a "maintenance cleaning": basic dusting, floors, straighten things, pest control.  This is done 3 times a week.  A full blown top to bottom house cleaning is done maybe 1 to 2 times per month.

 

When specific things need to be fixed or maintenanced, I make a To-Do list starting from "most need" to "can wait" items so I don't stress over something that can be put off until later, but written down so as not to forget about it.

 

For stuff that takes the most amount of funds, I do the prep work for it, façade it (to give it a neat appearance) then come back to it when I have the money.

 

Knowing where to put the most energy and knowing what can wait can keep you focused. 

 

There are a few things that can wait (mainly due to wanting/needing the funds). Like painting from when the mother came and did mud patching. And I wanna get more top soil for a couple flower beds; the flowers I'll get next year. I've been half putting off some deep cleans of a couple rooms. 

[TronRP]

3 minutes ago, oXMiahGraceXo said:

Caffeine makes my heart hurt lol I think I'm too high energy sans caffeine so with it my body just VIBRATES 

 

But 100% the worse a job is as far as work life balance the more people are going to me taking energy pills and drinking monster. 

~~~~~

Actually what that means is that you are sensitive to caffeine.

 

I'm hyperactive and have a very high metabolism so it takes ALOT to give me more energy.

 

When we were doing home hospice care for our mother, that came right in the middle of me doing home care provider services and then I had to go to court to take on legal guardianship of the Monchichis else they would have gone into the childcare system upon our mother's passing.  At that time, I had discovered Rip It, Kick Start and Red Bull and was drinking them along with Monster while taking No Doz.  Later cam NOS.

 

For me, it was like someone drinking a cup of coffee and saying, "Ooo, that was a rush." 🤣

[Queen of Foxes]

Basically, I am tired of having to be a fake personality online. I've had to impress people for majority of my life, and my mom was constantly worried how she, and even me, made her look. So, I am TIRED of having opinions of people (thus I keep people arms length until I know them better), and, I'm tired of being ashamed of me. 

 

Like I said, I would bite my knuckle skin raw and bloody on my right hand as a kid and rip chunks of skin out of my scalp, I have ripped four toe nails off my feet constantly my entire life throughout the stress and trauma my body shuts pain off and I just, rip things off so easily..

due to bullying, and that is how I learned to handle stress. Mom sheltered me and had my personality picked out, and how I was to express myself... Her way.... So I never was taught healthy coping mechanisms autistic kids should be taught.. She prayed my "sicknesses" away. I was perfect. Frickin had people, even in Tennessee stop and tell her how "super magical" I was supposed to do something for God... So now she has this idea I HAVE to commit to God... She even tried sending me to a women's help camp where I'd be forced to wear skirts and learn how to be a Christian woman, instead of getting help and diagnosed sooner in life so I wouldn't struggle the the first ten years of my young adult life. But I'M NOT SAD OR ANYTHING. 

 

 

It's my life, and it's my normal. Everyone comes from some sort of walk. Maybe I'm not "normal", by far. But, I have lived this long, I am 31, I went through hell and I don't know what is right or wrong, I just, hope for the best because everyone for the majority of my life I was learning my core behaviors as a kid, told me what was right was wrong and what was wrong was right, or whatever they feel at the time to yell at me for. So, I'm like, FUCKING CLUELESS. 

 

I've had to live through several different mask all throughout my life. And now that I know, who I am, what I suffer from, and what my strengths are... I'm not ashamed. 

 

I'M NOT ASHAMED TO BE A MESS. 

 

This is me. Roger love me, I have a good therapist who works hard with me around the clock when he can, and he even has sent me stuff to print out and hang on my wall as reminders when things got super tough. 

 

Plus, I have a handful of friends I text, and they love me, and I'm 30 now. 

 

Can I stop living like it's high-school and just be, but me? Lacey? Not The Lillian Morgan Fox, but The Real Queen of Foxes. The one Scott reminded me is my name. The reason why I'm no longer Nyxiin on here. 

 

I deserve to be free, to be crazy, to be open about how PTSD and Autism anxiety causes people to self harm? Like we know it's bad, but here is the thing... If it wasn't an issue, I wouldn't be seeking help about it my entire life. So it's just me at this point. I hope to beat a lot of my trauma and also learn healthier coping skills along the way now that I'm in a safe environment and in a legit mental health facility. 

 

But, Rome wasn't built in a day. And, I'm okay with having toes with no nails on them, I still feel gorgeous no matter what at this point... 

 

My entire life I was told it was wrong to care for myself and love myself like no one else can... And so many misunderstand what that means... I don't LOVE me.. I just, care about me and know I need to be nice to me and treat myself nice because my life is not normal and I'm as feral as you can get, with living in society... Okay... Mom forced me into it. I was barefoot into he fields and knee high in muck in the woods. I did NOT want to talk to people. 

 

So, I'm tired of hiding me. I'm tired of guys telling me who to be and control me because they don't realize how much they think with their dicks. Or how I'm wrong for being comfortable with myself by other women.... I'm tired of a lot... I'm so done with... I have no more words to express this. My heart is tired. My soul is tired. I'm really strung out after my legit sociopathic family forced themselves back into our lives, and our few neighbors getting super nosey and pushy with themselves in our life and messing up my flow of my days, when I asked them several times to please talk to me later in the day... And amongst other stuff. Management for our community knows the whole ordeal. They think we are actually pretty awesome and are incredibly respectful to us as residents. Especially for who we are and I am naturally. 

 

My life where I am has taught me to just be me and love me for, once, just be my friend and care for myself because she is broken, I finally reached the little girl in me after years of her hiding deep inside, shattered, scared, very very scared.... Roger helped give me a safe environment these six years to where I could finally get back in touch with Lacey.. Me.. The real me.. I want to be her now... Can I just, reintroduce myself as me now

 

 

I never did... So hi... I just want to be a feral, crazy, auburn redhead who seeks excitement and beauty of real life. Let me be me. And if I am ripping skin off myself because I'm stressed, yes, I know, it sucks. I hate that I do it. But it's just me. And, there are millions of others out there like me, and I want to make a difference in the world where people like me can live in peace with being messed up, but also find the want to rebuild themselves, even if it's not entirely who they use to be. It's okay. Just be.. 

 

People with mental struggles deserve to be open about them. That's how we get better. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by Queen of Foxes

[TronRP]

There is currently a category 2 hurricane, that I really wish they hadn't named DORA, exploring its way West in the East Pacific.
🤦

[SlavicGoth]

Fuck stealth police cars.  The police are meant to be like guardians not hunters

[Scary Guy]

2 hours ago, SlavicGoth said:

Fuck stealth police cars.  The police are meant to be like guardians not hunters

 

The unmarked ones do suck, but they are still fairly easy to spot.

[kat (1)]

I was impressed with both, the Ozzy and Metallica cover bands last night.  Definitely a cool little venue. Can't wait to go back. Thinking about going to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies show there next month if @GrumpEoneis down.

[GrumpEone]

I am definately down Kat.

 

[kat (1)]

3 minutes ago, GrumpEone said:

I am definately down Kat.

 

I probably won't win tickets for that one though 😆 

[kat (1)]

My son has informed me that he is going to City Club tonight....

 

NOooooooooooooooo!

I am not ready for this 😩 

Edited August 5, 2023 by kat

[oXMiahGraceXo]

17 hours ago, TronRP said:

There is currently a category 2 hurricane, that I really wish they hadn't named DORA, exploring its way West in the East Pacific.
🤦

this is so not funny, BUT I laughed out loud and I'm pretty sure I smell bbq and sulfur XD 

[TronRP]

33 minutes ago, kat said:

My son has informed me that he is going to City Club tonight....

 

NOooooooooooooooo!

I am not ready for this 😩 

~~~~~

*Hugs*

 

And yet, I've been itching to take the Monchichis.  The last one will be 18 in one month!!!

[Msterbeau]

54 minutes ago, kat said:

My son has informed me that he is going to City Club tonight....

 

NOooooooooooooooo!

I am not ready for this 😩 

I took my daughter and a friend of hers to Dirty Show this year. Once we were there she wouldn't be seen with me until it was time to go home.😂

[n0Mad]

 

[WhiteLines]

I think the final verdict issued today decrees that I am to now remain a quasi-semi-permanent-ish resident of the Rochester Hills Michigan area and will now be the supervisor overseeing the remainder of the current remodel we've been on here. Meanwhile the El Presidenté, Señor Jimmy Hoops will take the bulk of our workforce and forge a path west to Utah and run the 7 week Ulta remodel there. Holy crap it's like Holland, MI last year but like on opposite day or some shit.

[creatureofthenyte]

Today was good. 

[Slogo]

7 minutes ago, creatureofthenyte said:

Today was good. 

 

[oXMiahGraceXo]

2 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

I think the final verdict issued today decrees that I am to now remain a quasi-semi-permanent-ish resident of the Rochester Hills Michigan area and will now be the supervisor overseeing the remainder of the current remodel we've been on here. Meanwhile the El Presidenté, Señor Jimmy Hoops will take the bulk of our workforce and forge a path west to Utah and run the 7 week Ulta remodel there. Holy crap it's like Holland, MI last year but like on opposite day or some shit.

Congrats on the stability!

 

[kat (1)]

2 minutes ago, Slogo said:

 

Damnit! I was literally singing it when I seen @creatureofthenyte post that. 🤪

[WhiteLines]

3 minutes ago, oXMiahGraceXo said:

Congrats on the stability!

 

Thanx fo' tha congrats, but all is an illusion. There exists no stability anywhere near me, so shall it be for all the days that I walk the earth... Lol, but I appreciate tha positive vibes, and I'll send um right back at ya...

*transmitting positivity*

*... ... ...*

*transmission failed... insufficient positivity*

Fμ¢k sunovawitch, well I tried okay lol.

[TronRP]

18 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

I think the final verdict issued today decrees that I am to now remain a quasi-semi-permanent-ish resident of the Rochester Hills Michigan area and will now be the supervisor overseeing the remainder of the current remodel we've been on here. Meanwhile the El Presidenté, Señor Jimmy Hoops will take the bulk of our workforce and forge a path west to Utah and run the 7 week Ulta remodel there. Holy crap it's like Holland, MI last year but like on opposite day or some shit.

~~~~~

Dude, I told you I know where you are.  That particular corner mall shop area is crazy.  Especially with people driving with that "you see me" mentality so signals mean very little.  College town down the street, Highschool across the street and Medical center adjacent...you've got it going on.  Oh how I've missed the chaos.

🤣

[kat (1)]

My mother: I'm going to come blast my country music outside your window and a vacuum cleaner..

Me: oh, because you don't like the music from the show I posted last night?

Ma: No, because you have a hangover...hahaha

*insert "Goodnight,  I love you" meme" but also...

..You should change your profile pic to the 2nd one you took because you look like a drunk hussey in this one. 

I'm just cracking up at hussey...😭

Edited August 6, 2023 by kat
She wasn't wrong, though 🤦‍♀️

[oXMiahGraceXo]

3 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Thanx fo' tha congrats, but all is an illusion. There exists no stability anywhere near me, so shall it be for all the days that I walk the earth... Lol, but I appreciate tha positive vibes, and I'll send um right back at ya...

*transmitting positivity*

*... ... ...*

*transmission failed... insufficient positivity*

Fμ¢k sunovawitch, well I tried okay lol.

If you find any positivity it sounds like you should hold onto it! I can scrounge up some more I'm sure