What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[WhiteLines]

3 minutes ago, kat said:

@WhiteLines we could write a whole ass song my friend.

We could write a whole ass book of hymns partner!

[kat (1)]

17 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

We could write a whole ass book of hymns partner!

Truth! But, and I know you aren't asking for advice but I'm going to be like a big sister and tell you something anyway 🤣

On the real though, marriage is a big, hard ass thing, dealing with another human adult with you made vows with is a challenge but divorce is one of the hardest things next to grieve that I've ever dealt with so if you have any outside influences tempting you, if your heart feels like it's being tested and manipulated somehow, double check that it's facts and logic that are leading you and not just emotions....emotions blind us sometimes. Just take a step back and make sure you are looking at it from both sides,  the grass is sometimes greener. I mean, idk your situation but if there's anything left to fix maybe try before throwing out the whole ass marriage. I'm sorry,  life just kinda sucks either way 😭

Edited June 12, 2022 by kat
Maybe it's my muscle relaxer talking though

[kat (1)]

I think it's about to rain because the Detroit River fish are smelling extra fishy in the air mixed with like chemicals from all the plants around here and that's dinner and you'll probably get stoned at the same time 🤢

[kat (1)]

That's a whole ass blues song  right there 🎵 

"Well I'm just a stank, Detroit River fish..dadumdadum,

Noone ever eats me and I have a death wish, dadumdadum"

Oh well I'm an old stanky, Detroit River fish,  I can't get no woman to birth me some kids, dadumdadum

Stanky old River,  oh That's where I still lie, eternally trapped here,

why can't I just die"

Dadumdadum.

Edited June 12, 2022 by kat

[kat (1)]

I should go for a walk before it rains but I don't want to put on a bra so 🤔 

[WhiteLines]

19 minutes ago, kat said:

Truth! But, and I know you aren't asking for advice but I'm going to be like a big sister and tell you something anyway 🤣

On the real though, marriage is a big, hard ass thing, dealing with another human adult with you made vows with is a challenge but divorce is one of the hardest things next to grieve that I've ever dealt with so if you have any outside influences tempting you, if your heart feels like it's being tested and manipulated somehow, double check that it's facts and logic that are leading you and not just emotions....emotions blind us sometimes. Just take a step back and make sure you are looking at it from both sides,  the grass is sometimes greener. I mean, idk your situation but if there's anything left to fix maybe try before throwing out the whole ass marriage. I'm sorry,  life just kinda sucks either way 😭

Thanks but I have had the equivalent of 10 brains processing power crunching variables and tangents on the matter of solving, fixing, repairing, saving this thing over the last uhhh years... Ever since 2016. I broke my own values for her demands,  I swore never to marry and above all i swore not to propagate the genes of my psychotic bloodline or punish any soul by bringing a life into this wicked world. 

On 5-27-2016 my firstborn Lilith Kay White entered the world. The following years worsened much more and I revised my purpose from things I had learned, my final line in the sand was to not to pass on generational abuse. I have made hard enough efforts at times that it should've saved 3 marriages and still cant get her to alter any aspect of her behavior,  not even look inward and contemplate if her actions are doing harm, definitely not admit anything. Its always blamed on the most illogical far fetched bullcrap. Anyway lemme shorten this up. 12-02-2020 a son was born now, an awfully blond son who she really really wanted to name after me. (Fast forward to now, the general area of time that the "Ah-ha" evidence is dated from is near the time of this surprise unexpected pregnancy, we didnt want more kids) but wait, heres the crazy $h¡† Kat, the moment Levi was born all things changed, took a hard turn towards way bad. I immediately felt nothing towards Levi and couldnt understand why, she had brought unwanted attention upon our home. I fixed the home problem but she goes on to have bad bad postpartum depression, so did i perhaps, most that year she wouldnt communicate, we lost any sense of intimacy between us i recommitted my effort to do the work to save a marraige, we both start at something like a marraige counseling app we got she slowly looses interest and quits then im the only one continuing to work and learn, then i give up. And I've been pushed into a lot of workaholism and hard drugs because of her but i have never been tempted, i have never cheated, my mamma raised me good like that but now i no longer care. Im using her logic with me in 2014, she "didnt want to breakr vows"  then found out good enuff evidence her husband was unfaithful so she was then free to lay with me. Maybe yesterdays values are no longer applicable in this world idk. But i learned and grew a great deal thru this, i still believe it all was meant to be. I doubt I'll end up "revenge cheatin" on her somehow, since i have no experience randomly hookin up or dating. Ive moved from long tern directly to long term directly to lobg term relationships. But my values and perspective have drastically changed this week. I dont care what color the grass is or i i end up on a desert island,  my kids have been raised so totally wrong and are in a dangerous situation i cannot express publicly. Youd have to hit me up in a message or something for the fill in the blank info there. But i could make a call now and have my own kids taken away tomorrow. I gotta stop this typin now. Thanks fo lettin' me vent yo!

[WhiteLines]

My gaawd, why'd you make my brain so sick?

[WhiteLines]

14 minutes ago, kat said:

I should go for a walk before it rains but I don't want to put on a bra so 🤔 

Wear a tighter shirt to hold em in place idk?

[kat (1)]

16 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Thanks but I have had the equivalent of 10 brains processing power crunching variables and tangents on the matter of solving, fixing, repairing, saving this thing over the last uhhh years... Ever since 2016. I broke my own values for her demands,  I swore never to marry and above all i swore not to propagate the genes of my psychotic bloodline or punish any soul by bringing a life into this wicked world. 

On 5-27-2016 my firstborn Lilith Kay White entered the world. The following years worsened much more and I revised my purpose from things I had learned, my final line in the sand was to not to pass on generational abuse. I have made hard enough efforts at times that it should've saved 3 marriages and still cant get her to alter any aspect of her behavior,  not even look inward and contemplate if her actions are doing harm, definitely not admit anything. Its always blamed on the most illogical far fetched bullcrap. Anyway lemme shorten this up. 12-02-2020 a son was born now, an awfully blond son who she really really wanted to name after me. (Fast forward to now, the general area of time that the "Ah-ha" evidence is dated from is near the time of this surprise unexpected pregnancy, we didnt want more kids) but wait, heres the crazy $h¡† Kat, the moment Levi was born all things changed, took a hard turn towards way bad. I immediately felt nothing towards Levi and couldnt understand why, she had brought unwanted attention upon our home. I fixed the home problem but she goes on to have bad bad postpartum depression, so did i perhaps, most that year she wouldnt communicate, we lost any sense of intimacy between us i recommitted my effort to do the work to save a marraige, we both start at something like a marraige counseling app we got she slowly looses interest and quits then im the only one continuing to work and learn, then i give up. And I've been pushed into a lot of workaholism and hard drugs because of her but i have never been tempted, i have never cheated, my mamma raised me good like that but now i no longer care. Im using her logic with me in 2014, she "didnt want to breakr vows"  then found out good enuff evidence her husband was unfaithful so she was then free to lay with me. Maybe yesterdays values are no longer applicable in this world idk. But i learned and grew a great deal thru this, i still believe it all was meant to be. I doubt I'll end up "revenge cheatin" on her somehow, since i have no experience randomly hookin up or dating. Ive moved from long tern directly to long term directly to lobg term relationships. But my values and perspective have drastically changed this week. I dont care what color the grass is or i i end up on a desert island,  my kids have been raised so totally wrong and are in a dangerous situation i cannot express publicly. Youd have to hit me up in a message or something for the fill in the blank info there. But i could make a call now and have my own kids taken away tomorrow. I gotta stop this typin now. Thanks fo lettin' me vent yo!

Oh damn, yea fuq that shit time to go and vent away that's what we're here for. Hugs and healing and positive thoughts to you. 

Edited June 12, 2022 by kat

[kat (1)]

10 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

My gaawd, why'd you make my brain so sick?

Lol who me? 

[TronRP]

18 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Wear a tighter shirt to hold em in place idk?

~~~~~

Dude, I'll just say this, there's a reason I nicknamed her "Hot Chic".

[kat (1)]

24 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Dude, I'll just say this, there's a reason I nicknamed her "Hot Chic".

I wub you.

[WhiteLines]

11 minutes ago, kat said:

Oh damn, yea fuq that shit time to go and vent away that's what we're here for. Hugs and healing and positive thoughts to you. 

That was stressful typing idek if anything's spelt right toward the end i was bangin' fingertips down like i wanted the phone to die, then it almost did. It crashed and was froze for about 3 minutes. My crazy discord friend Straaya said that months ago. I found her server and returned to DGN  bout same time but Ive tried to be respectful of DGN and not make it my drama dumpsite. Straaya's server was a lawless land within discord tho and mostly was only 3 or 4 of us poppin up on there so she became my innermost circle, we had each others back and gave support, advice, and positive mojo out. Ive even shown the screenshots of conversations with my wife showing how unreasonably volatile her responses to anything and everything can be. I had cut all my ties in the world years back i lived only at work or at home in self imposed prison with my wife and kids and the mountains of filth they create whenever I'd be out of town. And you just dont discuss these things at work, we arent people here. We are machines. Now with Straaya gone, Kat, you and TronRP have found yourselves seated at the head of my street family. I'm sure i  am about to be flying blind thru a toxic divorce with high stakes and I'll need trustworthy objective consults along the way. I have to do everything in my power for Lilith, and Levi even if he may not be mine. There nothing legal to prove tha. O xannot allow my children to be raised by someone this dangerous and unstable. Im breaking my oath, i swore i wouldnt write no more of this subject, like at 5:00pm or somethin omg.

[WhiteLines]

35 minutes ago, kat said:

Lol who me? 

No not you lmao, God. I was gonna add that in there, reckon i should've lol. It's a lyric in an FJ Outlaw song that was playing right when I finished writing the previous big wall of drama spam  

[kat (1)]

1 minute ago, WhiteLines said:

No not you lmao, God. I was gonna add that in there, reckon i should've lol. It's a lyric in an FJ Outlaw song that was playing right when I finished writing the previous big wall of drama spam  

Aww, I drama spam too but you gotta get it out somewhere,  so why not here..like me! Lol

[WhiteLines]

Last thought, is it just weirder than all get out that I uncovered the detonator switch to marraige's self destruct right after Bossman's marraige had suffered it's totally unrelated death throws, and also just one hour before having to be picked up for work and then shocked with the surprise revelation that Bossman was now living a new happier life in another relationship. Is the universe freakin weird or whaaat? WTF?!

[WhiteLines]

12 minutes ago, kat said:

I wub you.

Hell, I wub you both. And here I thought I had forgotten wut wub wuz. Weird. Lol

[TronRP]

5 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

No not you lmao, God. I was gonna add that in there, reckon i should've lol. It's a lyric in an FJ Outlaw song that was playing right when I finished writing the previous big wall of drama spam  

 

2 minutes ago, kat said:

Aww, I drama spam too but you gotta get it out somewhere,  so why not here..like me! Lol

~~~~~

And you would have to excuse me because, as kat knows, I'm a drama vampire.  I read everything.  I just don't like when someone gets stuff off their chest then go and delete it...you know who you are...😆

 

I am firm believer of there is more room out than in and multiple heads are better than one when needing to see things from various perspectives.  Good conversation is good for the soul.

😁

[kat (1)]

2 minutes ago, TronRP said:

 

~~~~~

And you would have to excuse me because, as kat knows, I'm a drama vampire.  I read everything.  I just don't like when someone gets stuff off their chest then go and delete it...you know who you are...😆

 

I am firm believer of there is more room out than in and multiple heads are better than one when needing to see things from various perspectives.  Good conversation is good for the soul.

😁

Who me? Lmao 

I'm doing better,  though.  

Agreed,  everyone needs more head.

[kat (1)]

My fitbit mad at me today. I owe it more steps and activity minutes. 

Edited June 12, 2022 by kat

[TronRP]

3 minutes ago, kat said:

Who me? Lmao 

I'm doing better,  though.  

Agreed,  everyone needs more head.

~~~~~

You know my brain got stuck on your last sentence...🤣

[kat (1)]

Just now, TronRP said:

~~~~~

You know my brain got stuck on your last sentence...🤣

Hell yes! I love it! 

[WhiteLines]

1 hour ago, TronRP said:

 

~~~~~

And you would have to excuse me because, as kat knows, I'm a drama vampire.  I read everything.  I just don't like when someone gets stuff off their chest then go and delete it...you know who you are...😆

 

I am firm believer of there is more room out than in and multiple heads are better than one when needing to see things from various perspectives.  Good conversation is good for the soul.

😁

Yeah thanks because there's those of us who really committed to the whole family unit thing, except their co-pilot only can speak in nothing but lies and will blame anything and everyone else for every single thing that remotely seems like it would portray herself in a bad light until, huh? Whats that?  I've pierced straight thru the veil of reality. Now i gotta ask someone else discreetly cuz although i still feel like i know the right answer, I have too much doubt inside me. Hey whataya think a that un.

Ol lady done left me a' drownin' in a sea of debt and doubt,

No I'm left high and dry, loggin' on DGN to pout .

(Thass mah country song lyrics, gonna go git on that there Grande Ol Opry show)

[kat (1)]

17 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Yeah thanks because there's those of us who really committed to the whole family unit thing, except their co-pilot only can speak in nothing but lies and will blame anything and everyone else for every single thing that remotely seems like it would portray herself in a bad light until, huh? Whats that?  I've pierced straight thru the veil of reality. Now i gotta ask someone else discreetly cuz although i still feel like i know the right answer, I have too much doubt inside me. Hey whataya think a that un.

Ol lady done left me a' drownin' in a sea of debt and doubt,

No I'm left high and dry, loggin' on DGN to pout .

(Thass mah country song lyrics, gonna go git on that there Grande Ol Opry show)

But what about the dog and pickup truck? 

[WhiteLines]

1 hour ago, kat said:

But what about the dog and pickup truck? 

I cant have a drivers license because while i was away at work as foreman on an Ulta project years back, she took my Impala that I said was unsafe to drive unless in an absolute emergency. Well oldest missed the bus and instead of asking my maw for a ride cuz she was there too, my wife (never had a license in her life) and (broke down car, we're not paying to keep insurance on it. ) She mighta made it a mile and smashed it into some ladys car who was stopped in the road, then leaves the scene. I wont get my license back unless i pay her $10,000 lawsuit off in full all at once 😂🧐🤬

The only way there was ever a dog was she went and got a stupid mut husky pup without asking me. It was short lived since she has taught the girls to be as lazy as her. No one could take care of the dang dog 🙄🤯